ARE YOU A GENTLEMAN

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: GENTLEMAN OFFICER.

Click the link above to read the original post in my journal

Also posted below for your convenience

AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN

YOU MAY BE AN OFFICER BUT ARE YOU A GENTLEMAN ?

Image Management and OLQ can Make You an Officer, not a Gentleman

GENTLEMAN OFFICER

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/11/gentleman-officer.html

WHO IS A GENTLEMAN – DEFINITION and MEANING

JOTTINGS FROM MY “ANCIENT” DIARIES

Part 1

OFFICER AND GENTLEMAN

By

VIKRAM KARVE

During our annual Pre-Diwali “cleanship”, while tidying my bookcase and bookshelves and cleaning my books, I browsed through my old diaries which I have preserved with great care.

During my student days, and even later, during my working days, I always carried around a diary and jotted down anything I found interesting – anything I read or heard or saw that appealed to me.

From time to time I will share with you in my blog some jottings from my “ancient” diaries.

DEFINITION OF A GENTLEMAN

Today I will talk about the definition of the word “gentleman” which I jotted down while attending a lecture during a leadership workshop in the year 1992.

But before we get to the definition, let us ponder a bit on the meaning of the word “gentleman”.

(Though written for the masculine gender GENTLEMAN this applies to the feminine gender LADY as well)

WHO IS A GENTLEMAN ?

If you look at the concept of “gentleman” in an holistic manner, a gentleman comprises two aspects:

1. Form

2. Substance

FORM ATTRIBUTES

Form refers to the external “image management” or “personality development” aspects – visible behaviour and outward appearance – traits like poise, grooming, manners, etiquette, dress, accent, diction, speech, smartness, courteousness, elegance, style, refinement, sophistication and polished behaviour.

In the Navy, or in the Army, Air Force, Military and Civil Services, an Officer is trained in these aspects which are called OLQ or “Officer Like Qualities” when he joins service at various training academies.

In the civvy street there are Finishing Schools, Image Management Trainers and Personality Development Coaches who help inculcate in people the “form” attributes of a gentleman.

But form alone does not make a gentleman.

A true gentleman must have both form and substance.

Form is important but it is the substance which establishes the true worth of a man.

A man possessing only form but no substance is a phoney gentleman and we see many such fake charlatans masquerading as gentlemen.

We saw what is meant by “form”.

Now let us see what is meant by “substance”.

SUBSTANCE ATTRIBUTES

Form consists of external visible attributes.

Substance comprises invisible internal virtues.

Here is a definition which defines the substance of a gentleman:

An honest man, a man with a sense of duties and obligations of his position, whatever it may be, a man who tells the truth, a man who gives others their due, a man considerate to the weak, a man who has principles and stands by them, a man who is not elated by good fortune and not too depressed by bad luck, a man who is loyal, a man who can be trusted

The real virtues of a gentleman are inherent in the above definition.

Whether civilian or military, an Officer is considered a Gentleman.

But, tell me, in the context of the definition above, how many officers truly possess all the attributes enunciated in the definition above?

Image Management, Personality Development and Social Standing can give you “form” but it is your “substance” which will make you a complete and genuine gentleman.

If you look around you in urban society, you will find so many persons who look like gentlemen (as they exhibit the requisite “form”). But when you look more closely, even at high ranking officers and those way up on the social pecking order, you will discover who are the genuine men of “substance” and who are masquerading as gentlemen.

You may be an officer, but are you a gentleman?

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Did you like reading this blog post?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my recently published book of short stories COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Posted by Vikram Karve 

MY BLOG – Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve.

Click the link above and read my blog

DO NOT TAKE THAT FIRST STEP ON THE WRONG ROAD – MOTIVATION PEP TALK for Students – An Inspirational Lecture

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: BEWARE OF THE FIRST STEP ON THE WRONG ROAD – PEP TALK – THURSDAY MORNING MOTIVATION – An Inspirational Lecture.

Click the link above and read the article in my journal

Article also posted below for your convenience

An Inspirational Lecture

BEWARE OF THE FIRST STEP ON THE WRONG ROAD

PEP TALK

By

VIKRAM KARVE

When I was a small boy, my grandfather used to tell me a saying in Marathi, which roughly translated meant:

If you don’t want to go a certain town, then why take the road going towards that town?

Well, obviously, the word “town” is a metaphor and can mean anything undesirable – it can be a habit, a person, a place, a career, a value system, yes the word “town” can mean anything you consider undesirable, detrimental, harmful or damaging to you.

For example, if you want to enjoy good health, why smoke that first cigarette?

Your first cigarette will lead to the next, and then the next, and gradually smoking will become a habit and soon you will get addicted to smoking tobacco. 

 

Then, when you realize that smoking is adversely affecting your health, it will become difficult for you to quit smoking and retrace your steps and “rewind” back to where you started from before you had your first smoke.

It is the same with alcohol and other addictions. By the time they realize that alcohol is adversely affecting their health, they may have already become alcohol dependent and it becomes difficult for them to quit drinking.

If you do not want to become an alcoholic, why have that first drink of alcohol? 

(Yes, if your chief objective in life is to become an alcoholic, then it is a different story altogether – please go ahead and have that first drink and many more and embark on your life’s journey towards achieving your long term life goal of becoming an alcoholic).

Why experiment with drugs when you don’t want to become a drug addict?

Many young persons fall victim to “peer pressure” – yes, I have seen so many youngsters taking that first step in the wrong direction under peer pressure.

That is why you must select your friends carefully.

Why make friends with individuals whose behaviour and life-goals are not in congruence with your own goals, aims and purpose in life?

It is the same with gambling too. If you don’t want to become a gambler, then why go to the race course or casino or play teen-patti?

Some will argue that you must try out all these “vices” for curiosity sake, but then remember the saying “curiosity killed the cat” – sometimes your “first step” experimenting dangerously can go awry and ruin your entire life. The risk is just not worth it.

(It is easy to pontificate and give moral lectures to others, but let me tell you from first-hand experience that I too started drinking and smoking after I joined the Navy in 1977 mainly due to peer pressure and the “conducive” social environment around me and it took me more than 25 years to give up these “minor vices” and permanently quit smoking and drinking. I never fancied playing cards or gambling, and though I did enjoy going to the races occasionally, it was primarily because I enjoyed the sport rather than the betting and “punting”) 

This metaphor (Why take the “first step” in the direction of the “town”  you don’t want to reach) is relevant in other important aspects of life as well.

If you want to remain honest, why pay or accept a bribe in the first instance? Why associate with corrupt and dishonest persons? 

 

If you are an ethical and morally upright person, why take up a job or business which requires you to be morally pliable and where there is so much corruption that an honest person cannot survive?

If you want to achieve spiritual goals in life, why befriend “sharaabis and shabaabis”(drunk and debauched persons)? 

 

Is it not better to spend time with like-minded spiritually inclined people? 

 

If Godliness is your goal, then is it not better to attend satsangs rather than indulge in wild rave parties and freak out in drunken orgies?

If you desire a life of tranquillity and inner peace, why take up a career or job which is fast-paced, hectic, stressful and “noisy”? 

 

Isn’t it better to look for comparatively hassle-free vocation which is in harmony with your values and goals in life?

Why start a “work-hard, party-hard” social lifestyle which is not in harmony with your long term life-goal of a peaceful, tranquil and healthy life?

Well, if your life’s ambition is to be a “Page 3” celebrity, then it is a different matter altogether, and you must choose your “first step” accordingly in that direction.

Decide what you want (the destination “town” you want to reach) and then go in that direction.

But don’t take the road which leads towards the “town” where you don’t want to go?

Why go in the direction of a place you don’t want to reach?

Why travel towards a wrong destination?

Remember, once you embark upon a “journey” it will be difficult to retrace your steps.

If you are going in the wrong direction, one day you will realize that you are on the wrong road of life and you will want to turn back to where you began your “journey” and then reorient yourself and start “walking” on the “right” road towards your actual goal.

Time and tide wait for none, so it is not possible to “rewind” your “clock”.

Now just imagine the amount of time and resources you have wasted in travelling on the “wrong” road just because of that one small “first step” you took in the “wrong” direction.

That is why, when you are at any crossroad of life, the first step you take in a certain direction is important, for once you begin your journey in that direction it is difficult to stop, turn around, retrace your steps and come back to the starting point. Then after coming back to the crossroad point, from where you had started your journey, you may now decide to start “walking” in the direction of the “town” where you actually wanted to go. But it may be too late.

I am not being judgemental.

It is your life.

You have to decide what you want from life and where you want to go.

And once you have decided the destination “town” you want to reach, then take that first bold step in that direction and bash on regardless on the road that leads to your chosen “destination”.

It may be apt to quote the words of the Chinese Taoist Philosopher Lao Tzu: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step”

All the Best.

Decide your goal, take your first step in that direction, and march on with full gusto till your goal is reached.

 

VIKRAM KARVE 

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
I am sure you will like the 27 fiction short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL 
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

  

Posted by Vikram Karve 

 

MY BLOG – Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve.

Click the link above to go to my Creative Writing Blog

A Gallimaufry of my academic and creative writing – fiction, short stories, articles, musings, book reviews, technology, management, philosophy, self help, food, travel, health, inspirational and academic writing

CLEAR CONSCIENCE SOUND SLEEP

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: GOOD NIGHT SLEEP TIGHT GOD BLESS – HOW TO SLEEP WELL.

Click the link above to read the article

Also posted below for your convenience

GOOD NIGHT SLEEP TIGHT GOD BLESS – HOW TO SLEEP WELL

HOW TO GET SOUND SLEEP
GOOD NIGHT SLEEP TIGHT GOD BLESS
Rumination
By
VIKRAM KARVE

As you lie down on your bed at the end of the day, before you go to sleep, close your eyes and think of the events of the day. 

 

Is there anything on your conscience? 

 

Is there something you wish you had not done?

 

Decide what you are going to do about it, what corrective action you are going to take, in order to clear your conscience. 

 

If you cannot do anything about it just forget it and resolve not to do it again. 

 

And then, with a clear conscience, go to sleep.

 

I heard a Russian saying once:

 

A clear conscience is the softest pillow.

 

Mahatma Gandhi defined Happiness in these words:

 

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. 

 

Yes, this is the happiness triad – harmony between thought, speech and deed.

 

Genuine Happiness in achieved when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.

 

So make sure you do not create conflict between your thoughts, your words andyour deeds. 

 

Speak out only what is in your mind and try to do what you say.

 

Sometimes you may think something but you may say something else, maybe for social graces, but this inner hypocrisy will cause you internal stress owing to the dissonance between your thought and deed. 

 

It is best to be truthful and straightforward and speak out your mind but if, for some reason, you cannot speak out what is in your mind then is it better to remain silent.

 

Similarly, you must do what you say, walk your talk, otherwise this external hypocrisy will not only tarnish your reputation but will also lower yourself in your own eyes.

 

So, Dear Reader, it is best to avoid both internal hypocrisy and external hypocrisy – having double standards is counterproductive in the long run.

Remember: A clear conscience is the softest pillow

 

And once your conscience is clear you will get sound sleep.

 

Good Night Sleep Tight God Bless

 

 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Did you like this article?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook

If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Posted by Vikram Karve 

 

MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS AND TRUST DEFICIT

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: TRUST DEFICIT.

Click the link above to read the original article in my journal

Also posted below for your convenience

TRUST DEFICIT

TRUST DEFICIT

Musings on Trust in Relationships

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“Should I tell my would-be spouse everything about my past?”

“Should I share my sexual past with my soon-to-be spouse?”

“Should you tell your spouse about your ex?”

These are common questions which arise in the minds of young people and you can see so many about-to-be married youngsters asking similar questions to “agony aunts”.

Conventional wisdom says that the answer is: “Yes. It is best to be open and honest with your spouse. Be transparent and do not hide anything, for there should be no secrets between husband and wife.”

But, to my surprise I have seen some “agony aunts” advising that being totally honest may not always be desirable and it would be wise to hide your past affairs.”

I find this quite shocking. Trust is the bedrock of any relationship, especially a lifelong relationship like marriage – in fact, trust is the cement that bonds the marriage. Once trust is broken, the “cement” holding together the bonds will disintegrate and the marriage will collapse like a pack of cards. How can you build a marriage on the foundations of mistrust?

There is one more danger if you hide things and keep secrets from your spouse. You will forever live under the fear of being found out, and the “fear of being found out” is a terrible fear which causes great stress and can affect your health.

There is a Marathi Serial currently running on Zee TV Marathi called Tu Tithe Mee which depicts the dangers of hiding your past from your spouse. The story of Tu Tithe Mee portrays in dramatic fashion how a marriage can crumble once a husband unexpectedly finds out secrets about his wife’s past life that his wife has hidden from him – how the smallest seed of mistrust can amplify into a demon of suspicion and create huge distrust which can shake the foundations of marriage.

Why only marriage – trust is the essential ingredient in any successful relationship. Whether that relationship is between two people, between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, between friends, parents and children, relatives, neighbours, acquaintances, within a family, at the workplace, between boss and subordinate, between peers and colleagues, in project teams, in business and partnerships, in customer relationship management (CRM), in social community, in sports teams, between teachers and students, or between the citizens and the government, or a relationship in any facet of life. Trust is the element that allows the relationship to function effectively.

That is why it is sad to see “Trust Deficit” everywhere. People do not trust each other anymore. Yes, Humans do not implicitly trust each other now-a-days. You can see absolute and total trust only in canine-human relationships – yes, dogs unconditionally trust their human masters and vice versa too.

How can we reduce trust deficit? How can we enhance mutual trust?

Well, there is a management tool called JOHARI WINDOW which can help. 

The concept of the Johari Window is relatively simple. 


Assume that you are the wife (self).


There are things about yourself that you know and there are things about yourself that you don’t know. 


Also, there are things about you that your husband knows and there are things about you that your husband does not know.


Now it is the same with your husband (other). 

There are things about himself that he knows and there are things about himself that he does not know. 


Also, there are things about him that you know and there are things about him that you don’t know.


Now put yourself in the place of Self and put your husband in the place of Otherand have a look at the picture below (called Johari Window based on contraction of the names Joseph Luft and Harry Ingham who developed this tool to help people understand and improve their interpersonal relationships). 

The TRUST in a relationship is directly proportional to the OPEN Area whereas the other areas (HIDDEN, BLIND AND UNKNOWN) are sources of TRUST DEFICIT. Hence, in order to enhance TRUST  and reduce TRUST DEFICIT all you have to do is to increase the OPEN area (also called Arena) and reduce the HIDDEN Area (also called Facade) by Disclosure (Telling) and also reduce the BLIND area (also called Blind Spot) by obtaining Feedback (Asking). The UNKNOWN Area will also start reducing over time as the bonds of your mutual relationships become stronger and stronger and you get to know each other better and better.

TELL (disclosure) and ASK (feedback) each other and give yourself TIME together to reduce the hidden, blind and unknown areas respectively.

Here is how the Johari Windows will look before and after:

BEFORE – AT THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP 
[Open Area or Arena Represents TRUST and the other three areas (Blind, Facade, Unknown) represent TRUST DEFICIT]

AFTER – AFTER YOU WORK ON THE RELATIONSHIP
[Notice how the Open Area of Arena (TRUST) has increased and the other three areas (TRUST DEFICIT) are reduced]

So now you know what to do to reduce Trust Deficit in a relationship. Just sit together and work on Johari Window.

This works for me. Why don’t you try it out and see if it works for you. And don’t forget to comment and tell us about it.


All the Best.

VIKRAM KARVE 

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this blog post?
I am sure you will like the 27 fiction short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL 
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

   

The Meaning and Definition of Personality – PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT – How to Change Your BRAND IMAGE

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT – How to Change Your BRAND IMAGE.

Click the link above to read my original article in my journal (also posted below for your convenience)

PERSONALITY DEVELOPMENT – How to Change Your BRAND IMAGE

Personality Development

HOW TO CHANGE YOUR PERSONALITY

ASK YOURSELF SEVEN QUESTIONS

Seven Attributes that Define Your Personality

By

VIKRAM KARVE

PERSONALITY or “BRAND IMAGE”

Every individual has a unique personality.

In a nutshell, your personality is your “brand”.

A Brand Image can be changed. In a similar fashion, you can change your personality too – some call this “Personality Development”.

Personality is your external nature – it is the image that you project to the outside world.

Remember: You can build and develop your own Personality (or Brand Image) in the way you want.

But first, before you attempt to develop your personality, you must discover your personality.

How do you do that?

It is simple.

Just ask yourself seven questions, yes seven sets of questions.

The answers will give you a clue to the seven attributes that define your personality.

THE SEVEN ATTRIBUTES and QUESTIONS

1. PURPOSE

What is your purpose in life?

What is the reason that you exist? What is your mission, your goal?

Why are you where you are? What are the things that happen because you are there?

Suppose you disappear, what would be the effect – what are the things that will not happen if you were not here?

Are you a part of a bigger system? If so, which are those systems of which you are a part?

2. IDENTITY

Who are you?

Who are you? Who aren’t you? (Who are you not?)

Who do you want to be?

When you become this person you want to be, who will you be then?

(And who will you not be once you become who you want to be?)

Who is it not that you would like to be? Or, who do you not want to be?

Your identity is ‘who you are’ and how you think of yourself as an individual.

3. VALUES

What is important to you life?

Values are things (principles, standards, criteria or qualities) that you regard as most important to you. Values govern your behaviour and are the basis for your day to day actions.

4. BELIEFS

What are the things that you have faith in?

Why do you believe those things?

How well do your beliefs serve you?

What beliefs do you hold that empower you to reach your highest potential?

What beliefs do you hold that limit you and hold you back from realizing your best?

Beliefs are emotionally held views about what we see as being true about the world around us.

Our behaviour is organized according to our beliefs.

That is why, sometimes, beliefs are considered to be self-fulfilling prophecies.

5. CAPABILITIES

What are your core competencies?

What skills do you possess that enable you to be what you are right now?

What skills do you already have that would enable you to be the person you want to be?

What are those skills that you do not have now, but you would like to have in order to enable you to be the person you want to be?

6. BEHAVIOUR

How do you behave?

How do you conduct yourself?

What behaviours do you project from within yourself onto others?

How does your external behaviour impact on others?

How is your behaviour impacting on the results you get in your life?

Behaviour is what you do and you say. Behaviour is the external expression of your self. Behaviour is not identity. An individual is not their behaviour – you are not your behaviour – you are distinct from your behaviour. One must not confuse IDENTITY with BEHAVIOUR – there is a distinction between identity and behaviour.

7. ENVIRONMENT

Where are you in life?

Look around you, have a look at your surroundings, at the people around you, and see for yourself where you are.

Are you where you want to be? What does your current environment say about your life?

If you are not where you want to be, then where would you like to be?

What things in your current environment would have to change in order for things to be better so that you can be where you want to be?

Environment refers to what is outside such as the place where you live and work, the people you interact with and the tangible things that are out there and the intangibles (vibes) as well.

CHANGING (DEVELOPING) YOUR PERSONALITY

These seven attributes (Purpose, Identity, Values, Beliefs, Capabilities, Behaviour, Environment) define your personality. In the hierarchy of factors which constitute your personality, Purpose is at the highest level, followed by Identity, and so on, and Environment is the lowest level factor which comprises your personality.

Which of these do you want to change?

Remember the cardinal rule – Changes made at a higher level will affect the lower level factors. Whereas changes made at a lower level may or may not affect the higher levels.

For example, if you change your purpose in life, all attributes will be affected and your entire personality may change. But a mere change of environment may or may not affect the higher level attributes – it depends on case to case.

Introspect. 

Examine the seven attributes and discover your personality. 

Do you want to change something? 

Go ahead. Change your “Brand Image” – Develop your Personality. 

VIKRAM KARVE 

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this blog post?
I am sure you will like the 27 fiction short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL 
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

   

From Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve SAY NO – DON’T GIVE EXCUSES

Don’t give excuses, say NO

Click the link below and learn to say NO (original post in my creative writing blog)

Article is also posted below for your convenience

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: SAY NO – DON’T GIVE EXCUSES.

SAY NO – DON’T GIVE EXCUSES

SAY NO – DON’T GIVE EXCUSES

An Apocryphal Teaching Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

“I need money. Can you lend me Ten Thousand Rupees?” a man asked his friend.

“I have the money, but I won’t give it to you. Be grateful for that,” the friend said.

On hearing this the man got angry and said irately to his friend, “That you have the money and you don’t want to give it to me – this I can understand. But I don’t understand why I should be grateful to you?”

“My dear fellow,” the friend said, “look at it this way.

You asked me for money.

I could have said ‘come tomorrow’.

Tomorrow I would have said ‘I am sorry I can’t give you the money now’ and I would have told you to come the day after tomorrow.

If you had come to me the day after tomorrow, I would have said ‘come at the end of the week’.

In this way I would have staved you off indefinitely till such time you would have given up hope and stopped coming to me.

However, till then, because I never said ‘NO’, you would have counted on me giving you the money and you would not have looked elsewhere to get the money.

That is why I tell you in all honesty, in the first instance itself, that I am not going to give you the money rather than give you excuses and create false hopes in your mind.

Now that you know that I am not going to give you money, you can immediately try to get the money from some other source without wasting any time. And for that you must be grateful to me.”

Don’t you agree that it is better to say a firm NO than give EXCUSES which can sometimes create FALSE HOPES.

The one thing the Navy taught me was how to say “NO” – when we did not want to grant a request or did not want to agree to do something, instead of hemming and hawing, dithering and giving shilly-shally excuses, all we did was to use the term “NEGATIVE” when we wanted to say “NO”.

I have seen so many people who are quite hesitant to say a direct “NO” to a proposition because they are worried “what will the other person think if I bluntly refuse and say NO”.

You may think that directly saying “NO” to a request in a straight-talking plain-spoken manner may sound discourteous and impolite.

So you will keep postponing by giving excuses trying to fend off the requester hoping that he will finally tire out and give up. But in the bargain this may raise false hopes in the mind of the other person.

As illustrated in the story, postponing and avoiding saying “NO” may cause more harm to the other person than if you bluntly said “NO” at the first instance and this dithering will cause damage to your own credibility and may create stress within you.

Moral of the Story:

If you do not want to do something it is best to say a direct “NO” and get it over with.

PS:

If you don’t want to go out on that weekend date, just say “NO”.

Don’t give excuses like “I am not feeling well” or “I have work to do” or “I have some other commitments” etc etc etc.

Be candid – and say “NO”.

Have a Happy Weekend doing exactly what you want to do.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this story?

I am sure you will like the 27 stories in COCKTAIL

To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme

http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm

http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

About Vikram Karve

  

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com

Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve

Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm

Email: vikramkarve@sify.com          

vikramkarve@gmail.com 

Fiction Short Stories Book

COCKTAIL : Short Stories about Relationships By VIKRAM KARVE

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll

http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

  

HOW TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE

HOW TO LIVE A HAPPY LIFE

KEEP YOUR PLEASURES MILD

By

VIKRAM KARVE

The primary aim of philosophy and spirituality is to help ordinary people live a life of happiness, fulfillment and tranquility.

Every day you ask yourself:

How do I live a happy life…?

 

Is it simple to be happy…?

 

What is the art of happiness…?

Let us see what the Taoist philosopher Mingliaotse has to say on this topic:

“The art of attaining happiness consists in keeping your pleasures mild” 

You know that whenever pleasure is present you are happy – this is a fact that cannot be denied – for a pleasure is an enjoyable event or delightful emotion which is bound to make you happy, at least for that moment.

Highfalutin philosophers and spiritual gurus may prescribe various impracticable esoteric paths of renunciation, asceticism or sectarian precepts which stipulate the eschewing of enjoyment and abstention from pleasure as the sine qua non of happiness, but the fact of the matter is that to an ordinary person happiness and pleasure are inextricably intertwined.

Discovering simple enduring pleasures which you can easily and regularly accomplish, fulfil, practice and enjoy in your day-to-day life will produce contentment, fulfillment and happiness.

No pleasure is a bad thing in itself, but wanton pursuit of pleasures is counterproductive as it leads to over-indulgence and excesses which bring with them disturbances which are detrimental to our happiness, health and well-being.

In your search for happiness you indulge in extravagant parties, unrestrained consumption, thoughtless shopping, limitless spending, ostentation, expensive entertainments and try to enjoy everything at once.

You want instant gratification by over-indulgence in wining, dining and dancing, stretching yourself to the maximum limits possible.

At first you enjoy yourself and feel happy but when you come to the point of satiety you begin to feel a sense of repulsion, and if you overdo yourself, next morning wake up sick and feeling miserable with a sense of melancholic dejection rather than happiness.

Grandiose, complicated, ostentatious and intemperate overindulgences which you think will ostensibly make you happy will in actual fact render you stressed-out, mentally exhausted, physically fatigued, dejected and unhappy and will cause you more harm and misery in the long run.

There is no need to overdo things in order to be happy.

Just keep your pleasures mild and you will be happy.

Enjoying a simple, tasty and healthy meal in good company and in an atmosphere of positive vibes with your loved ones and friends, or just sitting quietly and leisurely reading a good book, or taking a walk enjoying melodious music, or enjoying your work, leisure, hobbies are some of the mild pleasures which will make you happy and keep you healthy too.

It is simple to be happy.

But it is difficult to be simple.

The first thing you must do is to introspect and list your most pleasurable activities.  Yes, reflect, introspect, and think of all the simple pleasures, activities, people and things that give you true joy, happiness and satisfaction in all aspects of your life.

Make your list as exhaustive as possible and from this list select those “mild” pleasures that you can enjoy every day or often, simple pleasures that are feasible, practicable and viable to implement in your daily life and incorporate in your day to day living.

And then fit these mild pleasures into your daily routine.

See what happens.

Experiment, innovate and be open minded and creative.

Delete those “pleasures” that you thought would give you happiness but in actual practice these activities made you stressed-out; like some “pleasures” you thought would be satisfying but actually turned out to be unrewarding and unfulfilling. Maybe, you thought some “pleasurable” people make you happy, but when you reflect you realize that in actual fact these people create stress, pain or unhappiness in you. Eliminate such negative-vibe creating people from your “happiness” list and avoid their company as far as possible.

From your draft “happiness list” eliminate things that create negative vibes in you, and add things that create positive vibes in you. Does playing with your pet dog create happiness vibes in you? Then add that to your list and make sure you play with your pet do g as often as possible.

Do not hesitate to add new items to your list – you can always remove them from your “happiness” list if they fail to produce the desired results.

Fine tune and religiously practice your “happiness” list each day.

I assure you that you will experience happiness every day, day after day, till happiness becomes a habit, a part of your life.

This prescription of keeping your pleasures mild will enable you to structure your life in such a way where your happiness will be in your control and you will find greater joy in your life.

It will be feasible and within your control to ensure that you enjoy these mild pleasures daily or at least fairly regularly.

You will see that with only the limited waking hours during the day, these enjoyable events will begin to crowd out the neutral, unpleasant, and irrelevant activities in your daily life and make you feel fulfilled and happy. Tell me, when you are doing something that makes you happy, then at that moment how can you be unhappy?

Dear Reader, start today and discover the art of happiness.

And do let me know your experience – did keeping your pleasures mild make you happier…?

Gradually you will discover which are those mild pleasures that make you truly happy and joyful…?

The art of attaining happiness consists in keeping your pleasures mild

Follow this philosophy of life and soon you will become happier and happier, every day, day by day, day after day.

It works – you can take my word for it.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
I am sure you will like the 27 stories in COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com
vikramkarve@gmail.com

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

HOW TO QUIT SMOKING FOREVER – a Three Stage Technique

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HOW TO QUIT SMOKING FOREVER – a Three Stage Technique.

PUFF PUFF PUFF HOW TO GIVE IT UP HOW TO QUIT SMOKING FOREVER – a Three Stage Technique http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2012/01/how-to-quit-smoking-forever-three-stage.html