Posts Tagged ‘joke’

APRIL FOOL – All Fools Day Story

March 31, 2015

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: APRIL FOOL – Humor in Uniform.

Link to my original post in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal: 
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

“APRIL FOOL”
Delightful Memories of My Navy Life
By
VIKRAM KARVE

Tomorrow is the 1st of April – April Fool’s Day

April Fool’s Day (also known as All Fools’ Day) is celebrated annually on the first day of April. 

It is a time for the traditional playing of pranks on unsuspecting people – the victim of such a prank being called an April Fool.

One of my weaknesses is my trusting nature – I easily trust people.

Because of my simple trusting nature it is easy for anyone to take me for a ride – yes – you can easily make a fool of me – and – I have been made an “April Fool” so many times right from my childhood.

In fact – owing to my trusting nature I a simpleton – quite a gullible person – and therefore – a prime target for April Fool Pranks.

When I hark back and think of the occasions when I was made an unsuspecting victim of April Fool Jokes – and when I recall all the April Fool Pranks I was subjected to – I can never forget how I was made a total “April Fool” – 32 years ago – on the 1st of April 1983.

Here is my “April Fool” story – have a laugh…

HOW I WAS MADE AN “APRIL FOOL”
(a “Memoir” by Vikram Karve)

01 April 1983   (New Delhi)

It was 10 AM (1000 Hrs in Navy Parlance) on the 1st of April 1983 – and I busy with my research work in IIT Delhi.

(Yes – after slogging for 5 years in the Navy – afloat and ashore – I was selected to undergo the prestigious 2 year M. Tech. post graduate course in Engineering at the Indian Institute of Technology New Delhi aka IIT Delhi from July 1981 to July 1983)

It was the last (4th) semester of my 2 year M.Tech. Course – and I was busy with my dissertation work.

My ex-shipmate entered the Tropo Lab.

He was also doing M. Tech. at IIT Delhi – but in a different specialization.

He said excitedly, “Hey Vikram – congratulations – your appointment has come – you will be going to IAT Pune after your M. Tech.”

I was very happy and joyfully excited to hear this.

Pune is my hometown.

I had never expected a posting to Pune in my naval career – as I thought that – except for a few billets at NDA – there were hardly any billets for naval officers in Pune – especially for technical officers.

In fact – I was worried that they may transfer me back to INS Valsura Jamnagar – where I had spent less than one year (1980-81) on instructional duties – before escaping from there as I was selected for my M. Tech. at IIT Delhi – and I had no desire of going back to that godforsaken place again.

“You don’t seem to be happy?” my friend said.

“I am very happy,” I said, “but how do you know about my appointment?”

“I had gone to INS India Supply Office for some work. I saw your name in a NA List over there. I have just come from there and I came straight here to tell you the good news.”

[Those days Naval Headquarters (NHQ) published a weekly Navy Appointments (NA) List which listed all appointments (transfers/postings) issued during that week]

“What about you? Is your name in the NA list? Has your new appointment come too?” I asked him.

“No – I saw only your name in the NA list. Why don’t you go down to NHQ and personally get your appointment letter?” he prompted.

As I said – I was really delighted to be transferred to Pune – my hometown.

So – so I immediately drove down on my scooter to NHQ.

First – I went to INS India Supply Office – and I checked the NA List folder.

Yes – my name was very much there – at Serial No. 12 of the list of 20 names – and entry in the NA list said that I was appointed on instructional duties to IAT Pune July DTBR.

I wrote down the relevant details of the NA list.

Then – I went to the Base Supply Officer – and I asked him if my appointment letter had come.

The Base Supply Officer called for the NA List folder – he looked at the NA List – and he said, “This NA list has just been issued. It will take some time for the letter to reach here. They take their own sweet time to dispatch the letters. Why don’t you go across to DOP and get your personal copy?”

(DOP was the acronym for Director of Personnel)

Those days we were very scared to go anywhere near DOP – because they were always on the prowl looking for “murgas” to transfer to “kala pani” – and other such remote places.

But I was so excited – that I drew up courage – and I walked into the office of the DDOP who looked after our appointments.

I was delighted to see an officer who I knew very well sitting in the chair of DDOP – he was a course-mate of my previous ship’s XO.

He used to visit our ship often – and we had spent many evenings drinking together.

The DDOP too was happy to see me.

He told me that he had just taken over as DDOP just a day earlier on the 31st of March.

He enquired about me – about my M. Tech. course – and then he asked me what I wanted.

I told him the story – gave him details of the NA List – and asked him if I could have a copy of my appointment letter.

He called his deputy – handed him the chit with NA List details – and told him to give me a copy of my appointment letter.

The officer looked at the NA list – and looking confused, he said, “Sir, we haven’t yet issued any appointment letters for officers doing M. Tech. at IITs – anyway I will just check and get back to you, Sir.”

After a few minutes he came back and said, “The NA list with this number has still not been issued.”

“What? How can that be?” the DDOP said.

Then the DDOP looked at me – and he said, “Are you sure you saw the NA list in the INS India Supply Office?”

“Yes,” I said, “it is right on top in the NA list folder in the base supply office.”

The DDOP picked up the phone and he dialled a number.

He seemed to be speaking to the Base Supply Officer. 

The DDOP read out the number of the NA list – then waited for some time – then he listened to the voice on the other side – and then he said to me, “Just go down to the Base Supply Office and get the NA list folder – I want to get to the bottom of this.”

As I was leaving – I could hear him speak on the phone, “I am sending the officer to you…”

The moment I reached the hutments where the Base Supply Office was located – I found a big gang of my friends waiting outside for me with broad smiles on their faces.

Among my friends – standing prominently with a big smile on his face – was the Captain of my previous ship (now a Commodore posted in NHQ) – and it was he who had orchestrated the whole practical joke.

I knew I had been made an “April Fool”.

That afternoon – I had to treat everyone to beer in the INS India wardroom – and the DDOP and Base Supply Officer (who were also parties to the “April Fool” prank) also joined in the “elbow bending” PLD session for a glass of chilled beer.


EPILOGUE

During the PLD beer session – I put on a mask of cheerfulness – but deep inside I was feeling terrible.

I think the Commodore (my ex ship’s CO) and the DDOP noticed this – so they asked me for my choice of transfer on completion of my M. Tech.

“IAT Pune,” I said tongue-in-cheek, “but if that is not possible then anywhere except Jamnagar.”

Three months later – I was transferred to a billet in New Delhi as an Asst Director in R&D.

Two years later – in June 1985 – one day – out of the blue – I saw an appointment letter placed on my table.

I had been appointed for instructional duties to IAT Pune July DTBR.

Was it as a recompense for the “April Fool” prank – from the DDOP and my ex ship’s CO – and all those who had played the “April Fool” joke on me?

All is well that ends well.

HAPPY ALL FOOLS’ DAY

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
     
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.



Earlier Posted by me Vikram Karve on 01 April 2014 in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at 4/01/2014 11:39:00 AM at url:http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…

OFFICER LIKE QUALITIES aka OLQ and HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

April 24, 2013

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HUMOUR IN UNIFORM – ARMY SENSE OF HUMOR.

Click the link above to read my original article in my journal

The Article is also posted below for your convenience to read:

HUMOR IN UNIFORM
A Hilarious Army Recruitment Advertisement

IF YOU WANT TO HAVE BEAUTIFUL AND SUCCESSFUL DAUGHTERS JOIN INDIAN ARMY

Link to my Original Article in my Journal:
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/04/humour-in-uniform-army-sense-of-humor.html

HUMOR IN UNIFORM
ARMY SENSE OF HUMOUR
A Laugh on Monday Morning 
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer: Please read this only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn and have a laugh.
I thought the Navy was witty, but I must say that the army has a great sense of humour.
I have seen many recruitment advertisements with catchy slogans aimed at attracting the right kind of youth to a career in the Defence Services (Army Navy and Air Force).
When we were students the most popular army recruitment advertisement had a rather prosaic yet effective slogan which appealed to your patriotic sentiment:
JOIN THE ARMY AND SERVE THE NATION
This simple slogan made it very clear what type of officers and soldiers the army was looking for.
The army wanted to attract youth inspired with a sense of patriotism – young men who wanted to dedicate their lives in the service of the nation.
In those “good old days” an army officer was required to put service before self and live up to the Chetwode Motto:
“The safety, honour and welfare of your Country come first, always and every time.
The honour, welfare and comfort of the men you command come next.
Your own ease, comfort and safety come last always and every time”
And so the army recruitment slogan was in sync with this paramount OLQ requirement.
( OLQ is the acronym for “Officer Like Qualities” )
The Navy had its own slogans too.
Those days a popular navy recruitment advertisement had the slogan:
JOIN THE NAVY AND SEE THE WORLD
(Now you know why I preferred the navy to the army, though in hindsight I realize that I have hardly seen much of the world especially in comparison to my merchant mariner son who has travelled round the globe sailing across all oceans and seas and seeing all continents)
Recruitment advertisements were designed depending on what type of person the army wanted to attract to recruit as an officer or a soldier.
The recruitment slogan encapsulates in a nutshell the cardinal OLQ (“Officer Like Quality”) desired at that point of time.
Thus, the slogan “Join the Army and Serve the Nation” clearly implied that patriotism was the most important OLQ.
OLQ (or what are considered “Officer Like Qualities”) keep changing as the army ethos and value system tries to keep in tune with the changing social culture and situational ethics.
Accordingly, as the concept of OLQ changed from time to time, in order to attract the matching type of youth to join the army, the army came up with a variety of recruitment slogans emphasizing on and appealing to different human sentiments – adventure, bravery, masculinity, honesty, sacrifice, social status, quality of life, sports and recreation facilities, salary and perks, financial security, material benefits etc
Yes, with the progress of time, change in ethos and value system is inevitable and the meaning of OLQ too will accordingly change to keep in sync with social mores.
Like I said, I thought the navy was witty, but I was stunned when I came across this bizarre army recruitment slogan:
IF YOU WANT TO HAVE BEAUTIFUL AND SUCCESSFUL DAUGHTERS JOIN INDIAN ARMY
I chanced upon this gem of wit on twitter. It was a photograph of a hoarding apparently carrying an army recruitment advertisement. The advertisement had pictures of Bollywood Actors and Celebrities, who are daughters of army officers, with a caption that reads: “If you want to have beautiful and successful daughters, join Indian Army”
Some persons had clicked snapshots and photos of the hoarding featuring this colourful army recruitment advertisement and uploaded the pictures on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter and soon this picture had gone viral on twitter.
In due course, this was picked up by the mainstream media and duly reported in newspapers and TV news channels.
There are many reasons to join the Army, but this one takes the cake: “Join the Army if you want to have beautiful and successful daughters?” – what a fascinating and incredible reason!
I wonder what type of officer material the army is trying to attract and what is the new meaning of the term OLQ?
Well, I have not seen this advertisement myself, so I will not post it here. You may have seen it (and read about it) in the mainstream media or on the social media or on the internet.
If you haven’t, here is are some links to reports and picture of the advertisement in the mainstream media (click the links below which will open in a new window):
(And hey, after seeing the pictures and reading the news-reports, please remember to come back here and continue reading my blog)
DNA Newspaper : Thursday, Apr 18, 2013
India Today Online
As I write this I cannot stop laughing.
“If you want to have beautiful and successful daughters, join Indian Army”
I have not seen a more hilarious army recruitment slogan than this one.
Have you?
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2013
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 
NB:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2013. All Rights Reserved


Did you like reading this blog post?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my book  COCKTAIL an anthology of Short Fiction.
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com
Twitter: @vikramkarve
      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Posted by Vikram Karve 

AM I AN AGELESS WONDER – Pretty Girls Call Me Uncle

August 30, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: AM I AN AGELESS WONDER.

click the link above to read the original post in my journal

article also posted below for your convenience

AM I AN AGELESS WONDER ?
A Real Life Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE
NEW DELHI
1982
In 1982, as a newly married couple, we lived in Curzon Road Apartments on Kasturba Gandhi Marg near India Gate in New Delhi.
Me, my wife, and our puppy dog (a small Lhasa Apso Puppy Dog given to us as a wedding gift) – all three of us lived in our neat cosy one room apartment with a small kitchenette and a lovely balcony high up on the top floor.
One evening, while on her way back home from work, my wife went to the convenience store to buy milk and the shopkeeper told her that her father had already bought milk a few minutes ago.
My wife was delighted at the unexpected visit of her father so she rushed to our house and on not seeing her father around my wife asked me, “Where is Daddy?”
“Your Daddy? He must be in Pune,” I said.  
“No. Daddy has come here,” she said.
“Who told you?” I asked.
“The shopkeeper,” she said.
“Let’s go down and ask him,” I said.
So we went down and asked the shopkeeper who pointed towards me and said, “He took the milk. I thought he was your father.”
“He is my husband,” my wife said, pointing at me.
“I am sorry, Sir, but I was really mistaken,” the shopkeeper said apologetically to me.
Then the shopkeeper smiled at my wife and said to her, “Madam, you look so young, like a schoolgirl, so I thought he was your father.”
It was true. When we were married, my wife looked very young, just like a schoolgirl. She was 21 and I was 25, and though the shopkeeper hadn’t spelt it out in so many words, I did look a bit older than my 25 years, with my “healthy” built and my formidable beard.
Unlike the so-called “metrosexual” men of today, I like to be who I am, so I don’t believe in “cosmetic engineering” – I believe in the “old-mould” idea that a man must look like a man, tough and manly, and though hygiene and grooming are important, there is no need for a man to be excessively obsessed about his looks, and whereas having an appropriate dress sense and wearing good quality clothes is a must, there is no need for a man to “deck up”.
That’s why when the first strand of grey hair appeared on my head when I was in my forties, I never used hair dye, nor did I colour my copious beard when it started greying.
Of course, I must say here, that my wife too has a natural look and she hardly uses any cosmetics and nor does she colour her hair.
The fact of the matter was that my wife did indeed look much younger than me. Period.
So when a pretty young girl called me “uncle” I did not mind it much.
Thirty Years Later …
PUNE
2012
This happened a few days ago in Pune.
My wife was getting off an auto rickshaw. The fare was 52 rupees. She gave the auto-rickshaw driver a 50 rupee note and was desperately searching in her purse for a two rupee coin when the auto driver said magnanimously to my wife, “Never mind Ajji – it is okay if you don’t give me the two rupees.”
Now, in Marathi, the word AJJI means GRANDMOTHER.
I cannot begin to describe the emotion I felt when I heard this.
And just imagine, the pretty young girls still call me “uncle”.
 
VIKRAM KARVE 
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this story?
I am sure you will like the 27 fiction short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL 
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html


COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
  

THE SECRET OF A HAPPY HOME

August 26, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY HOME.

Click the link above to read the original post in my journal

The article is also posted below for your convenience

THE SECRET OF A HAPPY HOME

A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Whenever I muse over the timeline of my life and ask myself which were the best days of my life, there is only one answer – my Navy days. 
 
I will never forget those glorious days – the best period in my life.
 
My early days in the Navy, in the 1970s and 1980s, were indeed the happiest days of my life. No doubt about it. The Navy was an exciting place to be in, life was good and there was never a dull moment. Something was always happening, and I came across a variety of unique personalities – yes, exciting situations and inimitable characters.
Young officers were expected to “Jack of all Trades and Master of One”. 
 
Unlike most of our civilian counterparts we were not put into a professional straitjacket but encouraged to develop multifarious skills and “Officer Like Qualities” (OLQ) which resulted in a well-rounded personality. 
 
Hence, during my career in the Navy I had to do a lot of “bum jobs” like Mess Secretary, Wine Secretary, Food and Snack Bar Manager, Officer in Charge Poultry and Piggery, Officer in Charge of Dairy and Grow More Food Farms, Sports Manager, Audit and Accounts, Librarian, Event Manager and Organizer of all sorts of events ranging from Parties and Balls to Melas and Fleet Family Days. These jobs were in addition to our professional work and we were expected to excel in both our professional and extra-curricular duties.
On one such occasion I was a member of a Quartering Committee whose task was to allot houses and deal with all housing matters. 
 
There was a rule that a you could ask for a change of house after you had lived in a particular house for six months. 
 
Owning to the acute shortage of accommodation, it took almost an year to be allotted your proper entitled accommodation and since a tenure in a station was about three years most officers just stayed on in the house allotted to them for the remaining two years till they were transferred out. 
 
Only if there were very serious problems did someone ask for a change of house since relocating was quite a laborious and painful task and involved a lot of hassles like shifting your bag and baggage, disconnection and connection of electricity, cooking gas, informing one and all of the change of address, change of school bus for the kids and getting the house done up etc. So everyone preferred to stay on in whichever house they were given till they were transferred out.
“R” was different. He religiously applied for a change of accommodation the moment six months were over.
Actually he was so lucky to have been allotted a lovely sea facing flat on Marine Drive but the moment six months were over he applied for a change of accommodation.
“Why?” I asked him, “You have the best place. It is near your office, your kids’ school bus picks them up from your doorstep, it is so well connected, and look at the fantastic location – the best in Mumbai…”
“My wife doesn’t like the house. She says there is too much noise from the traffic. She wants a change,” he said.
He was allotted a house in Malabar Hill – an independent bungalow. Everyone said he was so lucky to get a huge mansion in a prime locality.
After six months he asked for a change.
“Why?” I asked him, “Last time you changed because of the traffic noise. I am sure the bungalow must be quiet and peaceful.”
“That’s the problem. My wife is fed up of the silence and she complains that she feels too lonely. There are no neighbours, no friends.”
We gave him a house in a multi-storey apartment block in the main township where there would be plenty of neighbours and friends and all the facilities.
Six months later, he again applied for a change. He told me that his wife said the place was too crowded and there was no privacy.
This went on and on, as his wife was never satisfied with any house. She always found some fault or the other.
When he applied for a change for the sixth time I could not contain myself any longer so I bluntly told him: “Listen to me. Don’t bother changing your house every time.Instead of changing your house just change your wife. With a good wife any house will be good and with a wife like yours, even the best house will be hell…”
“R” never talked to me after that. But someone told me that he did indeed heed my advice and now he never asks for a change of accommodation.
Think about it, Dear Reader. 
 
Harmony is the sine qua non for a happy and content life. 
 
It is inner peace that matters. 
 
If you want to enjoy music, even the best and most expensive music system is useless if your mind is disturbed. But if you are at peace with yourself you can enjoy music even on a simple radio – like I enjoy those melodious oldie-goldies on Vividh Bharati on my simple cell-phone radio.
 
If you feel unhappy, frustrated or if you are not able to enjoy the feast of life to its fullest, you must introspect and get down to the root cause instead of short term peripheral quick-fix solutions. 
 
And if you don’t like your home, you know what to do – just change your wife. 
 
Cheers. Any Home can be a Happy Home – now that you know the secret of how to make your home a Happy Home.
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 
Did you like this article?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com      

 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 
 
 

LIQUOR QUOTA – Rank Has Its Privileges RHIP

August 19, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: THE MORE YOU DRINK THE HIGHER YOU GO – Rank Has Its Privileges.

Click the link above and read about the hilarious paradox of Liquor Quota and have a laugh – then Think About It

A typical case of Humor In Uniform

The article is posted below too for your convenience

THE MORE YOU DRINK THE HIGHER YOU GO – Rank Has Its Privileges

THEATRE OF THE ABSURD
HUMOUR IN UNIFORM
A Naval Yarn
THE MORE YOU DRINK THE HIGHER YOU GO
Are Career Prospects linked to Drinking Capacity ?
Musings on RHIP – RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEGES
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer – Read this only if you have a Sense of Humour. This is a spoof so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh
Conventional wisdom says that as you grow older you should reduce your consumption of alcohol and drink less liquor.
However, the Military Canteen Stores Department (CSD) seems to think otherwise.
The more senior you become your liquor quota increases accordingly too.
I don’t know the exact liquor quota nowadays, but in our time, junior officers got about 12 bottles of booze a month, the mid-level officers got 14 bottles a month, senior officers got 16 bottles a month and flag officers got unlimited liquor.
Well, the numbers may have changed, but the logic remains the same – your liquor quota increases in direct proportion to your rank.
Going by this topsy-turvy logic, the more senior you become the more liquor you are supposed to drink.
Conversely, as a corollary, one may surmise that promotion is directly proportional to your drinking capacity or alcohol tolerance level – yes, the more you alcohol you can imbibe, the higher your chances of promotion to higher ranks. Ostensibly Career Prospects are linked to Drinking Capacity – THE MORE YOU DRINK THE HIGHER YOU GO.
(By the way, at least in my case, this “promotion is directly proportional to drinking capacity”theory did not hold true, for had this premise been foolproof, then yours truly would surely have become an Admiral; because in my heyday, I could comfortably polish off more than half a bottle of Rum in a drinking session. Sadly, now I am a teetotaller, but during my early navy days I was a regular drinker with great drinking capacity. If career prospects indeed depend on drinking capacity, I should have gone high up the ladder, but maybe, I am an exception to the rule)
Jokes apart, I feel that this “pecking order” for liquor quotas is a rather bizarre interpretation of the RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEGES (RHIP) concept, taking rank consciousness to absurd limits.
Can you please tell me by what logic does an elderly ageing senior officer require to drink more alcohol than his much more younger and youthful junior?
In fact, if you ask me, it may be more prudent to give more liquor quota to young carefree bachelor officers and keep them in “high spirits” rather than facilitate senior married officers to drown their sorrows in alcohol and ruin their family life, besides damaging their own health.
This RHIP discrimination continues after retirement too, despite the fact that once you retire you relinquish your active service rank and become a civilian and are considered equal in status with all others.
And now, someone tells me, that even the paramilitary forces want to join the liquor quota bandwagon and are applying the same bizarre RHIP logic for determining liquor quotas and want to continue the same rank-consciousness after retirement too.
What is this liquor quota I am talking about?
Well,  this liquor quota business seems to be relic of the Raj. The genesis of this liquor quota probably goes back to the days of the British Raj when a British officer serving inIndia away from home was given a certain amount of liquor at concessional rates. AfterIndependence, like most rules and regulations made by the erstwhile British rulers, this concept was continued.
Whether this “perk” is good or bad is a debatable issue. But nowadays, liquor is freely available all over, and since most states levy taxes on CSD goods, there is hardly any price differential, so gradually this “quota” will become irrelevant.
But I still have two unanswered questions in my mind:
1. Are you supposed to drink more alcohol as you get senior? Is there a correlation between Officer Like Qualities (OLQ) and the amount of alcohol you can imbibe?
2. Is drinking capacity the key to career success and is promotion to senior ranks linked to your drinking capacity? Is there merit in the truism – The More You Drink The Higher You Go…?
Will some “veteran” be so good as to enlighten us?
Till then, Cheers – enjoy your “quota” and have a drink!
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL – Stories About Relationships. 

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About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com     


© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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A SIMPLE HUSBAND and A SNOBBISH WIFE

December 25, 2011

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: A SIMPLE HUSBAND and A SNOBBISH WIFE.

Click the link above and read A Story of ETIQUETTE, MANNERS AND SOCIAL GRACES in my creative writing journal.
Merry Christmas
Regards
Vikram Karve

ADULT EDUCATION

November 9, 2011

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: ADULT EDUCATION.

click the link above and read all about ADULT EDUCATION in my academic journal

THE CAT and ART OF MEDITATION

January 16, 2010

HOW RITUALS START
A Story
By
VIKRAM KARVE

A seeker joined a monastery to learn meditation and the art of living.
Every evening all students and disciples assembled in the large meditation hall for a discourse by the Spiritual Guru followed by group meditation.
Just before the meditation session commenced the disciples would catch a cat, tie it up and place it on the lap of the Spiritual Guru, who would then start caressing the cat and begin the discourse and meditation session. After the event was over, the cat would be untied and set free.
This was the established daily ritual and the Guru would start the meditation session only after the tied up cat was placed on his lap, so much so that once when the cat could not be found, the meditation session was delayed and all the seekers launched a desperate hunt till they found the cat which was duly tied up and placed on the Guru’s lap and only then did he start his discourse-cum-meditation session.
The seeker was quite perplexed at the mystery of the tied up cat and the significance of this ritual and he also wondered is there was any correlation between this strange ritual of tying up a cat with the art of meditation.
He asked around but no one knew the answer till someone told him to ask a wise old man who lived in a cave up the hills, so our curious seeker trudged up the hills to meet the wise old man and ask him the significance of this time-honoured ritual.
“It is like this,” the wise old man said, “many years ago, when the then Spiritual Guru and his disciples began their evening meditation, the cat that lived in the monastery made such noise that it distracted them. So the Guru ordered that the cat be tied up during the evening discourse-cum-meditation practice. This practice continued, so much so that even when the teacher died, the next Guru continued this tradition and a cat continued to be tied up during the meditation session.
When the cat died, another cat was brought to the monastery to be tied up during the evening meditation session, and when it too died they brought another, and with the passage of time this has become such an established ritual that now no one dare start the meditation session without the tied up cat.
Years later, our seeker became the Spiritual Guru and he wrote a scholarly treatise about the significance of tying up a cat during meditation practice.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com
http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
vikramkarve@sify.com

VIRTUAL REALITY

December 28, 2009

VIRTUAL REALITY

A Mulla Nasrudin Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE

Here is one of my favourite Mulla Nasrudin stories.

Mulla Nasrudin bought a beautiful house at a picturesque place far away from civilization high up in the hills.

From time to time he would suddenly pack his bags, leave the city, and go away to his house in the hills, disappearing for days, sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months.

And just as suddenly as he used to disappear, he used to unpredictably return back to the city, suddenly, without any warning or notice.
fiction
When asked the reason for his erratic and whimsical behaviour, Nasrudin explained:

“I have kept a caretaker woman up there in the hills to look after my house. She is the ugliest woman – horrible, repulsive, hideous, and nauseating. Just one look at her and one feels like vomiting.

When I go to live there, at first she looks horrible. But slowly, slowly, after a few lonely days, she is not so horrible. Then after some more desolate forlorn days, she doesn’t seem that undesirable. And as more and more time passes in lonesome seclusion, a day comes when I start seeing some beauty in her.

The day I start seeing beauty in that horrid woman I know that it is time to escape from my virtual world in the hills. The day I start getting attracted to the hideous woman means enough is enough – I have lived away from the real world for too long – now even this horrible revolting woman has started looking beautiful. I may even fall in love with this ghastly ugly repugnant woman – that’s dangerous.

So I pack up my things and rush back to the city.”

So, my dear friend who is reading this…has the virtual world, the cyber world started looking “beautiful”…?

Maybe it’s time to return to the Real World…!

Good Bye, take care…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

vikramkarve@sify.com

Disease to Please

October 10, 2009

THE DISEASE TO PLEASE

A Story

By

VIKRAM KARVE


As long as you live your life in such a way that your happiness is dependent upon things you cannot control, you will be a puppet in the hands of external circumstances and entities.

Similarly, if you are obsessed with seeking approval of others and always worried about pleasing others and your actions are guided by what other people would say [The LOK KYA KAHENGE syndrome] it looks like you may be falling victim to The Disease to Please and it is high time you read this Mulla Nasrudin Story.

Mulla Nasrudin and his son were travelling with their donkey.

Nasrudin preferred to walk while his son sat on the donkey.

Soon they passed a group of bystanders, and one of them scoffed, “Look at that selfish boy. The hale-and–hearty young son is riding on the donkey while his poor old father is forced to walk alongside. What disgraceful behaviour? And it is so disrespectful. What a horrible and spoiled child!”

Mulla Nasrudin and his son felt  so embarrassed by these comments that they quickly switched places.

Now Mulla Nasrudin rode on the donkey while his son walked.

Soon they passed another group of people. “Oh, just look at that, what detestable behaviour!” one of them exclaimed pointing to Mulla Nasrudin. “That poor young boy has to walk while his shameless father rides the donkey! That horrible man should be ashamed of himself for the way he is treating his son. What a heartless father! It is appalling!”

Nasrudin was extremely upset to hear this. He wanted to avoid anybody else’s scorn, so decided that both he and his son ride the donkey at the same time and asked his son to sit along with him on the donkey.

As they both rode on the donkey, they passed another group of people. “That man and his son are so cruel,” one bystander said. “Just look at how they are forcing that poor donkey to bear the weight of two people. They have no consideration for the poor mute animal. Cruel merciless scoundrels, that’s what they are!”

Nasrudin heard this and told his son, “I guess the only way we can avoid the criticism of others is to both walk.”

“I suppose you are right,” the son replied.

So they got off the donkey and continued on foot.

But as they passed another group of people, they heard them laughing. “Ha, ha, ha,” the group jeered. “Look at those two fools. They are so stupid that both of them are walking under this scorching hot sun and neither of them is riding the donkey! Have you ever seen such stupid idiots? What morons!”

[In another version of this story, the criticism and comments of people continue, iterating and reiterating, and in the end the exasperated Mulla Nasrudin and his son finally carry the donkey on their heads…!]

So, Dear Reader, the next time you are overcome by the disease to please and feel governed by a desire to seek approval of others for something you want to do, feel like pleasing others to the detriment of your own needs, just remember this Mulla Nasrudin story, listen to your inner voice, seek your own approval, and act accordingly.

Log kya kahenge…? Don’t worry…  Kuch to Log kahenge, logon ka kam hai kehena

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2009

Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com

http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve

Appetite for a Stroll

vikramkarve@sify.com

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