Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

How to Find Your Perfect Marriage Partner – Numerology and Compatibility

August 21, 2015

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: MARRIAGE COMPATIBILITY GUIDE – How to Find Your Perfect Match.

Link to my original post in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal: 
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…

HOW TO FIND YOUR PERFECT MATCH – MARRIAGE COMPATIBILITY GUIDE

NUMEROLOGY and COMPATIBILITY
A Spoof
(Just for Fun)
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Most people say that my wife and I are the most incompatible couple they have ever met. 

Many of our friends and relatives wonder how we have managed to stay married together for more than 33 years.

Even our children are surprised as to how two individuals with such contrasting temperaments can remain together for so long. 

The fact that my wife and I have lived together for over 33 years implies that – though outwardly it may not seem so – inwardly – there must be some“mysterious hidden compatibility“ between me and my wife.

Sometimes – you have a fact of life before you that defies rational logic – like the fact that we remain married for more than 33 years – whereas – logically – a terribly incompatible couple like us should have split-up long back.

So – you have to work backwards – to try to find some reason to substantiate and “validate” this incomprehensible fact – and try to justify the “inconsistency”

I call this reverse logic or ex post facto justification

As I said – we – my wife and I – are a terribly incompatible couple.

Yet – our marriage has lasted for more than 33 years. 

Therefore – I had to find some reason for this mystery.

That is why I took solace in numerology. 

And – hey presto – I was able to “prove” that we – my wife and I – are indeed “compatible” (at least on paper).

Dear Reader: Have a look at the Pythagorean Numerology Table below:


Now let us use this Pythagorean Numerological Table.

Let’s calculate the numerological value of my name VIKRAM 

(4+9+2+9+1+4 = 29 = 2+9 = 11 = 1+1 = 2

My numerological value is 2

Now – let’s compute the numerological value of my wife’s name POORNIMA 

(7+6+6+9+5+9+4+1 = 47 = 4+7 = 11 = 1+1 = 2)

Hey – my wife’s numerological value is also 2

The numerological values of both our names is the same. 

My number is 2 

My wife’s number is also 2

It is a “Perfect Match” 

No wonder we are such a “perfect match” – at least from the numerology point of view – so now we can “justify” our long married life.


WHAT TO DO ON YOUR FIRST DATE

Are you married..? 

Are you planning to get married..? 

Are you in love..? 

Are you in a relationship..? 

Are you dating someone..? 

Are you thinking of getting into a relationship with someone…?

Just check out your mutual numerological compatibility. 

Now you know what to do on your first date now – don’t you…?

Maybe it is a good idea to have some fun.

Check out your numerological compatibility – with your spouse – your friends – your loved ones – your boss – your colleagues – or anyone with whom you are planning a close relationship. 

Just use the simple Pythagorean Table above – and compute the numerological value of your names. 


NUMEROLOGICAL HARMONY

If you have a “perfect match” – it’s great. 

But suppose you do not have a “perfect match”.

No problem.

Do not worry if your numerological values are not identical (perfect match).

You can always hope for harmony in numerological values.

Even if the numerological values are in harmony (one value divisible by the other) – it is a sign of excellent compatibility. 

For example – if the husband’s numerological value is 3 – and the wife’s value comes out to be a multiple of 3 like 6 or 9 (or vice versa) – then they are in “harmony”. 

So – if you find out that your marriage “rocks” – be happy – tell your spouse and celebrate.

And – if your numerological values just do not match (inharmonious combinations like 2 and 7 or 3 and 8 or 4 and 9) – just don’t worry.

When in doubt – there is no harm in using means to justify the end.

Try out some other numerology system – like Chaldean, Indian, Arabic, Chinese, Hebrew, African, even Abracadabra – there are so many numerology tables, charts and calculators available. 

Keep trying all permutations and combinations – till you “discover” your mutual compatibility. 

And then – you can “validate” your marital compatibility – and be happy. 

That is the trick scientists do while doing “research”.

You just keep on trying all permutations and combinations – till you find a “justification” for your “hypothesis”.


DISCOVER YOUR MUTUAL COMPATIBILITY

Dear Reader: You can easily “discover” your “compatibility” with any person you want to by using this simple numerological method. 

Use this technique to convince your loved one about how “mutually compatible” you two are. 

Maybe – this will enhance your romance. 

Try it with your boss and colleagues too. 

Maybe – it will improve interpersonal relationships at work.

But here is a caveat.

Please do not use numerology as an excuse to “dump” someone.

Now – that is unethical – and just not done. 

And – Hey – please do not take this too seriously – I told you right at the beginning that all this is just for fun…!

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This article is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. While you can use numerology for fun – please do your due diligence in real life – since – to the best of my knowledge – numerology has no scientific basis. 
3. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.


This is a revised and updated version of my article first written by me Vikram Karve in the year 2008 and posted online earlier by me in this blog at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/200…  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201… etc

Now Re-Posted by Vikram Karve at 8/21/2015 12:17:00 PM

HOW TO IMPRESS GIRLS and BOYS – Impression Management for Long Term Relationships

March 21, 2015

Original Post written by Me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve : HOW TO IMPRESS PEOPLE

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/how-to-impress-people.html.

Link to my original post in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal: 
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…

IMPRESSION MANAGEMENT

HOW TO IMPRESS GIRLS and BOYS – Impression Management for Long Term Relationships

WORST IMPRESSION IS THE BEST IMPRESSION
Contrarian Wisdom
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Let me tell you an “apocryphal” story.

This happened 33 years ago – in March 1982 – in Pune.

A girl came to see a boy (for arranged marriage).

The girl was accompanied by her mother (the girl’s father, a Brigadier, was serving in a field area).

Normally – in Maharashtra – the boy goes to the girl’s home (for the customary “kande pohe program”).

But – in this case – the boy had requested the girl to come over to his rather Spartan home.

It was around 10 in the morning – the boy was alone at home – as the boy’s mother had gone for work.

The boy (a Naval Officer) had come to Pune on a week’s leave for “girl seeing” for arranged marriage.

Since the boy was not one of those refined “metrosexuals” – he had not “decked up” for the occasion – but he was dressed in a simple cotton white kurta-pyjama – and he was enjoying a smoke and reading a book – while waiting for the girl to arrive.

The girl and her mother arrived at 10:30.

“You are late,” the boy said, and he asked the girl and her mother to sit down.

The boy served Tea (which he had prepared himself).

Then – the boy lit a cigarette – and he said to the girl, “Let me tell you a bit about myself. As you can see – I smoke a lot. I drink regularly too – around 6 large pegs of rum daily – that is about half a bottle of rum every evening. My career prospects in the Navy are not very bright – I am certainly not ‘Admiral Material’. You are a ‘SODA’ – your father is a big shot in the Army – so you may be used to the comforts and facilities of army life – but in the Navy you get nothing – no batman (sahayak), no transport, no proper housing, no facilities – as you can see I am not a rich man – I just have a scooter – and I do not think I will be able to afford a car on the paltry salary we get in the Navy – you will have to live in some temporary make-shift  shanty – and you will have to do all the housework yourself…”

“You don’t get a house in the Navy…?” the girl asked.

“You do – but there is a huge shortage of married accommodation and the waiting period is 2 years – so by the time we get a proper house, it will be time for my transfer – and it is the same story in every new place – so you must be prepared for a nomadic existence shifting from one temporary accommodation to another…”

“What is ‘SODA’…?” the girl asked.

“Senior Officers’ Daughters’ Association – your Dad is a Brigadier so you are a SODA,” the boy said, “but let me tell you one thing – I am an honest, straightforward and outspoken officer – and so – your chances of becoming a member of SOWA are pretty bleak…”

“SOWA – Senior Officers’ Wives’ Association…!” the girl said.

The boy was happy to see that the girl was intelligent.

“You are very intelligent – and highly qualified – and all your good qualities are listed in your matrimonial profile – but I want to know one thing – and I want an honest answer,” the boy said to the girl.

“What…?” the girl asked.

“What are your faults…? Your bad qualities…? Your weaknesses…?” the boy asked.

“I cannot cook…” the girl began opening up – but her mother gave her a stern look – and the girl stopped speaking.

Observing the situation, the boy said to the girl, “Never mind – we will discuss all that in detail when we meet tomorrow…”

“We are meeting tomorrow…?” the girl asked.

“Why not…? After all, we are getting married – and I am here for a week – so we can go out together a few times – and get to know each other better…” the boy said, extinguishing his finished cigarette and lighting another cigarette.

The girl’s mother was getting increasingly uncomfortable at the way things were going, so she asked the boy, “You have a big beard – are you going to shave it off when you get married…?”

The boy looked at the girl’s mother, and he said to the middle-aged woman, “How does it matter to you whether I keep a beard or not…? Are you going to marry me…? Or is your daughter going to marry me…? But since you have asked – No – I am not going to shave off my beard – I like my beard – and a beard is the sign of a true Naval Officer – so I am going to keep my beard even after marriage – forever…”

The boy looked at the girl, and he said, “See – I told you that I drink heavily, I smoke, and that I have no future in the navy – very poor career prospects – and about the poor quality of life in the navy – but you just told me one thing – that you do not know how to cook – please tell me more about your other faults…”

“We have to go somewhere,” the girl’s mother interrupted – and she brought the ‘interview’ to an abrupt end.

In the evening, the girl’s mother made a ‘trunk-call’ to her Brigadier husband and she said, “What a terrible boy? He is himself saying that he drinks half a bottle a day, he smokes, and ….”

She told him everything.

“The boy said all that…?” the Brigadier asked.

“Yes – the boy hasn’t given us even one reason why we should get our daughter married to him.”

“Maybe that is the very reason why we should get our daughter married to him,” the astute Brigadier said.

The Brigadier met the boy – and he liked him – and so – the girl and boy got married.

The girl was expecting the worst.

But after marriage – the girl noticed the following ‘improvements’ in the boy:

1. Her husband did not drink 6 pegs of rum every evening – he drank around 3 or 4 pegs daily – and only rarely – at parties or with friends – did he drink 6 pegs or more.

2. He did not smoke much too – in fact – he smoked very few cigarettes – he preferred smoking his pipe.

3. She had been expecting to stay in a “jhuggi-jhopri” – but first they lived in the officers’ mess for some time – and then they shifted to quite a decent furnished apartment – which though small – the apartment was modern, comfortable, and located in the prime area of the city.

Though he was not an “angel” by any standards – her husband was not all that bad – as she had thought.

Much later – when she had given up all hope – her husband suddenly gave up drinking and smoking one day.

This happened 20 years after her marriage – and she had never imagined that her husband would give up alcohol and tobacco forever.

Of course – her husband has still not shaved off his majestic beard – but then she has got used to it now – after 33 years of married life.

After reading this “fairy-tale” – some persons may think that this is a true story – and they may even “recognize” some of the characters in this story – but let me emphasize that this is an apocryphal story – the characters do not exist and are purely imaginary – and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

What is important – is the MORAL OF THE STORY.

You must have heard the saying: “First Impression is the Best Impression”

But I say: “Worst Impression is the Best Impression”.

If you give your best impression during your first meeting with someone – then you have to live up to the image you have created.

On the other hand – if you give your worst impression during your first meeting – then there is always scope for improvement.

There are many aspects to your personality – the “Best Side” – the “Worst Side” – with shades of grey in between.

At your very first meeting – if you try and impress someone with your “Best Side” – you have projected your best image – and thus you have no scope for improvement.

In fact – you will get all stressed out keeping up appearances trying to live up to the hyped-up expectations you have created in the other person – and slowly the “veneer” will start peeling off – and the goody-goody façade will crumble.

Dear Reader – you just read the “happy ending” story above.

I know a story where exactly the opposite happened.

There was a girl from a civilian academic background (her parents were university professors).

They lived in a town where there was a large cantonment nearby.

Most of her schoolmates and friends were daughters of Army officers – and the girl was enamored by Army social life.

The girl got a proposal from a Naval Officer.

The girl was under the impression that the life of a Navy Wife was the same as the good life of an Army “Memsahib” which she had observed in the peacetime cantonment.

The Navy boy came to meet the girl.

Believing in the “First Impression is the Best Impression” dictum – the boy showed his “Best Side” – and he “boasted” a bit about himself – he painted a rosy picture of Navy life – instead of telling her the ground reality.

All this created a glorified image and high expectations in the newlywed girl.

But – after their honeymoon – when they reached Vizag – everything came crashing down.

The boy sailed off on his ship – leaving the girl to fend for herself – all alone – in their “B Type” hired house – at the other end of town – far away from the Naval Base.

Feeling totally isolated, the girl went into a depression – and summoned her parents – who came rushing to Vizag – to help their daughter settle down and tackle reality.

As their marriage progressed – the “first impression” that the boy had created by showing his “Best Side” – this rosy first impression started to slowly crumble away as his negative qualities began to emerge.

After many years of marriage – the girl still feels that the boy “cheated” her by portraying a goody-goody false impression of himself and hyped rosy image of Navy life.

My hypothesis of “Worst First Impression” worked in my Navy life too.

I was posted as faculty in a prestigious inter-service training establishment.

My boss was a Commodore from a landlubber branch who had never met me before.

However – my “spoken reputation” had somehow reached him via the grapevine.

For a month or so – I noticed that he was quite wary of me – he treated me coldly and he kept me at arm’s length.

Then – one evening – at a party – when he was feeling quite happy after a few drinks – he sidled up to me – and he said, “Actually – I have realized that you are quite a good officer…”

Taken aback, I said to him, “Come on, Sir – of course – I am a good officer – why did you think otherwise…?”

“I had heard so many wicked things about you – that you are a difficult officer – but I actually find you to be so good…” the Commodore said – and later – his wife told me that I was his favourite officer – and he trusted me the most among all officers.

So – Dear Reader – whenever you meet someone for the first time – for matchmaking – for dating – at the workplace – for any long term relationship – beware of the dictum: “First Impression is the Best Impression” – and don’t get too carried away trying to make the “best impression” – since you may find it difficult to live up to such a ‘perfect’ image in later life.

When you meet someone for the first time – never try to “impress” anyone – just be your natural self – in fact – show a bit of your darker side – so that there is always “scope for improvement” later.

And for those of you who are going in for an “arranged marriage” – when you meet your “prospective spouse” for the first time – the first question you must ask him (or her) is: “Tell be about your weaknesses and your faults…”

Remember: “Worst Impression is the Best Impression”.

There is always scope for improvement if you project your “worst” impression

But there is no scope for improvement if you project your “best” impression – in fact, there is always pressure to live up to the “perfect” image you have created – and ultimately, this mismatch will cause stress and distrust in your relationships.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.


Posted by Vikram Karve at 3/20/2015 04:16:00 PM

A Naval Yarn – A FLEET AUXILIARY CALLED SEMAPHORE SIGNAL – A Naval Yarn from THE TALES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – FLEET AUXILIARIES AND SEMAPHORE SIGNALLING

November 1, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: A FLEET AUXILIARY CALLED SEMAPHORE SIGNAL – A Naval Yarn from THE TALES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – FLEET AUXILIARIES AND SEMAPHORE SIGNALLING.

Click the link above to read the original story in my creative writing journal

The Story is also given below for you to read and for your convenience:

A FLEET AUXILIARY CALLED SEMAPHORE SIGNAL – A Naval Yarn from THE TALES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – FLEET AUXILIARIES AND SEMAPHORE SIGNALLING

DELIGHTFUL MEMORIES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Whenever you have the blues, and you feel melancholic and depressed, there is a guaranteed way to lift your spirits, enliven you and cheer you up.
Just hark back into the past, down the timeline of your life, reminisce about your halcyon days and recall a happy incident, an amusing event, a hilarious anecdote, a comical side-splitting experience – think about that funny episode, relive the jovial experience in your mind, and sure enough, instantly, there will be a smile on your lips and cheer in your heart, and you will be filled with happy vibes and you will feel bright and breezy.
Now that I have “retired” into oblivion, this is exactly what I do, whenever I feel glum and gloomy.
I close my eyes and, in my mind’s eye, I mentally go back in time, almost 35 years back in time, to the late 1970s, and reminisce about my halcyon navy days, the happiest days of my life, and let delightful memories of those glorious navy days perambulate in my brain.
This morning, as I delved into my halcyon navy days, floating over my time line, I suddenly remembered that unforgettable episode about the “Fleet Auxiliary” who I had nicknamed “Semaphore Signal”.
Let me tell you about it. Do tell me if you enjoyed reading the story, and I shall spin some more yarns for you.
I enjoy spinning yarns, some true, spiced up with lots of salt and pepper, and some apocryphal.
Like I said, I am going to spin a few naval yarns for you.
Now, Dear Reader, you’ve got to remember one thing. 35 years ago it was an all-male navy, where bawdy jokes, ribaldry and profane language was the order of the day, and concepts like gender-sensitivity were unheard of. So let me reminisce and spin a few yarns for you to enjoy, no offence meant to anybody – I just want to make you laugh and drive away your blues, and mine too. I am sure you have a good sense of humour and you will enjoy these yarns with a pinch of salt.
 
 
DELIGHTFUL MEMORIES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – Part 1
A FLEET AUXILIARY CALLED SEMAPHORE SIGNAL
A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer: Please read this apocryphal short story only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof, pure fiction, a fantasy, a figment of imagination. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn, take it with a pinch of salt, and have a laugh. And yes, this story is for adults only, so if you are a kid please skip this post and go onto something academic in nature …
“FLEET AUXILIARIES”
We had returned to port after a long sailing and in the evening I decided to visit my course-mate Horny on his ship which was parked just ahead of us. Unlike mine, his was a small ship, and the atmosphere was totally informal, with just a Snotty and a sailor leisurely manning the gangway.
I identified myself, told them who I wanted to meet and started walking inside when the Snotty said, “Sir, just a moment, he is busy right now, someone is there with him in his cabin.”
“Busy? Okay. I’ll come later. Just tell him I had come,” I said, and started to walk away.
“Sir, why don’t you speak to him?” the Snotty said and dialled Horny in his cabin and held out the phone to me.
“Hey, don’t go,” Horny said, “just come down to my cabin.”
Horny was waiting for me outside his cabin, and I could see that he was genuinely happy to see me.
“So nice to see you after so many days. Come inside,” he said, opening the door of his cabin.
I was taken aback by what I saw in his cabin.
A woman was lying on his bunk.
On the side-table there was a bottle of my favourite Premium Scotch Whisky.
I was not surprised at seeing the girl – Horny was a known Casanova famous for his peccadilloes.
What surprised me was the bottle of whisky, for Horny was a strict teetotaller.  
Horny introduced me.
The girl made no effort to get up.
She continued to lie down on the bunk in her supine position and smiled at me.
I smiled back.
Then Horny pointed outside and said to me, “Why don’t you sit in the wardroom for some time? We’ll finish off our business and join you in a few minutes. The bar, the fridge, everything is open, so just help yourself to a drink and whatever you want.”
It was just six in the evening, so I poured myself a beer, switched on the TV and relaxed in the wardroom waiting for Horny and his consort.
I was two beers down by the time Horny joined me in the wardroom.
“Girlfriend?” I asked him.
“No,” he said, “She’s just a fleet auxiliary.”
(Let me digress a bit and tell you the difference between a Fleet Auxiliary and a “Fleet Auxiliary”– the former Fleet Auxiliary is a support ship, like an oil tanker, a supply vessel, a depot ship, or a hospital ship, which supports the main fleet, whereas the latter “Fleet Auxiliary” is a moniker, a nickname given to a girl who “supports” the men who man the fleet by having a good time with them and help them quench their carnal passions. It is a no strings attached relationship. Of course, there may have been be a bit of “barter” sometimes where she gets to drink the best booze and gets some gifts like an expensive perfume or some exquisite Swiss chocolates. Let me tell you that in those golden days of the license, quota, permit raj, prized and coveted foreign goodies were was not available in the domestic market and we got them duty-free on board, and a naval officer was quite high up on the social ladder. Regrettably, the advent of liberalisation and globalisation changed everything, and nowadays, a naval officer is no longer the crème de la crèmeof society anymore, because today, money determines your status, and businessmen are the new role models. And as far as “fleet auxiliaries” are concerned, it looks like they have disappeared from the fleet and found greener pastures, because when I asked a young Sub about it a few days ago, he seemed totally clueless).
“Oh. A new Fleet Auxiliary? But she looks quite a Plain Jane,” I remarked.
“Never a judge a chick by her looks,” Horny said, “I can tell you from my own experience. Most of those gorgeous chic beauties who look like sex bombs turn out to be damp squibs, but these prosaic looking Plain-Jane types are terrific. Like this one. She’s real great. Just three drinks and she’s ready for action.”
“Three drinks?” I asked.
“Yes, just three large pegs of neat whisky and she is all primed up – ready for action.”
“Really?” I said, incredulous.
“The first drink, she lies horizontal. The second one, she puts her legs up by 45 degrees. And the moment she has her third drink, her legs go straight up to vertical position and she is ready for action.”
“Like a Semaphore Signal,” I said.
“Semaphore Signal? You mean the flags?”
“No. No. Not Naval Semaphore Signalling. I am talking about Railway Semaphore Signalling,” I said.
“Railway Semaphore Signalling?” he asked, confused.
“Yes. Railway Semaphore Signalling. To be precise your passionate “fleet auxiliary” can be described as a three position Multiple Aspect Upper Quadrant (or MAUQ) Semaphore Signal.”
“Hey, stop the mumbo jumbo and explain to me in simple language,” Horny said.
Now, I am no great raconteur, so I picked up a pencil and piece a paper, drew some pictures and explained the salient aspects of Semaphore Signalling. If you want to know what I told Horny, have a look at the picture below.
                Multiple Aspect Upper Quadrant (MAUQ) Semaphore Signalling
The images above are from the Indian Railways Fan Club (IRFCA) Website Post on Signalling Systems.  Indian Railways Fan Club (IRFCA) is a hobby group for discussing all aspects of railways in India. You you may read the post on semaphore signals by clicking the url link http://www.irfca.org/faq/faq-signal2.html
Let’s look at the red coloured signal first.
The arm at horizontal position means “stop”, inclined upwards at 45 degrees means “caution” and the arm in the vertical position means “all clear” and the train can proceed.
Now look at the yellow coloured semaphore signal.
I think, that in the context of this story, the yellow coloured signal seems more apt – STOP, ATTENTION, PROCEED.
Now just imagine that the legs of the girl (our “fleet auxiliary”) in place of the arm of the signal.
First Drink – Legs Horizontal – STOP.
Second Drink – Legs inclined upwards by 45 degrees – ATTENTION
Third Drink – Legs Vertical – PROCEED
On hearing my explanation, Horny burst out laughing and we both laughed for a long time.
We were still laughing when “Semaphore Signal” joined us in the wardroom. She had freshened up. We talked. I liked her. Though she was quite chubby and ordinary looking, she had a very friendly smile and she exuded a sort of affable charm.
Life moved on, Horny moved on, I moved on, and, of course, the “fleet auxiliary” called “Semaphore Signal” moved on, though I did see her a few times circulating around in the fleet.
Many years passed, and I had forgotten all about this episode when I unexpectedly ran into “Semaphore Signal” while browsing in a bookstore.
I recognized her at once.
She was the very same “fleet auxiliary” I had nicknamed “Semaphore Signal”.
Now, so many years later, she had turned a bit plump, but otherwise she looked the same chubby girl with a sincere, friendly smile which radiated the same charming warmth.
I smiled at her.
She did not smile back.
In fact, she totally ignored me, showing absolutely no trace of recognition, and then she turned and walked towards the exit of the bookstore.
She walked out of the bookstore and stood in the foyer.
I followed her with my eyes and positioned myself so that I could clearly see her.
She took out her mobile phone from her purse, dialled a number, held the cell-phone near her ear and spoke briefly.
Then she walked into the food court of the mall and sat down on a vacant table.
I kept down the book I was browsing, walked out of the bookstore, into the spacious food court and sat down on a table from where I could see her clearly.
She knew that I was stalking her but she avoided looking directly in my direction.   
Suddenly a small girl came running and ran into her arms. The girl was followed by a man who smiled at her and sat down opposite her.
They were talking, maybe deciding what to eat – mother, father and daughter – a happy family.
I noticed that “Semaphore Signal” exuded the bliss of domesticity.
I felt happy for her – a “fleet auxiliary” so happily settled down in family life.
It was time for me to leave.
I got up, looked at her for the last time and started to turn.
“Semaphore Signal” looked in my direction, gave me a fleeting glance, a brief smile of recognition, and then she looked down at her daughter and started talking to her.
As I walked away after the encounter I felt happy for “Semaphore Signal”.  She was one of the fortunate “fleet auxiliaries” who had put her past behind, moved on into a new world and settled down into a happy married life – the bliss of domesticity.
Others were not so lucky.
Some could not move on in life and persisted with their ways till age overcame them and the only future the could look forward to was to live a life of a lonely spinster, an old maid, with only reminisces to think about. 
A few managed to “trap” a gullible naval officer into marriage, but many such marriages ended in disaster, since they remained in the same environment and did not escape to a new world. Much as they tried, they could not prevent the shadow of their past life from haunting their present lives.
I don’t know why, but whenever I see a woman drinking I remember “Semaphore Signal” and a smile comes to my lips.
I really don’t know if there is a connection between alcohol and promiscuity, but then as my friend Romeo would boast: “Give me a woman who drinks and I can get her into bed” – and he proved it.
But that is another story, one more yarn I will spin some day. 
Dear Reader: Please give me some feedback. Tell me, did you like this yarn? Do you think I should compile my naval yarns into a book? In today’s world where “Campus Romances” are in vogue, will anyone read such a book on memoirs of my halcyon navy days? Do tell me, for I have many yarns to spin and stories to tell.
By the way, the Railways have replaced Semaphore Signals with Electric Light Signals and I don’t think you will see a traditional Semaphore Signal anymore. Doesn’t matter. The next time you see a railway signal, or a traffic signal, and as you watch it changing colour, do remember this story and have a laugh.
Keep Laughing and have a Happy Day.
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

Did you like reading this story? 
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my recently published book of short stories COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a large number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

IT IS NO LONGER THE RUM BUM LASH NAVY – STEALING AFFECTIONS – A Naval Yarn

October 11, 2012

Click the link below to read the original post in my creative writing journal blog

Also posted below for your convenience

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/stealing-affections.html

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: STEALING AFFECTIONS.

STEALING AFFECTIONS
Short Fiction Story
A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer: Please read this short story only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof, pure fiction, a figment of imagination. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn and have a laugh.
STEALING AFFECTIONS
Short Fiction – A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
 
 
It was an abrupt end to a promising career.
In the morning he was forced to put in his papers.
In the afternoon there was a brief farewell party – a drab Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) in the Wardroom.
The usual boisterous bonhomie was conspicuous by its absence and there was an air of awkwardness in the Wardroom.
The farewell PLD for Horny was a mere formality to be got over with.
The party was muted low-key affair without the customary boisterous elbow-bending.
Everyone reluctantly sipped their beer in hushed silence hoping that time would move fast.
But time did not move quickly and they all endured the agonizing moments as time crawled slowly while they all waited for the uncomfortable proceedings to end.
No one forced “down the hatch” drinks and “bottoms up” beers on the departing guest.
There were no “jolly-good-fellow” hoists and there were no long winded farewell speeches – just one-line perfunctory speeches for the sake of formality.
Typically, a PLD was a jolly affair full of joie de vivre and the cheer and beer flowed freely. The happy high-spirited copious beer-drinking continued for hours together, till evening, and on occasions the boisterous revelry turned into a full-fledged drunken orgy late into the night.
But this PLD finished off within an hour and everyone heaved a sigh of relief that the embarrassment was over.
They all shook hands with Horny, wished him good-luck in the civvy-street, and they all went home, or to their cabins, to hit the sack and enjoy what was left of the make-and-mend Wednesday.
Only Snotty stayed back and helped Horny pack his bags. Then he sent a sailor to get a taxi and when the taxi arrived alongside the ship at the jetty, Snotty picked up Horny’s bags and accompanied him to the gangway.
A sailor picked up Horny’s bags and put them into the boot of the taxi.
Horny stood at the gangway, expressionless. He did not betray his emotions but kept gazing in a vacant manner at the taxi. Then he turned around and smiled at Snotty and the gangway duty staff.
Then, Horny lifted himself to his full height, stood ramrod straight with chest out. He saluted for the last time, swallowed the anchor, and marched ashore across the gangway into the civvy-street forever.
Snotty felt sad to see Horny go away. Horny had been his mentor and Snotty admired him as a role model in the art of seamanship. Though Horny was his boss, he had always treated Snotty like a younger brother, with benevolence and patience. Horny was firm yet compassionate, revered by the men he commanded. Horny ran a happy department and Snotty had learnt so much from him. He had really liked Horny and was sorry that such a promising career had been so cruelly and so unjustly abruptly cut short.  
Snotty went down to the wardroom and sat down for lunch at the Dining Table. In order to enjoy good food one has to be in the right mood and that is why the delicious food which looked so good on the table turned tasteless in Snotty’s mouth.
“What’s wrong, Snotty?” asked the in-living PMC, who was nicknamed Sea Dog. He was sitting at the head of the table.
“Nothing, Sir. It’s about Horny.”
“What about Horny? I know he was your boss. Sad to see him go?”
“Yes, Sir. He was such a nice guy, Sir, and so good at his job.”
“I know. I was his training officer on the cadet ship. Horny was an outstanding cadet and a superb officer. He would have reached the very top but for this…”
“It’s totally unfair, Sir, and a very harsh punishment – an abrupt end to a promising career just because of one small indiscretion.” 
“One small indiscretion? You call it one small indiscretion? You know what he did, don’t you?”
“Well, he was having an affair with Salty’s wife, that’s all.”
“That’s all? You know how serious the matter is?”
“Sir, if two people want to have consensual sex, what’s the problem?”
“What’s the problem? You are asking me what’s the problem? Well, my dear friend, let me explain. Horny was married and so was Salty. And Horny was having an illicit relationship with Salty’s wife. It’s called adultery. Do you understand?”
“Sir, it is a personal matter between them, and their wives. What has it got to do with our job? Why has Horny been sacked?”
“That may be in the civvy street, but here we follow a code of conduct. Stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife is strictly taboo. If you are feeling so damn frustrated, you can go and sow your wild oats outside, but you don’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife. ”
“Stealing affections of a brother officer’s wife?”
“Yes. Stealing the affections of a brother officer’s wife is just not allowed. It is considered an act of moral turpitude, conduct unbecoming of an officer, prejudicial to good order and discipline. That is why Horny was thrown out. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good.”
“Sir, I have a small doubt?”
“What doubt?”
“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer’s wife because it is an act of moral turpitude?”
“That’s right. It is immoral to steal the affections of your brother officer’s wife.”
“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is illegal. That is what they told us at the academy.”
“Of course it is illegal. Buggery is unlawful. The days of the Rum Bum and Lash Navy are long since over.”
“Sir, then please tell me one thing – you can’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife because it is immoral. You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is unlawful. Then why is it permitted to steal the affection of your sister officer?”
“Stealing the affections of a sister officer? What are you talking about?”
“Sir, nowadays we have lady officers in the Navy.”
“So?”
“If male officers are like our brothers, then the women officers are like our sisters, aren’t they?”
“That’s right – lady officers are indeed your sister officers. And that is how you must treat them.”
“If you steal the affections of your sister, does that not amount to incest?”
“Incest? What are you trying to say?”
“Sir, tell me, are you allowed to marry your sister?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why are male officers being permitted to marry female officers? Brother Officers are stealing the affections of Sister Officers and even marrying them. Isn’t it funny, Sir? Today she is your sister officer and tomorrow she becomes your wife?”
“What’s your point?”
“It is all very confusing to me, Sir.”
“Confusing? What?”
“You can steal the affection of your sister officer, you can even marry your sister officer – that is allowed – sister officers can steal the affections of their brother officers and even marry them – that is permitted – then why make such a big hullabaloo if you steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife?”
“Very interesting question. I think I’ll have to ask my wife to answer that.”
“Your wife? I thought you were a bachelor, Sir.”
“And why is that?”
“Because you are in-living, Sir.”
“Well, my wife is posted elsewhere. And you’ll be interested to know that she is, in your parlance, a ‘sister officer’ – yes, Dear Snotty, I am guilty of stealing the affection of a sister officer!”
 
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 
Did you like this story?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

A Naval Yarn – STEALING AFFECTIONS – Fiction Short Story

October 10, 2012

Click the link below and read the Short Fiction Story – STEALING AFFECTIONS – A Naval Yarn on my creative writing journal blog

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: STEALING AFFECTIONS.

Click the link above and read the Short Fiction Story – STEALING AFFECTIONS – A Naval Yarn on my creative writing journal blog

A Lazy Mumbai Story – THE MEANING OF FREEDOM

October 1, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: THE MEANING OF FREEDOM.

Click the link above and read the story in my creative writing journal

 

POSTIVE VIBES – The Key to Eternal Youth – The Ultimate Anti-Ageing Formula

September 12, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: BIRTHDAY BLOG – HOW TO FEEL YOUNG AND YOUTHFUL FOREVER – The Ultimate Anti-Ageing Formula.

Click the link above to read the article in my journal

Article also posted below for your convenience

BIRTHDAY BLOG – HOW TO FEEL YOUNG AND YOUTHFUL FOREVER – The Ultimate Anti-Ageing Formula

BIRTHDAY BLOG

Today, on the 12th of September 2012, I am 56 years old (chronologically). 

Am I old? 

Or am I young?

Well, you may say that I am old, but I still feel that I am a young boy. 

You may not agree with me but I feel that it is better to be immature rather than mature 

There is a saying that you are as old as you feel”. 

That is why there are “young senior citizens and “old senior citizens”.

Soon, I will be officially a Senior Citizen. Surely, I would like to be a “young senior citizen. How about you?

Here is a piece I wrote sometime back on the subject –  HOW TO REMAIN YOUNG AND YOUTHFUL FOREVER

Do tell me if you like it – I look forward to your comments. 

And hey, dont forget to wish me a Happy Birthday.

HOW TO BE A YOUNG SENIOR CITIZEN 
The Ultimate Anti-Ageing Formula
Zest for Living and Passion for Learning
By
VIKRAM KARVE

There are a number of retired senior citizens in the colony where I live in Pune. 
 
Yes, there are still large numbers of pensioners living all over Pune though Pune is no longer a pensioners’ paradise.

I have noticed one intriguing thing. 

 
Though most are of these persons are of the same chronological age, some are “young” and some are “old” – yes some appear young and some seem old – after all your age is what you feel.

Further observation reveals the anti ageing formula for remaining young: 

 
Zest for Living and Passion for Learning is the best anti-ageing recipe that keeps you young forever.
 
This is the true elixir of life.

Look around you and you will see what I mean. 
 
There are many oldie-goldies who are living life to the fullest and are always eager to learn new things and there are also other old people who have no “juice” left in them as they have lost the spirit to enjoy learning with enthusiasm and relish the pleasures of life to their utmost.

I know a “young” senior citizen who, after retirement, started learning classical music from the scratch, enjoyed studying for 10 years till he completed his sangeet alankar, living life to the fullest in true epicurean style – good food, music, concerts, plays, movies, travel, picnics, swimming, trekking, playing with his dogs, social work, you name it – he did it … and with the advent of internet he is enjoying moments exploring the mysteries of the web, learning new things and latest technologies, actively blogging with passionate fervour, and with gusto doing all sorts of learning activites, creative writing, surfing, social networking, making virtual friends, teaching music – for him variety is the spice of life. 

 
This young-at-heart senior citizen lives a delightfully active life, loves the company of youngsters and has the enthusiasm and energy of a child – and though in his late seventies he is “younger” than even those chronologically many years his junior and it is his zest for life and passion for knowledge that keeps him healthy, happy and youthful.

Remember you are as old as you feel, not as old as you look, and certainly not as “old” as your chronologically age says you are. 

 
It is in your hands to forever remain a “young” senior citizen.

I will end this piece with a quote from Mahatma Gandhi:

Live as if you are going to die tomorrow

and
Learn as if you are going to live forever

It is breathtakingly simple to remain young forever, Dear Reader. 

 
It is all in the mind.
 
 
HOW TO FEEL YOUNG AND YOUTHFUL
 
Here are some tips on how to feel young and forget your chronological age.  
 
 
1. Spend time in the company of young happy people
 
It is better to spend your time with cheerful younsters who are enjoying life in the present rather than make yourself miserable in the company of pessimistic, gloomy, cynical old fogies who keep living in the past, carping and complaining about the present, and speculating and worrying about the future
 
It is better to remain with your family and kids rather than go to a retirement home (old age home). If your children have migrated abroad and you have no choice but to live alone, try to seek the company of youngsters rather that old fogies. In the worst scenario, it is better to live alone enjoying your own company rather than in a demoralizing atmosphere.
 
Teaching and mentoring youngsters (never give unsolicited advice or moral lectures) is rewarding and good too – I love to teach as I enjoy the company of cheerful motivated young students and this keeps me young and enthisuastic about learning too.
 
 
2. Get a Pet Dog 
Another useful anti-aging technique is to get a pet dog and enjoy playing with your dog. 
 
Pet parenting and your pet dog’s antics and will keep you happily occupied, cheerful and healthy, besides ensuring regular exercise as your pet dog will ensure you take him out on walks at least twice a day. 
 
There is nothing more joyful than playing with your dog and talking to him. A dog always remains young at heart, and if you play and talk to your dog, you too will remain young at heart.
 
This morning I gave my dog Sherry a vigorous bath and felt really young and energetic. 
 
A dog will bring out the child in you. A pet will keep you active, happy, young and youthful.
 
 
3. Rediscover your childlike enthusiasm  
 
Stop reminiscing about the “good old days” and start living it up every day doing whatever you like with zest and passion to learn new things like bloggingtweeting, social networking, making real friends and virtual friends with common interests and passions, exploring the mysteries internet and enjoying the benefits of information technology. 
 
Yes, keeping oneself uptodate and abreast of the latest technologies keeps one mentally stimulated. Use technology effectively to keep young. You must Blog, you must Tweet and you must be active on social networking sites like Facebook and Google.

 
4. Re-discover your youthful romantic mischievous side
 
Become “naughty” once again, have fun and discover the beauty and romance of life. Why not harmlessfly flirt a bit? 
 
Remember that the moment you stop appreciating and being attracted to beauty, you have become “old   and life is not worth living. Yes, there is a saying that the day you lose interest in good food and stop appreciating beautiful women (or handsome men) you become an old man (woman).
 
 
5. Learn new things, develop new hobbies and nurture your creative interests
 
Try to have a positive attitude and optimistic temperament and keep learning new things and nurture your creative interests, hobbies, exercise, play, travel, eat out, see movies, have a ball.
 
Explore your creative side. Discovering new aspects of your creativity and passionately nurturing your interests works wonders for your health and happiness.
 
Keep learning new things, imbibe the latest technologies and avoid becoming obsolescent or obsolete.
 
 
6. Try to be in an Atmosphere of Positive Vibes
 
Try your best to be in an environment of positive feel-good happy Vibes and avoid people, places and activities which generate negative vibes in you. 
 
Do not waste your time reminiscing and regretting the past or speculating and worrying about the future. 
 
In fact, never think of the past or future.
 
You must live in the present. 
 
And most importantly, you must ensure that the present moment is a happy one, and for this, positive vibes are the key to making you feel good, cheerful and happy, here and now.
 
 
To sum up, if you want to remain young and youthful forever, all you have got to do is to have a zest for living and passion for learning
First thing in the morning, the moment you get up, recite your new Art of Living Motto:
 
“Live as if you are going to die tomorrow, learn as if you are going to live forever”
 
Dear Reader, here’s wishing you eternal youth – may you remain young forever with a Zest for Living and a Passion for Learning.
 
So Cheer Up and Live it Up…!!! 
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like reading this article?
I am sure you will like the 27 stories in COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com     



© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

A NAVAL YARN – HUMOR OUT OF UNIFORM – PULLING RANK AFTER RETIREMENT

September 3, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HUMOUR OUT OF UNIFORM – PULLING RANK AFTER RETIREMENT.

Click the link above and read the story in my journal

Also posted below for your convenience

HUMOUR OUT OF UNIFORM – PULLING RANK AFTER RETIREMENT

HUMOR OUT OF UNIFORM
Does Rank Have Its Privileges  – Even After Retirement ?
STATUS EGO RANK
A Naval Yarn and a Teaching Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE
The other day I witnessed an amusing spectacle of a retired erstwhile senior officer trying to pull rank and jump a queue despite the fact that he was now a retired nobody.
 
Of course, he was put in his place by those around him who told him to get into the queue and he beat a hasty retreat.
 
When I was in the Navy I observed that there were two types of officers.
 
1. There were the confident type who carried themselves with poise and dignity, were well-bred, polished, cultured and courteous, honest, transparent, fair and upright in their conduct and quite humble, modest and down-to-earth in their behaviour. 
 
These officers did not need the crutches of rank – in fact, by their exemplary demeanor they enhanced the dignity of the rank they held and they always put service before self.  
 
They truly epitomized the term: “An Officer and a Gentleman”.
 
2. Then there were the insecure type who were excessively rank conscioushaughty show-offs who believed in the dictum: “Boot your juniors and Bootlick your seniors”
 
They were unabashed careerists who put self before service because for them theirrank and status were everything (yes, for these insecure types rank, promotion and their naval career was the be-all and end-all of life).
 
They knew, in their hearts, that without the crutches of rank they were zeroes, so they went to any extent to get promoted at any cost. 
 
It is this insecure and ambitious type of careerist officers who often get involved in unethical acts and tarnish the good name of the service.    
 
Snobbish and pretentious behaviour is a sign of low self-esteem.
 
So, if you see any status-conscious, pompous, egoistical snobs around you, pleasetell them this story (maybe they will introspect, reflect and change for the better):
Keichu, the great Zen teacher of the Meiji era, was the head of Tofuku, a cathedral inKyoto.
One day the Governor of Kyoto called on him for the first time.
His attendant presented the visiting card of the Governor, which read:
Kitagaki
 
GOVERNOR OF KYOTO
“I have no business with such a fellow,” said Keichu to his attendant, “Tell him to get out of here.”
The attendant carried the card back to the Governor with apologies.
“That was my error,” said the Governor, and with a pencil he scratched out the words GOVERNOR OF KYOTO, gave the card back to the attendant and said to him, “Take this card to your teacher and ask him again if he would please give me an audience.”
“Oh, it’s that Kitagaki?” exclaimed the teacher when he saw the card, “I want to see that fellow. Send him in.”
So that’s the secret – just DROP YOUR EGO.
Why is everyone so obsessed with rank, status, power, wealth, fame and other egoistic trappings?
Your individual qualities matter much more than your rank
 
Your external rank will go away one day but your intrinsic worth will remain with you forever, and maybe even remembered as your legacy. 
 
VIKRAM KARVE 
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this post?
I am sure you will like the 27 fiction short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL 
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html


COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

AM I AN AGELESS WONDER – Pretty Girls Call Me Uncle

August 30, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: AM I AN AGELESS WONDER.

click the link above to read the original post in my journal

article also posted below for your convenience

AM I AN AGELESS WONDER ?
A Real Life Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE
NEW DELHI
1982
In 1982, as a newly married couple, we lived in Curzon Road Apartments on Kasturba Gandhi Marg near India Gate in New Delhi.
Me, my wife, and our puppy dog (a small Lhasa Apso Puppy Dog given to us as a wedding gift) – all three of us lived in our neat cosy one room apartment with a small kitchenette and a lovely balcony high up on the top floor.
One evening, while on her way back home from work, my wife went to the convenience store to buy milk and the shopkeeper told her that her father had already bought milk a few minutes ago.
My wife was delighted at the unexpected visit of her father so she rushed to our house and on not seeing her father around my wife asked me, “Where is Daddy?”
“Your Daddy? He must be in Pune,” I said.  
“No. Daddy has come here,” she said.
“Who told you?” I asked.
“The shopkeeper,” she said.
“Let’s go down and ask him,” I said.
So we went down and asked the shopkeeper who pointed towards me and said, “He took the milk. I thought he was your father.”
“He is my husband,” my wife said, pointing at me.
“I am sorry, Sir, but I was really mistaken,” the shopkeeper said apologetically to me.
Then the shopkeeper smiled at my wife and said to her, “Madam, you look so young, like a schoolgirl, so I thought he was your father.”
It was true. When we were married, my wife looked very young, just like a schoolgirl. She was 21 and I was 25, and though the shopkeeper hadn’t spelt it out in so many words, I did look a bit older than my 25 years, with my “healthy” built and my formidable beard.
Unlike the so-called “metrosexual” men of today, I like to be who I am, so I don’t believe in “cosmetic engineering” – I believe in the “old-mould” idea that a man must look like a man, tough and manly, and though hygiene and grooming are important, there is no need for a man to be excessively obsessed about his looks, and whereas having an appropriate dress sense and wearing good quality clothes is a must, there is no need for a man to “deck up”.
That’s why when the first strand of grey hair appeared on my head when I was in my forties, I never used hair dye, nor did I colour my copious beard when it started greying.
Of course, I must say here, that my wife too has a natural look and she hardly uses any cosmetics and nor does she colour her hair.
The fact of the matter was that my wife did indeed look much younger than me. Period.
So when a pretty young girl called me “uncle” I did not mind it much.
Thirty Years Later …
PUNE
2012
This happened a few days ago in Pune.
My wife was getting off an auto rickshaw. The fare was 52 rupees. She gave the auto-rickshaw driver a 50 rupee note and was desperately searching in her purse for a two rupee coin when the auto driver said magnanimously to my wife, “Never mind Ajji – it is okay if you don’t give me the two rupees.”
Now, in Marathi, the word AJJI means GRANDMOTHER.
I cannot begin to describe the emotion I felt when I heard this.
And just imagine, the pretty young girls still call me “uncle”.
 
VIKRAM KARVE 
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this story?
I am sure you will like the 27 fiction short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL 
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html


COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
  

SHOW ME THE FACE AND I WILL SHOW YOU THE RULE – A Case of Flexible HR Management – A CLASSIC NON SEQUITUR – A Naval Yarn – Humor in Uniformm

August 24, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HUMOUR IN UNIFORM – A CLASSIC NON SEQUITUR – FLEXIBLE HUMAN RESOURCE HR MANAGEMENT.

Please click the link above to read the original article in my journal

The article is also posted below for your convenience

HUMOR IN UNIFORM
SHOW ME THE FACE AND I WILL SHOW YOU THE RULE
 
Flexible HR Management
A CLASSIC NON SEQUITUR
A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer: Please read this only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn and have a laugh.
Sometimes, when I hark back to my glorious days in the navy, I recall such hilarious instances that I burst out laughing.
Here is one such amusing episode – I think the year was 1989.
I was very keen on doing the staff college course so I studied sincerely, prepared well, and qualified my staff college exam with flying colours at the first opportunity in 1986. Though a merit list was not declared, I had written all papers in the exam so well that I was sure that I was somewhere on the top of the merit list.
Thereafter, I completed my “sea time” and in 1989 I thought I would be sent for staff college but to my surprise, and dismay, I found that my name did not figure on the list.
So I wrote a personal letter to the concerned person and received a classic reply whose gist was as follows:
1. Yes, I had qualified the staff college entrance exam in the first attempt which was quite creditable.
2. However, a few years back, I had been selected for an M. Tech. (Master of Technology) course at IIT Delhi and I had successfully completed my M. Tech. in 1983.
3. As per the existing policy, M. Tech. qualified officers were not eligible for staff college. This was in order to give equitable opportunity to all officers in training courses and also because an M. Tech. degree from an IIT was considered a higher qualification than the M. Sc. Degree given after staff college.
4. Hence, I was not being sent to staff college in the current year.
So far, the logic given was perfectly fine, but what followed was a classic non sequitur:
5. However, this policy (of not sending M. Tech. qualified officers to staff college) may be reviewed and it is quite likely, that in the future, M. Tech. officers may be considered eligible for staff college. But even if the policy is changed in the future, I would not be eligible for staff college, as at that point of time I would be out of the “seniority bracket”. 
I showed this letter to my ship’s captain who had a hearty laugh and said: “Looks like they want to send some ‘blue-eyed-boy’ who is junior to you, and who has done M. Tech., to staff college.”
Sure enough, two years later, an M. Tech. qualified officer was sent to staff college (looks like the “policy” was changed).
There was a saying in the bureaucracy: SHOW ME THE FACE AND I WILL SHOW YOU THE RULE
A witty friend of mine who also was once a victim of another such selective interpretation of “flexible” HR Policy had even coined the acronym for this phenomenon. He called it DRDO – Different Rules for Different Officers.
But one thing is sure. Whenever you feel aggrieved by favouritism and some injustice has been done to you, instead of becoming bitter, it is best to look at the funny side, since humour is the best antidote to frustration and a hearty laugh is an excellent safety valve to dissipate hurt, pain and anger.
 
VIKRAM KARVE 
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this story?
I am sure you will like the 27 fiction short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL 
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html


COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram KarveA creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram Karve has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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