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Last evening – after a brisk long walk with me in the park – while saying good-bye – a girl called me “Kaka” (uncle)
This morning – a lady Twitter Friend also called me “Kaka”.
And – I was reminded of this true story…
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THE AGELESS “UNCLE”
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When I joined the Navy as a Sub Lieutenant – 48 years ago – in the 1970’s – young girls started calling me “uncle”.
I was barely 20 years old – and this was the first time someone had called me “uncle”.
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Around 3 years ago – a “young” grandmother called me “uncle”.
A few years earlier – a young “girlfriend” – an IT “Techie” – who was in her early 30’s – she started chatting with me during my evening walk.
She was talking to me about her latest foodie adventures.
She spoke to me in a friendly manner – like a friend talks to a friend – and she was calling me by my first name – “Vikram”.
Her husband seemed to be feeling “uncomfortable” with our friendly conversation – especially his wife calling me by my first name “Vikram”.
After some time – he scolded her:
“You should call him “Uncle”…”
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I smiled to myself – and – I remembered this story from my Curzon Road Apartment Days…
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DON’T CALL ME “UNCLE”
Humble Plea of a “Young-at-Heart” Navy “Veteran” Vikram Karve
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PROLOGUE
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When I joined the Navy as a Sub Lieutenant in the mid 1970’s – young girls started calling me “uncle”.
I was barely 20 years old – and this was the first time someone had called me “uncle”.
Of course – the girls who called me “uncle” were senior officers’ daughters.
Yes. The girls who called me uncle were members of SODA aka “Senior Officers’ Daughters Association” – and they were following “fauji” social tradition of addressing all officers as “uncle”.
It did not matter that most of these girls who called me “uncle” were almost my age – or just a few years younger.
After retirement – we live in lovely modern residential society in Pune – where most of the residents are young “IT Nerds” and “Techie Couples” working in the IT/ITES/Software Sector.
Sadly – most of the girls called me “uncle”.
Of course – the “girls” – range from nubile young IT Techies in their 20’s – to beautiful young mothers in their 30’s and 40’s.
Believe it or not – but the other day – a rather “middle aged” woman called me “Kaka” (which colloquially implies a rather “elderly” uncle in Marathi).
A few days ago – a “young” grandmother called me “uncle”
I was devastated.
When I joined the Navy as an Officer in the 1970’s – girls called me “uncle”.
Now – 48 years later – “girls” still call me “uncle”.
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To make matters worse – even some of my Social Media, Facebook and Twitter “Virtual Girlfriends” have started calling me “Uncle”– and – some “Girlfriends” address me as “Sir” too.
Well – I may be old in age.
But – I am still young at heart.
So – all this “Sir” and “Uncle” business makes me feel old – which is a terrible feeling.
I am terrified.
At this rate – soon – some “Girlfriend” may even call me “Grandfather” (or “Ajoba” in Marathi)
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Dear “Girlfriends” – Real and Virtual – offline and online – to all of you – I am making a very humble request from the bottom of my heart:
“Please stop calling me “Uncle”, “Sir”, “Kaka” etc – just call me Vikram…”
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My Dear “Girlfriends”:
“It is terrible to feel old – especially if you are chronologically old but mentally young – like me.
I am sure you will understand my feelings – and – from now on – you will call me “Vikram” .
And – for those “girlfriends” who still want to make me feel old – I have decided that “enough is enough”…”
If you call me “Uncle” – I will call you “Aunty”.
If you call me “Sir” – I will call you “Madam”.
If you call me “Kaka” – I will call you “Kaku”.
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(Thankfully – no “Girlfriend” has called me “Grandpa” or “Ajoba” so far…)
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All this reminds me of this real life story which I had posted online around 12 years ago in this blog on Aug 28, 2012.
The Story is called:
The Ageless Wonder – The Eternal “Uncle”
I am posting this story – once again – especially for my “girlfriends”…
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THE AGELESS WONDER – THE ETERNAL “UNCLE”
Slice of Life Story
Spoof By Vikram Karve
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Part 1
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CURZON ROAD APARTMENTS NEW DELHI
New Delhi – Circa 1982
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In 1982 – as a newly married couple – we lived in Curzon Road Apartments on Kasturba Gandhi Marg near India Gate in New Delhi.
Me – my wife – and our puppy dog (a small Lhasa Apso Puppy Dog Sherry given to us as a wedding gift) – all three of us lived in our neat cosy one room apartment with a small kitchenette and a lovely balcony high up on the top floor.
One evening – while on her way back home from work – my wife went to the convenience store to buy milk.
The shopkeeper told her that her father had already bought milk a few minutes ago.
My wife was delighted to hear of the unexpected visit of her father – so she rushed to our apartment.
She did not see her father around – so my wife asked me:
“Where is Daddy…?”
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After asking me this question – my wife looked at me expectantly – waiting for me to answer.
I was confused – her father had not informed us that he was visiting is in New Delhi.
“Your Daddy…? He must be in Srinagar…” I said to my wife.
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(my father-in-law was posted to Srinagar those days)
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My wife seemed surprised at my answer – so she spoke rather excitedly to me.
“No. No. Daddy has come here. Someone told me that Daddy has come here…” my wife said.
“Who told you…?” I asked.
“The shopkeeper…” she said.
“Really…? Let’s go down and ask him…” I said.
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So we went down – and – my wife asked the shopkeeper where he had seen her father.
The shopkeeper pointed towards me – and – he said to my wife:
“He took the milk.
I thought he was your father…”
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I was quite taken aback that the shopkeeper had thought that I was my wife’s father.
And – my wife seemed surprised too.
So – pointing at me – my wife said to the shopkeeper:
“He is my husband…”
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The shopkeeper looked at me.
He seemed quite embarrassed.
“I am sorry, Sir – but I was really mistaken…” the shopkeeper said apologetically to me.
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Then the shopkeeper smiled at my wife and said to her:
“Madam – you look so young – you look just like a schoolgirl.
And – your husband looks so “mature”.
So – I thought that your husband was your father…”
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It was true.
When we were married – my wife looked very young – she indeed looked just like a schoolgirl.
She was 21 – and I was 25.
And though the shopkeeper hadn’t spelt it out in so many words – I did look a bit older than my 25 years – with my “healthy” built – and my formidable full-set Navy beard.
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Unlike the so-called “metrosexual” men of today – I like to be who I am – so I don’t believe in “cosmetic engineering”.
I believe in the “old-mould” idea that a man must look like a man – tough and masculine – and though hygiene and grooming are important – there is no need for a man to be excessively obsessed about his looks.
Of course – whereas having an appropriate dress sense and wearing good quality clothes is a must – there is no need for a man to “deck up”.
That’s why – when the first strand of grey hair appeared on my head when I was in my mid 40’s – I never used hair-dye – nor did I colour my copious beard when it started greying.
Of course – I must say here – that my wife too has a natural look – and she hardly uses any cosmetics – and she has never coloured her hair.
The fact of the matter was that my wife did indeed look much younger than me.
And – I did indeed look a bit “mature” – as the shopkeeper had said.
Period.
So – even in those days – when a pretty young girl called me “uncle” – I did not mind it very much.
Maybe – for pretty young girls – I did indeed look like an “uncle”.
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Part 2
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30 YEARS LATER
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Pune – Circa 2012
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This happened 12 years ago in Pune (in the year 2012).
My wife was getting off from an auto-rickshaw.
The fare was 52 rupees.
My wife gave the auto-rickshaw driver a 50 rupee note – and she was desperately searching in her purse for a 2 rupee coin.
The auto-rickshaw driver said magnanimously to my wife:
“Never mind Ajji – it is okay if you don’t give me the two rupees…”
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I had a hearty laugh.
My wife was not amused.
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Now – in Marathi – the word “AJJI” means “GRANDMOTHER”…!!!
Ha Ha – the middle-aged auto-rickshaw driver was calling my wife a “Granny”.
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I cannot describe the emotion I felt when I heard this.
She was being called “Granny”
But – pretty young girls still call me “Uncle”.
48 years ago – when I joined the Navy as an Officer – in the mid 1970’s – my “Girlfriends” called me “Uncle”.
And – even now – my “Girlfriends” call me “Uncle”.
Am I an “ageless wonder”…?
And – the auto-rickshaw driver called my wife “Grandmother”.
Maybe – the auto-rickshaw driver needed an eye check-up.
My “Better Half” certainly does not look like a “Granny”.
In fact – she doesn’t even look like an “Aunty”…
My wife still looks very young – maybe not like a schoolgirl like she did in 1982 – but certainly like a “college girl”…
And me…?
Well – as I told you above – I am an “ageless wonder”.
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So – at least now – Dear “Girlfriends”:
“Please don’t call me “Uncle”.
Just call me “Vikram”.
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And – for those “girlfriends” who still want to make me feel old – I have decided that “enough is enough”…”
If you call me “Uncle” – I will call you “Aunty”
If you call me “Sir” – I will call you “Madam”
If you call me “Kaka” – I will call you “Kaku”
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VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:
- This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
- This story isa work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
- E&OE
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Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/a-story-for-my-girlfriends.html
This story was written by me Vikram Karve around 12 years ago in 2012 and posted by me online earlier at urlshttp://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/08/am-i-ageless-wonder.htmlandhttp://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/01/the-eternal-uncle.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/05/memories-of-curzon-road-apartments.htmland https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/12/04/the-ageless-uncle/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/04/ageless-wonder-or-eternal-uncle.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2020/11/07/story-for-my-girlfriends-2/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/05/17/uncle/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2022/05/13/curzon-road-memories-and-more/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2024/01/02/the-ageless-uncle-2/etc
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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Vikram Karve 