Happily Unmarried

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HAPPILY SINGLE

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Is being “happily single” better than being “miserably married”…?

Earlier – the moment your entered your 20’s – there was pressure on you to get married.

Remaining single was looked down upon in Indian society.

Today – it is quite okay to remain single and there are many boys and girls who prefer to remain single – like the girl in story below.

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More than 4 years ago – in December 2019 – I met a girl.

I had met her last around 10 years earlier in the year 2009 when she was studying for her Master’s Degree (M.Sc.)

I was happy to learn that she was doing so well in life – she had gone abroad for her Ph.D. – and she was now working as a Research Scientist in a prestigious institution in that country – where she intended living permanently.

She had come to India on her Christmas Vacations to visit her parents and was going back soon.

The girl was around 30 years old – and her mother was worried that her daughter is still unmarried and refuses to “see” boys for marriage.

The mother said that even if her daughter wanted to marry a colleague at work – a “foreigner” – it was okay with them – but she must get married as she was already 30 years old.

The girl said that she was perfectly happy being single – she wanted to focus on her career – and she had no intention of getting married.

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The girl said:

“For me – I prefer to be alone and unencumbered – I am happy being single rather than go through the rigmarole of marriage…”

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More than 4 years have passed since – and the girl is still “happily single” – and she may remain so forever.

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There seem to be an increasing number of youngsters who want to remain single by choice.

This reminds me of a story I wrote a few years ago about one of my girlfriends…

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MY “HAPPILY SINGLE” GIRLFRIEND

Love Story By Vikram Karve

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Auckland, New Zealand – circa 2016

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PART 1

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DINNER DATE

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DATE WITH MY “GIRLFRIEND”

(AT A PUB IN AUCKLAND – NEW ZEALAND)

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“Why can’t people understand that I don’t want to get married…” my “girlfriend” says.

“What happened…?” I ask her.

“It’s my mother again. Now – she has found a “Boy” for me over here…” she says.

“Here…? In New Zealand…?” I ask her.

“Yes – last year – when I was on vacation in India – I escaped seeing “Boys” saying that I had decided to settle down permanently in New Zealand – and – I was unwilling to relocate from Auckland – so now – they have found a “Boy” for me out here…” she says.

“Oh – your mother has found a “Boy” for you over here in New Zealand…?” I say.

“I just don’t understand why my parents are so desperate to get me married…” she says.

“You are 30 now – you are already past what is considered “marriageable age” in India…” I say.

“But – I don’t want to get married – so – how does my age matter…? What difference does it make whether I am past “marriageable age” or not – when I want to remain “single” all my life…?” she says.

“Are you sure you want to remain “single” forever…? Maybe – you will feel like getting married sometime…” I say to her.

“No – I have made up my mind – I will never get married – I told my mother very clearly not to worry about my marriage – but – she keeps pestering me…” she says, with irritation in her voice.

“Well – in India – parents feel it is their duty to get their daughters married…” I say.

“That was okay in the past – when girls were not financially independent – but today – things are different – in fact – I am sure I earn much more than most “Boys” of my age…” she says.

“I don’t think your parents feel that way. Maybe your parents feel that now that you are 30 years old – it is high time that you should “settle down” in life…” I say.

“But – I have already settled down in life – haven’t I…? I have a good job with excellent career prospects – I have my own house in the best inner city suburb of Auckland – I have my own car – I have everything I need…” she says.

“That may be so – but – probably – your parents feel that you need a husband – and – getting married will complete your life…” I say.

“Well – I feel “complete” already – so – there is no place for anyone else in my life – I don’t need anyone – I have got everything…” she says.

“Everything…? Are you sure you have everything in life…? What about…?” I hesitate – when she interrupts me.

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She interrupts me – and she says to me:

“Please – let’s not discuss that – but – let me tell you that I can easily get enough of sex – to satisfy my needs – whenever I want to…”

“I meant “companionship”…” I say.

“I get plenty of “companionship” at work – in fact – a bit too much – you know the job I do – I have to spend the whole day interacting by people – colleagues, customers, clients – I get so fed up that I just want to be alone at home to enjoy my “self-time”…” she says.

“I meant “friendship” – friends…” I say.

“Friends…? You are there – aren’t you…? You are my “BFF” – aren’t you…? Whenever I want to relax over a drink – or – if I feel like going on a drive – or – if I want to get something off my chest – I call you – and you come to me immediately – like you have come now…” she says to me.

“Yes – I am always there for you – but – don’t you want to have more friends…?” I say.

“Actually – out here in Auckland – one doesn’t need many friends – I like the social culture out here in New Zealand – where they respect your privacy…” she says.

“Tell me. You never had any friends out here…? Even when you were studying at the University…?” I say.

“Of course I did. But – those days were different. Now – I like my solitude…” she says.

“Yes – I have seen that. Nowadays – you like to be alone in your spare time…” I say.

“In fact – now – you are my only friend. I like you because you are the only one who doesn’t indulge in “matchmaking” and try to get me married off. Sadly – most Indian “expats” out here are doing “matchmaking” all the time – they keep hounding me to get married – they keep searching for suitable “matches” – finding all sorts of “Boys” for me…” she says.

“Well – you can’t blame them – can you…? They may have travelled a long distance from India – migrated – and settled down over here in New Zealand – but – their mindset hasn’t changed. They may be physically here – in a modern country – but culturally – in their minds – they still carry old-fashioned Indian values. That’s why they feel – that it is unusual – for a girl to remain unmarried – once she crosses 30 years of age…” I say to her.

“Well – I am “happy and single” – I am living my life to the fullest – I live on my own terms – and I don’t want anyone worrying about my marriage – not even my parents – and certainly not these Indian “expats” out here…” she says.

“Don’t pay too much attention to them – but – remember – that – like your parents – their intentions are good…” I say to her.

“Well – I don’t care about their intentions – but – they hassle me with all their “matrimonial talk” and comments about my living a single life – that’s why I have dumped everyone – except you – because you are the only one who accepts me as I am. Yes – you are the only one that I consider as my true friend – because you don’t have any “good intentions” to end my “spinstership” and get me married off…” she says.

“Hey – your glass is empty – should I get you some more beer…?” I say to her.

“No – I’ll go home now…” she says.

“Why so early…? It’s Friday night – and it’s only 7 o’clock…” I say.

“I have to go home. But – you wait here…” she says.

“Me…? Wait here…? Why should I wait here all alone…?” I say, perplexed at her behaviour.

She smiles at me.

“Because I want you to speak to the “Boy” – and – you will tell him that I don’t want to get married…” she says.

“What…? You want me to speak to the “Boy”…?” I say, confused.

“Don’t you remember what I told you…? My parents have found a “Boy” for me over here…” she says.

“Oh yes – you told me – but – I almost forgot. So – your parents have found a “Boy” for you over here in New Zealand. Who is the “Boy”…?” I say.

“You will see the “Boy” in a few minutes…” she says.

“What…? Is he coming here to meet you…?” I ask her, surprised.

“Yes – I have called him here in this pub at 8 o’clock – for dinner. But now – he can have the “dinner date” with you – instead of me…” she says.

“You want me to have a “dinner date” with him…? You want me to substitute for you…?” I say, taken aback.

“Yes – you will tell him that I am not interested in getting married…” she says.

“Who is the guy…? Does he live here in Auckland…? Maybe I know him…” I say.

“No. You don’t know him. He was working in Christchurch. He took up a job in Auckland only last week. I don’t know what my parents told his parents – and what high hopes they raised in him – because – from the way he talked to me on phone – it seems that he is taking things for granted. I only hope he hasn’t relocated to Auckland in anticipation of getting married to me – because – if he has fancy ideas about getting married to me – he is going to get the shock of his life – when you tell him – that I am not interested in marriage…” she says.

“Oh – so that is why you called me here – to do your dirty work. You want me to meet the “Boy” and tell him the bad news that you are not interested in marriage…” I say, feeling peeved.

“Yes. That’s what good friends are for – aren’t they…?” she says, matter-of-factly.

“But – I don’t even know him…!!!” I say, flabbergasted.

“Here – I am sending you his picture and name on your mobile phone…” she says.

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The moment I receive the picture of the “Boy” on my smartphone – I look at it – and I see that he is quite a smart guy.

Suddenly – my “girlfriend” says to me:

“Okay – I’ll go now – you enjoy your “dinner-date” with the “Boy” – and – you please call me up in the morning and tell me what happened…”

She gives me a cute beseeching smile.

“Okay. Bye. Take Care…” I say to her.

“Bye…” she said to me.

Then – my “girlfriend” kisses me on the cheek – and – she walks towards door of the pub.

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PART 2

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NEXT DAY – MORNING

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AT MY HOME IN AUCKLAND

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Next morning – I call my “girlfriend” – and – I tell her that the “mission” had been accomplished.

“What happened…?” my “girlfriend” asks me.

“I told the “Boy” that you were not interested in marriage – I told him that you wanted to remain “single” all your life…” I say to her.

“So…? What was his reaction…?” she asks me.

“He looked crestfallen…” I say.

“Really…?” she exclaims.

“And – do you know what he asked me…?” I says.

“What di he ask you…?” she says.

“He asked me whether you were a “Lesbian”…” I say.

“Oh My God…!!! So – what did you say…?” she says, in a excited tone.

“I kept quiet. I let him draw his own conclusions. Maybe – it will be a “consolation” to him – if he feels that the reason why you “rejected” him is because you are a “lesbian”…” I say.

“You are a terribly wicked fellow…” my “girlfriend” says to me, naughtily.

“You owe me a treat…” I say to her.

“Of course I’ll give you a treat – wherever you want. You call me in the evening – and you tell me the place and time – and – I’ll be there…” she says.

“Let’s go to Dos Amigos – the Mexican Restaurant in Mission Bay…” I say to her, “You be there at 7 PM…”

“Okay – I will be there. You can tell me in detail about the what happened on your “dinner-date” with the “Boy”. Then – after dinner – we’ll have a stroll on Mission Bay Beach – I’ll call up my mother and tell her that I didn’t like the “Boy”…” my “girlfriend” says to me.

“Sure…” I say to her, “You want me to be around to prompt you in case your mother asks any uncomfortable questions – isn’t it…?”

“You know me so well – you are truly my “BFF” – my “Best Friend Forever” …” my “girlfriend” says to me, in a loving voice.

“See you in the evening. Bye – Take Care…” I say to my “girlfriend” – and I disconnect the phone.

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PART 3

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INTROSPECTION

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After the conversation with my “girlfriend”– I sit quietly – deep in thought.

After some time – I call up my mother in India – and – I say to my mother:

“Mother – you can start looking for a suitable bride for me…”

I can sense that my mother seems surprised to hear me say this.

“Bride…? You want me to search for a bride for you…? What happened to that “girl” over there in Auckland…? The girl you are dating – your “girlfriend” – you said that you wanted to marry her. Weren’t you supposed to meet her last evening…?” my mother says.

“Yes. I met her last evening…” I say to my mother.

“What happened…? Did you talk about marriage…? Did you propose to her…?” my mother asks me.

“We talked about marriage – but – I didn’t propose to her…” I say.

“Why…? What happened…? Did you have a fight…? Is there some problem with her…? Did you break up with her…?” my mother asks me.

“No – No – Mother – nothing like that at all – we are still good friends – but – she doesn’t want to get married – that’s all…” I say.

“She doesn’t want to get married to you…? Why…? Why doesn’t she want to get married to you…?” my mother asks me.

“It’s not me. She doesn’t want to get married to anyone – she prefers to remain “single” – that’s all…” I say.

“She wants to remain unmarried…? She wants to remain “single” all her life…? Strange girl…!!!” my mother says.

“Mother – you forget about her. I am coming to India for a month during my Christmas Vacations. Please have some good “girls” lined up for me to “see”. I want to get married to some nice “back home type” girl…” I say to my mother.

“Don’t worry – you will get the best of girls to select from. You are a “prime catch” in the “marriage market” – you are a “most eligible bachelor”. And that too – you are so smart and handsome. And – you are so well settled in New Zealand – excellent job, your own house, plenty of money – there will be so many good girls dying for the opportunity to go to Auckland and settle down in that lovely place…” my mother says to me.

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PART 4

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AFTERWORD

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Well – my “girlfriend” – who wanted to remain “happily single” – maybe she had “Gamophobia” 

(Fear of Marriage)

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She was “single” – but – she was not “sorry”.

Yes – “Single But Not Sorry”.

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But – as far as I was concerned – I surely had “Anuptaphobia” 

(Fear of Staying Single)

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Yes – I certainly did not want to remain a “chronic bachelor” for my entire life.

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PART 5

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EPILOGUE

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GAMOPHOBIA versus ANUPTAPHOBIA

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Some persons are afraid of getting married.

They have Gamophobia – the fear of marriage – the fear of getting married.

So – they avoid getting married on some pretext or the other.

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On the other hand – some persons are apprehensive that they will never get married.

They have Anuptaphobia – the fear of staying single – the fear of remaining unmarried for their entire lives.

So – they are desperate to get married.

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Gamophobic persons may remain “happily unmarried” for their entire lives.

A person with gamophobia may prefer to be “happily single” rather than being “miserably married”.

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On the other hand – in their frantic desperation to get married – persons with anuptaphobia may land up getting married to the wrong person – since – in their desperate hurry to get married – they may choose partners on a whim – and quickly marry in haste – without considering the consequences.

Well – I have seen both types of persons – some having gamophobia – and a few having anuptaphobia – and – if you look around – you will see both types too.

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Hey – Dear Reader:

What about you…?

Have you come across persons with gamophobia or anuptaphobia…?

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VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:

1. This blog post is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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Link to my source blog posts in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2016/12/gamophobia-fear-of-marriage.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/dinner-date-in-auckland.html and in my writing blog at urls: https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/11/01/happily-single-vs-miserably-married-story/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2020/10/21/my-happily-single-girlfriend-3/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2022/06/21/gamophobia-vs-anuptaphobia/ and https://vikramkarve.medium.com/happily-single-71cdf5c57ee3 and https://karve.wordpress.com/2023/06/05/happily-single-2/ etc.

This is an updated and abridged repost of my story GAMOPHOBIA written by me Vikram Karve around 8 years ago in December 2016 and posted by me online in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve Blog on Friday, December 2, 2016 and revised/reposted on February 3, 2017 and later in my writing blog and other blogs too at a number of urls including recently at url (source blog post for this post): https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/01/22/is-happily-single-better-than-miserably-married/ 

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

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