Posts Tagged ‘sex’

“HAPPY” NEW YEAR – a story before you freak out at your New Year’s Eve Party

December 30, 2014

“HAPPY” NEW YEAR
(Do read this story before you freak out at your New Year’s Eve Party)

Link to my original post in my academic and creative writing journal:
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/12/happy-new-year.html

“HAPPY” NEW YEAR
A Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

From my Creative Writing Archives:Here is a story I wrote 8 years ago on New Year’s Eve – on 30 December 2006, to be precise.I think it is worth a read before you head for your New Year’s Eve Party…

“HAPPY” NEW YEAR – a Story By Vikram Karve

She licked the salt from her hand and drank the shot, in one go, then had a long swallow of beer that met the tequila’s burn as it rose.

Everyone clapped and cheered.

With that one act she had crossed the barrier.

She was no longer the rustic girl from the mofussil.

Now, she was one of “them”.

No longer would she have to hear those derisive jeers and taunts which pierced her heart – dehati, behenji etc – for now she would “belong”.

“Hey, Mofussil Girl, that’s not the way to have a shot,” Cute Girl said.

“Please don’t call me Mofussil Girl,” she said.

Then Mofussil Girl looked at Cute Girl.

Cute Girl was one of those sophisticated synthetic urban beauties who looked real chic.

Cute Girl was Mofussil Girl’s role model.

“Then let me see you do a Los Tres Cuates,” Cute Girl said.

“What’s that?” Mofussil Girl asked.

“Come on Mofussil Girl, don’t you know what’s a Los Tres Cuates – ‘The Three Chums’ – The Tequila Slammer?” Cute Girl said.

“No,” Mofussil Girl said.

“It is the best way to drink Tequila. Look, I will show you how it is done,” Cute Girl said.

Cute Girl put some salt on her palm, licked it off, downed the neat tequila shot in one gulp down her throat, picked up a wedge of lime and pressed it between her teeth, biting hard into it.

“See – that is how you do a Los Tres Cuates – now you do it,” Cute Girl said.

Mofussil Girl sprinkled some salt on her left palm and picked up a tequila shot from the bar with her right hand.

“Be careful,” a voice said, “It’s her first time.”

“Oh, come on, Killjoy. She’s a tough girl. She’ll drink all of us under the table,” Cute Girl said.

It was now or never.

Mofussil Girl knew that once she proved her capacity to drink she would gain real respect and acceptance in this crowd and she would truly be one of them.

She downed the shot in one go.

As soon the tequila shot hit the pit of her stomach, a rash of gooseflesh raced up from her insides, tremors reverberated through her body up the back of her neck resonating into her brain and she felt her as if her brain might explode – like a terrible black orgasm.

And then she felt a high – a high like she had never felt before.

Everyone cheered Mofussil Girl.

Then a voice said, “Let’s drink to that,” and they all had a few shots of Tequila – in quick succession – one after another – one after another – shot after shot – till they were swinging high.

“Let’s hit the dance floor,” someone shouted, and propelled by unseen hands Mofussil Girl was in their midst swinging away on the dance floor to the rocking music.

The atmosphere in the disco was electric, fantastic, like she had seen in the movies.

Mofussil Girl felt wonderful, mesmerized, and with her inhibitions dissolved in the alcohol inside her, she let her hair down and danced so unabashedly and vigorously that soon she lost herself in the ultimate state of frenzied ecstasy she had never felt before.

This was the hep, hot and happening way to celebrate New Year’s Eve – not sitting with a pizza and ice cream watching the boring New Year’s Eve programme on TV like she had done for the past few years and like her roommate was doing right now.

Mofussil Girl danced continuously without break.

The dance-floor was packed with bodies, rubbing against each other.

Suddenly, the lights went off and it was pitch dark.

The DJ announced, “Ten seconds left for the New Year.”

And then he began counting: “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1” and suddenly all the lights came on and everyone seemed to have gone berserk.

Hooters, whistles, horns, drums, shouts – all had raised the noise level to a din.

Total strangers hugged and kissed Mofussil Girl wishing her a Happy New Year.

The reverberating music, the wildly passionate crowd, the dancing strobe lights, the intense smoke, the fantastic cacophony, her sheer excitement and the intoxicating alcohol inside her – it made Moffusil Girl’s head swim so much that she negotiated her way and swayed across to the nearest sofa and slumped down on it.

Moffusil Girl tried to focus on the dancing couples.

Everything was a bit hazy.

Moffusil Girl’s head began to swim even more and she felt thirsty and reached out for the glass of water across the table.

As she stretched across the table she swayed and rolled back uncontrollably into her chair.

Her stomach seemed to be full of mercury, ice-cold and enormously heavy.

Her face felt hot and beads of perspiration began to appear on her forehead.

She pushed herself forward again, trying to reach the glass, and knocked it across the table.

Her brain began to fade, and she leaned her elbows helplessly on the glass edge of the table and felt her head fall on her wrists.

“You’re okay?” Cute Girl asked.

“I don’t know,” Mofussil Girl said.

“Come,” Cute Girl said holding out her hand, “Let’s get some fresh air.”

Mofussil Girl took Cute Girl’s hand and followed her like a zombie into the dark.

Outside it was cold, and in her drunken haze Moffusil Girl could barely sense the maze of hands groping her, supporting her unsteady body and propelling her towards the car park.

Mofussil Girl felt there were two persons within her as result of the baleful double personality that comes into being through drunkenness – the first acted as if without any brain at all, in a mechanical, vacant manner – and the second observed the first quite lucidly, but seemed entirely powerless to do anything.

“Shove her in the backseat,” a male voice said.

“And you come in front,” the man in the driver’s seat said to Cute Girl.

The car drove off into the darkness.

Hearing a shuffling noise on the rear seat, the driver asked, “Hey, what are you guys up to?”

“Giving her a drink,” a male voice said.

“Be careful, she’s already had too much to drink,” Cute Girl said.

“Just priming her up!”

“It may be her first time.”

“Really? Then she’ll need more priming. I’ll give her one more swig.”

And then the man roughly forced the bottle into Moffusil Girl’s mouth.

“Shall we do it here?”

“No. Not in the car. We’ll go to our usual place.”

“Shit! Bloody Shit!”

“What happened?”

“She’s puking.”

“What?”

“She is filthy drunk! She is vomiting all over me. Stop the car before the whole place is covered in puke.”

They stopped the car.

“She’s badly sick,” Cute Girl said, “It was her first time and she’d had too many shots. I told you not to force booze down her throat.”

“What do we do?”

“Let’s clean her up and go ahead.”

“Shit! She’s still puking. She is vomiting all over the place. It’s bloody nauseating. I have lost it.”

“Disgusting! Let’s dump her here.”

“Here? No. Let’s drop her back,” Cute Girl said.

“Drop her back? Are you crazy? And ruin our New Year’s fun?”

“We’ll get into trouble.”

“She’s so drunk that she won’t remember a thing when she wakes up in the morning.”

So they dumped Mofussil Girl in a desolate spot and drove away to enjoy the New Year.

Wallowing in her stinking vomit and shivering uncomfortably, Mofussil Girl stared vacantly into the dark sky, never so frightened, never so alone.

She wanted to cry – but tears refused to well in her eyes and her throat felt dry.

Her recollections and images of the terrible night were just vivid flashes in a void.

Her head throbbed with pain and her body ached as she retched again and again – puking again and again – till there was no vomit left inside her.

Feeling totally shattered and enveloped by unimaginable agony she lapsed into a zombie-like state of suspended vacuum.

The urbanization of Mofussil Girl was complete.

And at exactly the same moment, Moffusil Girl’s roommate was drifting off to sleep tucked in her comfortable warm bed, after watching the boring New Year’s Eve Programme on TV.

Moffusil Girl’s roommate was full of envy as she imagined her friend Mofussil Girl having a great time at the New Year’s Eve Party.

She wished she had accompanied Mofussil Girl to the grand New Year’s Eve Bash.

Wondering with envy how Moffusil Girl was enjoying her New Year Party, the curious roommate dialled Moffusil Girl’s cell phone number to wish her a Happy New Year.

The mobile phone kept ringing in Moffusil Girl’s puke-drenched purse.

But Mofussil Girl did not answer the phone.

Mofussil Girl did not answer the mobile phone because she was in a drunken stupor, totally inebriated, dead drunk, passed out stone-cold, in a state of unconsciousness, oblivious to her surroundings.

So Moffusil Girl’s roommate sent Mofussil Girl an SMS: “Happy New Year”.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Revised Version of My Story written by me in December 2006 and First Posted Online by me Vikram Karve at Saturday, December 30, 2006 in my blog at url: http://vikramwkarve.blogspot.in/…

MILITARY MUST HAVE ZERO TOLERANCE POLICY FOR ABERRATIONS

December 3, 2014

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: ZERO TOLERANCE TO ABERRATIONS – Humor in Uniform.

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM
Zero Tolerance Policy for Aberrations

Link to my original post in my academic and creative writing journal: 
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…

ZERO TOLERANCE TO ABERRATIONS
Incoherent Ramblings of a Retired Veteran
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

In recent times, I have noticed a rather curious verbiage which has entered military jargon and used quite routinely by “faujis” while interacting with the media.

Whenever something goes wrong in the Armed Forces, the standard response of “fauji” Senior Officers is: “This is an aberration”.

This catch-all excuse (aberration) is used widely to cover all sorts of misdemeanors, mishaps and unpleasant incidents involving military personnel including:

1. Scams and Corruption Cases.

2. Scandals like wife swapping, “stealing affections” and other acts of sexual misconduct and moral turpitude.

3. Unethical, Immoral and Criminal Acts.

4. Mishaps and Accidents.

5. Acts of Indiscipline, Misbehavior and Misconduct.

6. Personal Tragedies and Injustices like suicide, delays in payment or non-payment of dues and compensation to disabled soldiers and martyrs’ widows etc.

There is a scam involving senior officers – and pat comes the standard response: –“This is an aberration”.

There are news reports of indiscipline, of Officers and Soldiers getting involved in spats and clashes with each other, or military men indulging in brawls with civilians – and when asked about these acts of indiscipline, misbehavior and misconduct by men in uniform, the “fauji” spokesman says: “These are aberrations”.

From time to time, there appear media reports of various acts of moral turpitude – wife swapping allegations, accusations of stealing affections of brother officers’ wives, allegations of sodomy, sexual offences etc – and we get the same standard response from the Defence Authorities once again – yes, you guessed right: All these acts of moral turpitude are “aberrations”.

A ship sinks, there are mishaps involving submarines, aircrafts crash, there are other accidents involving military weapons and equipment – and we get the standard response: “This is an aberration”.

A soldier commits suicide; a martyr’s widow is made to run from pillar to post for a promised plot of land; a disabled soldier is deprived of his rightful compensation – yes, the authorities have their explanation ready: “This is an aberration”.

Every misdemeanor, every wrongdoing, every mishap, every accident, every lapse is covered by the catch-all term – ABERRATION

Aren’t these ubiquitous “aberrations” becoming a little too frequent?

Can a modern war-fighting system afford to have so many “aberrations”?

Isn’t it high time for the Defence Services to adopt a policy of ZERO TOLERANCE TO ABERRATIONS


VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)


Posted by Vikram Karve at 12/02/2014 03:14:00 PM

Why do people TATTOO – Thrill Fashion or PDA ?

September 3, 2014

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: TATTOO.

Click Link below to read my original post in my journal:
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…

Article also posted below for your convenience:

TATTOO
Fashion Thrill or Public Display of Affection (PDA)
Musings
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Getting permanently “inked” seems to be getting increasingly popular day by day.

Some have visible tattoos on their bodies, while some have tattoos in private places of their bodies.

Some get names of their lovers inked on their bodies, maybe as a Public Display of Affection (PDA).

Some like people who have a tattoo, some are indifferent and some disapprove.

There are organisations that do not approve of tattoos.

A young man told me that he wanted to join the Army but could not do so since he had a Tattoo.

I was surprised.

I did not know that the Army does not allow individuals with Tattoos to join up.

Traditionally, Tattoos were associated with Navy Sailors.

Merchant Seamen and Naval Sailors, who sailed across the high seas to distant lands, came back with exotic tattoos inked on their bodies as a testimony to their travels and as a permanent memory of the ports they had visited.

So, the tradition of tattooing, or permanently inking your body, soon became associated with sailors – men who sailed the high seas to exotic destinations.

I do not know whether the Indian Navy allows tattoos.

I do not have a tattoo nor did I see any of my shipmates get themselves inked with tattoos on their bodies, but I have seen a few merchant navy sailors with tattoos.

Do the Indian Army and Air Force allow tattoos?

I do not know.

But I once saw an Army wife with a beautiful tattoo inked on her body at a most curious place.

I once read a story about a lovey-dovey celebrity couple who got each other’s names tattooed, permanently inked, on their bodies as an expression of mutual love.

A few years later, the lovers had a break up and separated.

Now, after the break up, the tattoo of love became a symbol of hate, and they wanted to get their tattoos removed, and in the laborious process they ended up damaging their skin.

Tattoos are painful to get inked – so I really wonder why people are willing to undergo pain just to ink their skin.

I never felt the need to get a tattoo.

I have always wondered why so many people, especially celebrities, like to ink their bodies permanently with tattoos.

Let us try to answer the moot question, try to fathom the mysterious question:

Why Do People Have Tattoos ?


WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TATTOOS

Whenever I see a person with a tattoo, I get intrigued.

Why do people have tattoos made on their body?

Why do some beautiful persons stain and blemish their soft flawless skin?

Why do they go through the expensive and painful process of inking?

What is the reason people want to have a tattoo? 

In order to understand this mystery I decided to go into the basics of human behavior.

Tell me: “Why do you behave in the way you do?”

You behave in a certain way to satisfy your needs at that point of time.

In fact, all your behaviour is governed by your intrinsic motivation to satisfy your needs.

Yes, your needs influence your behaviour.


HUMAN BEHAVIOUR IN A NUTSHELL 

The process of human behavior can be summarized in four steps:

1. A need is aroused within you

2. You behave in a way to satisfy the need

3. The need is satisfied

4. You relax


So, what do you think are the “needs” that motivate a person to have a tattoo?

What are the “needs” that motivated you to get a tattoo, if you already have a tattoo?

Or, if you intend to get a tattoo, what is motivating you get your body inked?


WHAT “NEED” MOTIVATED YOU TO HAVE A TATTOO

Do you have a tattoo?

Yes?

Do tell us:

What was the “need” you wanted to satisfy by having a tattoo?

Was it the need for thrill and adventure?

Did you have a tattoo to satisfy your need to seek attention?

Or is your tattoo your way of expressing your sense of rebellion in order to satisfy your needs for freedom or self-expression?

Did you have a tattoo due to peer pressure to satisfy your need to belong orconformance or identification with a group?

Historically, tattoos were used to brand slaves – so maybe you wanted to be “branded” as someone’s “slave” so you got that person’s name tattooed on your body.

Is that the reason you got your lover’s name tattooed on your body – to fulfill your need to show off your love or your need to be dominated.

Did you want to display to the world that you “belong” to your lover and you are his “slave” and vice versa?

Is your tattoo a Public Display of Affection (PDA) ?

What will happen if you break up with your lover whose name is tattooed on your body?

Someone once told me that people have secret tattoos in hidden places on the body which no one can see – like at the base of the spine on the lower back just above the derriere.

It is a mystery as to why people have such tattoos, but obviously they are satisfying some need.

Maybe, some have a need for secrecy or sensuality or exclusivity.


DO YOU REALLY WANT TO PERMANENTLY INK YOUR BODY WITH A TATTOO ?

They say that tattoos are expensive, painful and permanent.

I also heard that tattoo removal is even more expensive and painful.

I read an article once that in many cases tattoo removal may be ineffective.

I do not know whether it is true, but someone told me that it is impossible to actually remove a tattoo – you can lighten it, nothing more.

And you may never get back the flawless skin that you had before you got the tattoo done. 

If your skin is sensitive, it may get damaged or discoloured forever.

I am sure that before a person decides to have a tattoo done on their body, they know all these implications.

But their “need” is so strong and overpowering that it motivates them to go ahead and satisfy their need by getting a tattoo.

Like I said earlier, historically, tattoos were used to brand slaves

In ancient times, tattoos were used as a mode of communication between spies.

Once upon a time, members of some mafia used to wear symbolic tattoos to identify as members of a certain crime syndicate.

Seamen and sailors came back with tattoos, a tradition that would soon become associated with men of the sea.

But all this happened in ancient times.

I wonder why so many people have tattoos in this modern age.

If you have a tattoo, or intend getting a tattoo, maybe you can answer this question and tell us:

“Why do you want to have a tattoo?”

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. These are my personal views. Whether to tattoo or not to have a tattoo is your prerogative, but do so with due diligence.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. All examples and tips are illustrative in nature. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.



Revised and Updated version of my Article First Posted by me Vikram Karvein this blog at 8/26/2013 04:49:00 PM at url: Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve

DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION – The Key to a Lasting Marriage

May 30, 2013

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION.

Click the link above and read the post in my journal

Also posted below for your convenience:

DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION

Link to my original post in my journal:
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/05/divorce-is-not-option.html

MUSINGS ON MY 31st WEDDING ANNIVERSARY
By
VIKRAM KARVE

We, my wife and I, got married on 30 May 1982.
Today, on 30 May 2013, we complete 31 years of married life, and enter the 32nd year of our marriage.
Ours was an arranged marriage. There was no “love” involved.
We are certainly no “made for each other” couple.
In fact, we were, and still are, a terribly incompatible couple.
The wife of a friend of mine who knew me closely and observed my “would-be-wife” when we had gone to invite them for our wedding commented to her husband that our marriage will not last for even 10 days. My friend landed up on our 10th wedding anniversary on 30 May 1992 with a bottle of champagne and made his wife eat her words.
But what the lady had said did have a ring of truth in it.
My wife and I are indeed an incongruous couple, we are poles apart in all aspects.
We have huge differences of opinion on almost all matters, we fight a lot, we criticize each other, we shout at each other, we never hide our feelings especially when we don’t like something and we call a spade a spade.
We don’t indulge in lovey-dovey Public Displays of Affection (PDA) and we don’t indulge in “niceties” like giving each other gifts or celebrating occasions like birthdays and anniversaries.
Ours may be a rather volatile and “loveless” relationship but there is nothing fake about our relationship.
In these modern times when even passionate “love marriages” breakup and end in divorce, why is it that our rather prosaic marriage has stood the test of time?
There is just one reason.
Both my wife and I were always clear about one thing:
“ DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION 
Posted by Vikram Karve 

REPUTATION MANAGEMENT MADE SIMPLE Part 3 : SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN IN PUBLIC RELATIONS – Navy Sex Scam and Scandal Reputation Risk Media Shy Navy PR

May 17, 2013

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: REPUTATION MANAGEMENT MADE SIMPLE Part 3 : SEX SCANDALS REPUTATION RISK and the MEDIA SHY NAVY – SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN IN PUBLIC RELATIONS.

Click the link above to read my original post in my journal.

 

ARMY OFFICER or BEAUTY QUEEN – IS IT PROPER FOR WOMEN ARMY OFFICERS TO TAKE PART IN BEAUTY PAGEANTS

April 11, 2013

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: SHOULD ARMY OFFICERS TAKE PART IN BEAUTY CONTESTS.

Click the link above to read my original article in my journal.

The article is also posted below for you to read and for your convenience:

 

IS IS PROPER FOR LADY ARMY OFFICERS TO PARTICIPATE IN BEAUTY CONTESTS

Link to my Original Article in my Journal: 
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/04/should-army-officers-take-part-in.html

SHOULD ARMY OFFICERS TAKE PART IN BEAUTY CONTESTS
Musings of a Veteran
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Is it proper for an Army Officer to be crowned a Beauty Queen?
Should Army Officers take part in Beauty Pageants?
These are the thoughts perambulating in my brain ever since I saw a poster inviting Lady Army Officers to take part in the May Queen Beauty Contest being held at the local institute.
Let me tell you that I am not against beauty contests. In fact, when I was in the navy, I used to eagerly look forward to the Navy Queen Contest held annually during the Navy Ball. This beauty pageant was a most prestigious event, next only the Miss IndiaContest, and was a launching pad for aspirants who wanted to enter the dazzling world of glamour, fashion and showbiz. This celebrated Beauty Pageant was open to all but I do not recall a Naval Officer participating in the Navy Queen Contest.
You may argue that whatever an officer does in off-duty hours is her personal affair and it is none of the army’s business to interfere in an officer’s personal life.
This may be true in civilian life but it is not so in the army.
In civilian workplaces there may be no personal relationship between a boss and his subordinates outside the office.
In the army, an officer is on duty at all times 24/7.
The army is not a mere “9 to 6 five-day-week” job like in the civilian world.
The army is not a job. The army is a way of life.
In the army the unique command relationship between officers and soldiers is omnipresent and omniscient.
In an army unit, an officer is being observed round-the-clock by the men under her command. (It is the same in the navy, on a ship).
The officer must be “seen” to be proper at all times since any indiscretions will be immediately noticed by the troops.
In such a situation, an army officer does not have a personal life.
The army has traditionally been a male bastion. Even today, after the induction of women officers, all the soldiers are men. The fact that the majority of soldiers are drawn from predominantly rural stock creates a unique situation for the female officer.
That is why an officer has to be very careful of her conduct and decorum at all times lest she send a wrong message which can be misinterpreted by her troops resulting in loss of respect and degradation of moral authority.
Owing to the conservative culture in the army, especially the orthodox mindset the soldiers, extreme care needs to be exercised by a lady army officer in order to ensure that her body language is not open to misinterpretation. Deliberate, or even unintentional, flaunting of your physical assets which can be perceived as trying to attract the attention of the opposite gender may lead to undesirable consequences.
In the army, perceptions do matter, and it is very important for a female officer to maintain a proper “soldierly” image in front of her troops.
Soldiers must not visualize their women officers as “eye candy”.
Probably, this is the reason why women officers are advised to de-glamorize themselves, especially in the presence of their troops.
When women were inducted in the navy in the 1990’s, I recall that some guidelines were issued to newly joined female officers that in case they wished to use cosmetics they must avoid looking “flashy” and their facial make-up must be worn conservatively and without being conspicuous.  Titivation like the use of false eyelashes, heavy eyeliner, brightly coloured eye shadow, coloured nail polish and excessive facial make-up was to be avoided and, if at all they wanted to use lipstick, then only transparent lipstick was to be used.
In matters of dress also, sobriety was advised. Lady officers were advised to take care that their dress was not provocative. Specifically, dresses revealing the navel and cleavage were not to be worn. Flimsy transparent clothes were not to be worn, especially in social functions. Extreme care was to be exercised by lady officers to ensure that their body language is not open to misinterpretation. Deliberately flaunting your physical beauty and dressing in a way designed to attract undue attention of the opposite gender was to be avoided.

A beauty pageant, or beauty contest, is a competition that mainly focuses on the physical beauty of its contestants.
Winners of beauty contests are often called beauty queens.
A Beauty Contest is a “pageant” – a spectacle, a show, a beauty parade.
Army Officers are trained to display their soldierly deportment in military parades as a part of their profession.
Then, is it right for Army Officers to flaunt their glamour and make a spectacle of themselves in “beauty parades”?
Is it proper for Female Officers to parade on the stage flaunting their bodies in skimpy clothes showing off their enticing sensuality and physical assets in a beauty contest in front of an audience which may include the soldiers under their command?
Tell me, if you are an officer, which of the two things below will enhance your reputation and stature amongst your troops:
1. Impressing your troops by displaying military bearing on the parade ground
or
2. Titillating the men under your command by titivating and flaunting your ravishing sex appeal on the stage
As mentioned earlier, soldiers are mainly recruited from the rural areas where traditional old-fashioned social mores may still be patriarchal and feudal in nature.
Owing to their background, soldiers are likely to have a conservative and orthodox mindset.
These simple soldiers may get flummoxed by the culture shock of seeing their “madam sahib” as a tantalizing beauty sashaying on the stage making an exhibition of her attractiveness in front of everyone like a glamorous showgirl.
An army unit is an intimate closed society, like a ship.
That is why you cannot hide anything and nothing remains secret in an army unit (or ship).
In the army, officers are in close contact with their troops.
Soldiers are present everywhere.
Even in non-working hours, soldiers are omnipresent everywhere performing various sundry duties in officers messes and institutes and employed as batmen (sahayaks) in an officer’s personal living quarters.
Thus, a number of soldiers are bound to be present during the beauty pageant and they will be most eagerly watching the fascinating spectacle of gorgeous women parading on the stage.
The “hot” news that their “glamorous” officer paraded herself in a beauty pageant will immediately buzz throughout the unit (with salt, pepper and spices added) and electrify the grapevine.
This may have undesirable consequences, especially for the discipline of the unit, as the next morning the troops may greet the officer with unseen sniggers, derisive sneers and snide jeers behind her back.
The soldiers will start looking at the “beauty queen” officer as an object and the officer will surely lose respect in the eyes of her troops.
An officer must not let herself be degraded to the status of an object.
An officer must always maintain high moral ground as perceived by her troops.
Moral ascendancy begets willing obedience and is the key ingredient in the recipe for effective command of men.
Once you lose moral authority you cannot exercise genuine command over your troops.
That is why at all times you must conduct yourself in a befitting manner and engage in appropriate activities so that you inspire confidence in your troops of your capabilities and leadership abilities.
In India there is no compulsory conscription and you join the army out of your own free choice.
But you must remember that the army is not like any other job – the army is a unique way of life which entails certain restrictions and demands its own high standard of conduct and stringent obligations.
In the civilian world, for example, if you say “woman entrepreneur” the emphasis is on “woman”.
But in the army if you say “woman officer” the emphasis is on “officer”.
In the army the gender of the individual does not make a difference.
If you are an aspirant for a career in the dazzling and glamorous world of showbiz and fashion, then a beauty pageant is certainly a good stepping stone to catapult you into a career as a fashion model, movie star or media celebrity.
In contrast, if you are a young woman who wants to join the army, you must realize that the army is a profession of arms. The army officer has a war-fighting job which entails leading soldiers in combat. Yes, the army is a profession of arms and not a profession in the glamour world. That is why once you join the army you must be prepared for restrictions, regimentation and compliance with a strict code of conduct and officer-like behaviour.
If you are woman army officer who is thinking of participating in a beauty pageant you must introspect as to whether winning a beauty contest will enhance your image as an army officer in the minds of the soldiers under your command.
Ask yourself: Does taking part in beauty pageants enhance your “Officer like Qualities” or OLQ in the eyes your troops?
There used to be a maxim: “an officer and a gentleman”.
Now, with the advent of women officers the equivalent axiom is: “an officer and a lady”.
If you are a woman army officer thinking of taking part in a beauty pageant, you must ask yourself:
What would you like to be:
“an officer and a lady”
or
“an officer and a beauty queen”?
The army is a war-fighting organisation.
An officer has to lead her troops in combat.
Will soldiers like to be led into battle by a gorgeous “glamour doll”?
Or will they like their commander to be a tough no-nonsense professional woman officer?
You tell me.
Dear Reader:
Do you agree?
You don’t?
Do comment and tell us why.


VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2013
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 
NB:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2013. All Rights Reserved


Did you like reading this blog post?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my book  COCKTAIL an anthology of Short Fiction.
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com
Twitter: @vikramkarve
      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Posted by Vikram Karve 

 

CRIME AGAINST WOMEN IN INDIA – a Solution – WOMEN AS A VOTEBANK

December 22, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: WOMEN AS A VOTEBANK.

Click the link above and read the original article in my journal.

The article is also posted below for your convenience:

 

WOMEN AS A VOTEBANK

WOMEN AS A VOTEBANK
Part 1
Food for Thought
By
VIKRAM KARVE
In India, crime against women is on the rise.
Though rapes and sexual molestation cases are reported almost everyday in the media, it is the recent horrendous gang rape in Delhi that has evoked widespread public concern about the abysmal state of safety and security for women. 
But will anything really change once the protests die down?
I feel that there is only one way to improve the situation.
Women must vote as a single “votebank”.
Yes, women must resort to votebank politics.
During elections politicians try to woo various votebanks based on caste, religion and language.
votebank (also spelled vote-bank or vote bank) is a sizeable bloc of voters who vote en bloc as a group for a political party or candidate during elections.
Votebanks are based on caste, religion or language.
Most political parties resort to votebank politics.
If you read any election manifesto you may find a number of promises made to the various “vote banks”.
However, Women’s Issues may not be given priority in the election manifesto of any party.
This is because women are not considered as a “votebank”.
Women comprise half the electorate and the vote share of women is 50 percent.
This women’s vote share of 50% is much more than any caste combination or religious community or linguistic group which are considered as votebanks.
Women must understand the power they wield in a democracy.
Women voters must realize the value of consolidating their votes into votebanks.
Just imagine what will happen if all women vote together as a single votebank.
The “women votebank” will comprise 50% of the votes and this numerically powerful women’s votebank will sweep away all other caste, religious and linguistic votebanks.
Once women become a formidable vote bank, it is women who will determine the result of the election.
This is especially true in our “first past the post” multiparty multi-candidate system, where a candidate with just 30% of the votes can win in constituencies where there a large number of candidates.
Similarly, in the prevalent multi-party system, a political party which gets much less than 50% of the total votes sometimes forms the government. On some occasions parties with a vote share of just 30% votes have managed to form a government.
In this scenario, the “women’s votebank” comprising 50% of the total votes will be the decisive factor in elections.
In such a situation, politicians and political parties cannot afford to neglect this powerful “women’s votebank”.
If this happens, politicians will have to address women’s issues on priority if they want to win the elections and come to power in a democracy.
Women need to ask themselves as to why they vote for candidates who insult women and commit crimes against women.
Will it not be better to elect candidates who uphold the dignity of women and promise to work towards the emancipation of women.
This is possible in a democracy only if all women unite at the time of elections and voteen bloc as a single group for the best candidate.
Thus, if women want their problems to be solved by the political class, all women must come together and create a “women votebank”. 
Yes, all women, irrespective of caste, creed, religion or linguistic group, whether belonging to majority or minority communities, rural or urban, must unite themselves into a numerically influential votebank which can determine the results of elections.
To start with, “women’s votebanks” can be formed at the constituency level and then amalgamated to the regional and national level into a cohesive mighty invincible election-winning votebank.
Women must clearly state their gender-specific concerns like safety, security, discrimination, rising crime and domestic abuse due to increasing alcoholism, sexual harassment, rape, molestation, eve-teasing, social taboos and other local problems faced by women which need attention and alleviation.
Women must tell politicians which specific issues they want addressed on priority and demand results in a time bound manner.
Political Parties and Candidates must prioritize mitigation of women’s issues with a proper time-bound plan for implementation in their election manifesto. In fact, every political party manifesto must clearly state what is going to be done for women, at the national, regional and constituency level.
At all levels, the “women votebank” should vote for that candidate or party who includes clear-cut strategies to tackle women’s issues and redress problems and concerns pertaining to women in the manifesto and demonstrates maximum promise to deliver in a reliable, effective and time-bound manner.
It is only when women unite to become a formidable cohesive “women’s votebank” will politicians will start giving importance to women’s issues.
Politicians who insult the dignity of women will find it difficult to get elected.
Politicians who are responsive to women’s issues will get elected.
It may sound strange. But it seems that it is the much-maligned democratic tool of “votebank politics” which may actually lead to the emancipation of women in this country.
 
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Did you like this blog post?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

 
About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

HOW NOT TO GET DRUNK YET FEEL NICE – HOW TO FIND OUT YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY or ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL – Flash Point and Fire Point Method

November 27, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HOW TO FIND OUT YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY or ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL – Flash Point and Fire Point Method.

Click the link above and read the original article in my journal

Article also posted below for your convenience

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY or ALCOHOL TOLERANCE
 
Flash Point and Fire Point Method
By
VIKRAM KARVE
It is best not to drink alcohol.
 
But if you do drink then you must ask yourself: “Why do I drink?”
You drink because you want to “feel good”.
If you drink too much you will get drunk.
When you get drunk you hardly feel or remember anything since your senses are dulled.
But if you get inebriated, in your intoxicated and drunken state, you will make a fool of yourself and you may embarrass your near and dear ones.
 
And on the morning after, you will certainly feel miserable when you come to your senses from your drunken stupor and suffer the pains of a terrible hangover.
If you drink too little – well then there is no point in drinking alcohol at all
 
You might as well have some fruit juice or a soft drink or a glass of milk. 
 
You may find it laughable, but at some parties, I have seen some persons just holding a drink in their hands for keeping up appearances. They do this because they want to project a “proper” image before their hard drinking bosses and colleagues and they don’t want their hard-drinking colleagues and friends to call them a “sissy”. 
 
There is no shame in being a teetotaller – in fact you should be proud of it
 
By the way, after over 25 years of “work hard play hard drink hard” living, I too am living a life of sobriety for the last 10 years.
I write this series as I wish to share my experiences with you and enable you to take more out of alcohol than alcohol takes out of you.
So, if you want to truly enjoy drinking, you must drink just the right amount of alcohol that makes you feel good.
The aim of drinking alcohol is to feel high, not to get drunk 
 
(And, of course, the aim of drinking is not to remain dead sober as a teetotaller, in which case it is a waste of good liquor)
You must feel high but you must not get drunk.
For achieving this delightful “high” state, you must know your drinking capacity which depends on your alcohol tolerance level. 
 
HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY 
 
Well, it was through sheer serendipity that I discovered my drinking capacity. 
 
This method worked for me. 
 
To find out whether it works for you, do try it out, at your own risk, and tell us how it worked for you.
 
You will need the following which you must keep handy on a table next to your chair:
 
1. A Bottle of Rum or Whisky or adequate quantity of your regular drink (If you drink shots, line enough of them up).
2. A Book
3. Water
 
Before I describe the technique let me impart to you some “theory”.
 
If you were a science student you must have performed a chemistry lab experiment to find out the FLASH POINT and FIRE POINT of a fuel. 
 
You start heating the volatile liquid. 
 
The flash point occurs when the fuel exhibits a flash. 
 
The fuel is heated further and the fire point occurs when the volatile material catches fire and starts burning and continues to burn.
 
Applying the same analogy to drinking alcohol, you can say that your “flash point” occurs when you are “high” (at your flash point you have reached your drinking capacity).
 
If you keep on drinking then you will reach your “fire point”, an inebriated state of drunkenness.  
 
Your aim is to remain happily high around your “flash point” and in no circumstances must you cross your “fire point”.
 
But how do you find out your “flash point”?
 
Here is the technique of how to “measure” your “flash point” or drinking capacity.
 
 
1. Drink a glass of water. This is to stabilize you in case you are dehydrated and get you ready for the experiment.
 
 
2. Pour your normal drink.
 
 
3. Take the book and start reading.
 
 
4. Keep drinking at your normal pace and also keep reading continuously. Take your time, sip your drink and focus on the book. If you finish your drink, pour another one. Keep on drinking as long as you can read easily and comprehend clearly what you are reading.
 
 
5. The moment you reach a state where your concentration starts wavering you are reaching your “flash point”
 
A point will come when you can read the words but you realize that you are not clearly registering what you are reading in your mind. This is your “flash point”.
 
At your “flash point” you will be in that delightful state of alcohol induced emotional flux which makes you feel “high”.
 
 
6. If you continue drinking beyond your “flash point” you will reach a hazy state where the words in the book appear blurred and you have difficulty in reading as your eyes may not focus properly.
 
You have now reached your “fire point” (alcohol induced intoxication).
 
 
7. Once you reach your “fire point” you must stop drinking alcohol immediately.
 
Now drink a glass of water and relax. Soon you will gravitate back towards your “flash point”.
 
If you continue drinking beyond your “fire point” you will get inebriated and become drunk.
 
 
8. Measure the amount of liquor you have drunk to reach your “flash point”.
 
 
9. Repeat this experiment a number of times (on different days).
 
By successive iteration, fine tune the results, and soon you will know your drinking capacity (alcohol tolerance level).
 
ALCOHOL TOLERANCE
 
There is a saying: “First you drink alcohol, and then the alcohol drinks you”.
Similarly, till you reach your “flash point” you are the one drinking alcohol – you have reached the limit of your control but you still have control.
Near your “flash point” you will experience the “high” feeling which alcohol gives you and you must stop drinking at once – you will remain “high” for sometime, enjoying the euphoric sensation, and then you will have a pleasant relaxing feeling as the “high” gradually tapers off and this is the best time to drift off into a nice sleep.
Once you reach your “fire point” you will lose control and the alcohol will take charge and it is the alcohol which will “drink” you and you will get drunk.
Let me sound a note of caution.
If you drink frequently your alcohol tolerance will increase.
Increased Alcohol Tolerance means that after continued drinking, consumption of a constant amount of alcohol produces a lesser effect which means that larger amounts of alcohol are necessary to produce the same effect. 
 
Thus, you will need to drink more alcohol to reach your “flash point” to get a “high”. 
 
In effect your “drinking capacity” increases. 
 
As you continue drinking, this has a snowballing effect.
Having a great drinking capacity may be a “macho” thing to boast about and may win the admiration of your friends and colleagues.
 
However, high alcohol tolerance indicates a propensity towards alcoholism in later years, so watch out.
High alcohol tolerance is not necessarily something to be proud of.
Regular consumption of alcohol will raise your drinking capacity which in turn will tempt you drink more to reach your “flash point”.
And if you continue this habit you may develop alcohol dependence and you may eventually slip into the abyss of alcoholism.
So, if you realize that your “flash point” has increased, abstain from drinking for a few days till your “flash point” falls to a reasonable level.
The less you drink, the better it is for your body, so in fact it is advantageous to have a low drinking capacity.
But then you must remember never to cross your “flash point”.
Avoid binge drinking and competitive drinking which can damage your health.
Like I said in the beginning, it is best not to drink alcohol, but if you do drink, remember, as Winston Churchill once said, that you must take more out of alcohol than alcohol takes out of you.
And how do you do that – well that I will tell you in my next post in this series on the golden rules of drinking alcohol.
Happy “Flash Point”. And may you never reach your “Fire Point”. 
 
Remember: The aim of drinking alcohol is to feel high, not to get drunk 
 
Do let me know if this “Flash Point” and “Fire Point” method helped you discover your drinking capacity.
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

Did you like reading this article?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my recently published book of short stories COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

 
Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
  
 

A Naval Yarn – A FLEET AUXILIARY CALLED SEMAPHORE SIGNAL – A Naval Yarn from THE TALES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – FLEET AUXILIARIES AND SEMAPHORE SIGNALLING

November 1, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: A FLEET AUXILIARY CALLED SEMAPHORE SIGNAL – A Naval Yarn from THE TALES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – FLEET AUXILIARIES AND SEMAPHORE SIGNALLING.

Click the link above to read the original story in my creative writing journal

The Story is also given below for you to read and for your convenience:

A FLEET AUXILIARY CALLED SEMAPHORE SIGNAL – A Naval Yarn from THE TALES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – FLEET AUXILIARIES AND SEMAPHORE SIGNALLING

DELIGHTFUL MEMORIES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Whenever you have the blues, and you feel melancholic and depressed, there is a guaranteed way to lift your spirits, enliven you and cheer you up.
Just hark back into the past, down the timeline of your life, reminisce about your halcyon days and recall a happy incident, an amusing event, a hilarious anecdote, a comical side-splitting experience – think about that funny episode, relive the jovial experience in your mind, and sure enough, instantly, there will be a smile on your lips and cheer in your heart, and you will be filled with happy vibes and you will feel bright and breezy.
Now that I have “retired” into oblivion, this is exactly what I do, whenever I feel glum and gloomy.
I close my eyes and, in my mind’s eye, I mentally go back in time, almost 35 years back in time, to the late 1970s, and reminisce about my halcyon navy days, the happiest days of my life, and let delightful memories of those glorious navy days perambulate in my brain.
This morning, as I delved into my halcyon navy days, floating over my time line, I suddenly remembered that unforgettable episode about the “Fleet Auxiliary” who I had nicknamed “Semaphore Signal”.
Let me tell you about it. Do tell me if you enjoyed reading the story, and I shall spin some more yarns for you.
I enjoy spinning yarns, some true, spiced up with lots of salt and pepper, and some apocryphal.
Like I said, I am going to spin a few naval yarns for you.
Now, Dear Reader, you’ve got to remember one thing. 35 years ago it was an all-male navy, where bawdy jokes, ribaldry and profane language was the order of the day, and concepts like gender-sensitivity were unheard of. So let me reminisce and spin a few yarns for you to enjoy, no offence meant to anybody – I just want to make you laugh and drive away your blues, and mine too. I am sure you have a good sense of humour and you will enjoy these yarns with a pinch of salt.
 
 
DELIGHTFUL MEMORIES OF MY HALCYON NAVY DAYS – Part 1
A FLEET AUXILIARY CALLED SEMAPHORE SIGNAL
A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer: Please read this apocryphal short story only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof, pure fiction, a fantasy, a figment of imagination. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn, take it with a pinch of salt, and have a laugh. And yes, this story is for adults only, so if you are a kid please skip this post and go onto something academic in nature …
“FLEET AUXILIARIES”
We had returned to port after a long sailing and in the evening I decided to visit my course-mate Horny on his ship which was parked just ahead of us. Unlike mine, his was a small ship, and the atmosphere was totally informal, with just a Snotty and a sailor leisurely manning the gangway.
I identified myself, told them who I wanted to meet and started walking inside when the Snotty said, “Sir, just a moment, he is busy right now, someone is there with him in his cabin.”
“Busy? Okay. I’ll come later. Just tell him I had come,” I said, and started to walk away.
“Sir, why don’t you speak to him?” the Snotty said and dialled Horny in his cabin and held out the phone to me.
“Hey, don’t go,” Horny said, “just come down to my cabin.”
Horny was waiting for me outside his cabin, and I could see that he was genuinely happy to see me.
“So nice to see you after so many days. Come inside,” he said, opening the door of his cabin.
I was taken aback by what I saw in his cabin.
A woman was lying on his bunk.
On the side-table there was a bottle of my favourite Premium Scotch Whisky.
I was not surprised at seeing the girl – Horny was a known Casanova famous for his peccadilloes.
What surprised me was the bottle of whisky, for Horny was a strict teetotaller.  
Horny introduced me.
The girl made no effort to get up.
She continued to lie down on the bunk in her supine position and smiled at me.
I smiled back.
Then Horny pointed outside and said to me, “Why don’t you sit in the wardroom for some time? We’ll finish off our business and join you in a few minutes. The bar, the fridge, everything is open, so just help yourself to a drink and whatever you want.”
It was just six in the evening, so I poured myself a beer, switched on the TV and relaxed in the wardroom waiting for Horny and his consort.
I was two beers down by the time Horny joined me in the wardroom.
“Girlfriend?” I asked him.
“No,” he said, “She’s just a fleet auxiliary.”
(Let me digress a bit and tell you the difference between a Fleet Auxiliary and a “Fleet Auxiliary”– the former Fleet Auxiliary is a support ship, like an oil tanker, a supply vessel, a depot ship, or a hospital ship, which supports the main fleet, whereas the latter “Fleet Auxiliary” is a moniker, a nickname given to a girl who “supports” the men who man the fleet by having a good time with them and help them quench their carnal passions. It is a no strings attached relationship. Of course, there may have been be a bit of “barter” sometimes where she gets to drink the best booze and gets some gifts like an expensive perfume or some exquisite Swiss chocolates. Let me tell you that in those golden days of the license, quota, permit raj, prized and coveted foreign goodies were was not available in the domestic market and we got them duty-free on board, and a naval officer was quite high up on the social ladder. Regrettably, the advent of liberalisation and globalisation changed everything, and nowadays, a naval officer is no longer the crème de la crèmeof society anymore, because today, money determines your status, and businessmen are the new role models. And as far as “fleet auxiliaries” are concerned, it looks like they have disappeared from the fleet and found greener pastures, because when I asked a young Sub about it a few days ago, he seemed totally clueless).
“Oh. A new Fleet Auxiliary? But she looks quite a Plain Jane,” I remarked.
“Never a judge a chick by her looks,” Horny said, “I can tell you from my own experience. Most of those gorgeous chic beauties who look like sex bombs turn out to be damp squibs, but these prosaic looking Plain-Jane types are terrific. Like this one. She’s real great. Just three drinks and she’s ready for action.”
“Three drinks?” I asked.
“Yes, just three large pegs of neat whisky and she is all primed up – ready for action.”
“Really?” I said, incredulous.
“The first drink, she lies horizontal. The second one, she puts her legs up by 45 degrees. And the moment she has her third drink, her legs go straight up to vertical position and she is ready for action.”
“Like a Semaphore Signal,” I said.
“Semaphore Signal? You mean the flags?”
“No. No. Not Naval Semaphore Signalling. I am talking about Railway Semaphore Signalling,” I said.
“Railway Semaphore Signalling?” he asked, confused.
“Yes. Railway Semaphore Signalling. To be precise your passionate “fleet auxiliary” can be described as a three position Multiple Aspect Upper Quadrant (or MAUQ) Semaphore Signal.”
“Hey, stop the mumbo jumbo and explain to me in simple language,” Horny said.
Now, I am no great raconteur, so I picked up a pencil and piece a paper, drew some pictures and explained the salient aspects of Semaphore Signalling. If you want to know what I told Horny, have a look at the picture below.
                Multiple Aspect Upper Quadrant (MAUQ) Semaphore Signalling
The images above are from the Indian Railways Fan Club (IRFCA) Website Post on Signalling Systems.  Indian Railways Fan Club (IRFCA) is a hobby group for discussing all aspects of railways in India. You you may read the post on semaphore signals by clicking the url link http://www.irfca.org/faq/faq-signal2.html
Let’s look at the red coloured signal first.
The arm at horizontal position means “stop”, inclined upwards at 45 degrees means “caution” and the arm in the vertical position means “all clear” and the train can proceed.
Now look at the yellow coloured semaphore signal.
I think, that in the context of this story, the yellow coloured signal seems more apt – STOP, ATTENTION, PROCEED.
Now just imagine that the legs of the girl (our “fleet auxiliary”) in place of the arm of the signal.
First Drink – Legs Horizontal – STOP.
Second Drink – Legs inclined upwards by 45 degrees – ATTENTION
Third Drink – Legs Vertical – PROCEED
On hearing my explanation, Horny burst out laughing and we both laughed for a long time.
We were still laughing when “Semaphore Signal” joined us in the wardroom. She had freshened up. We talked. I liked her. Though she was quite chubby and ordinary looking, she had a very friendly smile and she exuded a sort of affable charm.
Life moved on, Horny moved on, I moved on, and, of course, the “fleet auxiliary” called “Semaphore Signal” moved on, though I did see her a few times circulating around in the fleet.
Many years passed, and I had forgotten all about this episode when I unexpectedly ran into “Semaphore Signal” while browsing in a bookstore.
I recognized her at once.
She was the very same “fleet auxiliary” I had nicknamed “Semaphore Signal”.
Now, so many years later, she had turned a bit plump, but otherwise she looked the same chubby girl with a sincere, friendly smile which radiated the same charming warmth.
I smiled at her.
She did not smile back.
In fact, she totally ignored me, showing absolutely no trace of recognition, and then she turned and walked towards the exit of the bookstore.
She walked out of the bookstore and stood in the foyer.
I followed her with my eyes and positioned myself so that I could clearly see her.
She took out her mobile phone from her purse, dialled a number, held the cell-phone near her ear and spoke briefly.
Then she walked into the food court of the mall and sat down on a vacant table.
I kept down the book I was browsing, walked out of the bookstore, into the spacious food court and sat down on a table from where I could see her clearly.
She knew that I was stalking her but she avoided looking directly in my direction.   
Suddenly a small girl came running and ran into her arms. The girl was followed by a man who smiled at her and sat down opposite her.
They were talking, maybe deciding what to eat – mother, father and daughter – a happy family.
I noticed that “Semaphore Signal” exuded the bliss of domesticity.
I felt happy for her – a “fleet auxiliary” so happily settled down in family life.
It was time for me to leave.
I got up, looked at her for the last time and started to turn.
“Semaphore Signal” looked in my direction, gave me a fleeting glance, a brief smile of recognition, and then she looked down at her daughter and started talking to her.
As I walked away after the encounter I felt happy for “Semaphore Signal”.  She was one of the fortunate “fleet auxiliaries” who had put her past behind, moved on into a new world and settled down into a happy married life – the bliss of domesticity.
Others were not so lucky.
Some could not move on in life and persisted with their ways till age overcame them and the only future the could look forward to was to live a life of a lonely spinster, an old maid, with only reminisces to think about. 
A few managed to “trap” a gullible naval officer into marriage, but many such marriages ended in disaster, since they remained in the same environment and did not escape to a new world. Much as they tried, they could not prevent the shadow of their past life from haunting their present lives.
I don’t know why, but whenever I see a woman drinking I remember “Semaphore Signal” and a smile comes to my lips.
I really don’t know if there is a connection between alcohol and promiscuity, but then as my friend Romeo would boast: “Give me a woman who drinks and I can get her into bed” – and he proved it.
But that is another story, one more yarn I will spin some day. 
Dear Reader: Please give me some feedback. Tell me, did you like this yarn? Do you think I should compile my naval yarns into a book? In today’s world where “Campus Romances” are in vogue, will anyone read such a book on memoirs of my halcyon navy days? Do tell me, for I have many yarns to spin and stories to tell.
By the way, the Railways have replaced Semaphore Signals with Electric Light Signals and I don’t think you will see a traditional Semaphore Signal anymore. Doesn’t matter. The next time you see a railway signal, or a traffic signal, and as you watch it changing colour, do remember this story and have a laugh.
Keep Laughing and have a Happy Day.
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

Did you like reading this story? 
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my recently published book of short stories COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a large number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

IT IS NO LONGER THE RUM BUM LASH NAVY – STEALING AFFECTIONS – A Naval Yarn

October 11, 2012

Click the link below to read the original post in my creative writing journal blog

Also posted below for your convenience

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/stealing-affections.html

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: STEALING AFFECTIONS.

STEALING AFFECTIONS
Short Fiction Story
A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer: Please read this short story only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof, pure fiction, a figment of imagination. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn and have a laugh.
STEALING AFFECTIONS
Short Fiction – A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
 
 
It was an abrupt end to a promising career.
In the morning he was forced to put in his papers.
In the afternoon there was a brief farewell party – a drab Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) in the Wardroom.
The usual boisterous bonhomie was conspicuous by its absence and there was an air of awkwardness in the Wardroom.
The farewell PLD for Horny was a mere formality to be got over with.
The party was muted low-key affair without the customary boisterous elbow-bending.
Everyone reluctantly sipped their beer in hushed silence hoping that time would move fast.
But time did not move quickly and they all endured the agonizing moments as time crawled slowly while they all waited for the uncomfortable proceedings to end.
No one forced “down the hatch” drinks and “bottoms up” beers on the departing guest.
There were no “jolly-good-fellow” hoists and there were no long winded farewell speeches – just one-line perfunctory speeches for the sake of formality.
Typically, a PLD was a jolly affair full of joie de vivre and the cheer and beer flowed freely. The happy high-spirited copious beer-drinking continued for hours together, till evening, and on occasions the boisterous revelry turned into a full-fledged drunken orgy late into the night.
But this PLD finished off within an hour and everyone heaved a sigh of relief that the embarrassment was over.
They all shook hands with Horny, wished him good-luck in the civvy-street, and they all went home, or to their cabins, to hit the sack and enjoy what was left of the make-and-mend Wednesday.
Only Snotty stayed back and helped Horny pack his bags. Then he sent a sailor to get a taxi and when the taxi arrived alongside the ship at the jetty, Snotty picked up Horny’s bags and accompanied him to the gangway.
A sailor picked up Horny’s bags and put them into the boot of the taxi.
Horny stood at the gangway, expressionless. He did not betray his emotions but kept gazing in a vacant manner at the taxi. Then he turned around and smiled at Snotty and the gangway duty staff.
Then, Horny lifted himself to his full height, stood ramrod straight with chest out. He saluted for the last time, swallowed the anchor, and marched ashore across the gangway into the civvy-street forever.
Snotty felt sad to see Horny go away. Horny had been his mentor and Snotty admired him as a role model in the art of seamanship. Though Horny was his boss, he had always treated Snotty like a younger brother, with benevolence and patience. Horny was firm yet compassionate, revered by the men he commanded. Horny ran a happy department and Snotty had learnt so much from him. He had really liked Horny and was sorry that such a promising career had been so cruelly and so unjustly abruptly cut short.  
Snotty went down to the wardroom and sat down for lunch at the Dining Table. In order to enjoy good food one has to be in the right mood and that is why the delicious food which looked so good on the table turned tasteless in Snotty’s mouth.
“What’s wrong, Snotty?” asked the in-living PMC, who was nicknamed Sea Dog. He was sitting at the head of the table.
“Nothing, Sir. It’s about Horny.”
“What about Horny? I know he was your boss. Sad to see him go?”
“Yes, Sir. He was such a nice guy, Sir, and so good at his job.”
“I know. I was his training officer on the cadet ship. Horny was an outstanding cadet and a superb officer. He would have reached the very top but for this…”
“It’s totally unfair, Sir, and a very harsh punishment – an abrupt end to a promising career just because of one small indiscretion.” 
“One small indiscretion? You call it one small indiscretion? You know what he did, don’t you?”
“Well, he was having an affair with Salty’s wife, that’s all.”
“That’s all? You know how serious the matter is?”
“Sir, if two people want to have consensual sex, what’s the problem?”
“What’s the problem? You are asking me what’s the problem? Well, my dear friend, let me explain. Horny was married and so was Salty. And Horny was having an illicit relationship with Salty’s wife. It’s called adultery. Do you understand?”
“Sir, it is a personal matter between them, and their wives. What has it got to do with our job? Why has Horny been sacked?”
“That may be in the civvy street, but here we follow a code of conduct. Stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife is strictly taboo. If you are feeling so damn frustrated, you can go and sow your wild oats outside, but you don’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife. ”
“Stealing affections of a brother officer’s wife?”
“Yes. Stealing the affections of a brother officer’s wife is just not allowed. It is considered an act of moral turpitude, conduct unbecoming of an officer, prejudicial to good order and discipline. That is why Horny was thrown out. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good.”
“Sir, I have a small doubt?”
“What doubt?”
“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer’s wife because it is an act of moral turpitude?”
“That’s right. It is immoral to steal the affections of your brother officer’s wife.”
“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is illegal. That is what they told us at the academy.”
“Of course it is illegal. Buggery is unlawful. The days of the Rum Bum and Lash Navy are long since over.”
“Sir, then please tell me one thing – you can’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife because it is immoral. You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is unlawful. Then why is it permitted to steal the affection of your sister officer?”
“Stealing the affections of a sister officer? What are you talking about?”
“Sir, nowadays we have lady officers in the Navy.”
“So?”
“If male officers are like our brothers, then the women officers are like our sisters, aren’t they?”
“That’s right – lady officers are indeed your sister officers. And that is how you must treat them.”
“If you steal the affections of your sister, does that not amount to incest?”
“Incest? What are you trying to say?”
“Sir, tell me, are you allowed to marry your sister?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why are male officers being permitted to marry female officers? Brother Officers are stealing the affections of Sister Officers and even marrying them. Isn’t it funny, Sir? Today she is your sister officer and tomorrow she becomes your wife?”
“What’s your point?”
“It is all very confusing to me, Sir.”
“Confusing? What?”
“You can steal the affection of your sister officer, you can even marry your sister officer – that is allowed – sister officers can steal the affections of their brother officers and even marry them – that is permitted – then why make such a big hullabaloo if you steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife?”
“Very interesting question. I think I’ll have to ask my wife to answer that.”
“Your wife? I thought you were a bachelor, Sir.”
“And why is that?”
“Because you are in-living, Sir.”
“Well, my wife is posted elsewhere. And you’ll be interested to know that she is, in your parlance, a ‘sister officer’ – yes, Dear Snotty, I am guilty of stealing the affection of a sister officer!”
 
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 
Did you like this story?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

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