PARENTING – BRINGING UP TEENAGERS – TIMO Model

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: PARENTING – BRINGING UP TEENAGERS.

Click the link above to read in my journal about the TIMO (Time Inclination Money Opportunity) Parenting Paradigm.

Article also posted below for your convenience

PARENTING – BRINGING UP TEENAGERS

PARENTING

BRINGING UP TEENAGERS

How to Spoil Your Children by Laissez-Faire Parenting Style

The Time, Inclination, Money, Opportunity Paradigm

By

VIKRAM KARVE 

At the outset, here is a quote from Norman F Dixon (emphasis mine). 

Please read each line carefully.

The values indicated by status-insecure parents are such that their children learn to put personal success and the acquisition of power above all else. 

They are taught to judge people for their usefulness rather than their likeableness. 

Their friends, and even future marriage partners, are selected and used in the service of personal advancement; love and affection take second place to knowing the right people. 

They are taught to eschew weakness and passivity, to respect authority, and todespise those who have not made the socio-economic grade. 

Success is equated with social esteem and material advantage, rather than with more spiritual values.

~ Norman F. Dixon

It seems to be the in thing today to have snobbish supercilious spoilt children.

I was a strict old-fashioned father, but looking around, I have realized that in today’s world, where materialistic desires and ostentation overshadow traditional values, my ascetic style of parenting is hopelessly outmoded and distinctly passé. This made me quite an unpopular parent as compared to my more liberal counterparts. And whether my orthodox parenting style had a desirable effect on my children – well it there for all to see, as my children are grown up responsible adults now. 

It is too late for me to change now, so let me pontificate a bit on the subject of Teenage Parenting what I did not do.

 

Apart from the conventional vices like drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling etc, all types of new and novel temptations and addictions like Internet, Gaming, TV, sex, compulsive spending and shopping, indulging in wild reckless behaviour, breaking the law and criminal thrills are on the rise and indeed becoming status symbols in some sections of society. 

Now-a-days there is plenty of choice available for those who want to “live it up”.

For children in today’s consumerist society there is no place for old-fashioned concepts like “thrift and frugality” and the dictum: “be happy where you are and content with what you have” seem irrelevant today where “instant gratification” seems to be the new mantra.

Conspicuous consumption, ostentation, flamboyance and expensive lifestyles are more important. Pamper your kids, pander to all their whims and fancies and they will love you; and, of course, in the long run they will ruin their own lives and cause you distress. 

 

If you want to spoil your children remember there are four cardinal factors or resources that help develop and nurture bad habits, addictions and anti-social behaviour: TIME, INCLINATION, OPPORTUNITY, MONEY. 

 

TIME

One must have time to indulge in whatever one’s pursuits, good or bad. So, if you want to spoil your children, don’t burden them with too many “mundane” things like studies, sports, hobbies etc. so that they have plenty of leisure time to live it up, develop new vices and pursue their temptations to their heart’s content. 

 

INCLINATION

This depends on your sense of values, home and family atmosphere, social environment, religious and cultural taboos, peer pressure, influence of school and friends. Are you inculcating the right values in your kids by your own actions?

 

I’ll give you a real life example.  

My friend’s son, age 15, lost his expensive mobile cell-phone forgetting it in a taxi due to his own carelessness and negligence. 

Instead of admonishing him, my friend bought him the latest, even more expensive and fancy cell-phone. 

Obviously the boy had no remorse, guilt or regret at losing the expensive gadget, and instead of feeling contrite and responsible, the teenager displayed a “couldn’t care” attitude. 

Certainly this teenager will never appreciate the value of money.

Can one even expect such actions of parents to inculcate the “correct” values of thrift, frugality and responsibility in their children?

If you drink, smoke, and party in front of your children, won’t they be inclined to do the same? Can you lecture your son not to smoke while holding a cigarette between your lips or tell him not to drink alcohol while holding a glass of whisky in your hands?

How about your friends, your kids’ friends, their behaviour, and the general atmosphere and culture around? Peer Pressure too plays an important role in developing a teenager’s inclination. 

What are your own values? 

If you are going to “live it up”, flaunt your lifestyle, and be corrupt and dishonest, your kids will be inclined to do so too. 

 

OPPORTUNITY

You have the Time, you have the Inclination, but do you have the Opportunity to do what you want to do?

Suppose you want to drink alcohol, but there is prohibition in force? 

Or there exist religious, social, cultural taboos which do not give you the opportunity to drink? 

These restraining forces will inhibit you from drinking alcohol.

Opportunity to indulge in an activity is governed by external circumstances, rules and regulations, which either inhibits you, or makes it conducive for you, to do what you want to do.

Enforcement of Restrictions like No-Smoking Zones, Prohibition, No Entry into Bars and Pubs for Kids inhibits opportunity for children to start drinking at an early age. 

Parental Control is an important factor in restricting opportunity for children to indulge in undesirable activities or develop unwanted habits.

Or do you want to give your kids a laissez faire opportunity to do what they want…? 

Suit yourself, but don’t blame your children later.

MONEY 

If you want to spoil your children make sure you give them plenty of Money to splurge as they want and to spend as they please without any accountability.

“Vices” and profligate lifestyles are expensive. 

Give them the latest gadgets and gizmos, cars and bikes, pander to all their whims and fancies, and never ask them to account for their extravagant spending. Your children will “love” you for all this. Go ahead and make your children “happy” and irresponsible. 

You’ve open-mindedly given your kids the time, the inclination, and the opportunity, but finally it is the money that matters. Yes, it is money that helps your children sustain their vices and habits. 

Go ahead, give it a try, spoil your brats, and tell me if it works

But if you don’t want to spoil your teenager kids, you know what to do, don’t you?

Just remember the four key factors when bringing up your teenage children:

1. Monitor their Time 

2. Give them the proper Inclination in life 

3. Restrict their Opportunity for undesirable activities 

and, last but not the least, 

4. Keep a tight leash on their Money

Does this teenager parenting paradigm work for you…? Do comment and tell us your views. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
This is a story from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL – Stories About Relationships. 

I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in COCKTAIL

To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
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COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
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http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com     

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

HOW ROTE LEARNING KILLS CREATIVE THINKING

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HOW ROTE LEARNING KILLS CREATIVE THINKING.

HOW ROTE LEARNING KILLS CREATIVE THINKING

A lifetime of having to curb  the expression of original thought culminates so often in there being nothing left to express

Liddel Hart quoted by Norman Dixon on page 162 of his book On The Psychology of Military Incompetence

Think about it.

Isn’t the present day rote learning type education system doing exactly this?

And so is the “do as you are told” management philosophy prevalent in most organisations.

OFFICER LIKE QUALITIES aka OLQ

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: OFFICER LIKE QUALITIES.

Click the link above and read all about OLQ in my journal

Regards

Vikram Karve

A Classic on THE ART OF LEADERSHIP – A Soldier’s Story by Omar N. Bradley – BOOK REVIEW by VIKRAM KARVE

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: A Classic on THE ART OF LEADERSHIP – A Soldier’s Story by Omar N. Bradley – BOOK REVIEW by VIKRAM KARVE.

A Soldier’s Story is a magnificent book. A unique masterpiece, a classic.

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: A Classic on THE ART OF LEADERSHIP – A Soldier’s Story by Omar N. Bradley – BOOK REVIEW by VIKRAM KARVE.

Click the link above and read about it.

DO YOU WANT TO QUIT SMOKING

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: DO YOU WANT TO QUIT SMOKING.

Click on the link above and learn how to quit smoking

A LAZY DAY IN PUNE

A LAZY DAY IN PUNE.

A LAZY DAY IN PUNE

By

VIKRAM KARVE

From my TRAVEL WRITING archives:

Nostalgic memories of a carefree day loafing in Pune.

I wrote this in the winter of 2006 after a glorious loaf in Pune.

LOAFING

Please tell me, Dear Reader: What is the definition of loafing?

Idling away your time on useless things?

Or does loafing mean Aimless Loitering?

Loitering! Sounds a bit derogatory, isn’t it?

Okay let’s say it is aimless wandering – Perfectly useless time spent in a perfectly useless manner…!

Yes.

That’s how I would like to define the art of loafing – spending perfectly useless time in a perfectly useless manner…

FOODWALKING

And what, My Dear Reader, is foodwalking?

Loitering, or rather walking, in search of good food. Loitering with an aim, loitering in search of good food – not so useless loitering!

That’s what I did once – long back – on a wonderful winter day.

I loafed in Pune, I foodwalked.

I spent a perfectly useless day in a perfectly useless manner – “Foodwalking in Pune”.

I still have fond nostalgic memories of that glorious day. Let me tell you about it.

A GLORIOUS DAY

It’s a beautiful morning.

I try to furtively slip out of my house unnoticed, but I am stopped in my tracks by my wife’s piercing voice, “Where are you going…?”

“I don’t know?” I answer truthfully, and this adroit answer probably precludes the next question she is about to ask me, “What time are you coming back?” for she knows I will again truthfully answer, “I don’t know”.

It is true – I really don’t know where I am going and I have no idea when I am going to come back.

“Take the mobile with you,” she shouts, but I pretend not to hear and make myself scarce and disappear as fast as possible for I do not want the manacles of technology to ruin my day.

Dear fellow loafer – If you want to truly enjoy life beware of the technology trap.

It’s a bright winter day. The morning sun is comforting. I feel good.

Flush with a sense of carefree irresponsibility, I walk with a spring in my step.

Yes, I am going to enjoy my leisure.

FREEDOM

Should I turn left?

Should I turn right?

Should I cross the road and go straight ahead?

I am free.

Free to go wherever I desire.

Free to enjoy my day as I want.

Yes, I have true freedom – to be able to travel at will with no destination to reach, no task to complete, no deadlines to meet.

Freedom to loaf.

Aimlessly.

Timelessly.

Pure Leisure.

Freedom to spend a perfectly useless day in a perfectly useless manner.

I see a bus.

I stop it and hop in.

“Where do you want to go?” the bus conductor asks.

“Where does this bus go?” I ask.

“Pune Railway Station,” he says, with a curious look.

“Okay. One ticket to Pune Railway Station,” I say holding out a tenner.

The conductor gives me an amused look and hands me a ticket and a rupee coin.

I sit down on a vacant window-seat.

I think interesting thoughts and enjoy the view through the window.

On these carefree wanderlust trips of mine I prefer travelling by bus and, of course, I love to walk on foot.

Driving my car on the terrible potholed, crowded and chaotic roads in the terrible traffic of Pune makes me go crazy, and, at my age, I dare not venture out too far on my scooter, lest I land up with broken bones in hospital or, worse, lifeless in Vaikunth or Kailas crematoriums!

So that’s what I sometimes do on these glorious trips of mine.

Just jump into the first bus that comes along and let it take you wherever it goes.

Just go where life leads you.

Try it – it is fun.

Last time I landed up in the heart of Pune near Shaniwar Wada.

In Mumbai, Kolkata, Chennai, Bangalore, Hyderabad and Delhi, loafing is even more exciting, as there are so many more routes and choices, trains, buses, walks, and you can serendipitously explore so many novel and exotic places you would not dream of going to in normal course.

The bus reaches the Pune Railway Station.

It’s been a smooth ride.

GOING NOWHERE

I get down from the bus and admire the magnificent heritage stone building of Pune Railway Station.

I stand in the porch and look inside.

Trains, crowds, announcements, horns, cacophony, and chaos – I love the “railway” atmosphere.

On impulse, I enter, and stroll on the platform, panning my gaze all over and stopping once in a while to feast my eyes on any attractive object that arrests my attention.

“Want a seat?” a porter asks.

“No,” I say.

“Where are you going?” he pursues.

“Nowhere,” I say.

“Waiting for someone,” he asks, probably in anticipation of porterage.

“No,” I say.

He stares at me for a moment and walks off with a look of perplexed dejection.

I look around

Everyone is waiting to go somewhere, or waiting for someone.

I am waiting to go nowhere, and for nobody.

So I walk out of the station and head for Shiv Kailash Milk Bar bang opposite Pune Railway Station on the other side of the road.

If you arrive at Pune by train on a hot morning, never make the blunder of heading for the auto rickshaw stand.

You’ll get all stressed up waiting in the never-ending queue and haggling with the rickshawallas trying to fleece you and con you.

Just cross the road to Shiv Kailash, sit under the shade on one of the stainless steel stools placed on the pavement, invigorate yourself with a tall glass of cool refreshing lassi (which is guaranteed to banish the depleting effects of the tiresome train journey) and tell the waiter to hail a rickshaw from the many hanging around.

They’ll know that you are a regular…!

This is what I have been doing for so many years, during my numerous homecomings, ever since the days when Pune was called Poona. And when the Deccan Queen was the best way to travel.

ANONYMITY

Shiv Kailash serves the best lassi in Pune.

It’s almost as good as the one at Pehelwan at the end on Lanka near BHU in Varanasi.

The lassi freshly made in front of you topped off with a generous dollop of soft fresh cream.

The sumptuous fulfilling soothing lassi is thick, lip-smacking, nourishing, and gives me a heavenly feeling.

I sip slowly, relishing every mouthful, almost eating the delectable fluid after letting it perambulate on my tongue, as I watch the world go about its business outside.

People come in a jiffy; gulp their glasses of lassi down the hatch in a hurry, and rush away, while I blissfully savour each and every drop of the delicious creamy lassi.

I walk leisurely towards Camp. Past Mira College, GPO, Zero Milestone, Police Headquarters, Nehru Memorial Hall, where I cross the Moledina Road admiring the imposing Lal Deval Synagogue, and turn left, past the place imperial Dorabjee Store Building used to be once.

Now there is a huge shopping complex and a glitzy mall opposite.

I reminisce.

West End with its soda fountain and cane chairs, New Empire, all the adorable landmarks gone.

Now there are Malls and modern places like Landmark.

Landmark – you know it don’t you?

Landmark is Pune’s swanky new music-cum-book store.

Like Crossword – giving competition to the grand old Manney’s, International, Popular, TBS and the bookshops at Appa Balwant Chowk.

I walk into Landmark.

The place is swarming with chic salesgirls and sales-boys.

No one pays any attention to me.

Maybe I blend well with the surroundings.

I realize the tremendous advantages of obscurity and the benefits of anonymity .

Had I been a successful person, rich and famous, or someone with a striking personality, people would notice me and I doubt I would have been able to enjoy myself with such carefree abandon.

Only non-achievers like me can truly enjoy a life of carefree irresponsibility and the unadulterated joys of genuine leisure.

I roam around the ground floor music section. There are no music stations where you can listen to music like they have in Rhythm House and Planet-M in Mumbai.

So I go the first floor bookstore. It’s spacious, neatly laid-out and looks impressive.

BROWSING

The books are arranged subject-wise, clearly visible from anywhere. There are cushioned stools to sit and browse and also two long sofas below the huge tinted windows towards the far side.

I start from the left side.

Food, Philosophy, Self-Help, Travel, Coffee Table, Erotica, Classics, Fiction, Computers, Children, Indian Writing there are books on every topic you can think of.

The tranquil ambiance is so soothing and conducive that I browse to my hearts content, loosing myself into that wonderful state of timelessness I experience sometimes when I am totally immersed into doing something I love.

By the time I leave Landmark, cerebrally satiated, it is almost three in the afternoon, I am hungry, and in desperate need of gastronomic satiation.

So I walk past Manney’s, West End, turn right on Main Street, cross Aurora Towers, turn right, walk past ABN Amro Bank, and turn left on Dastur Meher Road, a walk leisurely towards Sarbatwala Chowk till I reach Dorabjee and Sons.

A LEISURELY MEAL

I dive in through the low entrance of Dorabjee’s and look around.

The eatery is crowded, with noisy families bashing away regardless greedily devouring the heaps food before them.

The mouth-watering aroma, and the sight of the appetizing food, creates in me such ravenous pangs of hunger that I quickly sit on the only vacant table and order a Mutton Biryani – the signature dish of Dorabjee.

As is the hallmark of authentic speciality cuisine restaurants the menu is select just a few choice dishes a single page.

There’s Sali, Curry, Masala and Biryani in Mutton and Chicken; Kheema, Brain, Eggs, and combinations thereof, cutlets in gravy, and a few Veg dishes, for appearance sake.

On Sundays, you can have Dhansak, maybe on your way to the races in the season.

Pune may have changed but heritage institutions like Dorabjee still preserve the flavour of yesteryear Pune.

I spoon some Biryani onto my tongue, seal my lips, close my eyes, turn my senses inwards with full consciousness to imbibe and savour the unique medley of juices released by the succulent piece of mutton, the bitterish-sweet taste of the slightly burnt crisp fried onions, and the spicy flavoursome rice.

It is superlative delicious authentic cuisine at its best.

Dorabjee serves the best heritage mutton biryani in Pune – no doubt about it. Yes, Blue Nile and Good Luck serve good heritage Biryani too.

The fervent atmosphere of the place and exquisite quality of the food is such that one eats enthusiastically, with wholehearted zest and gusto; not apologetically and self-consciously, as one tends to do, trying to be prim and proper, in highfalutin restaurants.

At Dorabjee, you can enjoy every morsel of your food with passionate ardour.

And as I reach blissful satiety I realize that a well-filled stomach radiates a kind of spiritual happiness.

APPETITE FOR A STROLL

The ideal way to end this rich spicy repast is to cool it off with a Falooda.

Falooda is to Biryani what Mastani is to Mutton Kolhapuri.

So I walk down Sachapir Street, cross Main Street, and head for Badshah on East Street to down a deliciously sweet and chilled Rose flavored Royal Falooda.

Then I stroll down East Street to Kayani, to pick up some Shrewsbury Biscuits and Chocolate Walnut Cake.

Not to forget the inimitable Kayani Bakery Wine Biscuits and Cheese Papdi.

I stand outside Kayani, wondering what to do.

Maybe I walk down to Manney’s and browse books some more.

If Landmark has got the ambiance, Manney’s got the books…

And then maybe I can just loiter down Main Street admiring pretty looking things, till I am tired and hungry.

Maybe I will have some sandwiches, a roll and cold coffee at Marzorin. Or a macaroon at Pasteurs next door.

Why not a Burger at Burger King, the original burger place of Pune, or a Chopsuey at East End, at the end of East Street…?

Maybe Kathi Rolls at Olympia, Chicken Masala at George, Chana Bhatura at Monafood, Sev Barfi at Bhavnagri, Wafers at Budhani, or Sizzlers at The Place next to Manneys, or one more Biryani at Blue Nile near the GPO.

The possibilities are endless…

Or should I see the movie at Victory opposite, or at West End nearby…?

Maybe I’ll jump into the first bus I see and let it take me wherever it goes.

How about going for a long walk on Laxmi road into the heart of town?

Or an idyll beside the river in Bund Garden, or Saras Baug, or Sambhaji Park?

Or maybe I will just head home.

Oh, yes indeed, the possibilities are truly endless!

I am free to do whatever I choose to do…

I can loaf to my heart’s content…

And continue to spend a perfectly useless day in a perfectly useless manner…

Relish moments of perfect leisure.

You can take my word for it, dear reader.

There is nothing you will enjoy more than loafing.

It is only when you cease to do the things you have to do, and do the things you like to do, and you want to do, that you achieve the highest value of your time.

FEAST OF LIFE

The freedom to enjoy life is the ultimate reward.

Why should you defer happiness waiting for some elusive abstract rewards…?

What reward could be greater than a life enjoyed as it is lived…?

If you do not find happiness as you are, where you are, here and now, you will never find it.

There is always plenty in life right now to enjoy for one who is determined to enjoy it.

The feast of life is before you.

Do you have the appetite to enjoy the feast of life?

So my dear friend, discover the art of loafing, and you will redeem the art of living from the business of living.

The Art of Travelling, The Art of Happiness, The Art of Eating, The Art of Living, The Art of Loafing, The Art of Leisure – all inextricably intertwined, isn’t it?

To recap: “It is only when you cease to do the things you have to do, and do the things you like to do and you want to do, that you achieve the highest value of your time”.

Eureka, Epiphany, I’ve got it – The aim of loafing is to achieve the highest value of your time.

Did you like this article?

Want to read more such musings, recipes and go on food-walks with me?

Do you have an Appetite for a Stroll?

Then, why don’t you get a copy of Appetite for a Stroll by just clicking the links below?

http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

http://books.sulekha.com/book/appetite-for-a-stroll/default.htm

And do tell us about your glorious carefree leisurely loafing experiences in your favourite city too…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2011

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

I have recently written a book of short stories called COCKTAIL comprising twenty seven short stories about relationships. To know more please click the links below:

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme

http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishop’s School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles in magazines and journals for many years before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 14 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking interesting thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com

Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

Vikram Karve Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve

Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm

Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

vikramkarve@gmail.com

Short Fiction:

COCKTAIL : Short Stories about Relationships By VIKRAM KARVE

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme

http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/fiction/cocktail_by_vikram_karve.html

Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll

http://books.sulekha.com/book/appetite-for-a-stroll/default.htm

http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

COCKTAIL – Stories about Relationships by Vikram Karve

To Order please click the links below:

FLIPKART

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme

INDIAPLAZA

http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

Cocktail – Short stories by Vikram Karve

Cocktail- Short stories by Vikram Karve.

BOOK REVIEW OF COCKTAIL by Vivek Banerjee

First and foremost, three cheers for APK Publishers for publishing a book of short stories. Almost everybody in the publishing industry (from publishers to agents to writers) assure me that short stories do not sell unless from a celebrity pen and are therefore unpublishable.  It is heartening to see that Prashant Karhade of APK does not subscribe to this philosophy.

Now coming to Vikram Karve, a familiar name to those who have been following his blogs on Sulekha.com, this is his first collection of short stories. He writes about today’s urban lifestyle, about love (and lack of it), life, relationships, desires (both fulfilled and unfulfilled), yearning and boredom. His characters are real life and well etched. The twenty seven stories traverse familiar ground, invoking in the reader feelings as diverse as joy, pathos and at times amusement. But there is a problem. After a while, the emotions get repetitive. Most of the heroes are bearded, he-man, master mariner types;  the women are sexy and attractive (usually dressed in tight fitting pink t-shirts tucked into hip hugging jeans) and certain phrases(Drying a divorcee’s tears is one of the most dangerous pastimes known to a man) and situations appear multiple times. That does not mean that the book is not an enjoyable read. I loved some of the stories.Lovedale touched my heart, Parting Gift is both sad and funny, Rendezvous at sunrise is different, A lazy hot afternoon in Mumbai is exquisite, Deccan Queen ingenious, Freedom is honest and Chilled beer is well, chilling. Some stories do not work that well (Every dog has his day is corny,Electrophoresis is plain silly) but none of them can be called bad.

Karve writes well and did surprise me with a few words I had not heard /read before (must get myself a good dictionary, the one in Microsoft Word has serious limitations). Overall, a good attempt and a must read for short story buffs. (My rating 3/5)

To buy the book online, please click here.

WEB 2.0 – A Boon for Learning and Development

WEB 2.0 – A Boon for the Modern Teacher

By

VIKRAM KARVE

When we were students, in school in the 1960s and in college and university in the 1970s, the pedagogy process focussed on the teacher and was largely teacher-centric.

Yes, as far as learning was concerned, the teacher was supreme.

The teacher was considered the repository of all knowledge on the subject and students were required to just follow. Some smart teachers kept as a closely guarded secret the book they taught from and the reference material they had made their notes from. This made the teachers all the more important and the students totally dependent on the teachers. Knowledge was scarce and Information was not easily available and accessible to all and searching for it was a painstaking and laborious process.

With the advent of internet all this has changed and this old model of pedagogy is no longer relevant. Today, the moment they get the syllabus, the astute students just google the topcs and subjects and get all the information and knowledge they want and are updated on the subject before they enter the first class. Access to information is instantaneous and easy and unlike in the earlier days, the teacher is no longer the sole authority on the subject, and if the teacher is not smart enough he or she may lag behind the students who have a thirst for knowledge and have access to the internet which is an easy and effective means of fulfilling that thirst.

Thus today’s teacher is more of a facilitator who interacts and collaborates with the students in the learning process. The standardized one-size-fits-all education model is passé and the teacher must be flexible in his or her instructional style and customize and tailor pedagogy to suit each student’s individual way of learning. The teacher must help the students discover themselves. The archaic teacher-centric education paradigm, where the teacher delivers the lecture and the student takes notes, is obsolete and the new student-centric interactive learning educational model is in.

The internet can be used to great effect in enhancing the learning process and elevating it to a new higher plane. The internet affords immense opportunities for collaborative and interactive learning by use of Web 2.0 technologies, concepts and utilities like weblogs, wikis, social networking etc.

Web 2.0 is truly a revolutionary new platform for communication and interactive and collaborative exchange of information and knowledge and I am enjoying exploring and using Web 2.0 concepts in teaching. I have found them most effective and the students most responsive. So it is time for teachers to gear up, and optimally utilize the various aspects of web 2.0 like blogs, wikis, social, academic and professional network platforms etc, lest they be rendered obsolescent and become relics of yesteryear.

VIKRAM KARVE
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

VIKRAM KARVE educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU, The Lawrence School Lovedale, and Bishop’s School Pune, is an Electronics and Communications Engineer by profession, a Human Resource Manager and Trainer by occupation, a Teacher by vocation, a Creative Writer by inclination and a Foodie by passion. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles in magazines and journals for many years before the advent of blogging. His delicious foodie blogs have been compiled in a book “Appetite for a Stroll”. Vikram lives in Pune with his family and pet Doberman girl Sherry, with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog – http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com
Academic Journal Vikram Karve – http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile of Vikram Karve – http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com
Foodie Book: Appetite for a Stroll
http://books.sulekha.com/book/appetite-for-a-stroll/default.htm

http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

http://shopping.sify.com/appetiteforastroll-vikram-karve/books/9788190690096.htm

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

THE CAT and ART OF MEDITATION

HOW RITUALS START
A Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

A seeker joined a monastery to learn meditation and the art of living.
Every evening all students and disciples assembled in the large meditation hall for a discourse by the Spiritual Guru followed by group meditation.
Just before the meditation session commenced the disciples would catch a cat, tie it up and place it on the lap of the Spiritual Guru, who would then start caressing the cat and begin the discourse and meditation session. After the event was over, the cat would be untied and set free.
This was the established daily ritual and the Guru would start the meditation session only after the tied up cat was placed on his lap, so much so that once when the cat could not be found, the meditation session was delayed and all the seekers launched a desperate hunt till they found the cat which was duly tied up and placed on the Guru’s lap and only then did he start his discourse-cum-meditation session.
The seeker was quite perplexed at the mystery of the tied up cat and the significance of this ritual and he also wondered is there was any correlation between this strange ritual of tying up a cat with the art of meditation.
He asked around but no one knew the answer till someone told him to ask a wise old man who lived in a cave up the hills, so our curious seeker trudged up the hills to meet the wise old man and ask him the significance of this time-honoured ritual.
“It is like this,” the wise old man said, “many years ago, when the then Spiritual Guru and his disciples began their evening meditation, the cat that lived in the monastery made such noise that it distracted them. So the Guru ordered that the cat be tied up during the evening discourse-cum-meditation practice. This practice continued, so much so that even when the teacher died, the next Guru continued this tradition and a cat continued to be tied up during the meditation session.
When the cat died, another cat was brought to the monastery to be tied up during the evening meditation session, and when it too died they brought another, and with the passage of time this has become such an established ritual that now no one dare start the meditation session without the tied up cat.
Years later, our seeker became the Spiritual Guru and he wrote a scholarly treatise about the significance of tying up a cat during meditation practice.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
vikramkarve@sify.com

Lifestyle Management – Are You a Victim of Hurry Sickness

LIFESTYLE MANAGEMENT

Are You a Victim of Hurry Sickness

By

VIKRAM KARVE

A central element of lifestyle management is the skill to creatively balance achievement and work success with leisure activities, family life and social involvements.

Another critical aspect is the ability to feel comfortable at work and at home and to enjoy the experience of whatever is being done at that moment.

But nowadays, most of us are obsessed with getting results or completing one’s task. When task completion becomes more important than enjoying and understanding the work or activity one is doing at the given moment, a sure victim of “hurry sickness” is born.

The resultant constant sense of urgency is the trap of hurry sickness. One rushes to “get things done” to the point where it becomes an obsession.

Breaking this syndrome requires that you learn to enjoy experiences for the pleasure they give. When you gain pleasure from an experience, there is no need to get things done painstakingly.

Enjoy experiences, not rewards, and things will get done automatically without any constant stressful sense of urgency.

As defined from a psychological perspective, Hurry Sickness is:

“A pervasive and progressively urgent need to complete task in order to obtain rewards at completion without regard for other aspects of the work experience and by using maladaptive time strategies.”

They key causal factor in hurry sickness is the progressive need for task completion.

Enjoying what you are doing is neglected with a morbid urge to getting it done as quickly as possible, no matter what the activity.

The obsessive need for task completion extends to non-work involvements and activities like eating, playing, romance, making love, sex, leisure, having fun, loafing, taking a stroll, recreation, entertainment, leisure, sports, pastimes, hobbies, holidaying, exercising, lazing around, dozing, enjoying music, cooking, gardening, meditating, enjoying “doing nothing” and delightful timepass, what you consider “wasting your time” with your family, wife, kids, pet dog, friends…

This attitude of Hurry Sickness interferes with the enjoyment of these activities and experiences because of the persistent inclination to hurry up and finish it off.

Getting things done has become such a strong need because the payoffs or rewards for completion have assumed primary importance.

Your work experience has taught you that rewards always come at the end of the activity after you have put forth great effort to achieve a goal. You do not realize that happiness is not a destination but the manner of traveling.

Not only do you feel a sense of personal satisfaction from your achievements, but tangible rewards, such as promotion, cash incentives, awards, and advancements are given to you as well. With time, these rewards have become clearly linked with your self-esteem.

Each time you “succeed”, your ego, your inner self, sends a message to you which says, “You have done well. You are a commendable person because you succeeded again.” Your need for this kind of reassurance has become stronger than you would care to admit.

Time-Urgency quickly becomes a strong internal driving force towards task completion. Your life becomes a frenzy of completing one task after another. You are obsessed with time and wasting any of it becomes almost a mortal sin.

You strive to maximize your productivity by using time ever more efficiently, but you also have a sense that you are controlled by time and you don’t like it. Time is both your challenge and your enemy. A telling sign of hurry sickness is that even while relaxing, you are constantly fighting time-urgency and this that causes you unrest and never allows you to totally “switch off”.

Another way to seek to increase your output is to adopt maladaptive time-strategies. These questionable tactics do help you get more done over the short run, but you pay a heavy emotional price.

You now do everything faster, you have learned to “multitask” or “double up,” to do two or more things at once, and you are constantly preparing for what is coming next before you are finished what you are doing now.

The insidious trap is that you get something done quickly even when there is no reason to get anything done at all.

You hurry when there is no need to hurry – even when you have all the time in the world.

Because of your emphasis on task completion, you focus on finishing without regard for other holistic aspects of the experience.

In short, you have lost the ability to enjoy yourself while doing anything because of your incessant drive to get to the finish line.

Because you are afflicted by Hurry Sickness, you have lost the ability to emotionally rejuvenate yourself. Chronic fatigue and pessimism are symptoms of this malady.

SIGNS AND SIGNALS OF HURRY SICKNESS

Here are some behavioral signs, symptoms and signals that indicate hurry sickness:

1. Eating.

You now eat in the office while continuing to work or you just skip meals altogether. You multitask while eating. At home, you eat fast, gulp your food, finish meals well ahead of everyone else and eat in bigger bites without savoring the taste of food. Sharing pleasantries at the table is minimal because you cannot sit long enough. Ask yourself – are you eating mindfully and relishing every morsel of your food?

2. Sex.

Relaxed romantic sex and unhurried love-making is but a pleasant memory. The frequency has reduced and even when you do indulge in sex, it is a quick encounter and you are off to sleep or on to some other more “important” or “urgent” activity. Sex is less spontaneous and more mechanical these days. Love-making has become another hurry-up-and-get-it-done-with activity. Worse, you often indulge in “faking it” in order to get it over with in a hurry so you can quickly get on with the more “important” and “productive” things in life – your “high priority” activities!

3. Communications.

Your communication patterns now focus squarely on the negative. Feedback to others emphasizes mistakes and failings and you rarely compliment or offer sincere support to anyone these days. You don’t take the time any more for pleasant chat with family and colleagues. You have stopped listening. You make demands instead of working cooperatively with others or team-building. And hey, are you on your cell-phone most of the time?

4. Leisure.

You put aside less time for relaxation and you enjoy it less when you actually try to relax. Time-off is now more of a hassle than it is worth. When you sit still, you feel uncomfortable almost immediately. You have lost the ability to “do nothing” – it’s difficult for you to loosen up and enjoy an idle hour relaxing, doing nothing. Ask yourself why you work – reflect, contemplate, think about the fundamental reason why you work and realization will dawn upon you that the primary reason you work is to be able to enjoy your leisure, so why aren’t you taking a vacation every day and learning how to enjoy your leisure with full awareness?

5. Family.

Family members now “report” events to you, but you share little of yourself with them. You and your spouse argue more than you talk. The satisfactions of family life have diminished in quality and quantity. Your impatience is just as strong at home as in the office.

HOW TO CURE HURRY SICKNESS

Because you have hurry sickness, your initial tendency is to effect and expedite your “cure” in a hurry too.

But this hurry-up-and-get-it-done attitude may actually sabotage your recovery. What is required is patience, perspective and the ability to deal with setbacks in healthier ways.

It is easy to blame hurry sickness on the pressures of your job, the stress of daily living and what you have to do to survive in the fast paced world of today and on the insensitivity of the complex modern world. While each of these perceptions has a grain of truth in it, the fact remains that most of the responsibility for hurry sickness lies within you.

Your drive to get ahead is the real root of the problem and the fact is that you have lost all sense of perspective. Until you accept personal responsibility for your present state, you will not be in a position to confront and reverse the real mischief, damage and harm caused by hurry sickness.

Remember the well-known story of the hare and the tortoise.

Decelerate your life a bit, slow down, walk leisurely instead of driving and do not carry or switch off your cell-phone where you can, don’t multitask, do one thing at a time with full awareness and mindfulness and learn to enjoy the experience of whatever you are doing.

Do you believe in multitasking?

Are you a victim of Hurry Sickness?

Why don’t you rid yourself of this malady and enhance your quality of life?

Sure, you can get rid of Hurry Sickness!

Just stop multitasking and focus on whatever you are doing at the present moment.

Remember: HURRY BURRY SPOILS THE CURRY.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

vikramkarve@sify.com

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

http://www.ryze.com/go/karve