Archive for the ‘writing’ Category

Mother and Daughter : Part 1

February 19, 2020

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you”

This quote by American Poet Maya Angelou is so true – at least in my case.

I have so many untold stories inside me – and – I want to tell them as quickly as possible – to alleviate the “agony” of bearing untold stories inside me.

Dear Reader:

The story I am going to tell you – it was perambulating inside me – for a long time – untold – and – I was quite hesitant to tell this story – but now – I must tell you this story – and mitigate the “agony” of carrying the burden of untold stories.

Most stories are born from “observation” and “feeling” – at least for me.

If I observe something – and – I feel about it – a story is born in my mind.

You observe so many things – but you write only about those things that stir your “feelings” – your emotions.

This story too was born many years ago – when I observed something – and the incident aroused feelings in me.

Of course – it was a simple incident – certainly not as melodramatic as the story.

But then – a writer uses his imagination to dramatize a simple observation – and convert a simple incident into fiction.

That is what fiction is all about – a dramatized version of real life.

I have been carrying this untold story inside me for a long time.

Now – it is time for me alleviate the “agony” of bearing this untold story inside me – by telling the world this story.

So – Dear Reader – let me write the story and post it on my blogs.

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER

Fiction Short Story By Vikram Karve

“If you get married – I will kill myself…” the 15 year old daughter tells her 39 year old mother.

The daughter says this publicly – during her mother’s engagement ceremony.

“It’s just emotional blackmail…” someone says.

“It’s just a tantrum…” someone else says.

“She is bluffing…” another person says.

But – the girl isn’t bluffing.

She goes into the kitchen – picks up a knife – and she cuts her wrist.

Luckily – her mother has followed her into the kitchen.

She screams in horror – seeing the blood gushing out from her daughter’s wrist.

Everyone rushes to the kitchen and sees the ghastly sight.

They rush the daughter to hospital – and her life is saved.

As the daughter lies convalescing in the hospital bed – her mother asks her:

“Why did you do this…?”

The daughter says to her mother:

“I had told you very clearly that I don’t want you to get married – but still – you went ahead – the matrimonial ad – meeting men – and then – getting engaged . At every stage I warned you – but you refused to listen…”

The daughter’s grandmother (her mother’s mother) – she says to the young girl:

“Your mother is still young. It is better to have a man in the house…”

The young girl says to her grandmother:

“We don’t need a man in the house. We have got enough money. Papa has left us enough – and – Mamma has a good job….”

“It’s not only money…” the grandmother says, “Your family will be complete again. And you will get a father too…”

“No one can take the place of Papa – do you understand…?” the girl says angrily, “and we – Mamma and I – we are very happy as a family. We don’t need any outsider…”

“Try to be reasonable…” the grandmother says to the girl.

“You are the root cause of all this…” the girl says accusingly to her grandmother, “you are instigating her to get married…”

“Of course your mother has to get married – she is just 39 – tomorrow you will get married and go away…”

“I am not getting married tomorrow…”

“I mean – in a few years from now – you will get married and go away. Then – who will look after your mother in her old age…?”

“I will look after my mother…” the girl says, “I will finish my school, my college – get a good job – and – I will look after my Mamma for her entire life – I will not get married till she is alive…”

“You are talking nonsense…” the grandmother says.

“I am not talking nonsense…” the girl says, “I will look after my mother…”

Then – the girl looks at her mother and says:

“Mamma – I promise – I will look after you – I promise – I will not get married…”

“Okay – Okay – you take rest…” the mother says to her daughter.

“What “okay –okay”…?” the grandmother says to the mother, “the boy is very good – you will be very happy…”

“You please go away…” the girl tells her grandmother, “please leave us alone and go back to your home. We will look after ourselves…”

Then – the girl looks at her mother and says:

“Mamma – I am telling your very clearly – if you get married – I will commit suicide – and – next time – I will not fail – I will make sure that I die…”

The mother hugs her daughter and says: “Okay – I will not get married…”

The grandmother leaves for her home in the evening.

And – the woman – the mother of the girl – she gives up all thoughts of marriage.

Story To Be Continued in Part 2…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my source blog post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/07/unfinished-stories-mother-and-daughter.html

Reposted by me at urls: https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/12/mother-and-daughter-part-1-unfinished.html  and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/07/22/unfinished-story-mother-and-daughter/

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Sharing and Caring – Love Story

February 18, 2020

Do you believe in Sharing and Caring…?

Here is a story from my Navy Days…

SHARING AND CARING

A Fictional Spoof By Vikram Karve

Part 1 : SHARING

42 Years Ago (Circa 1978)

Our ship was getting ready to leave Cochin (Kochi) harbour.

(Those days – Kochi was called Cochin)

A Lieutenant in uniform came running up the gangway.

He gave me a packet and said:

“Can you please deliver this packet to my coursemate Lieutenant “X” in Bombay…”

(Those days – Mumbai was known as Bombay)

It was a small packet.

“Sure…” I said, “what is inside the packet…?”

“It is just some Ayurvedic Medicines for my coursemate’s wife. The name of my coursemate (Lieutenant “X”) – and his home address – everything is written on the packet…” the Lieutenant said.

On the day we reached Mumbai – in the evening – I stood outside the flat of Lieutenant “X”.

I rang the doorbell.

A chic young woman opened the door.

She was very attractive – and – I had to make an effort to take my eyes off her.

“Good evening, Ma’am – I have got your medicines from Cochin…” I said.

“My medicines…?” she said, looking confused.

Lieutenant “X” lives here – isn’t it…? So – you must be his wife…?” I said.

The beautiful woman smiled at me – and she said:

“Yes – Lieutenant “X” lives here – but – I am not his wife…”

“Oh…” I remarked.

“I am so sorry…” the woman said, “it was so rude of me to keep you waiting outside – please come in and make yourself comfortable. Let me get you a glass of water…”

I entered the drawing room and sat down on the sofa.

The woman got me a glass of water and sat down opposite me.

I placed the packet I had got from Cochin on the table – and I said to the woman: “Here are the Ayurvedic Medicines for Mrs. “X” – is she not at home…?”

“No – Mrs. “X” works late – she should be home around 7:30 PM – but – don’t worry – I will give her the packet…” the woman said.

“Are you her sister…?” I asked.

“No – No…” the woman interrupted me.

The gorgeous women gave me a alluring smile – and she said to me:

“I am Mrs. “Y” – we are still waiting to be allotted our married accomodation – this house has been allotted to Lieutenant “X” – my husband Lieutenant “Y” – and your friend Lieutenant “X” – they are coursemates – so – we are “sharing” accommodation with Lieutenant and Mrs. “X” …”

(In the 1970’s – there was a severe shortage of married accommodation in the Navy – especially in Mumbai – and the waiting time for Lieutenants was more than 2 years – so it was common practice for young Navy couples to share accommodation with their friends who were lucky to have been allotted married accommodation. Also – those days – most Lieutenants were married – since it took 11 years commissioned service to become a Lieutenant Commander – unlike today – after the AVS 2006 Cadre Review Bonanza – when you become a Lieutenant Commander in just 6 years service)

“Are you also a coursemate of Lieutenant “X” and my husband…?” Mrs. “Y” asked me.

“No – No – Ma’am – they must be a few years senior to me…” I said.

“Oh – so you are a friend of Lieutenant “X”…?” she said.

“No – Ma’am – I haven’t even met Lieutenant “X” – a Naval Officer in Cochin came to my ship and asked me to deliver this packet to Lieutenant “X”…” I said.

“Oh…” she said.

I looked at Mrs. “Y”.

Mrs. “Y” looked at me.

Sitting opposite me– Mrs. “Y” looked very gorgeous and alluring – and I felt mesmerized by her tantalizing beauty.

I was unnerved by the attraction I felt towards her – so I thought that it would be best for me to leave the scene…

So – I got up to leave.

“No – wait – it is already 5:30 PM – Lieutenant “X” should be home any minute…” Mrs. “Y” said.

“And – your husband – Lieutenant “Y” – he should be home too…?”

“No – my husband is sailing – he will be back next week…” Mrs. “Y” said.

The doorbell rang.

“Ah – that must be Lieutenant “X”…” said Mrs. “Y” – and – she quickly went to open the door.

Lieutenant “X” was in uniform.

He kept his scooter helmet on the rack.

Then – he looked at me.

I stood up.

I introduced myself.

“Oh yes – thanks a lot for getting the Ayurvedic Medicines from Cochin…” Lieutenant “X” said.

“You are welcome, Sir…” I said.

“Hey – I will just go in and change into ‘civvies’ and freshen up…” Lieutenant “X” said to me.

Then – Lieutenant “X” looked at Mrs. “Y” – and – he said to her:

“Hey – why don’t you make some nice coffee for all of us…?”

“Filter Coffee is already ready for you – and – I have made your favourite upma as ‘tiffin’ too…” Mrs. “Y” said to Lieutenant “X”.

“Wow – that’s great…” Lieutenant “X” said – and he went inside to change.

After eating the delicious upma and drinking the refreshing filter coffee – I got up to leave – but Lieutenant “X” said to me:

“Hey – why don’t you stay for dinner – we’ll go for a walk on the seashore – we will have a drink at the club – by then – my wife should be back – you can meet her – and – we will all have dinner together…”

“Thanks a lot, Sir – but I have to get back to my ship…” I said.

“Come on – stay for dinner…” Lieutenant “X” insisted.

“I would have loved to have dinner with you, Sir – but someone is “holding the deck” for me…” I lied.

“Oh – then you must go back to your ship – but you must come over and have dinner with us sometime…” Lieutenant “X” said.

So – I said goodbye to Lieutenant “X” and Mrs. “Y” – and I went back to my ship.

I could not meet Lieutenant “X” again – and the dinner never materialized – as our ship sailed off on a long deployment to the eastern seas – and midway – I was disembarked at Madras Port (Chennai) – for proceeding on transfer to a shore based instructional appointment in a ‘Stone Frigate’ at Jamnagar.

7 YEARS LATER(Circa 1985)

Part 2 : CARING

Circa 1985

One evening – I was walking on Main Street (MG Road) in Pune – and suddenly – I ran into Lieutenant “X”.

He recognized me and said:

“Hi there – so nice to see you here…”

“Delighted to see you too, Sir…” I said.

“You just disappeared from the Radar…?” Lieutenant “X” said.

“Sir – my ship sailed off to the East – then – I was transferred to Jamnagar – then – I was selected for M. Tech. at IIT Delhi – then – I did an appointment in Delhi – and now – I have been recently appointed as faculty in IAT Pune…” I said.

“That’s great…” Lieutenant “X” said, “I too quit the Navy a few years ago and I now work in the industry…”

He pulled out his wallet – extracted a business card – and gave it to me.

I looked at the business card.

Lieutenant “X” (now Ex-Lieutenant “X”) was a Manager in a prestigious company.

“My home address is written on the reverse of the card – I live in Aundh – and now that you are Pune – you must visit us – especially if you come to Aundh side…” he said.

“Sure, Sir…” I said – and we bid each other ‘goodbye’.

A few days later – one evening – I happened to be in Aundh.

I remembered the brief meeting with Ex-Lieutenant “X” on Main Street.

I pulled out his business card from my wallet – looked at his residential address on the reverse side of the card – and I discovered that I was standing right below his apartment block.

I decided to visit Ex-Lieutenant “X” – and soon – I was standing outside his flat.

I rang the doorbell.

A woman opened the door.

I was stunned.

The woman was Mrs. “Y”.

Seeing the bewildered expression on my face – the woman gave me a mischievous smile – and she naughtily said to me:

“Yes – Lieutenant “X” lives here – and now – I am his wife…”

Part 3 : EPILOGUE

Later – when I reached home – I told my wife about how Mrs. “Y” had become Mrs. “X”

So– thanks to “sharing” and “caring” – Lieutenant “X” and Mrs. “Y”– had now become – Ex-Lieutenant “X” and New Mrs. “X”

Later – I found out that Lieutenant “X” had not quit the Navy on his own.

But – in fact – Lieutenant “X” had been asked to resign from the Navy for “stealing the affection” of Mrs. “Y” – who was his “brother officer’s wife”.

“Housemates” had become “Actual Mates”

Lieutenant “X” had got married to Mrs. “Y”

I wondered whether Lieutenant “Y” had got married to Mrs. “X” and the “spouse swap” was complete…?

There is a saying in the Navy:

“Learn from history – or – you are doomed to repeat it…”

And – my wife had certainly learnt a lesson from the story of Lieutenant “X” and Mrs. “Y”

This was evident from the episode narrated below.

One evening – a young couple came over to meet us – my Navy coursemate and his wife.

“I have come for a 3 month course to IAT – and I brought my wife along – but they are not allowing my wife to stay in the Officers’ Mess…” he said.

“Yes – wives are not allowed for short courses…” I said.

“We were wondering if you could share your accommodation with us – you have got such a big house…” my coursemate said.

“Yes – please let us stay with you – otherwise I will have to go back…” my coursemate’s lovely wife pleaded with me – and she gave me a tender loving beseeching look.

Mesmerized by her seductive gaze – I was about to agree to my coursemate’s wife’s request to share our home with them.

But suddenly – my wife interjected and she said to the lady:

“I am sorry – but – we do not share accommodation…”

“Please let us stay in your home – it is only for 3 months – I promise you that we will not be any trouble…” my coursemate’s wife begged my wife.

“I am sorry – but – as a “matter of principle” – we do not share our home with anyone – we do not want “housemates”…” my wife said firmly with a decisive tone.

Then – my wife excused herself and went inside into the bedroom.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/10/housemates.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a revised re-post of my story CARING AND SHARING posted online by me Vikram Karve earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on 08 Nov 2015 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/sharing-and-caring-humor-in-and-out-of.htmland http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/12/humor-in-uniform-lieutenant-x-and-mrs-y.htmland https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/12/08/do-you-believe-in-sharing-and-caring/and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/03/humor-in-uniform-care-but-dont-share.html

Humor in Uniform – Rules of Love

February 18, 2020

Humor in Uniform

MILITARY RULES OF LOVE – or – DOUBLE STANDARDS

A Spoof By Vikram Karve

STEALING AFFECTIONS  Story by VIKRAM KARVE

It was an abrupt end to a promising career.

In the morning – Horny was forced to put in his papers – yes – Horny was forced to resign from the Navy – to “swallow the anchor” – so to speak.

In the afternoon there was a brief farewell party – a drab Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) in the Wardroom.

The usual boisterous bonhomie and spirit of camaraderie was conspicuous by its absence – and there was an air of awkwardness in the Wardroom.

The farewell PLD for Horny was a mere formality – to be got over with quickly.

The party was muted low-key affair – without the customary boisterous elbow-bending.

Everyone reluctantly sipped their beer in hushed silence – hoping that time would move fast – and the PLD would be over.

But – time did not move quickly – and they all endured the agonizing moments – as time crawled slowly – while they all waited for the uncomfortable proceedings to end.

No one forced “down the hatch” drinks – and “bottoms up” beers – on the departing guest.

There were no “jolly-good-fellow” hoists – and there were no long winded farewell speeches – just one-line perfunctory speeches for the sake of formality.

Typically – a PLD was a jolly affair full of joie de vivre – cheer and beer – both flowed freely.

Normally – the happy high-spirited copious beer-drinking continued for hours together – till evening – and on occasions – the boisterous revelry turned into a full-fledged drunken orgy – late into the night.

But – this PLD finished off within an hour – and everyone heaved a sigh of relief that the embarrassment was over.

All the Ship’s Officers – they all shook hands with Horny – wished him good-luck in the “civvy-street” – and they all went home – or to their cabins – to hit the sack – and to enjoy what was left of the “make-and-mend” – on the hot Wednesday afternoon.

Only Snotty stayed back – and helped Horny pack his bags.

Then – he sent a sailor to get a taxi – and – when the taxi arrived alongside the ship at the jetty – Snotty picked up Horny’s bags and accompanied him to the gangway.

A sailor picked up Horny’s bags – and he put them into the boot of the taxi.

Horny stood at the gangway – expressionless.

Horny did not betray his emotions – but kept gazing in a vacant manner at the taxi.

Horny turned around and smiled at Snotty and the gangway duty staff.

Then – Horny lifted himself to his full height – he stood ramrod straight with chest out.

Horny saluted for the last time – “swallowed the anchor” – and then – Horny marched ashore across the gangway into the “civvy-street” forever.

Snotty felt sad to see Horny go away.

Horny had been his mentor – and Snotty admired him as a role model in the art of seamanship.

Though Horny was his boss – he had always treated Snotty like a younger brother – with benevolence and patience.

Horny was firm, yet compassionate – he was loved and revered by the men he commanded.

Horny ran a happy department – and Snotty had learnt so much from him.

Snotty had really liked Horny – and he was sorry that such a promising career had been abruptly cut short in such a cruel and unjust manner.

Snotty went down to the Ship’s Wardroom – and he sat down for lunch at the Dining Table.

In order to enjoy good food – one has to be in the right mood – and that is why the delicious food which looked so good on the table – the food turned tasteless in Snotty’s mouth.

“What’s wrong, Snotty…?” asked the PMC – who was nicknamed “Sea Dog”.

The PMC was an in-living Officer – so – he was having lunch on board ship – while the married officers had gone home for Lunch after the PLD.

As is customary – the PMC was sitting at the head of the table.

“Nothing, Sir. It’s about Horny…” Snotty answered.

“What about Horny…? I know he was your boss. You seem to be very sad to see him go…” the PMC said.

“Yes, Sir. Horny was such a nice guy, Sir – and he was so good at his job.”

“I know. I was his training officer on the cadet ship. Horny was an outstanding cadet and a superb officer. He would have reached the very top – but for this thing…”

“It’s totally unfair, Sir – and a very harsh punishment – an abrupt end to a promising career – just because of one small indiscretion.”

“One small indiscretion…? You call it one small indiscretion…? You know what he did – don’t you…?”

“Well – Horny was having an affair with Salty’s wife – that’s all…”

“That’s all…? Do you know how serious the matter is…?”

“Sir – if two people want to have consensual sex – what’s the problem…?”

“What’s the problem…? You are asking me what’s the problem…? Well – my dear friend – let me explain. Horny was married – and so was Salty. And – Horny was having an illicit relationship with Salty’s wife. It’s called adultery. Do you understand…?” the PMC said.

“Sir – it is a personal matter between them and their wives. What has it got to do with our job…? Why has Horny been sacked…?” Snotty asked.

“That may so be in the “civvy street” – but here in the Navy – we follow a code of conduct. “Stealing the affection” of a brother officer’s wife is strictly taboo. Such affairs are strictly forbidden. In the Navy – if you are feeling so damn frustrated – you can go and sow your wild oats elsewhere – but you don’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife… ” the PMC said.

“Stealing affection of a brother officer’s wife…?”

“Yes. Stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife is just not allowed. It is considered an act of moral turpitude – conduct unbecoming of an officer – and conduct prejudicial to good order and naval discipline. That is why Horny was thrown out. Do you understand…?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good.”

“Sir, I have a small doubt…?”

“What doubt…?”

“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer’s wife because it is an act of moral turpitude…?”

“That’s right. It is immoral to steal the affections of your brother officer’s wife…”

“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is illegal. That is what they told us at the Academy…”

“Of course it is illegal. You cannot “steal the affection” of a “Brother Officer”. Buggery is unlawful. Those bygone seafaring days of the “Rum Bum Lash” Navy are long since over…” the PMC said.

“Sir – please tell me one thing…”

“Yes.”

“You cannot steal the affection of a “Brother Officer’s Wife” because it is “immoral”…”

“Yes.”

“You cannot steal the affection of a “Brother Officer” because it is unlawful”…”

“Yes.”

“Then – why is it permitted to steal the affection of your “Sister Officer”…?”

“Stealing the affections of a “Sister Officer”…? What are you talking about…?” the PMC asked Snotty.

“Sir – nowadays we have Lady Officers in the Navy…”

“So…?”

“If Male Officers are like our “Brothers” – then – Women Officers are like our “Sisters”. Isn’t that true, Sir…?” Snotty asked the PMC.

“That’s right – Lady Officers are indeed your Sister Officers. And – that is exactly how you must treat them…” the PMC said.

“If you steal the affections of your sister – does that not amount to “incest”…?” Snotty asked the PMC.

Incest…? What are you trying to say…?”

“Sir – tell me – are you allowed to marry your sister…?”

“No. Of course not…” the PMC said.

Snotty asked the PMC:

“Then why are male officers being permitted to marry female officers…?

Why are Brother Officers stealing the affections of Sister Officers – and even marrying them. 

Isn’t it funny, Sir…? 

Today she is your “Sister” officer – and tomorrow – she becomes your Wife… 

“What’s your point…?” the PMC asked Snotty.

“It is all very confusing to me, Sir…”

“Confusing…? What is confusing…?” the PMC said.

Snotty looked at the PMC and said:

“You can steal the affection of your “sister officer” – you can even marry your “sister officer” – that is allowed.

Also – “sister officers” can steal the affections of their “brother officers” – and even marry them – that is permitted.

But Sir – please tell me: 

If “incestuous” relationships between “brother officers” and “sister officers” are considered okay – then – why make such a big hullabaloo if you “steal the affection” of a “brother officer’s wife”…?”

“Very interesting question. I think I will have to ask my wife to answer your question…” the PMC said.

“Your wife…? I thought you were a bachelor, Sir…” Snotty said, surprised.

“And why is that…?” the PMC said.

“Because you are “in-living”, Sir. If you are married – why do you live like a bachelor on board the ship…? Why don’t you live with your wife in married accommodation…?”

“Well – my wife is posted to New Delhi. So – at present – I am a “Married Bachelor”. That is why I am “in-living”…” the PMC said.

“Oh…” Snotty said, “Sorry, Sir. I didn’t know…”

“And – by the way – you will be interested to know – my wife is a “Sister Officer” – in your parlance…” the PMC said.

“What…? Sir…? Your wife is a “Sister Officer”…?”

“Yes – my wife is a Lady Naval Officer. She is a “Sister” Navy Officer. So – it looks like I am involved in an “Incestuous Relationship” – as you put it so succinctly…”

“Sir – I didn’t know. I am sorry – Sir – I am very sorry … ”

“No. No. Dear Snotty. Why are you feeling sorry…? On the contrary – it is I – who should feel sorry. Yes – I should feel sorry. After all – I am guilty of “stealing the affection” of a “Sister Officer” – isn’t it…?” the PMC said, breaking into laughter.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my source blog post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/12/humor-in-uniform-love-rules.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This story was written by me Vikram Karve around 8 years ago in the year 2012 and posted online by me a number of times including at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/stealing-affections.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/02/taboo-forbidden-love.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/02/humor-in-uniform-stealing-affection.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/humor-in-uniform-rules-of-love.html and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/05/28/humor-stealing-affections/https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/05/28/humor-stealing-affections/  and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/05/28/humor-stealing-affections/  etc

Humor in Uniform – “Rewards” of Office

February 18, 2020

Humor in Uniform

“REWARDS” OF OFFICE aka RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEGES (RHIP)

A Spoof By Vikram Karve 

This story happened more than 20 years ago – when everyone in the Navy started using Personal Computers (PCs).

Laptops were not popular (or probably had not yet made their appearance).

And – Smartphones were non-existent.

In the Navy – though we used PCs in Office – most of us still didn’t own a personal PC at home.

Those days – in relative terms – PCs were quite expensive.

Since – in the Navy – the pay you got was quite moderate – you had to apply for a “Personal Computer Advance” (“PC Advance”) for buying a Personal Computer.

And – you paid back the “PC Advance” with interest in instalments deducted from your pay for the next few years.

I had duly applied for the “PC Advance”.

And – as is usual in the Navy – I was put in the queue – and – I was patiently awaiting my turn.

One Monday morning – after our customary weekly Meeting – my Boss said to me:

“By the way – your PC Advance had been sanctioned – I just saw the letter and cheque in the “Dak Folder” – you can collect it from my PA on your way back…”

“That’s great, Sir…” I said, “I will order the PC today itself…”

“Have you selected which PC to buy…?” my Boss asked me.

“Yes, Sir – I have done an extensive “market survey” and selected the state-of-the-art PC…” I said to my Boss.

“Which one…?” he asked me.

I told him the brand and model of the PC which I wanted to buy.

“Oh – I have heard that it the “top of the line” PC in the market right now. But – it is quite expensive – isn’t it…?” my Boss said.

“Yes, Sir – that is why I had to take a “PC Advance” for buying the PC…” I said.

“When are you going to buy the PC…?” my Boss asked me.

“Today, Sir – in the evening…” I said.

“I will come with you – I need a PC too – and – I think I will buy the same PC – I have some savings in the bank…” my Boss said.

“Sure, Sir…” I said to my Boss.

But – before I tell you the story further – let me tell that my Boss (a Commodore) was a man of ethics and integrity – he was scrupulously honest and upright – a man of principles.

In fact – he was my outgoing Boss – since he was under transfer.

He would soon take up his new appointment as Commanding Officer of a premier shore establishment (a stone frigate) – a prestigious appointment  – which was a stepping stone to Flag Rank.

Listening to our conversation – there was another person sitting inside the room – my “New Boss” – another Commodore – who was going to take over from our “Old Boss”.

In fact – the Handing-Over/Taking-Over process was already in progress.

The “New Boss” said to my “Old Boss”:

“Why are you wasting your money buying a Personal Computer…?”

The “Old Boss” looked surprised – and – he said to the “New Boss”:

“Is buying a PC a “waste of money”…? I need a Personal Computer – so – I think it is certainly money well spent…”

“But – you are going as Commanding Officer…” the “New Boss” said.

“That is why I want to buy the PC here in Mumbai – before going away on transfer. Don’t you think that here – in Mumbai – I will get a better choice – rather than in that small place…?” the “Old Boss” said.

“I did not mean it that way…” the “New Boss” said.

“Then – what did you mean…?” the “Old Boss” said.

The “New Boss” said to my “Old Boss”:

“You are going as Commanding Officer – you just tell your Executive Officer that you want a PC in your house – and – they will put the best PC in your house for your personal use. They will even procure the best PC model you want – in case it is not available there…”

The “Old Boss” ignored what the “New Boss” was saying.

In fact – the “Old Boss” turned his face towards me – and he said to me:

“I will come to your house at Churchgate around 5:30 in the evening – and – we can go the Computer Showroom from there – is it okay…?”

“Aye, Aye, Sir…” I said.

The “Old Boss” then asked me to take the “New Boss” to my Department – to show him around – and brief him about the important activities and projects.

On the way – the “New Boss” made a caustic comment about the “Old Boss”:

“He is a rigid and dogmatic officer who refuses to avail the perks and privileges of rank. It is “Over-Honest” people like him who make all of us look “Corrupt”…”

EPILOGUE

In most organizations – especially in the Military – the “compensation” or “rewards” you receive can be divided into 3 categories:

  1. Formal – official pay and perks.
  1. Informal – privileges of rank and position (RHIP = Rank Has Its Privileges)
  1. Hidden – opportunities for misuse of rank and position for corrupt practices.

Well – “Ethics and Values” differ from person to person.

The “Old Boss” believed that using office items for personal use was tantamount to “misuse of rank and position” and was a corrupt practice (Category 3)

The “New Boss” believed that using office items for personal use was a “Privilege of Rank” and there was nothing wrong about it (Category 2)

Dear Reader: What do you feel…?

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved) 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve:  http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/01/humor-in-uniform-rewards-of-office-aka.html

Twitter Sweethearts = Tweethearts

February 16, 2020

PROLOGUE

Dear Reader:

Suppose a stranger says to you:

“My wife loves you…”

What will you do…?

Well – I don’t know what I will do – since no one has said that to me – as yet.

Now – Dear Reader – tell me:

What will you do – if a stranger says to you:

“My wife hates you….”

It happened to me a few days ago.

Let me tell you about it.

TWEETHEARTS 

Fiction Short Story By Vikram Karve  

PART 1

I was sitting in happy solitude on a comfortable sofa in a cosy corner of the spacious bar of my elite club enjoying a whisky-soda and tweeting on my smartphone.

It was 7 PM – the bar had just opened – and I was the only person in the bar (besides the barman).

A young gentleman walked in.

He ordered a drink at the bar.

While his drink was being prepared – he looked in my direction.

He seemed to be looking at me intently – as if he knew me.

But – I did not recognise him.

The gentleman picked up his drink – and he walked towards me.

The young gentleman said to me: “Good Evening, Sir…”

“Good Evening…” I said, “please sit down…”

The young gentleman said “Thank You, Sir” – and he sat down opposite me.

Then – he looked at me and said: “Sir – by any chance – are you…?” (He mentioned my name)

“Yes…” I said, “that is my name…”

The young gentleman introduced himself.

I didn’t recall ever meeting him.

In fact – I had never heard of him before.

So – I said to him: “I am sorry – but – I really don’t recognize you. Have we met before…?”

“No, Sir – we haven’t met before – but – my wife knows you…” he said.

“Your wife knows me…?” I said, curious.

“Yes, Sir. In fact – my wife hates you….” the young man said.

I was taken aback.

I recovered from the surprise and I said to the man: “Your wife “hates” me…? How can you say that…? I don’t think I know your wife – or you…”

“Of course, you know my wife…” the man said, “her twitter handle is @XXX…”

I recognised the twitter handle he mentioned at once – @XXX – it was that nasty “anonymous” troll who made rude, provocative and acrimonious comments on my tweets.

From the tone of the tweets – I had guessed that @XXX was probably an obnoxious woman – but then – it could have been a depraved man hiding behind that anonymous handle @XXX – which seemed “gender neutral” – in fact – it was a rather inanimate sounding handle.

(Dear Reader: For obvious reasons – I don’t want to reveal her actual Twitter Handle – so – I am calling the Twitter handle @XXX…)

I looked at the man – and I said to him: “Oh…! So – @XXX is your wife…! I thought@XXX is a fake handle who is trolling me…”

“Trolling…?”

“Yes – this @XXX – who you say is your wife – I am having a “Twitter Battle” with her right now – she made some nasty comments on my tweet – so – I was rebutting…” I said.

“Sir – her twitter “handle” may be “anonymous” – a pseudonym – but she is very much real…” he said.

“Yes – you told me – @XXX is your wife…” I said.

“Sir – I recognized you at once – from your photo on your Twitter Profile. You reveal everything on your profile – your picture – your bio – everything is genuine – but – she has an anonymous profile – a misleading bio…” he said.

“Oh, Yes. And – for her Display Picture (DP) – she had a picture of a crab – then changed it to a scorpion – and now – it is a deadly snake – a menacing cobra with its hood open – she likes to have very vicious and aggressive DPs indeed…” I said.

I heard the sound of a Twitter notification.

I picked my smartphone and looked at the screen.

It was a tweet from @XXX.

As usual – the tweet from @XXX was a spiteful tweet – accusing me of “running away from the “battle” like a coward…”

I looked at the man and I said to him: “I was talking to you – so – I didn’t tweet for a while – and – your wife – @XXX – she has made a rather disparaging tweet against me…”

“Yes, Sir – I see it here…” the man said looking at his smartphone.

“You see her tweet…?” I said, surprised.

“Sir – I follow both of you on Twitter…” he said.

“Oh – so you are on Twitter too…!” I said.

“Yes, Sir – I am on Twitter – but I am mostly “passive” – I just read tweets. And Sir – please don’t ask me my “Twitter Handle” – I want to remain totally anonymous – for obvious reasons…” he said.

“Oh, Yes. In your case – I can understand. But your wife – there are no restrictions on her – so – why does she want to remain anonymous on Twitter – what is she afraid of…?” I said.

Suddenly – a thought came to my mind – so – I said to the man: “Don’t tell me that she is also an officer in the…”

“No, No, Sir…” the man said, “she is a civilian. She works here – in Mumbai – and I get posted all over the place – we have a long-distance marriage…”

“Oh – No Wonder – I remember I had posted a story about a “Long Distance Marriage” – and she – @XXX – your wife – she went “rabid” – tweeting such nasty comments…” I said.

“I know, Sir – I read your story – and her tweets too – she has very strong views on this subject – Yes, Sir – she is quite opinionated…” he said.

“Opinionated…? That’s an understatement. I think she is extremely rigid, prejudiced and dogmatic on some issues – almost fanatical. And – very hot-headed too…” I said.

“Yes, Sir…” he smiled, “hot-headed and obstinate. Who knows that better than me…!”

“I have one problem with her. Disagreeing with my views is fine – but – there is no need to get personal. Sometimes – she insults me very badly – she calls me all sorts of things – “bigoted” – “chauvinist” – “hypocrite” – all sorts of terrible slurs…!” I said.

“I know, Sir…” he said, “I have seen those “hateful” tweets. I have advised her – but she won’t listen…”

“If she “hates” me so much – why doesn’t she block me…?” I said.

“Why don’t you ask her…?” he said.

“Is she here…?” I asked, surprised.

“Yes, Sir – she is sitting by the seaside – tweeting away. She just had a “Twitter Battle” with you. Now – it must be with someone else. She “fights” multiple Twitter Battles…”

“Like a multi-front war…?”

“Yes…” he said, “but I think she “enjoys” the “Twitter Battles” with you the most – she gets totally “hyper” when she interacts with you…”

“Really…?”

“Yes, Sir. For her – on Twitter – you are “Enemy No. 1” – and you are probably the only one who engages her 24/7…”

“Yes. I am on Twitter all my waking hours…” I said.

“The worst is at night…” he said.

“At night…?”

“Yes, Sir – late at night – when we are in bed – instead of making love to me – she is engaged in “Twitter Battles” with you…”

“Oh…” I said.

“Sir – our married life is ruined because of your “Twitter Battles” – especially the “bouts” which extend late into the night…” he said.

“Oh – I really didn’t imagine…” I said, feeling contrite.

“Sir, just last night – when we were in bed – and I was in a “romantic” mood – she suddenly saw your tweet saying that military wives should be either homemakers or teachers – and she went “bonkers” – berserk with anger…” he said.

“I know – it was quite an acrimonious exchange of tweets…” I said.

“Sir, it lasted all night – your “twitter battle” was still going on when I woke up at 2 AM for a glass of water…” he said.

“I know…” I said, “I got quite carried away “battling” it out with her. She lost the argument – so – as usual she started making personal comments on me – “You are the biggest hypocrite I have seen – a man of double standards…” – “You try to show that you are a feminist. But actually – you are a misogynist…” – and – when I tried to make amends – she accused me of “talking down” to her in a condescending manner…”

“I know, Sir…” he said, “I saw the exchange of tweets in the morning…”

I finished the remains of my drink.

I saw that his glass was empty too.

“Let’s have a refill…” I said to him, “What’s your drink…? Whisky-Soda…?”

“No. No. Sir – let’s go out – my wife must be wondering why I am taking so long…” he said, “I’ll order drinks for all of us and tell the barman to send them to the seaside…”

“To be frank – I’d rather not meet your wife…” I said.

“Come on, Sir – don’t you want to meet your “Tweetheart” …?” he said, with a mischievous smile.

“Tweetheart…!!!” I said, “are you crazy…?”

“Sir – I am curious to see what happens when you two come face to face for the first time…” he said.

“You want to see me getting beaten up…?” I said, “seeing how violently she hates me – I am sure she will ferociously attack me the moment she sees me. Remember – she knows how I look – I have my latest Photo as my Display Picture on my Twitter Profile…”

“Don’t worry, Sir – I am there with you. Please come, Sir – I want the two of you to meet and talk – for my sake…” he insisted, “I want a “truce” between you two…”

“Truce…? You mean a “Twitter Truce” – do you…?

“Yes, Sir…”

“It’s easy…” I said, “I told you before. You just tell her to “block” me – or – at least – she can “unfollow” me…”

“That’s not possible, Sir. She is “addicted” to you…” he said.

“Addicted…?”

“Yes, Sir. And – I am sure you are “addicted” to her too – because you too haven’t unfollowed or blocked her despite all those insulting tweets she has tweeted against you…” he said, “Sir – people are addicted to “love” – you two are addicted to “hate” – a “violent” relationship – where people enjoy being nasty to each other. You are addicted to hating each other – you enjoy hurting each other – it’s like an online version of BDSM…”

“What…? “Online BDSM”…? Are you crazy…?”

“Sorry, Sir – I just wanted to say that you hate each other so much…”

“Well – I don’t hate her – it is she who spews venom at me…” I said, “at least till now – she is doing it offline on Twitter. But – if she sees me in person – she may even “bite” me viciously with all her “venom” – remember – her latest DP is a poisonous cobra snake…!”

“Sir – please come and meet her – I assure you that you will be absolutely safe…” he said.

“Okay…” I said, “since you are guaranteeing my safety – let’s go and meet your wife…”

And so – I walked along with the young gentleman – towards the seaside promenade – and I steeled myself for the encounter with my Twitter “nemesis” – @XXX – my “Tweetheart” (as her husband had jokingly called her).

PART 2 

We – the young gentleman and I – we walked towards the seaside – and – I saw her – my “Twitter Enemy” – @XXX – for the first time in my life.

I had expected @XXX to be a “feminist” type “shrew”.

But – what I saw before me totally staggered me – it really shook me up and it made me feel uneasy.

She was the most intimidating woman I had ever seen – very tough looking – and she was looking at me in a curious manner – as we walked towards her.

Surely – she must have recognized me – from my photo on my Twitter Profile – and – she must be wondering what I was doing with her husband.

We – @XXX and I – we had just had a vicious “Twitter Battle” – and – she had sent me some really nasty tweets – to which I had responded “appropriately” – resulting in quite an acrimonious situation.

I was terrified should she convert her online “Twitter” anger into offline real-life fury.

She was the most tough looking “macho woman” I had ever seen – a “masculine” female – a “He-Woman” – a “She-Male” – well – I really can’t find words to describe her – but I am sure you have got an idea how formidable she looked.

Yes – she looked like a “body builder” – her arms were as big as my thighs – and – I was sure that she could easily knock me out with one punch and beat me to pulp.

Yes – this Macho “He-Woman” could easily pulverize me.

I could see that the “Macho Woman” was looking at me curiously.

I trembled with fear – like a lamb being taken to the slaughter.

The young gentleman pointed to the “He-Woman” and he said to me: “Sir – please meet“YYY” – my course-mate from the academy…”

Taken aback – I said to him: “So – this not your wife…?”

“Of course not, Sir – I told you that my wife is a civilian…” he said.

“Where is you wife…?” I asked him.

“She is over there – sitting on the parapet by the seaside – tweeting…” the “Macho-Woman” said – pointing towards the promenade.

“I’ll get her…” the young gentleman said – and he walked towards the promenade.

I looked at the “Macho-Woman” – feeling relieved that she was not my “Twitter Enemy”@XXX

“Macho-Woman” smiled at me and said: “Sir – I am posted to Mumbai – so – I had called my course-mate and his wife to the club…”

I smiled at her.

She smiled back at me.

Then – she said: “Ah – there they come…”

I looked towards the sea.

The young gentleman and his wife @XXX emerged from the darkness.

Light from the overhead floodlight fell on their faces.

I looked at my “Twitter Enemy” @XXX.

When I saw her face – I was rendered speechless with awe.

I had never imagined that @XXX would look so lovely – so dainty and delicate.

She was an exquisite beauty – with flawless fair complexion – her luxuriant black hair flowing down her back – her sharp features accentuated by the light falling on her face – her nose slightly turned up, so slender and translucent – as though accustomed to smelling nothing but perfumes.

Yes – she really looked lovely.

I had never seen anyone so beautiful, so virginal, and so vulnerable.

She was truly gorgeous.

I could not take my eyes off her.

The young gentleman’s voice interrupted my trance.

“Sir – your “Tweetheart” @XXX – my wife Menaka…” he said.

“Menaka”…!!! The name suited her perfectly. She indeed looked like an “Apsara” – a celestial beauty.

The young gentleman – Menaka’s husband – he said to me: “And, of course – Sir – you need no introduction – I am sure Menaka has your profile picture and “bio” etched in her mind…”

I smiled at Menaka – she smiled back – not a genuine smile – but a smile of forced geniality.

She didn’t seem quite happy to see me.

“Sir – why don’t you join us for dinner…?” the young gentleman said to me.

I looked at Menaka – aka – Twitter Handle @XXX.

I could clearly see the message in her eyes – she was signalling me “NO”.

So – I said to the young gentleman: “Thank you so much – but – I have to get back to Pune – my wife will be waiting for me – I had told her that I would be back home by midnight…”

“Sir – are you going to drive all the way to Pune at night…” he asked.

“No. No. I have hired a taxi – I had sent the driver to have dinner – he should be back by now…” I said.

“Oh…” he said, “so you have come on a day’s visit to Mumbai…?”

“Yes…” I said, “I had some work in Ballard Estate in the afternoon – and – I came to the club to pick up my renewed membership cards – and after that – I decided to have a drink in the bar – and I was so lucky to meet you…” I said.

“And – your “Tweetheart”…” he joked.

“Yes…” I said, “it was pure serendipity…”

I looked at all of them – and said “Goodbye”.

The young gentleman and his course-mate (the “Macho-Woman) – both wished me “Goodbye” – but – Menaka didn’t say anything – but – I could see relief in her eyes that I was going away.

I turned – and I walked towards the car park.

PART 3

My Taxi was waiting for me.

As we drove towards Pune – I thought about my encounter with Menaka – who I earlier knew only as Twitter Handle @XXX

I felt angry at the way she had snubbed me.

I wondered how a person who was so horrible on Twitter could be so delicate in real life.

What a contrast between her online and offline persona – like Dr Jekyl and Mr Hyde.

Suddenly – there was a notification sound on my smartphone.

@XXX (aka Menaka) – she had sent me a Private Message on Twitter – what they call Direct Message or “DM” in Twitter Parlance.

[NB: Twitter TimeLine (TL) is public – the Tweets and Comments can be seen my all. Twitter Direct Message (DM) is private – the DMs between the two persons can be seen only by the two persons involved…]

“Hi – it was good meeting you. BTW – you look even more handsome than your profile picture…” Menaka had messaged me.

I was taken aback.

This was the first time I had received a DM from @XXX (aka Menaka).

Till now – it was only acrimonious comments on my Twitter Timeline (TL).

I replied to her DM – Menaka replied too – and then – we had a Private Twitter Conversation.

Here is the gist of the “DM” conversation between Menaka and Me.

Menaka: Hi – it was good meeting you. BTW – you look even more handsome than your profile picture.

Me: Thank you. But – I never imagined you would look so “najuk”…

Menaka: “Najuk”…?

Me: You look so “Dainty and Delicate” – so lovely…

Menaka: You mistook my husband’s “Macho-Woman” course-mate for me – isn’t it…?

Me: Yes. The way you are aggressive on Twitter – I thought you would be one of those intimidating “masculine” women – but you are so feminine…

Menaka: It’s good you didn’t stay for dinner…

Me: How could I – after the way you looked at me – clearly telling me not to stay for dinner…

Menaka: I didn’t want you to stay of dinner.

Me: But why…?

Menaka: My husband would have found out…

Me: Found out what…?

Menaka: That we are in love with each other…!!!

Me: What…?

Menaka: Aren’t you in love with me…?

Me: I don’t know…

Menaka: Of course, you are in love with me – I knew all along – the way you engage with me on Twitter – and now – I saw it in your eyes…

Me: Maybe…

Menaka: You are in love with me. I am in love with you. We are in love with each other. Accept it.

Me: I am married.

Menaka: So am I.

Me: I am double your age – maybe even more…

Menaka: That doesn’t matter…

Me: You have such a nice husband…

Menaka: But I don’t love him the way I love you…

Me: But why…?

Menaka: I am demisexual…?

Me: “Demisexual…?”

Menaka: I need a strong emotional connection to be attracted to someone…

Me: “Strong Emotional Connection”…?

Menaka: Like we have on Twitter.

Me: But we “hate” each other on Twitter.

Menaka: That doesn’t matter – it’s the “emotional connect” that matters…

Me: I am confused…

Menaka: BTW – you are “demisexual” too…

Me: Really…? Now you have totally confused me…

Menaka: Let me explain it to you – what “demisexuality” means – why we are in love with each other…

And then – Dear Reader – we (@XXX aka Menaka and Me) – we had a long DM conversation on Twitter – and in the end – I was convinced that both of us were indeed “demisexual” – and we were truly in love with each other.

So – it was the beginning of a beautiful Twitter relationship – an eternal relationship – a unique stimulating “dual” relationship – which continues till today – and will continue forever.

On Twitter TL – we spew “hate” at each other.

On Twitter DM – we make “love” to each other.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This article is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

Part 1 of this story written by me Vikram Karve posted in my blogs at urls: https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/08/twitter-warriors.html  and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/08/30/twitter-warriors-a-story-part-1/ and Parts 1 and 2 at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/08/twitter-warriors-parts-1-and-2.html and  https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/08/twitter-warriors-parts-1-and-2_30.html  and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/08/30/twitter-warriors-parts-1-and-2-unfinished-story/

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Can Online Friendships affect Offline Relationships…?

February 15, 2020

“Your relationship with my wife is affecting our married life…” the smart young man said to me.

“What…? Relationship…? With your Wife…? Are you accusing me of having a relationship with your wife…?” I said, stunned.

“Yes…” he said, with a sad look on his face.

“Who the hell are you…? I don’t even know who your wife is…” I said to him, bewildered.

Dear Reader:

Here is what happened:

Read on…

TÊTE-À-TÊTE

Fiction Short Story By Vikram Karve

“Your relationship with my wife is affecting our married life…” the smart young man said to me.

“What…?” I said, stunned, “Who the hell are you…? I don’t even know who your wife is…”

“Sir – you know my wife…” he said.

“Who…?” I said, perplexed.

“Wait, Sir – I’ll show you…” he said.

He tapped the screen of his smartphone.

Then – he gave me his smartphone and said:

“Please see, Sir – that is my wife’s profile…”

I looked at the picture – her face seemed familiar.

“That is “Nisha” – my wife – her name is written below her picture…” the young man said.

“Yes…” I mumbled.

“And – you are her “Friend”…”

“Yes – I can see that. But – let me assure you – I have never met your wife. So – there is no question of my having an “affair” with her…”

“Sir – please – I never accused you of having an “affair” with my wife…”

“Well – you said that I have a “relationship” with your wife…”

“I meant an “intellectual” relationship – not a “physical” relationship…”

“What do you mean by “intellectual relationship” – I have no such…”

“Please, Sir…” he interrupted, “You and my wife are “Friends” on the Social Media…”

“Wait…” I said.

I gave him back his smartphone.

I took out my smartphone from my pocket.

I opened the Social Media App – I searched for “Nisha” – then – I opened Nisha’s Profile Page – and – I browsed through her timeline.

“Oh, yes – she is a reader of my Blogs…” I said to Nisha’s husband.

“Nisha is your “Friend”…” he said.

“Well – I have many online “friends” – and – most of them are women…”

“I can see that – you have a huge female following…”

“What are you implying by saying that…? Let me tell you – I never send “friend” requests to women. And even if women send me “friend” requests – I do “due diligence” before accepting…”

“I know you are a respectable person, Sir. That’s why I have come to you for help…”

“Help…? You want my help…?”

“Yes, Sir…”

“Tell me – what can I do for you…?”

“Sir – please “unfriend” my wife – block her – mute her – I want you to totally breakup your online relationship with her…”

“What are you saying…?”

“Sir – my wife Nisha is connected with you everywhere – Facebook – Twitter – Instagram – LinkedIn – Google+ – Quora – maybe on some other social networks too – and yes – she eagerly follows your Blogs too…”

“I must be following her too…”

“Sir – Please, Sir – just “unfollow” her – block her out of your online life…”

“I just don’t understand. How does it matter if your wife and I are “friends” on the social media…?”

“If it didn’t matter – I wouldn’t have come all the way here to meet you. Nisha’s online relationship with you is affecting our married life…”

“Relationship…? What “relationship”…? I told you very clearly – I don’t have any “relationship” with your wife – online or offline. Just being “friends” on the social media – and “following” each other – it doesn’t mean anything…”

“Sir – it may not mean anything to you. But – for her – it does mean a lot. Sir – she is your total “fan”. Nisha admires you immensely. Actually – I have started feeling jealous of you…

“Jealous – you are feeling jealous of me…?

“She is in love with you…”

“Love…? Are you crazy…? I must be more than double her age – maybe even more. How can a young woman fall in love with an “old fogey” senior citizen like me…? Especially when she has such a handsome young husband like you…”

“Sir – I told you, Sir – it is “intellectual love” – she is obsessed with you – she keeps showing me your blog posts, your status uploads, your pictures, your tweets, everything you write and post on the Social Media. She even wants me to become like you – the other day – she told me to start Blogging – and to get more active on the Social Media. …”

“So – why don’t you start Blogging and get active on the Social Media…?”

“Sir – I am “outdoor” type – I am not into Blogging and Social Media…”

“See. She is your wife. It is better you talk to her frankly. If you are feeling so insecure about me – why don’t you tell her to “unfriend” and “unfollow” me…?”

“I did, Sir. She won’t listen. In fact – she got angry and told me not to interfere in her online life…”

“Oh…” I said.

I thought about it.

To be frank – I really could not understand how our innocent online “friendship” could affect his married life.

But obviously – it was affecting the married life of the young man standing in front of me.

He had come all the way to meet me – just because of this.

I looked at the young man – he was truly a “handsome hulk” – who most girls would swoon over.

But – his wife didn’t seem to care for his good looks and superb physique.

Maybe – Nisha was a “sapiosexual” who valued “intellect” more than outward “appearance”.

Our tête-à-tête was interrupted by the arrival of my wife on the scene.

The handsome young man excused himself.

While leaving – he give me a sad “beseeching” look as if he were begging me.

EPILOGUE

Dear Reader:

As I write this on my laptop – I have opened Nisha’s Facebook Profile on my Smartphone.

Please tell me what I should do.

Should I “unfriend” her on Facebook – “Block” her on Twitter – and “unfollow” and “mute” her everywhere else on the Social Media…?

Should I breakup my online relationship with Nisha…?

Dear Reader – You tell me what to do – and – I will do whatever you say.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. This story is a work of fiction. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2018/01/tete-tete.html

Also posted earlier in the Blog at url: https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/01/28/can-online-relationships-cause-offline-breakup/

The Intensivist

February 15, 2020

Story By Vikram Karve 

The doorbell rang.

It was my friend – the ‘intensivist’.

Now – I am sure you know that an ‘intensivist’ is a doctor who specializes in the care of critically ill patients – usually in an Intensive Care Unit (ICU).

My intensivist doctor friend was in-charge of the ICU of the best hospital in town.

“I need a drink…” my friend, the intensivist, said.

I poured him a drink – and I asked him:

“Is everything okay…?”

“A strange thing happened today…” he said.

“What?” I asked.

“Last week – around 6 days ago – two critically ill patients were admitted to the ICU – they were both put on ventilator – I will not bore you with details of their illness – but both of them had exactly the same symptoms – and – both old men were in very bad shape – on the verge of death…” he said.

“Old men…?”

“Yes – old men – both were more than 80 years old…”

“The first patient had a continuous stream of visitors – relatives – friends – well-wishers – there was always a minimum of 3 people waiting on him round the clock – sometimes even more – he seemed to be very popular and loved by so many…”

“Really…?”

“His entire family – his children – his grandchildren – he even had a great-granddaughter – they were constantly by his side in the hospital – he loved them all so much – whenever I looked at him – I could see that he had a great desire to live – in fact – when I spoke to him when he was slightly better – he asked me for a quick discharge from hospital – because he wanted to go home to his family – yes – I could see that he desperately wanted to live – and the huge number of people who visited him – all  his well-wishers – they all wanted him to get better and live a long life…”

And – what about the second patient…?”

“I was about to tell you that – the second patient had no visitors – not a single person came to visit him in hospital for all these 7 days…”

“Not even a single visitor – how is that possible – does he not have any children, relatives, friends…?”

“He is a widower – and both his children are settled abroad in America…”

“He has no relatives over here…?”

“Apparently not – most of his folks seem to be dead – and the younger relatives are all settled abroad – well – he was living in one of those high-falutin old-age-homes…”

“That’s sad…”

“Yes – he was very lonely and depressed – he once spoke to me – and – he told me that he wanted to die – he said that he did not want to live anymore…”

“What happened…? Did he die…?”

“No – he became better – he recovered well – and today – we sent him out of the ICU into the general ward – he is likely to be discharged from hospital in a few days…”

“And the second patient – the old man with lots of visitors – the man who wanted to live – what happened to him…?”

“He died this morning…”

“That’s sad – all his well-wishers must have been distressed…”

“Yes – there was a pall of gloom when we declared him dead – terrible scenes of sadness as his heartbroken family was overcome with sorrow – everyone was crying – grief-stricken, inconsolable…”

I saw tears well up in the eyes of my intensivist friend – so I said to him:

“Come on – you are a doctor – you should not get so emotional…”

My intensivist friend looked at me – and he said to me:

“It is a strange irony of life and death – isn’t it…?”

The man who wanted to LIVE – he DIED.

And – the man who wanted to DIE – he survived – he LIVED.

Yes – the man who wanted to live – he wanted to go back home to his family – he died.

So many people wanted him to live – and they are all heartbroken. 

And – the man who wanted to die – he lived.

No one cares whether he lives or dies – he will go back to the old-age home – and he will continue to live the lonely unhappy life that he does not want to live…” 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/the-man-who-wanted-to-live-and-man-who.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

This is an updated version (repost) of my story written by me 5 years ago in 2015 and posted online earlier on 20 April 2015 in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/04/the-intensivist.htmland  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/07/life-and-death-intensivist.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/08/blog-fiction-intensivist-story-on-life.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/09/25/life-and-death-a-story/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/03/do-you-want-to-live-or-do-you-want-to.html

How to calculate“Party Share” – Navy Style

February 15, 2020

Here is the timeline of changing Navy Wardroom/Officers Mess Traditions on how to calculate party share for official parties attended by all members of the Mess or a large number of Officers.

  1. PARTY SHARE – “STRIPE BASIS”

(Seniors Subsidize Juniors)

There was a time when Senior Naval Officers were large-hearted and magnanimous.

The senior always stood a drink for the junior.

Whenever we had a party in the wardroom (officers’ mess) – the “party share” was on “stripe basis”.

You counted the total number of stripes on the shoulders of officers present – and then – you simply divided the overall damages for food and drinks by the total number of stripes – and – you calculated the stripe share.

You paid a party share depending on the stripes you wore on your sleeves or shoulder.

A Commander (who wore three stripes on his shoulder) paid three times the party share as compared to a Sub Lieutenant (who wore a single stripe).

In effect – the seniors subsidized the bill of the juniors.

  1. PARTY SHARE – “ON THE HOUSE”

(Equal Party Share for Everyone)

As traditions and attitudes began to change – and – officers started becoming money conscious – the “stripe share” concept gave way to the “on the house” concept – in which – the party share was distributed equally among all those officers who attended the party – and – all members of the “house” paid the same amount of “party share” – irrespective of how much food and drink they consumed – and– irrespective of their rank.

Of course – when things were “on the house” – those who drank less and ate frugally subsidized those who drank heavily (“topped-up to the hilt”) and gorged on food to their hearts’ content.

With the passage of time – as officers became more and more money-orientated – and – materialism became a way of life – this affected Naval Wardroom Officers Mess traditions too – and – many officers started counting their drinks – and worse – they also counted others’ drinks too…!!!

  1. PARTY SHARE – “CHIT SYSTEM”

(You Pay for what you consume)

Now we had a “chit system” and the party share was based on the principle of “Soldier’s Share” – or – “Going Dutch” – in which you signed chits – and – you paid for whatever you consumed.

In this “signing chits” scheme of things – no one subsidized anybody – and – it was each for his own – irrespective of rank and seniority.

  1. PARTY SHARE – SENIORS FREELOAD and JUNIORS FOOT THEIR BILL

(Juniors subsidize Seniors)

Soon – Wardroom Officers Mess traditions were turned upside down.

Money-consciousness gave way to stinginess and sort of “feudal” culture – owing to selective interpretation of the “RHIP” concept – which resulted in the proliferation of freeloaders in the senior ranks.

This resulted in a preposterous situation – wherein now – it was the “magnanimous” juniors who were subsidizing their stingy yet greedy freeloading seniors.

You know what RHIP stands for – don’t you…?

Well – RHIP is the acronym for RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEGES (Rank Has Its Privileges)

Unfortunately – some unscrupulous and corrupt senior officers thought that “RHIP” implied that it was their “privilege” to freeload and sponge on their juniors.

Things seem to have turned a full circle.

VIKRAM KARVE

“Threesome” Dating

February 14, 2020

After retirement – once in a while – I hark back to my wonderful Navy days – like I did this morning.

And – while on my morning walk – I recalled this delightful “memoir” – which happened more than 43 years ago – in early 1977 to be precise – when I was a raw “Subbie” on my first sea tenure on a frontline warship based at Mumbai

At the time of the story (1977) – “Mumbai” was called “Bombay” – so – I shall use the old name “Bombay” in the story.

Also – I will use the old city names Madras and Calcutta – prevalent at that time – the cities are now called Chennai and Kolkata respectively.

So – the moment I returned from my walk – I sat down on my laptop to write this love story…

Enjoy the Love Story…

Lieutenant Q’s Girlfriend

Short Fiction – A Love Story By Vikram Karve

“NICHE” DATING

Mumbai (then called Bombay) – Circa 1977

I stepped off the ship onto the ship’s gangway – I saluted – and – I walked down to the jetty.

After nearly a month at sea – I stood on solid ground – wondering what to do on my first evening ashore in Mumbai.

I saw Lieutenant “Q” walk down the gangway to the jetty – he was carrying a packet in his left hand.

I saluted Lieutenant “Q”

(Yes – in the Navy – we saluted in “Civvies” too)

Lieutenant “Q” returned my salute – and – he said to me:

“So – you’re off to paint the town red…?”

“No, Sir…” I said.

“So – what are your plans for the evening…?” Lieutenant “Q” asked me.

“I don’t know, Sir…” I said.

“If you’ve got nothing better to do – why don’t you come with me…?” Lieutenant “Q”said.

“Thank you, Sir…” I said – and I started walking with Lieutenant “Q” – careful to keep in step with him – since he was the senior officer.

Yes – Lieutenant “Q” was the senior-most in-living officer on our ship – a “specialist” officer who was more than 6 years senior to me.

(Those days – after being commissioned as an Officer in the Navy – it took you 3 years to become a Lieutenant – and then – you remained a Lieutenant for 8 long years – before being promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Commander after a total of 11 years of commissioned service – unlike today – when you see “greenhorns” – who haven’t yet fully grown their whiskers – strutting around wearing “two and a half stripes” of a Lieutenant Commander after just 6 years of commissioned service – thanks to the benevolent Ajai Vikram Singh Cadre Review Report aka AVS 2006 – which has reduced the value of senior ranks to subaltern status…)

Soon – we – Lieutenant “Q” and me – we were out of the Dockyard – and – I kept pace with Lieutenant “Q” as crossed the road and walked towards Kalaghoda.

“Sir – if I may ask – where are you going…?” I hesitatingly asked Lieutenant “Q”.

“I am going to meet my ‘girlfriend’…” Lieutenant “Q” said.

“Oh – you have a “date” with your girlfriend…?” I asked.

“Yes – you can say that – I have a “date” with my girlfriend…” he said.

“Oh – you have a date with your girlfriend – Sir – in that case – I will like to excuse myself…” I said.

“Why…?” he asked me.

“Sir – I don’t want to be a “Kabab Mein Haddi” – a “Threesome”…” I said.

Lieutenant “Q” burst out laughing:

“Ha Ha – “Threesome” – Ha Ha. Your imagination seems to be running wild. Don’t worry – it’s not that type of “date” – you come along – my girlfriend would love to meet you…”

We walked past the Wayside Inn, Rhythm House (opposite the Jehangir Art Gallery) – crossed the road – walked ahead on the street between the Sessions Court and the University – turned right on Mayo Road (adjacent the Oval Maidan) – and soon – we were outside the Bombay University Library below the iconic Rajabai Tower.

From the foyer – a girl waved out to Lieutenant “Q”.

Lieutenant “Q” waved back at the girl.

The girl came running towards us.

The girl was quite pretty – and – she seemed very excited to see Lieutenant “Q”.

“I am so happy to see you after a long time…” she said.

“Yes – it’s been 3 months – we had quite a long stint in the East…” Lieutenant “Q”said to her.

“I was so happy when you called this morning – I was waiting for you – and – I knew you would be dot on time – as always…” the girl said.

“Yes – the moment we tied up alongside and the shore-phone got connected – the first person I called was you – and luckily – you picked up – not your Library In-Charge…”Lieutenant “Q” said to her.

“That’s good – she’s quite a nosey-parker – she would have guessed why I wanted the “half-day” off…”

“It’s good we had a “make and mend” too – we deserved it – returning to harbour after a really long and arduous sailing…”

“Where all did you go…?”

“All over the Indian Ocean and the Bay of Bengal – and we touched Madras (Chennai), Port Blair, Vizag, Calcutta (Kolkata) – even some small ports like Pondicherry, Tuticorin, Paradip etc…”

“Wow – it must have been exciting…?”

“Actually – it is quite a relief to be back in Bombay…” Lieutenant “Q” said.

Then – Lieutenant “Q” gave her the packet he was carrying – and he said to the girl:

“I have got your books…”

The girl opened the packet – and – as she saw the books – her face was filled with joy.

The girl held a book in her hand – looked at Lieutenant “Q” with curiosity– and – she asked him:

“How did you manage to get this rare “gem”…? It’s an “out of print” book – I never imagined that I would ever get to read this book. Where did you get it…?”

“College Street – Calcutta…” Lieutenant “Q” said, “You can get any book over there – if a book exists – you will find it at ‘College Street’…”

“Wow – look at this…” the girl said excitedly, holding another book, “It’s a “first edition” – I must say that you are really great – thank you so much for getting me all these books that I so desperately wanted…”

“Come on – don’t say “Thank You” and all that – it is the least I could do for my favourite girlfriend – and – by the way – this is a gift from me – so…”

“Okay – you are a real darling…” the girl said lovingly to Lieutenant “Q”.

All this while – I was standing like a “mute spectator”.

Lieutenant “Q” must have realized his gaffe – so he quickly introduced us – me and the girl – to each other.

The girl – who had just joined as a Librarian – she said to me:

“I always loved books – so – after my graduation – I followed my passion – I did my ‘Library Science’ Course – and now – I am among books all day…”

“So – what are the plans for the evening…?” Lieutenant “Q” asked the girl.

“Let’s go “Bookshop Crawling”…” she said.

I had heard of “Pub Crawling”.

But – this “Bookshop Crawling” was a new experience for me.

But – I quite enjoyed it.

We walked out of the University gate – turned right – passed the resplendent Gothic Style High Court Building – and then – started browsing books on the pavement book-stalls near the Central Telegraph Officer (CTO) on the road from Churchgate to Flora Fountain.

Then – we “bookshop crawled” – from Bookstore to Bookstore – on DN Road, PM Road, opposite VT – till we landed up at the iconic Secondhand Bookshop at Dhobi Talao on Kalbadevi Road.

It was a unique date.

And – like the cliché saying – Lieutenant “Q” and his Girlfriend – they “walked” books and they “talked” books – and – I tried to get in a word too – whenever I got a chance.

In one of the book-stores – I noticed that the Girl liked a book – but – when she saw the price – she hesitated.

So – like a chivalrous “Knight in Shining Armour” – with a flourish – I pulled out my wallet – I bought the book – and – I presented it to her.

“No. No. How can I take this…?” the girl protested.

“Oh – so you are “bribing” her with a book…? Are you trying to steal my girlfriend…?” Lieutenant “Q” said to me – looking miffed.

I blushed red with embarrassment.

“Ha Ha – it’s okay…” Lieutenant “Q” said to the girl, breaking into a smile,“Take the book – he’s a nice guy – he really wants you to have the book…”

Lieutenant Q’s Girlfriend gave me a loving smile – and she said to me:

“Thank you so much…”

We were enjoying “Book Crawling” so much – that – time passed in a jiffy – and – I did not realize that almost 4 hours had passed.

Suddenly the girl looked at her watch – and she said:

“Oh My God – it’s past 8 pm – I have to go home…”

We walked via Metro – to Marine Lines – turned left – and walked towards Churchgate Station where she would catch a local to her home in Bandra.

“Hey – remember – I told you on the phone – we have got a “date” next week – on Saturday…” the girl said to Lieutenant “Q”.

“Of course I remember – the “Book Fair”…” Lieutenant “Q” said to her.

“We’ll really have a good time…” the girl said to Lieutenant “Q”

Then – the girl looked at me – and – she said to me:

“Why don’t you come along too…? You like books – don’t you…? Yes – you also come. We’ll all have a good time at the “Book Fair”…”

“I would love to come – if…” I hesitated – and I looked at Lieutenant “Q”

“You are most welcome to join us…” Lieutenant “Q” said to me, “I am sure you will enjoy the “Book Fair”…”

“Yes, Sir…” I said.

Then – we waved good-bye to Lieutenant Q’s Girlfriend at Churchgate.

After she left – we walked back to our ship.

“So…” Lieutenant “Q” said to me, “did you like my Girlfriend…?”

“Yes…” I said, “She is cute…”

“Ha Ha – “cute”…” Lieutenant “Q” laughed.

“She is really passionate about books…” I said.

“Yes – she is a true “bibliophile”…” Lieutenant “Q” said.

“Sir – I never imagined that you would be such a “booklover”…” I said.

“Really…? Why…?” Lieutenant “Q” asked me.

“Sir – you look so “rough and tough”…” I said.

“Ha Ha – well – things are not always as they look from outside. There are many facets about me that you do not know…” Lieutenant “Q” said,

For some time – we walked in silence.

Then – as we approached our ship – Lieutenant “Q” said to me:

“It was a good gesture on your part to gift her that book. She really appreciated it. I hope you remember that we have got a “threesome date”next week…”

“Of course I remember, Sir – we are going to the “Book Fair”…” I said.

To Be Continued…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/06/niche-dating.html

This Blog Post is a repost of my story A “THREESOME” DATE written by me Vikram Karve in Jan 2017 and posted by me online earlier in my blogs at urls: https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/01/the-threesome-date.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/02/02/a-niche-date/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/06/niche-dating.html etc

How to Measure your Drinking Capacity

February 13, 2020

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY (ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL)

“Flash Point” and “Fire Point” Method 

There is a saying in the Navy:

“If you want to know the true characteristics of a officer – ask his course-mates and shipmates…”

If you ask my course-mates and shipmates about me – one thing they will tell you about me – is that – in my heyday – I drank a lot of booze.

But – they will also tell you that I had enormous drinking capacity.

So – despite drinking generous quantities of alcohol – I was never seen drunk.

Yes – I was often seen in “high spirits” – but – not drunk.

(I remember only one occasion on which it can be said that I was drunk – and – I never let that happen again) 

The Navy taught me many things.

One of the things I learnt in the Navy was how to drink alcohol.

After around 25 years of enjoyable drinking – I quit drinking around 18 years ago.

For the benefit of posterity – I wrote a series on HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL and posted it online on my blogs in the year 2011 – and revised versions later – in 2012 and 2013.

Nowadays – many youngsters – boys and girls – drink alcohol.

Sadly – I observe that – many youngsters do not know how to enjoy drinking – and – how to get the best from alcohol.

The evidence of this is the increased propensity towards drunkenness – which can lead to all sorts of consequences – including – personal harm, misbehaviour, violence, brawls, inappropriate behaviour, date rape, drunk driving, accidents etc

Sometime ago – during a “Cocktail Party” – which was more of a drunken spree with wild dancing – I observed many persons who got terribly drunk and made a spectacle of themselves.

From time to time – you hear of the increasing number of drunken driving accidents.

All this prompts me to delve into my “alcoholic archives” and post – once again – Part 4 of my series on How to Drink Alcohol on the topic HOW TO FIND OUT YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY (Alcohol Tolerance Level)

Every individual has a different drinking capacity – and if you want to avoid getting drunk – you must know your alcohol tolerance level.

Below this article – I am giving the links to my posts (Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6) of my series on “Booze Wisdom” on HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL.

Cheers – Enjoy !!!

HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL – Part 4

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY or ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL

(“Flash Point” and “Fire Point” Method )

Booze Wisdom By Vikram Karve

HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU DRINK…? 

It is best not to drink alcohol.

But if you do drink then you must ask yourself:

“Why do I drink…?” 

The answer is simple. 

You drink because you want to “feel good”.

If you drink too much – you will get drunk.

When you get drunk you hardly feel or remember anything – since your senses are dulled.

But – if you get inebriated – in your intoxicated and drunken state – you will make a fool of yourself – and you may embarrass your near and dear ones.

And on the morning after your alcoholic binge – you will certainly feel miserable when you come to your senses from your drunken stupor – and suffer the pains of a terrible hangover.

The Moot Question is: “HOW MUCH SHOULD YOU DRINK…?

If you drink too little – well then – there is no point in drinking alcohol at all.

You might as well have some fruit juice – or a soft drink – or a glass of milk.

You may find it laughable – but at some parties – I have seen some persons just holding a drink in their hands just for keeping up appearances to show others that they drink.

They do this because they want to project a “proper” image before their hard drinking bosses and colleagues – and – they don’t want their hard-drinking colleagues and friends to call them a “sissy”.

There is no shame in being a Non-Drinker Teetotaller – in fact – you should be proud of it.

By the way – after over 25 years of “work hard – play hard – drink hard” – Navy Style Living – I too am living a life of sobriety for the last 18 years.

I write this series as I wish to share my drinking experiences with you – and enable you to take more out of alcohol than alcohol takes out of you.

So:

If you want to truly enjoy drinking – you must drink just the right amount of alcohol that makes you “feel good”.

The aim of drinking alcohol is to feel “HIGH” – not to get Drunk.

And – of course – the aim of drinking is not to remain dead sober as a Teetotaller – in which case – it is a waste of good liquor.

So – here is the answer to the question “How Much Should You Drink:

You must never drink just to “keep up appearances” to avoid being called a “prude” or a “sissy”.

If you drink too little – well then – there is no point in drinking alcohol at all – besides it a waste of good liquor (and your money).

You must drink enough – just that much so that you feel “high” – but you must not get drunk.

And – for achieving this delightful “high” state – you must know your “drinking capacity” which depends on your “alcohol tolerance level” 

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY 

Well – it was through sheer serendipity that I discovered my drinking capacity.

This method worked for me.

I named it the “FLASH POINT” and “FIRE POINT” Test

To find out whether it works for you – do try it out – at your own risk – and tell us how it worked for you.

Ingredients Required for “FLASH POINT” and “FIRE POINT” Test

You will need the following which you must keep handy on a table next to your chair:

  1. A Bottle of Rum or Whisky or adequate quantity of your regular drink

(If you drink Vodka or Tequila “shots” – line enough of them up).

It is best to start with a full bottle – so you can measure (estimate) the amount of liquor you are drinking.

  1. A Book (with comfortable font size)  (In case you prefer reading on a digital screen – you may use your Smartphone or Laptop)
  1. Water

“FLASH POINT” and “FIRE POINT” TEST METHODOLOGY

Before I describe the technique – let me impart to you some “theory”.

If you were a science student – you must have performed a chemistry laboratory experiment to find out the FLASH POINT and FIRE POINT of a fuel.

You start heating the volatile liquid.

The flash point occurs when the fuel exhibits a flash.

The fuel is heated further – and the fire point occurs when the volatile material catches fire and starts burning and continues to burn.

Applying the same analogy to drinking alcohol – you can say that your “flash point” occurs when you are “high”

Yes – at your “flash point” you have reached your drinking capacity.

If you keep on drinking after your “flash point” – then you will reach your “fire point” – which is an inebriated state of drunkenness.

Your aim is to remain happily high around your “flash point” – and in no circumstances must you cross your “fire point”.

But – how do you find out your “flash point”…?

DRINKING CAPACITY TEST PROCEDURE – 10 SIMPLE STEPS

Here is the technique of how to “measure” your “flash point” or drinking capacity in 10 simple steps:

  1. Drink a glass of water.

This is to stabilize you in case you are dehydrated – and to get you ready for the experiment.

  1. Pour your normal drink.
  1. Pick up the book and start reading.
  1. Keep drinking at your normal pace and also keep reading continuously.

Take your time – sip your drink – and focus on the book.

If you finish your drink – pour another one.

Keep on drinking as long as you can read easily and comprehend clearly what you are reading.

  1. The moment you reach a state where your concentration starts wavering – you are reaching your “flash point”.

As you drink and read – a point will come when – you can read the words – but you realize that you are not clearly registering what you are reading in your mind.

This is your “FLASH POINT”  (feeling “high”)

At your “flash point” you will be in that delightful state of alcohol induced emotional flux which makes you feel “high”.

  1. If you continue drinking alcohol beyond your “flash point” – you will reach a hazy state where the words in the book will appear blurred –and –you have difficulty in reading – as your eyes may not focus properly.

You have now reached your “FIRE POINT” (alcohol induced intoxication).

  1. Once you reach your “fire point” – you must stop drinking alcohol immediately.

Now drink a glass of water and relax.

Soon – you will gravitate back from your “fire point” towards your “flash point” – and feel less drunk.

However – if you continue drinking beyond your “fire point” – you will get inebriated and become drunk.

  1. Measure (estimate) the amount of liquor you have drunk to reach your “FLASH POINT”.

This is your “drinking capacity” or alcohol tolerance level (as on that day).

  1. Repeat this experiment a number of times (on different days) – yes – do the “FLASH POINT”–“FIRE POINT” experiment at least 10 times.
  1. By successive iteration –fine tune the results –and soon – you will know your “drinking capacity” (alcohol tolerance level).

ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL

There is a saying:

“First you drink alcohol – and then alcohol drinks you”.

Similarly:

Till you reach your “flash point” – you are the one drinking alcohol.

At your “flash point” – you have reached the limit of your control – but you still have control.

Near your “flash point” you will experience the “high” feeling which alcohol gives you.

When you get this “high” feeling – you must stop drinking at once.

You will remain “high” for sometime – enjoying the euphoric sensation – and then you will have a pleasant relaxing feeling as the “high” gradually tapers off – and – this is the best time to drift off into a nice sleep.

However – if you continue drinking beyond your “flash point” – you will reach your “fire point”.

Once you reach your “fire point” – you will lose control – and – alcohol will take charge of you.

Now – it is the alcohol which will “drink” you – and you will get drunk.

Let me sound a note of caution.

If you drink frequently – your alcohol tolerance will increase.

Increased Alcohol Tolerance means that after continued drinking – consumption of a constant amount of alcohol produces a lesser effect – which means that larger amounts of alcohol are necessary to produce the same effect.

Thus – you will need to drink more alcohol to reach your “flash point” to get a “high”.

In effect – if you drink regularly – your “drinking capacity” increases.

As you continue drinking – this has a snowballing effect.

Having a great drinking capacity may be a “macho” thing to boast about – and may win the admiration of your friends and colleagues.

However – high alcohol tolerance indicates a propensity towards alcoholism – in later years.

So – you better watch out.

High alcohol tolerance level (good drinking capacity) is not necessarily something to be proud of – or to boast about.

Regular consumption of alcohol will raise your drinking capacity.

This in turn will tempt you drink more to reach your “flash point” (to feel “high”).

It is a vicious cycle.

As your alcohol tolerance level increases – you will start drinking more and more to feel “high” – and – this in turn will further increase your alcohol tolerance level.

And – if you continue this habit of drinking – you may develop alcohol dependence – and you may eventually slip into the abyss of alcoholism.

So – if you realize that your “flash point” has increased – it is best to abstain from drinking for a few days – till your “flash point” falls to a reasonable level.

The less you drink – the better it is for your body.

So – in fact – it is advantageous to have a low drinking capacity.

But then – you must remember never to cross your “flash point”.

Avoid binge drinking and competitive drinking – as this can damage your health.

Like I said in the beginning – it is best not to drink alcohol – but if you do drink – remember – as Winston Churchill once said – that:

You must take more out of Alcohol – than Alcohol takes out of You.

And – how do you do that…?

Well – that I will tell you in my series on the golden rules of drinking alcohol.

Happy “FLASH POINT”.

And

May you never reach your “FIRE POINT”.

Remember:

The Aim of Drinking Alcohol is to feel HIGH – Not to get DRUNK

Do let me know if this “Flash Point” and “Fire Point” method helped you discover your drinking capacity.

Here are some of my articles on BOOZE WISDOM in my Series HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL (click url links and read:

  1. DOES ALCOHOL BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOU?

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-drink-alcohol-part-1-does.html

  1. NEVER DRINK WHEN YOU “NEED” A DRINK

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-drink-alcohol-part-2-never-drink.html

  1. DRINK TO FEEL NICE – NOT TO GET DRUNK

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/how-to-drink-alcohol-part-3-drink-to.html

  1. BOOZE WISDOM – ARE YOU A BORN ALCOHOLIC

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/09/booze-wisdom-are-you-born-alcoholic.html

  1. THE HIGHER YOU GO THE MORE YOU DRINK

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/humor-in-uniform-olq-alcohol-tolerance.html

  1. HOW TO QUIT DRINKING

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/how-to-quit-drinking-easy-way-alcohol.html

Cheers…!!! 

Have you found out your drinking capacity…?

Did this method work for you…?

I look forward to your feedback.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This article is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. So please do due diligence before trying out this technique.
  2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Link to my source blog post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve:  http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2020/02/booze-wisdom-how-to-measure-your.html

This series on HOW TO DRINK ALCOHOL was first written by me Vikram Karve in Oct 2011 and Posted Online by me Vikram Karve a number of times on my blogs since 2011 including at urls http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/10/drinking-alcohol-golden-rule-no-1.html and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/10/drinking-alcohol-golden-rule-no-2-how.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/04/drinking-capacity-or-alcohol-tolerance.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/how-to-quit-drinking-easy-way-alcohol.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/06/self-help-do-you-know-your-drinking.html and  http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2016/08/drinking-capacity-alcohol-tolerance.html  etc

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