Misplaced Loyalty and the “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome

DO YOU HAVE SENSE OF “MISPLACED LOYALTY”…?

DO YOU HESITATE TO “WASH” YOUR “DIRTY LINEN” IN PUBLIC…? 

ARE YOU AFFLICTED BY THE “KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY” SYNDROME…?

“Dirt” has to be “washed” – otherwise – things become “unclean”.

Now – this “dirt” may be physical – or – metaphorical – like mental “dirt” – perversions, immorality or filth in the mind – or – systemic “dirt” – corruption, crime and unethical aspects/people in a system/organisation.

If you metaphorically call a system/organisation as “linen” – then an “unclean” system/organisation “polluted” by various forms of “dirt” can be metaphorically called “dirty linen”.

“Dirty Linen” has to be “Washed”.

If you can “Wash” your “Dirty Linen” in private – well and good.

Otherwise – you will have to “Wash” your “Dirty Linen” in public.

If you avoid “washing” your “dirty linen” – it will become unclean and filthy – and can be harmful to your “health”.

So – it is imperative to “wash” your “dirty linen”.

As I said – it is best to “wash” your “dirty linen” in private.

But – if for some reason you can’t do so – then – you have to “wash” your “dirty linen” in public.

Unless you believe in “uncleanliness” – you have to “wash” your “dirty linen”.

So – it is better to “wash” your “dirty linen” in public – rather than not “wash” your “dirty linen” at all.

Due to sense of “Misplaced Loyalty” – some people avoid “washing” their “dirty linen” because they don’t want to “wash” their “dirty linen” in public.

This pseudo-ethical sense sense of “Misplaced Loyalty” due to a “Don’t Wash Your Dirty Linen in Public” mindset results in the “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome.

At the familial level – families tend to hide serious issues under the pretext that it is an internal issue of the family and that “dirty linen” should not be washed in public – otherwise the image and reputation of the family will be adversely affected.

Incidents of Incest, Sexual Abuse, Inappropriate Behaviour, Adultery, Pedophilia and Domestic Violence that happen within a “family” – these incidents may be “hushed up” to avoid “washing dirty linen in public” – because of the fallacious fear that exposing the wrongdoers may bring a “bad name” to the family and tarnish the reputation of the family.

At the organisational level – “Misplaced Loyalty” due to the “Keep it in the Family” syndrome sometimes makes you condone unethical acts of individuals/organizations who you feel are a “part of the family” and towards whom you feel a sense of “loyalty”.

“Misplaced Loyalty” attitudes of – “Keep it in the Family” – “Don’t Wash Dirty Linen in Public” – results in a “pseudo-ethical” tendency to “brush misdemeanors under the carpet” and “hush up” wrongdoings – due to which culprits get away scot-free.

Owing to these “Misplaced Loyalty” Mindsets in Organizations – Frauds and Scams are “hushed-up” – Corruption and Wrongdoings are not exposed – and – Scandals are swept under the carpet.

Dear Reader – here is an article I had written 3 years ago on the topic of “Misplaced Loyalty” due to “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome…

MISPLACED LOYALTY 

The “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome – A Garb for Pseudo-Ethics

Musings of Navy Veteran Vikram Karve

RUSTOM

3 years ago – in 2016 – I saw the movie RUSTOM

The film is based on the famous 1959 Nanavati Case 

(Commander K. M. Nanavati vs. State of Maharashtra)

I am sure you are aware of this landmark murder case in which Commander Kawas Manekshaw Nanavati – a Navy Commander – was tried for the murder of Prem Ahuja – his wife’s lover.

NANAVATI CASE 

As per information on the Nanavati Case on the Internet – it appears that – Commander Nanavati fired 3 shots at his wife’s lover who dropped dead – and then – Commander Nanavati headed straight to confess to the Provost Marshal of the Western Naval Command – and – on his advice – Nanavati surrendered himself to the Deputy Commissioner of Police.

The murder case received unprecedented media coverage and inspired several books and movies.

Commander Nanavati – accused under section 302 – was initially declared “Not Guilty” by a Jury under section 302 – but – the verdict was dismissed by the Bombay High Court – and – the case was re-tried as a bench trial.

The High Court sentenced Nanavati to life imprisonment for culpable homicide amounting to murder – and subsequently – the Supreme Court of India upheld the conviction.

Nanavati was granted pardon after spending 3 years in prison – and – after his release – Nanavati – his wife Sylvia – and – their 3 children – all migrated to Canada – and – settled in Toronto.

Nanavati died in 2003.

The Nanavati case was the last to be heard as a Jury Trial in India – as the government abolished jury trials after this landmark case.

RUSTOM (Movie) – Twist in the Tail

The movie ending is different – with a “Twist in the Tail”.

The protagonist Commander Rustom Pavri walks free after the jury declares him “not guilty”.

On the eve of the judgement – while talking to the Investigating Officer (Police Inspector Lobo) – Commander Rustom Pavri justifies killing his wife’s lover (Vikram Makhija)

Rustom says that the real reason he shot dead his wife’s lover (Vikram Makhija) was to prevent India Navy from acquiring a “sub-standard” Aircraft Carrier which would have compromised national security.

Vikram Makhija was an “Arms Agent” – and – he had entered into a conspiracy with “Bigwigs” (including high ranking Naval Officers and Bureaucrats) – to siphon off money by importing a “sub-standard” warship.

Rustom is deputed abroad to a foreign country to inspect the ship – and – he discovers the “scam”.

He is shocked to learn that his friend Vikram Makhija is the main conspirator and his own senior officers are involved neck-deep in the scam.

The corrupt “scamsters” try to “persuade” Rustom to give a “favourable” report to accept the “sub-standard” ship.

The corrupt “scamsters” try to bribe Rustom – and – later they threaten him – but – Rustom – who is a patriotic and honest officer – refuses to compromise his integrity.

On his return to India – Rustom he telephonically informs the Defence Secretary about the scam – and – Rustom tells him that he will not spare the main conspirator Vikram Makhija (who – as Rustom has coincidentally learnt – is having an affair with Rustom’s wife Sylvia).

(It later transpires that the Defence Secretary is also involved in the scam).

Rustom proceeds to Vikram Makhija’s house and puts three bullets into his chest.

Vikram Makhija drops dead.

Everyone – including the investigating officer Inspector Lobo – everyone thinks that Rustom killed Makhija because he caught him having an affair with his wife.

However – at the end of the movie – while talking to Inspector Lobo – Rustom reveals that real reason why he killed Vikram Makhija.

Rustom says the he killed Vikram Makhija since he was the key conspirator in the shady deal to import the sub-standard aircraft carrier warship.

Thereby – he managed foil the shady deal and prevented the import of a sub-standard warship whose acquisition would have compromised national security.

Inspector Lobo asks Commander Rustom Pavri:

“What about the other conspirators like the Senior Navy Officers, Defence Secretary etc…? Why didn’t you expose them and ensure that they got punished…?”

Commander Rustom Pavri says:

“If I had exposed them – the “image” of the Navy and Government would have got tarnished – so – I did not expose those persons in “high places” to protect the “reputation” of the nation…”

Does the movie want to give a “message” that it is okay to condone high-level corruption in shady Defence deals – on the specious logic that exposing high-ranking perpetrators will tarnish the “good image” of the Armed Forces, spoil the reputation of the Defence Establishment and embarrass the Government…?

In the Movie – Rustom displays “Misplaced Patriotism” by his misguided belief – that – he is defending the honour of the Navy and the Nation – by concealing the extent of the scam and withholding the names corrupt senior officers – due to which high-ranking perpetrators of the scam escape punishment and get away scot-free.

Hence – the “moral message” is that – for the “greater good” – it is justified to let wrongdoers get away scot-free just to protect the reputation of the organization.

Bizarre logic – isn’t it…?

Or maybe – it is not so bizarre.

Don’t we see such cases of “misplaced loyalty” in real life…?

“Image” and “Reputation” seem to matter more than “Ethics” and “Moral Values”.

This phenomenon is visible at work – at the organizational level – and – in personal life – at the familial level.

MISPLACED LOYALTY (The “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome)

“Misplaced Loyalty” makes you remain silent when you know you should speak up – at work – and – in personal life – especially when it comes to personal friendships and close family relationships.

We see this phenomenon of “misplaced loyalty” in organizations – in the military (under the garb of “izzat”) – and – in “civvy street” too – in civilian bureaucracy – in business houses and the corporate sector – and – of course – in political parties.

Engaging in misplaced loyalty in professional life entails complying with a “code of silence” about the internal affairs of your organization.

In the Military – “Regimental Loyalties” (keep it within the unit) – and “Ship Loyalties” (keep it within the ship) – are examples of such misplaced organizational loyalties.

At the family/personal level – incidents of Incest, Sexual Abuse, Inappropriate Behaviour, Adultery, Pedophilia and Domestic Violence that happen within a “family” – these incidents may be “hushed up” to avoid “washing dirty linen in public” – because of the fallacious fear –  that exposing the wrongdoers may bring a “bad name” to the family and tarnish the reputation of the entire family.

I call it the “keep it in the family” syndrome.

The term “family” is used literally to mean personal family comprising relatives – as well as metaphorically – to refer to organizations (workplace “family”).

“Misplaced Loyalty” due to the “Keep it in the Family” syndrome sometimes makes you condone unethical acts of individuals/organizations who you feel are a “part of the family” and towards whom you feel a sense of “loyalty”.

“Misplaced Loyalty” attitudes of – “Keep it in the Family” – “Don’t Wash Dirty Linen in Public” – result in a “pseudo-ethical” tendency to “brush misdemeanors under the carpet” and “hush up” wrongdoings – due to which culprits get away scot-free.

Owing to these “Misplaced Loyalty” Mindsets in Organizations – Frauds, Scams and Cases of Sexual Misconduct are “hushed-up” – Corruption and Wrongdoings are not exposed – and – Scandals are swept under the carpet.

In some cases – even heinous crimes are “hushed up” – due to the propensity to “cover up” criminal activities due to the “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome.

Both at the macro-level and micro-level – in organizational environments – and – in family settings – “misplaced loyalty” due to the “keep it in family” syndrome may have deleterious consequences.

The ramification of this “misplaced loyalty” due to the “keep it in family” syndrome is that wrongdoers get emboldened to commit misdemeanors even more brazenly with disastrous consequences.

The widespread corruption, various scams/scandals and proliferation of crime bear testimony to this fact.

Due to the “keep it in the family” mindset – in workplaces and in family settings – if sexual perverts who indulge in “inappropriate behavior” are allowed to get away “scot-free” – they may get emboldened to commit worse misdemeanors like sexual harassment, sexual assault, rape etc.

“Misplaced Loyalty” is dangerous – for the “family” – and for society at large.

Even if it means “embarrassment” to the “family” – isn’t it better to “name and shame” wrongdoers and punish these malefactors at the very first instance…?

Exposing transgressors in the very first instance will help “nip things in the bud” – and – will deter these wrongdoers from committing graver misdemeanors – which may prove to be even more detrimental to the family/organization.

During my long career in the Navy – I did come across a few instances of attempts to “cover up” misconduct due to the “keep it in the family” syndrome – “Misplaced Loyalty” arising from “fear of reputation damage” – or – due to adherence to so-called pseudo “honour codes” prevalent in military training academies and in some regiments/units.

However – by and large – instances of misconduct were duly reported and the offenders were punished.

CONCLUSION

Coming back to the movie RUSTOM – it is one thing for a Naval Officer to commit an “Honour Killing” by shooting his wife’s illicit lover.

But – it is quite another thing for a Naval Officer to kill a Civilian Businessman who is a conspirator in a defence scam – while at the same time “protecting” high-ranking Navy Officers and Civilian Bureaucrats involved in the same scam – and justifying the “hush up” – on the bizarre logic – that exposing these high-ranking officers will tarnish the image of the Navy and the Nation.

I wish the movie had stuck to the original story – and – not twisted the story by a hotchpotch sub-plot about corruption in defence deals – and – ended up with the protagonist Commander Rustom Pavri justifying his “Misplaced Patriotism” – due to which – he does not expose corruption in the shady defence deal – on the specious logic – that “naming and shaming” corrupt high-ranking officers involved in the scam – would “tarnish the image” of the Navy (and Nation)

So – the protagonist (Commander Rustom Pavri) thereby allows the conspirators to get away scot-free and escape punishment for their misconduct.

Dear Reader:

Don’t you see examples of “Misplaced Loyalty” and “Keep it in the Family” Syndrome around you – due to which – instead of being punished – wrongdoers and culprits are allowed to escape punishment and get away scot-free – at both – the “macro level” – in politics, in bureaucracy, in the military, in corporates, in academia – and also at the “micro level” – in your workplace and among your family and friends…?

I feel that Misplaced Loyalty (due to the “keep it in the family” syndrome) is a garb for pseudo-ethics – and this proves detrimental to the greater good in the long run.

It is better to “wash” your “dirty linen” in public – rather than not “wash” your “dirty linen” at all and let it become unclean and filthy. 

Dear Reader – Do you agree…?

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. All examples and tips are illustrative in nature. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

 This is a revised re-post of my blog post “Keep it in the Family” Syndromefirst posted online by me Vikram Karve on Monday, August 22, 2016 in my blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/keep-it-in-family-syndrome-misplaced.html  and reposted at url:  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/10/misplaced-loyalty-keep-it-in-family.html and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2016/08/25/pseudo-ethics-misplaced-loyalty/ and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2016/10/16/misplaced-loyalty/ and  http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/06/keep-it-in-family-dont-wash-your-dirty.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/03/keep-it-in-family-syndrome.html etc

“Break Up” of a modern “DINK” couple

Dear Reader:

Let us go to a flat in a posh residential complex in Aundh, Pune – and watch the “break-up proceedings” of a young urban modern married couple on the verge of divorce – an amicable “friendly” divorce by mutual consent… 

(This story happened more than 16 years ago – in the year 2003)

BREAKUP OF A MODERN “DINK” COUPLE – A Story by Vikram Karve 

Aundh, Pune (Circa 2003)

It’s a warm Sunday morning in Pune.

Let’s go to the apartment of a young “Double Income No Kids” (DINK) couple – in a posh residential complex in Aundh.

The man and the woman – both in their late 20’s – they sit across a table in the living room.

Let’s eavesdrop and hear what they are talking…!!!

“Let’s start with the house…” the man says.

“Okay…” the woman says.

“We bought it for 25. It’s worth more than 50 today.”

“You keep the house…” the woman says.

“Thanks. I knew you would let me keep it…” the man says with a sigh of relief.

The man opens a folder on the table between them – and he says to the woman:

“I have worked it out exactly. Here’s a cheque for 15 Lakhs. I’ll take over all your EMIs and your part of the loan. Have a look at the papers and sign.”

The woman signs the papers without reading.

Then she picks up the cheque – and without even looking at it – she puts the cheque in her purse.

“The car. You want to keep it…?” the man asks.

“Of course. It’s on my name. I got the loan – remember…!!!”

“Please. Let’s not start yours and mine again. We agreed that the “breakup” would be as amicable as possible…”

“I’m sorry…” the woman says a bit contrite.

“It’s just that I thought you would like to buy a new car…” the man says.

“No. I like the Santro…” the woman says.

“Okay. I’ll make do with my old bike for a few days. Then I’ll go in for the SUV that I have always wanted to own….”

The woman looks at the wall-clock and she says to the man:

“Oh my God…! It’s 10:30 already. The “packers and movers” will be here any moment. Let’s hurry and finish it off once and for all…!”

“Okay. Let’s go room by room…” the man says.

The man gives the woman a notepad and a pen, and he says to her:

“You better write it down, so you can tell the packers.”

“You write…” the woman says.

“Okay. Let’s start with the living room.”

“The TV, DVD, Music System – you can keep everything. I only want all the beautiful wrought iron furniture I especially got made for the house.”

“At least leave me a couple of chairs and a table…!!!” the man pleads.

“Oh, come on…!!! When will you understand…? It’s a whole set…!!! You can always buy the cheap molded furniture you always liked.”

“Okay. Let’s go to the kitchen.”

“I’ll take the microwave and dishwasher; and some good crockery and cutlery. You keep the stainless steel stuff which you love for its utilitarian value.”

“Don’t be sarcastic…!” the man snaps.

“I’m not being sarcastic…!” the woman answers, “I’m sick and tired of “Value For Money” obsession. You never like anything elegant and refined…”

“I prefer to drink the best scotch in a stainless steel tumbler rather than a third rate whisky served in fancy cut-glass…!!!”

“Oh yeah…So go ahead “Cheapie”…!!! Once I leave – you can eat out of earthenware bowls – and sit on straw mats for all I care…!!! But – I like classy stuff. Oh, yes… I am taking the new carpet you have kept packed inside – those new lace curtains – and all the curios and antiques.”

“Sure. Take anything you want. Except my books…Please let me have all my books…!!!”

“Books…!!! I don’t want any of your books…” the woman says, “That’s all you have done –you buy books and wallow in them. With the money you have squandered on your books – you could have bought me a diamond – the solitaire I wanted for my last birthday…”

“Please Anju…!!! Let’s not start again…!!!”

“Okay Abhi. I’m sorry. Let’s get all this over with as quickly as possible and part happily as good friends…”

And so – they go about it – without a trace of acrimony – they continue their “break-up proceedings” – dividing all their assets –  one by one. 

They go about it scrupulously and systematically – room by room – cupboard by cupboard – item by item – clothes, air conditioner, computer, washing machine, furniture, beds, linen, everything…

They even divide the playthings and baby-clothes which they had diligently accumulated for the unconceived and unborn baby – the baby they had planned to have – after they both were well established in their careers.

Each and every asset in the house is meticulously divided between the two – and the woman’s items are segregated, packed and loaded into the truck by the “packers and movers”.

The “split-up” is precise – and the “break-up” of their relationship is now fully completed – emotionally and materially – and they are properly “separated” from each other.

Now – they will await the formal divorce.

It is just a matter of time – and their marriage will be officially over.

“Thanks for making it so easy…” the woman says.

“You too…!!!” the man says.

“No hard feelings…?”

“No hard feelings…!!! It’s best for both of us….”

“I know. We were mismatched – we were not compatible – that’s all…”

“There were good times too…!!!”

“Yes…”

“It had to happen. I’m so happy it’s happened so amicably…”

“Me too. Bye Abhi. Take care…” the woman says.

Then – the woman calls out loudly:

“Dolly…! Dolly…! Dolly…!”

A cute and fluffy little snow-white Lhasa Apso dog called “Dolly” – who till now was sitting quietly in the balcony – runs up to the woman – excitedly wagging its tail.

The woman lovingly picks up the adorable little dog in her arms – and she begins to walk towards the door.

“Hey…? Where are you taking Dolly…?” asks the man apprehensively.

“I am taking Dolly with me, of course…” the woman says holding the adorable dog in her arms.

“No – you’re not taking Dolly with you…!!! Dolly stays with me…!!!” the man says firmly.

“How can she stay with you…?”

“What do you mean “how can she stay with me”…? This is Dolly’s house. Dolly will stay here like she has stayed all these days. I will look after her…” the man says emphatically.

“No. I am taking Dolly with me. Look how she’s cuddling in my arms…” the woman says.

“She cuddles in my arms too…!!! Dolly stays with me. You cannot take her…” the man says firmly.

“I am taking her. You try stopping me…!!!” the woman says defiantly – and she moves towards the door.

In a flash – the man rushes to the door – and he menacingly blocks the woman’s way.

The cute little dog “Dolly” – she senses the tension – and stiffens.

“Look – you are scaring Dolly…” the woman says.

“You give Dolly to me…” the man says in a firm no-nonsense voice to the woman.

He takes Dolly from the woman – he cuddles the dog his arms – and he begins baby-talking to her – petting her – and gently fondling her neck lovingly with his hand.

The dog – Dolly – she relaxes, snuggles in the man’s arms – and then – Dolly begins to lovingly lick his hands.

“Be reasonable, Abhi…” the woman says, “I always assumed Dolly would be coming with me. That’s why I have found a ground floor flat with a small garden where she can play. She feels cooped up here – and you’ll find it difficult to look after her.”

“How can you assume such things…? Dolly is staying with me. I’ll look after her. You don’t worry about Dolly….” the man says.

“Don’t be stubborn, Abhi…!!! Give Dolly to me, please…” the woman pleads.

“No. Dolly stays right here with me…”

“I am not going without her…”

“Don’t go…” the man says.

“What do you mean “don’t go”…!!! We had agreed to the separation, We had agreed that we would work out things amicably That there would be no acrimony or rancour – and we would always remain good friends. Then why this bitterness at the last moment…? Please give Dolly to me…” the woman says.

“No. Dolly stays with me right here. I can’t live without her…” the man says.

“I too can’t live without her…” the woman says.

“Then – you stay here…!!!” the man says.

“Okay. I’ll stay put right here…” the woman says defiantly, “I am not going to move an inch from here – till you don’t let me take Dolly with me…”

“Fine…”

“Fine…”

In the evening – the man and the woman – the “DINK” couple – they are playing with their cute little dog – Dolly – on the lush green lawns of their residential complex.

EPILOGUE

Three years ago – our protagonists – the man and the woman – newly married – were in Shillong for their honeymoon. 

They visited their jolly dog-loving uncle – a Colonel – who was posted to Shillong.

The Colonel presented the newly-wed couple a beautiful one month old baby female “Lhasa Apso” puppy dog as a wedding gift.

He had already named the cute little puppy “Dolly”.

The Colonel’s wife scolded him for gifting a dog to the young newly-married couple.

She felt that the pet would encumber the young couple’s married life.

But – on the contrary – as I brought out in the story – their darling pet dog Dolly saved the “DINK” marriage.

She – the pet dog Dolly – turned out to be their “bundle of joy” – the “Kid” in the “Double Income No Kids” family.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/breakup-proceedings.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

I wrote this story more than 16 years ago in in the year 2003. The story features in my short story book COCKTAIL. I have posted this story online a number of times including at urls: http://creative.sulekha.com/bundle-of-joy-by-vikram-karve_143723_blog  and  http://vikramwamankarve.blogspot.in/2006_05_01_archive.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/breakup-story-of-marriage-and-divorce.html  and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/10/26/bundle-of-joy/and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/11/30/divorce-proceedings-of-a-young-urban-modern-dink-couple/and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/10/breakup-of-double-income-no-kids-dink.html

Do you Compare and Compete…?

Comparison and Competition are two evils which are detrimental to happiness.

I have experienced:

If you want to be happy and content – you must live a “non-comparative and non-competitive” life.

Now – the converse is also true.

If you want to feel unhappy and frustrated – all you have to do – is to live a “comparative and competitive” life.

It’s that simple – you can take my word for it.

Tell me – what is the best way to feel miserable…?

“Compare”…!!!

Yes – compare yourself with someone who you feel is “better off” as compared to you.

This comparison will create a sense of inferiority complex in you.

This inferiority complex due to comparison will – in turn – arouse envy which will urge you to “compete” with that person.

So – Comparison leads to Competition

And – this spiral can go on and on endlessly.

Yes – “comparison” and “competition” are inextricably intertwined.

I do not understand why people keep comparing themselves with others.

Some parents even compare their own children with others’ children.

When I was in the Navy – I observed some “careerist” officers indulging in ruthless competition due to this “comparison virus”.

Even Navy Wives were afflicted by the “comparison virus”.

One Navy Wife was unhappy because her neighbour’s husband acquired a car.

Those days most Naval Officers had scooters/motorcycles – and – junior/mid-level Naval Officers could not afford to buy a car.

Another Navy Wife was unhappy because her friend’s husband was doing extremely well in his Navy career and he was deputed abroad for a prestigious course.

Many “laid back” officers were spurred into overweening unbridled careerism by their wives – who had become competitive and ambitious after being infected by the “comparison virus”.

Comparison can also make you try to become someone else (the person with whom you are comparing).

You see someone with “6 pack abs” – and – you too want to have “6 pack abs” – though you are quite fit and healthy.

I have seen so many persons – men and women – who get obsessed with their external appearance since they always compare themselves with others.

Comparison happens at work, at home, in society, in families, in daily life – among friends and peers – people are comparing everything – animate and inanimate – their jobs, their salaries, their spouses, their children, their homes, their cars, their possessions – even their pets.

You compare – and you want to be like the other person – you may even want to be in the other person’s shoes.

You compare – and you want something belonging to that person.

You compare – and you stop being happy as you are.

You compare – and you are not content with whatever you have got.

Once you are infected by the virus of “comparison” – you will not be comfortable with yourself – you will not be happy with yourself as you are – and you will try to be someone else.

Do you want to be yourself…?

Or – do you want to be someone else…?

Here is an interesting fable that illustrates the dangers of trying to be someone else.

THE STORY OF THE EXOTIC GOAT

(A Fable By Vikram Karve)

Once there lived a Goat.

Yes – this story is about a “Goat”.

He was an ordinary looking Goat – who lived wild and free in the mountains.

One day while grazing in the forest – the goat saw a Giraffe – and – the goat said to himself:

“I wish my neck was as long as the giraffe…”

Lo and Behold…!!!

The goat’s neck suddenly became as long as the giraffe’s.

Delighted that his wish had come true – and – that he could now see far and wide – the goat saw an Eagle flying high in the sky.

“I wish I had wings like that eagle…” wished the goat.

And instantaneously – wings appeared on the goat’s body.

Thrilled – the goat flapped its newly acquired wings – when – the goat suddenly he spotted a Tortoise.

The goat admired the beautiful hard shell of the tortoise – the goat said to himself:

“I wish I had a strong hard invincible body like the shell of the tortoise…”

Instantly – his wish was granted – the goat’s back turned into the shell of a tortoise.

The goat felt ecstatic and impregnable – till he suddenly saw a sleek Cheetah speeding across the horizon running at high speed.

“I wish I had legs like the Cheetah…” the goat wished.

And – miracle of miracles – the goat’s legs immediately became like the Cheetah.

Now the goat was truly overjoyed – and – he was on cloud nine – till he saw the enchanting sight of a beautiful Peacock.

The Peacock – with his majestic feathers – was dancing magnificently.

“I wish I had gorgeous feathers like the Peacock…” the goat wished.

And – in a jiffy – the goat’s wish was granted – and – the goat now had dazzling copious plume of colourful feathers like the Peacock.

Adorned with the Neck of a Giraffe – Wings of an Eagle – Shell of a Tortoise – Legs of a Cheetah – and – Feathers of a Peacock – the Goat felt jubilant, supreme, regal and magnificent.

The goat felt on top of the world – and – the goat strutted around grandiosely in majestic pride.

A Hunter was passing by – and he suddenly saw this unique stunning creature.

The Hunter looked at the marvelous creature.

He could not believe his eyes.

The Hunter stared in fascination and gawked enthralled at the sight before him.

Was this an animal – or – was this a bird – or – was this a reptile…?

What a fantastic creature…!!!

The Hunter was totally mesmerized at this bizarre, exotic and fascinating creature – which he had never seen before.

After looking spellbound at the fantastic “Goat” for some time – the Hunter recovered his wits – and – he decided to capture this exotic priceless gem.

So the Hunter cast his net – and – the Hunter caught the exotic “Goat”.

Then – the Hunter sold the exotic “Goat” – an amazing “never-seen-before” unique “one-of-its-kind” exclusive creature – at an astronomical price – to the Zoo.

Large crowds gathered at the Zoo – and – everyone gaped in awe at this astonishingly exotic creature – fascinated by the awesome sight.

The exotic “Goat” spent the rest of his life in captivity locked up in a cage – weeping and crying.

The exotic “Goat” was filled with agony when he saw some ordinary looking goats wandering freely and eating grass outside the cage.

He looked wistfully at the ordinary goats – his erstwhile fellow brethren.

These ordinary looking goats were wandering about freely and unnoticed in the zoo gardens – while the exotic beautiful goat was locked up in a cage.

The exotic “Goat” wished he too were free to roam around like the ordinary goats.

The exotic “Goat” wondered why the ordinary goats did not recognize him.

Depressed at having lost his freedom – the exotic “Goat” spent the rest of his life in captivity filled with sadness and remorse.

Yes – the carefree goat – thanks to his desire to be someone else – he had become so “exotic” – that he lost his precious freedom – and – the goat had to live the rest of his life in captivity.

MORAL OF THE STORY

To sum up – the moral of the story is:

Be Yourself.

Yes – Be Your Natural Self.

Be Comfortable with Yourself.

Be Happy as you are.

Do not compare with others.

Do not compete with others.

Do not try to be someone else.

Dear Reader:

Do you agree…?

Do comment and let us know your views.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. These are my personal views.Please do your own due diligence while selecting a philosophy of life.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/07/do-you-want-personality-makeover.html

The Story of the Exotic Goat First Posted by me Vikram Karve in my blog at 12/20/2010 08:38:00 PM at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2010/12/exotic-goat.html and posted by me online a number of times on my various blogs including recently in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/02/beware-of-image-management.html