Turkish History – Reforms of ATATÜRK

Turkey – Reforms of Attaturk

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http://www.tayyareci.com/cocuklar/05ing.htm

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Turkey – Reforms of Attaturk

Turkish History – Hat Law

Informative article on the introduction of Hats in Turkey

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https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/turkeys-glorious-hat-revolution/

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Turkish History – Hat Law

Turkey – Ataturk’s Reforms – Turkish History

Informative Article on Ataturk’s Reforms in Turkey which created a Modern Nation

👇

http://www.allaboutturkey.com/ataturk-reforms.htm

👆

Turkish History – Ataturk’s Reforms

Equator Crossing Ceremony: The Real Test Of Seafarers

Crossing the Line Ceremony transforms Pollywogs into Shellbacks

👇

https://www.marineinsight.com/life-at-sea/equator-crossing-ceremony/

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Crossing the Equator

My Friend’s Girlfriend

MY FRIEND’S GIRLFRIEND 

Fiction Short Story By Vikram Karve 

“Your name really suits you…” I said.

“Really…?” she exclaimed.

“Yes. “Smita” means “Smile” – a girl who smiles a lot – a “forever smiling” lady – like you…” I said to her.

“Thank you so much…” she said – giving me a sweet smile.

Her lovely smile really enhanced her beauty.

We sat opposite each other.

She was a “well-endowed” beautiful woman – and – I looked at her with frank admiration.

She blushed – and she said to me:

“You have come quite a bit early. Your friend has gone for his Sunday Morning Golf. He should be back by 11:30…”

“I know. I wanted to speak to you. Alone…” I said to her.

“You want to speak to me…? Alone…?”

“Yes – I want to hear your side of the story…”

“Oh – so you’ve heard the wife’s version – you’ve heard the husband’s version – and now – you want to hear what the “other woman” has to say…”

“Please don’t say that…”

“That’s what all his Navy friends call me – even worse things…”

“Not me…”

“Yes – I know. You are his only Navy friend who hasn’t “ostracized” him. Everyone else – even their wives – they treat us like “outcasts” – they have socially “boycotted” us…”

“He is a good man – very helpful – he was very kind to me during my Navy days…”

“I know. He has been good to me too – especially when I was in trouble – he gave me shelter when I was homeless – I will never forget that gesture…”

“Tell me – how did it happen…? How did you move in with him…?”

“I came to Pune around 2 years ago – I rented the flat next to his – we were next door neighbours…”

“Was his wife living with him then…?”

“No – she had already gone to the New Zealand – to live with her daughter…”

“So – he was living all alone…”

“Yes…”

“Then – what happened…?”

“Nothing happened. We were just neighbours – that’s all. Well – since he was a retired man – he was home all day – so – he would collect my couriers, online-shopping stuff – that’s all…”

“That’s all…?”

“Yes – we had a purely neighbourly relationship. Of course – as we got to know each other better – we would go out once in a while – for shopping, for a movie, or he would take me to his club…”

“Oh – so – you were friends…”

“Yes – you can say that. Tell me – can’t a 60 year old man and a 35 year old woman be friends…?”

“Of course…”

“Well – he was a “forced bachelor” – and I was a “single woman” – with no friends in Mumbai…”

“Single…?”

“I never married…” she said.

“Oh…” I said.

“He was quite upset that his wife was not coming back from the New Zealand…”

“I know. He told me. First – his wife went to the New Zealand for their daughter’s first delivery – and she stayed for 6 months. Then – she went again for their daughter’s second delivery – and she stayed for 6 months again. And then – 3 years ago – she went again to look after their daughter’s children – and she hasn’t come back ever since – she is away continuously for more than 3 years now…”

“Yes. Their daughter got divorced. So she wanted her mother to come over to look after the kids…”

“Nanny Duties…?”

“Yes. Meanwhile their daughter managed to get her mother a “Parent Resident Visa” – so that mother could live in New Zealand indefinitely…”

“Indefinitely…?”

“Yes. Their daughter already had permanent residency of New Zealand – and she got the same for her mother…”

“So – his wife has become a permanent resident of New Zealand…?”

“Yes. And that’s what made your friend very upset. He thought that the daughter was emotionally blackmailing her mother. So – he asked me for help…”

“You…?”

“Well – I am a lawyer – and – I specialize in “Family Law”…” she said.

I smiled.

She smiled back at me and said:

“You must be thinking – I am a single woman who has never been married – who has no family – how can I practice “Family” Law…?”

“No. No…”

“I agree – I have no personal experience of marriage and divorce. Maybe that helps me look at things is a pure legal and unbiased way…”

“Yes. You have a point…”

“Anyway – your friend came to me – he told me his story – and he said that he wanted his wife to come back to him – so – I suggested the “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” approach. He agreed. So – I drafted a “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” notice – and we sent it to his wife…”

“Yes. She showed me the “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” Notice…”

“Did she…? But – apparently – the notice had no effect on her…”

“No. No. She was very upset. She told me that she wanted to come back to live with her husband…”

“Then – why didn’t she…?”

“Her divorced daughter emotionally blackmailed her. Her daughter told her that she was a “single mother” who had to work to earn a living – and there was no one else to look after the children…”

“Do all women in New Zealand have their mothers with them for “nanny duties” and to look after their children…? Surely – there must be “babysitters”, “daycare”, “kindergarten schools” etc…”

“My friend’s wife – she is very close to her daughter…”

“What about her husband…? Doesn’t she care for him…?”

“Of course she loves him…”

“If she loved her husband – she wouldn’t leave him to fend for himself all alone – for such a long time – it’s more than 3 years now since she has gone to New Zealand…”

“Poor thing – on one side is her husband – and – on the other side is her daughter – and – she is trapped in-between…”

“But – isn’t a husband more important than a daughter..?”

“I don’t know. But let me tell you that she is most upset that you have moved in with her husband…”

“She should be upset – and – if she is so upset – why doesn’t she come back…? Let me assure you that the day she comes back – I will move out. You convey that to her…”

“I will…”

“Tell her one more thing – that we – her husband and me – we have a “clean” relationship…”

“Clean Relationship…?”

“It is “pure” friendship, companionship – that’s all. Yes – we live in the same house – but we have our separate bedrooms…”

“Oh…”

“You don’t believe me – do you – that a man and woman can live in the same house and yet have a “clean” relationship…?”

“To be frank – I thought you two were “friends with benefits”. Well – you are very attractive – and he – …”

“Your imagination must be running wild – but let me assure you that there is nothing of that sort between us – we are good friends and companions – that’s all…”

“So – it is just a “mutually beneficial arrangement” – that’s all…?”

“Yes – you can say that – but it’s more than a mere “arrangement” – maybe you can call it a mutually beneficial “relationship” – but a “clean” one – a “pure” friendship…”

“How did you move in with him…? I mean – you were his neighbour – and suddenly – you move into his house and start living with him…”

“Yes – it happened quite suddenly. My NRI “landlord” decided to come back to India – so he wanted the house for himself – of course – he gave me one month’s notice as per the lease contract…”

“Oh…”

“I started looking for a house. He – your friend – he was helping me find a house. I wanted a house in this neighbourhood – or nearby – since it is convenient for my work – but –nothing was working out – there were just no houses for rent in this area – and I was on the verge of becoming homeless. One day – he suggested that I could stay as a “Paying Guest” in his house…”

“And you accepted…?”

“At first – I was reluctant. But – he insisted…”

“You should have thought of his wife. Did you ever wonder what she would feel if you moved in with her husband…?”

“I did. I told him. But he said that his wife hadn’t even bothered to reply to his “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” Notice. He was sure that his wife was never going to come back. He pleaded with me to stay with him…”

“Thank you for being so candid…” I said to Smita.

“So – are you going to tell his wife my side of the story…?” she asked me.

“Yes – I will call her tonight – and I will tell her about your “clean” relationship…”

“Please assure her that the day she comes back – I will move out…”

“Yes – I will tell her – but it seems that her daughter won’t allow her to come back…”

“Oh. Now that you have heard my story – I hope you won’t “blacklist” me – like all his Navy friends and their wives have done – since they consider me the “other woman” who has ruined his marriage. In fact – they have even “ostracized” him – and I feel guilty that I am the reason for this…” she said.

“Come on – I am his true friend – and now – I am your friend too. I will always be with you…” I said to her.

“Thank you so much…” she said.

“There is one more thing I wanted to ask you – I want your help as a lawyer…” I said to her.

“Sure – I will be most happy to help you…”

“I want to send my wife a “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” notice…”

“What…?”

“My wife has gone to America for my daughter’s delivery…”

“Oh. When did she go to the US…?

“Three months ago – I went along with her to San Francisco to drop her – our daughter delivered a girl – I flew back after a month – but my wife wanted to stay a bit longer to help out our daughter…”

“Oh. And when did you visit New Zealand…?”

“I stopped over in New Zealand on the way back. A classmate of mine lives in Auckland – he has been calling me to visit New Zealand – so – I flew from San Francisco to Auckland – I enjoyed a week touring New Zealand – and then I flew back to India via Singapore…”

“Oh…”

“It was on my last day in Auckland that I ran into her – I mean my friend’s wife – and she took me home and poured out her heart to me. I told you that she showed me the “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” Notice – and she was very upset about you moving in with her husband…”

“Was her daughter there…?”

“No. Her daughter had gone to work. She was alone in the house waiting for the kids to come back from their primary school…”

“Okay. So – she is not going to come back…?”

“Yes – it seems that she is not going to come back – at least not in the near future…”

I could detect a “sense of relief” in Smita on hearing this.

Then – Smita looked at me and said:

“Hey – please tell me – why do you want to send your wife a “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” Notice…? In any case – she can’t stay in the US for more than 6 months – unless she gets a “Green Card”…”

“I want her to come back immediately. It’s already been 3 months. I am fed up of living alone. I can’t wait any longer. My wife had promised me that she would come back in 2-3 months…”

Suddenly – the doorbell rang.

“Oh – he has come back from his Golf…” Smita exclaimed.

She looked at me and said:

“You come to my office tomorrow. We will discuss your case in detail over there. I’ll give you my card before you go. Now – you can enjoy talking about your “Good Old Navy Days” with your friend over beer while I make some delicious “small eats” and food for you…”

Then – she went to open the door.

EPILOGUE

My Friend’s Wife did not come back.

She continued to live with her divorced daughter in Auckland.

In due course – she and her daughter – both became New Zealand Citizens.

10 years passed.

The daughter got re-married.

Her daughter’s new husband did not want the daughter’s mother hanging around.

The children had grown up too – and they did not require a “nanny”.

So – my Friend’s Wife has “relocated” to an “Old Age Home” near Auckland.

I wonder why she didn’t come back to her husband…?

Is it because of her “pride”…?

Or – is it because being a New Zealand Citizen – she gets generous “old age” benefits…?

My Friend and his “Live-in Partner” Smita – they are still living together – quite happily.

By the way – I did send the “Restitution of Conjugal Rights” Notice to my wife.

And – the moment she got my email – my wife came rushing back to me.

Maybe – my darling wife did not want some beautiful lady moving in with me – as a “Live-in Partner” – à la – “my friend and Smita”.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, humor, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2018/04/restitution-of-conjugal-rights.html

Also published earlier in this blog at urls: 

https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/04/05/conjugal-rights-a-story/

https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/08/17/restitution-of-conjugal-rights-a-love-story/

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

A Part of this story was also published in my blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2018/04/smita-means-smile.html

The “Unapproved” Girlfriend

Dear Reader:

In my previous blog post titled MY LOVE LIFE IN A NUTSHELL – I told you the Story of My Love Life – Dating Romance Affairs Relationships Marriage – everything…

I had told you that my “Better Half” approved of all my “girlfriends” – except one.

Yes – there was only one “girlfriend” who my wife did not “approve” of – and warned me to stay away from.

I promised you that I will tell you the story of my “Unapproved Girlfriend” in my next blog post.

Here is the story…

MY “UNAPPROVED” GIRLFRIEND

A Love Story

Fictional Spoof By Vikram Karve 

PART 1 – “STEALING AFFECTIONS”

The doorbell rang.

I had just returned home – and – I was taking off my white Navy uniform.

I wondered who it was.

I put on my uniform – I walked out of the bedroom – and – I opened the door.

It was my wife’s friend Menaka – that chic gorgeous beauty who lived opposite our house.

She looked ravishing.

Menaka was a real “Sex Bomb”.

My eyes locked onto her.

Then – I snapped out my trance – and – I said to Menaka: “My wife is not at home – she has gone to her mother’s place for a week…”

“I know that your wife is not here…” Menaka said, “I have come to meet you.”

“Me…?”

“Yes – I want to you to take me out to the city for shopping.”

“Me…? You want me to take you out shopping…?”

“Yes. My husband is out sailing – and – I need some things from town – so I thought I would ask you to take me to the market on your bike…” Menaka said.

Menaka was standing in the door – with the evening sun behind her.

The rays of the sun penetrated through the light fabric of her summery white dress.

I could see the curvaceous silhouette of her shapely body quite clearly.

My eyes travelled over the silhouette of her body – and – my hungry eyes lingered exactly where they should not have.

I felt ashamed of having eyed her body so brazenly.

So – I quickly moved my eyes away – and I lowered my glance.

After a few moments – I looked up at her.

She looked so sensuous, so tantalizing, so alluring – that I could not take my eyes away from her.

But – she seemed nonchalant – oblivious of the stirring sensual vibes she was radiating – standing as she was – in her light ‘see-through’ dress – with the sun behind her.

“Are you going to just keep staring at me – or – are you going to invite me inside…?” she said, with a naughty smile.

“Oh – I am very sorry – please come inside…” I said, embarrassed.

Menaka came inside – and she sat on the sofa in the living room.

I stood there – mesmerized – wondering what to do.

“Why don’t you change into “civvies”…?” she said, “it is already 5:30 – and I have a lot of shopping to do.”

“Yes, Yes…” I said – and I quickly walked into my bedroom.

As I started taking off my uniform – I kept thinking of her – my wife’s friend – the gorgeous “Sex Bomb” Menaka – sitting in the living room.

My imagination started running wild.

Her husband was away.

My wife was away.

She was lonely.

I was lonely.

We both were lonesome.

Anything could happen.

First – she would sit behind me on my motorcycle – holding me tight.

Then – we would have a “good time” in the city – shopping, eating, and walking around – and – maybe – she would ask me to take her for a movie.

When we returned back – it would be late – so – maybe – she would me invite me to her home for dinner.

Then – maybe – she would offer me a drink.

And – maybe – she would join me for a drink.

(Yes – I had seen her drinking alcohol at parties).

Then – as we sat together – one drink would lead to another – and – one more – and soon – with so much alcohol inside us – we both would get “high”.

With both of us – Menaka and Me – in this “high” state – sitting together in an atmosphere of intimacy – with our inhibitions dissolved in alcohol – anything could happen.

Yes – anything could happen.

She was very attractive – and – I wouldn’t mind having an affair with her – or – at least a “one night stand”.

But – I did not have the guts to do so – because – I shuddered to think of the consequences.

My shrewd wife would surely sense that I had indulged in “hanky-panky” – and then – she would surely divorce me.

Besides – in the Navy – “stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife” was considered an offence – and – I could be sacked and dismissed from the Navy with disgrace.

It would be a “double-whammy” – for both my marriage and my career.

My marriage would break-up and my career would be in shambles.

I had to be careful – there was absolutely no point in taking the risk.

So – I buttoned up my uniform – and – I went out into the living room.

Menaka looked at me.

Menaka seemed perplexed to see me still wearing uniform – so – she said to me:

“What happened…? Why are you still in uniform…? Why haven’t you changed into “civvies”…?”

“I am sorry – but I cannot take you out shopping…” I said.

“But why…? What happened…? Just a few minutes ago – you had readily agreed to take me out shopping. And now – you are saying that you cannot take me out shopping. First you say “YES” – and then you say “NO”…” she said, looking confused.

“I am sorry. Please excuse me. I cannot tell you the reason – but – I can’t take you out shopping…” I said, shamefacedly.

“If you don’t want to help me – it’s fine. It’s okay. I’ll ask someone else…” she said, looking disappointed.

Then – Menaka got up from the sofa – and she walked out of my house.

ONE WEEK LATER

PART 2 – “SOCIAL GRACES”

When I came home from work in the evening – I saw that my wife was angry.

“Don’t you have any “social graces”…?” my wife thundered.

“What happened…?” I asked.

“I was hugely embarrassed at the Ladies’ Club Meet – thanks to your stupid behaviour…” my wife said angrily.

“What did I do…?” I asked her.

With scorn in her eyes – my wife rebuked me:

“Menaka asked you to take her out shopping because her husband was sailing out at sea – and – you rudely refused her…? First – you said “YES” – then – you said “NO” – she has told everyone about your “unofficerlike” ungentlemanly behaviour – and – it was so humiliating for me. Because of your weird behaviour you have become the ‘laughing-stock’ among all the Navy wives. And – everyone is laughing at me too – for having such an ill-mannered “nincompoop” husband. I really don’t know how they made you an Officer in the Navy…?

“There is a reason…” I tried to explain.

“Just shut up…” my wife interrupted me – and then – she shouted at me: “I thought Naval Officers were supposed to be chivalrous – and you behaved in a most boorish way with a lady who wanted your help. You are a disgrace – I feel ashamed to be your wife…”

I saw that my wife was so angry that there was no point in me trying to explain my side of the story to her.

It was best for me to remain silent.

My wife went into the kitchen.

I went into the bedroom – I changed from uniform into “civvies” – and I lay down on my bed.

After some time – my wife informed me that she was going to the market with her friends – and – she left the house.

PART 3 – “CHIVALRY”

I relaxed for some time after my wife had left.

Then I got up.

It was getting dark.

I poured my first drink of Rum and Water (Rum-Pani) – and – I sat down in front of the TV.

I looked at the wall-clock.

One hour had passed since my wife had gone out shopping with her friends.

She would be back soon.

I was enjoying my second drink when the doorbell rang.

“It must be my wife…” I thought – and I opened the door.

It wasn’t my wife.

There was a woman standing at my door.

I did not recognize her.

She was the most ordinary looking woman I had ever seen.

She was not ugly – she just looked prosaic and pedestrian – a real “Plain Jane”.

Yes – she was a “Plain Jane” – a “homely” type of woman.

She was the kind of woman with whom a man could spend time yet not feel disloyal to his wife.

Yes – she was the type of woman with whom any wife would readily allow her husband to go out on a date with – and feel safe about it.

“Hi…” the “Plain Jane” woman said, “It looks like you haven’t recognized me…”

“I am sorry…” I stammered.

She smiled – and she said to me:

“I am Mala – Mrs. “XXX” – we have come here on posting – and we have just shifted to this building last week… ”

“Oh – please come in…” I said to her, “what can I do for you…?”

“No. No. I won’t come in – but – it’s a bit urgent – can you please take me to the market…?” she asked me.

“Market…?” I said, confused.

“Yes. My husband is out at sea – sailing – and I have to get something urgently – from the medical store – it’s very urgent. So please – I shall be very grateful if you take me to the market…” she said.

I remembered the previous embarrassing episode with my wife’s beautiful friend Menaka – where I had refused to take Menaka to the city.

And – I remembered my wife’s sermon on “social graces” and “chivalry”.

Besides – this “Plain Jane” standing in front of me – Mala – she looked so unexciting and ordinary – that even otherwise – I would have no hesitation in giving her a lift on my bike.

Also – she was asking me to take her only to the nearby market.

So – I readily agreed.

Soon – we – Mala and I – we both were riding on my bike on our way to the market.

Mala was holding onto me very tightly.

She may have been ordinarily looking – but – she was quite “well endowed” – and voluptuous too.

And – like Mala – I too was on the “healthier side”.

So – it was a “tight squeeze” on the small seat of the bike.

Mala put both her hands around me and clung onto me tightly – and – our bodies were in close contact – snug together.

On the way – I saw my wife and her friends walking back from the market – so I proudly waved out to my wife.

I was sure my wife would be proud of me – for my “chivalry” and “social graces” – in helping out a lady.

But – I was in for a big surprise.

When I returned home – I saw that my wife was furious.

The moment my wife saw me – she shouted at me:

“Where the hell were you taking Mala on your bike…?”

“You know Mala..?” I asked my wife.

“Yes. We met this morning at the Ladies’ Club. But – I am asking you – what was Mala doing with you on your bike – squeezing you in a tight embrace – hugging your body so shamelessly…? It was disgusting – the way you two were desperately clinging onto each other. Tell me. Why was Mala with you on your bike…?”

“She wanted to go to the market…” I explained.

“But – why did you take her…? She could have walked down to the market herself – like I did…” my wife said.

“She said that it was urgent…” I said.

“Urgent – My Foot…!!!” my wife shouted at me.

“She wanted to buy something from the medical store. And – you only told me about “social graces” – that I should be “chivalrous” towards ladies…” I said.

“Don’t talk nonsense…” my wife said angrily.

“Nonsense…? She is such a simple lady…” I said.

“Simple lady…? She is a “man-eater”– she is a “nympho” – she was trying to seduce you…” my wife said.

“Seduce me…?” I said, stunned.

“Yes. She “mesmerized” you – didn’t she…?” my wife asked me.

“Mesmerized me…? What are you saying…?” I said, confused.

My wife looked at me – and she said to me:

“Do you know what Mala told me at the Ladies Club Meet this morning…?”

“What…?” I said.

“Mala said that she could “mesmerize” any man…” my wife said.

“What…? Mala said that she could “mesmerize” any man…? So what…?” I said.

“I told Mala that she could not “mesmerize” you – I told her that you were an old-fashioned “prude” – I told her about how you had refused to take Menaka to the city…” my wife said.

“What…?”

“In fact – it was Menaka who told everyone the story about your strange prudish behaviour – and – everyone laughed…”

“Oh…”

“And then – Mala boasted that she could easily “mesmerize” you into taking her to the market on your bike…”

“Really…”

“But – everyone said that you would never take Mala on your bike. And – I also said that Mala would not be able to “mesmerize” you into taking her to the market on your bike…”

“Oh…”

“So – Mala dared me to take a bet – and – I took a bet with her…” my wife said.

“Oh – so you are angry because you lost the bet…” I said to my wife.

“No – I am worried that I may lose the “second bet”…” my wife said.

“Second bet…? You took two bets with Mala…?” I asked my wife.

“Yes. The “first bet” was that she could “mesmerize” you into taking her for a ride on your bike…” my wife said.

“Okay. She won that bet. What was the “second bet”…?” I asked my wife.

“Mala said that she could “seduce” you…” my wife said, giving me a curious look.

EPILOGUE

Did Mala try to “seduce” me…?

Did she succeed in seducing me into having an affair with her…?

Well – Dear Reader – that’s another story.

But – one thing is for sure.

A “Plain Jane” has a more rollicking “Love Life” than a “Sex Bomb”.

Maybe – you may not agree with me – but this is a “universal truth” that I have observed during my college days – and – later – in my adult life too.

Ordinary looking “Plain Janes” have much more “Fun” than those ravishingly beautiful “Sex Bombs”

You don’t believe me…?

Have a look around you – and observe – who is having uninhibited “fun” – who is having a really “good time” – the “Plain Janes” – or – the “Gorgeous Girls”…?

Tell me – Dear Reader:

Am I right…?

Or – am I wrong…?

Dear Reader – before you go away – please answer the “moot question”:

Am I a “Prude…?

Or – am I a “Dude”…?

See you soon – with another “love story” from my wonderful Navy days.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/06/the-plain-jane.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a revised repost of my story PLAIN JANE posted online earlier by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on May 10, 2016 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/plain-jane.html  and reposted at url:  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/09/sex-bomb-and-plain-jane.html and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/09/15/mrs-xxx/and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/03/19/my-love-life-in-a-nutshell/and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/am-i-prude-or-am-i-dude.html

My “Love Life” – in a Nutshell

I read somewhere that we humans have Two Basic Desires:

1. FOOD
2. LOVE 

(From the philosophical points of view –  Confucius and Mencius themselves expressed rather a positive view of human sexuality. For example. The Master (Confucius) said, “I have not seen one who loves virtue as he loves sex” (Confucian Analects Book IX, chapter 17); “Food and drink and the sexual relation between men and women compose the major human desires” (The Book of Rites, one of the major Confucianism classics, chapter 9). In The Works of Mencius, one of the major Confucianism classics (book 6, part 1), we find: “Eating food and having sex are both of human nature”…) 

Dear Reader – I will not get into profound philosophical debate – and – just say that – FOOD and LOVE are the two basic desires of human beings.

Some persons may contemplate a rather “sensual” connotation for “LOVE” – they feel that Love means Sex.

But – I prefer the romantic aspect.

So – for me – Love means Romance

I was a big zero in Love and Romance.

But – I was quite lucky on the “FOOD” front.

Yes – I was highly successful in satisfying my Food Desires – which is evident from my “Foodie” Writings – in which I have described my Foodie Adventures.

However – was I successful as far as “LOVE” was concerned…?

Well – let me tell you about My Love Life in a Nutshell…

MY LOVE LIFE – IN A NUTSHELL

Dating Romance Affairs Relationships Marriage 

A Fictional Spoof By Vikram Karve

DO GIRLFRIENDS MAKE YOU HAPPY…?

(This story happened around 42 years ago – in the 1970’s – and those days – Mumbai was called Bombay – but I shall use the current name Mumbai in the story)

A GIRL IN EVERY PORT

“I have heard that Naval Officers have a girl in every port – but – so far – we don’t have even one single girl in even one port…” my course-mate said.

“Come on – we were under training. Maybe now – things will look up…” I said.

“Yes – I am sure we are going to have a good love life now…” my course-mate said, “we are lucky to have got Bombay based ships.”

“Yes – we are indeed lucky as compared to those poor Vizag guys – they are destined to a desolate life…” I said.

TALENT FOR ROMANCE

“The first thing I am going to do in Mumbai is to get myself a girlfriend…” my friend said.

“Me too…” I said.

My friend succeeded.

I miserably failed.

I just did not have the talent for romance.

Everything had been handed down to me on a platter.

All the conditions to get a girlfriend were ideal.

I was located in ‘maximum city’ Bombay (now called Mumbai) – and – that too – South Bombay (SoBo) – which had plenty of the best most beautiful, chic and savvy modern girls wanting to be friends with young smart boys like me.

I was on the best ship of the fleet.

And – in those ‘licence-quota-permit Raj’ days – as far as girls were concerned – Navy Officers were in high demand – since we got exotic foreign stuff duty free (especially perfumes) – and these imported goodies were was not available outside – and we had access to the best of clubs and social circles.

(Now – with the advent of liberalization and globalization – the charm of the Defence Services has gone down – since everything we got ‘duty free’ – and much more – all these goodies are freely available to the ‘Civilian Elite’ who are much more debonair and affluent than the Naval Officers of today).

But going back to those ‘good old days’ of the 1970’s – most young Naval Officers had girlfriends – and a few ‘Casanovas’ were having a good time with ‘fleet auxiliaries’.

But – I had drawn a blank.

My coursemate had acquired a ‘girlfriend’ within a few days of our reaching Mumbai – and he was often seen gallivanting with her all over the place.

In my case – I had miserably failed to acquire a girlfriend.

So – instead of wasting my time on trying to romance girls – I focused on food and drink.

DO GIRLFRIENDS MAKE YOU HAPPY…?

Once – after imbibing half a bottle of whisky – followed by a sumptuous Biryani at Olympia on Colaba Causeway – and a delicious ‘Triple Sundae’ ice cream at Yankee Doodle on Marine Drive – I returned to my ship in a happy mood.

Soon – I was fast asleep – enjoying sweet ‘foodie dreams’ in my cabin.

Suddenly – I was rudely jolted awake.

It was my coursemate – who had come over from his ship – which was tied up alongside next to my ship.

“I am very upset – I want to talk to someone – and you are my best friend,” he said.

“Yes – once upon a time I was your ‘best friend’ – but now – you have got your darling girlfriend who you call ‘Honey’…” I said angrily.

“It’s about her – I just saw her off at the airport – she is on a long haul flight plan – she will be away for two weeks…” he said.

His girlfriend was an Air-Hostess who flew on international routes.

“Okay – so you can join me for food and drink till she comes back…” I said.

“No – it’s not that – she wants to marry me …” he said.

“So – get married,” I said.

“It is not so simple – my parents won’t agree – her parents want her to continue he job too – and in her airline – an ‘air-hostess’ has to quit the moment she gets married. It is all very complicated – I have realized that falling in love has complicated my life…” he said sadly.

And then – he went on and on…

He told me his entire ‘sob story’…

My lovesick friend totally disturbed my sleep – by narrating his ‘love woes’ till early morning.

I thought that having a girlfriend made you happier.

But – exactly the opposite had happened to my otherwise cheerful friend.

He appeared to have become miserable after falling in love.

I said to myself:

“If having just one girlfriend had done this to him – just imagine the situation of those Casanovas with multiple girlfriends…!”

It seemed that a ‘zero-girlfriend’ guy like me was much happier than my counterparts who had girlfriends.

FOOD = FIXED DEPOSIT

I realized that – ‘Food’ was a Safe Investment like a Fixed Deposit.

Yes – focusing your energies on eating good food was like buying a Fixed Deposit in a Nationalized Bank.

It was a stable situation.

Maybe – the ‘returns’ were lower – but for the time and money you spent on food – you got a guaranteed ‘Return on Investment’ (ROI).

Yes – ‘investing’ in Food gave you a guaranteed ‘Return’ – maybe not a very high ‘Return on Investment’ (ROI) – but a safe steady predictable ‘Return on Investment’ (ROI) – just like Bank Fixed Deposits.

ROMANCE = STOCK MARKET

On the other hand – ‘Romance’ was a Risky Investment like the Stock Market.

Acquiring a girlfriend was like trading in a volatile share.

Romance is an emotionally volatile relationship – similar to a financially volatile stock market.

It was just like the ‘returns’ from the stock market which were fluctuating and unpredictable – and could vary from high to low – with dynamic changes every moment.

Yes – the ‘Return on Investment’ (ROI) that you got from a Romantic Relationship could swing between Agony and Ecstasy

A “ZERO-ROMANCE” LOVELESS BACHELOR LIFE

So – being ‘risk-averse’ – I was content to spend my ‘zero-romance’ loveless bachelor life enjoying good food and drink.

Of course – I made plenty of effort to ‘fall in love’ with many girls.

But sadly – No girl was willing to fall in love with me.

My few attempts at dating girls ended in disaster.

So – I resigned myself to the fact that ‘love marriage’ was not in my destiny.

And – hence – I settled for an ‘arranged marriage’.

EXTRA MARITAL ROMANCE

As a newly married couple – my wife and I – along with our pet Lhasa Apso girl Sherry – the three of us – we lived in a lovely one room flat in Curzon Road Apartments in New Delhi.

One evening – we were sitting in Nathu’s Sweets – in Bengali Market – one of our favourite places – where we often walked down in the evenings.

There was a group of beautiful girls sitting nearby – and my eyes were focused on them.

Yes – I was ogling at the pretty girls – as most young men do – or want to do.

One girl seemed particularly attractive – and I was staring at her quite blatantly – with frank admiration in my eyes.

My wife followed my gaze.

She was quite amused to see me looking at the pretty girls so intently – especially the yearning look I gave to that most gorgeous girl who seemed to be the object of my total attention.

Suddenly – my gaze shifted.

My wife was curious.

Was there a new ‘object’ which had captured my attention…?

She followed my gaze – to see where I was looking.

On observing the new ‘object of my attention’ – my wife started laughing.

A tray of sweets was being brought in from the kitchen – and my eyes had ‘locked on’ to the mouthwatering sweets like a Radar ‘locks on’ to its target.

The tray was heaped with my favourite sweet – the inimitable ‘Lavang Lata’.

Soon – I was fully focused on eating my ‘Lavang Lata’ – totally oblivious to my surroundings.

And – I seemed to have completely forgotten about those beautiful girls sitting on the table nearby.

In fact – I was so absorbed in savouring the delicious ‘Lavang Lata’ – and I was enjoying myself so totally – that I even forgot about my wife sitting opposite – who was not quite relishing the dish of ‘Lavang Lata’ that I had ordered for her too.

“So – it seems that you found the ‘Lavang Lata’ more enticing than those beautiful girls…” my wife said to me.

“Of course – I love good food – there is no greater love than the love of food…” I said.

And then – while walking back home – I told her about my failed attempts to romance during my Mumbai days.

I explained to her why I preferred food to romance – about my theory:

“Food is like a Fixed Deposit” versus “Romance is like the Stock Market”

My wife looked at me and said:

“Someone had told me that a Naval Officer has a girl in every port. 

But – looking at you – I am convinced that you did not have even a single girl in any port. 

In fact – you must have had a “foodie joint” in every port…”

EPILOGUE 

My wife was right – I did not have even a single girlfriend during my bachelor days.

But – after I got married – my luck improved – and – girls wanted to be friends with me.

And – slowly but surely – I started having girlfriends – and – today – I have plenty of girlfriends – a few ‘real’ – and – and most ‘virtual’ – especially after the advent of internet – most of my girlfriends are in the online ‘virtual’ world of cyberspace.

It is funny – isn’t it…?

Not a single girl wanted to be my friend before marriage – when I was a most “eligible” bachelor.

And then – when I was “much married” – and – I was no longer “eligible” – so many beautiful “girls” wanted to be friends with me.

Can someone please explain this paradox…?

But – let me tell you the one important precaution I take when making friends with girls – I make sure that all my girlfriends are “approved” by my “Better Half”.

Yes – all my real life “offline girlfriends” have been duly “approved” by my “Better Half”.

And – as far as my “online girlfriends” are concerned – I know that my virtual interactions with them on the Social Media are being closely monitored by my “Better Half”.

Ha Ha – so I can say that all my girlfriends are duly “approved girlfriends”.

Yes – if you are a married man – it is always better to get your girlfriends “approved” by your “Better Half”

It is safer that way – you have a clear conscience – and – you can have a transparent friendship – without the “fear of being found out”.

I am sure it is the same with married women too – isn’t it better to get your “Boyfriends” duly “Approved” by your husband…?

By the way – my “Better Half” approved of all my “girlfriends” – except one.

Yes – there was only one “girlfriend” who my wife did not approve of – and warned me to stay away from.

Yes – I had only one “Unapproved Girlfriend”.

Ha Ha – about her – the “unapproved girlfriend” – I will tell you in my next blog post.

Till then – have fun – and do tell me if you liked the story of my “Love Life”

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/06/my-love-life-dating-romance-affairs.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a revised version of my story A GIRL IN EVERY PORT posted online by me Vikram Karve earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal blog around 4 years ago on 13 May 2015 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/05/humor-in-uniform-girl-in-every-port.html  and reposted by me later at url:  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/09/my-love-life-dating-romance-marriage.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/04/my-love-life-in-nutshell-dating-romance.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/my-love-life-pre-marital-and-extra.html  and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/09/15/do-girlfriends-make-you-happy/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/05/04/food-and-love/ and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/do-sailors-have-a-girl-in-every-port/ and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/01/the-story-of-my-love-life-dating.html