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Recent events reminded me of this article on Teenage Parenting which I had written many years ago.
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PROLOGUE
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I failed in love — so I write love stories.
I failed in my career — so I write career guidance counselling articles.
I am most depressed and unhappy — so I write on “How to be Happy”.
I am a failure as a husband (according to my wife) — so — I write on marriage and relationships.
And — if you ask my children — they will tell you that I was (and I still am) — a terrible father.
So — having been a failure as a parent — I write on parenting.
You may have read parenting advice from successful parents — so — how about a contrarian view…?
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PARENTING
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Am I qualified to pontificate on Parenting…?
My children may probably say that I was a terrible father.
Well — we — my wife and I — we clearly demarcated parenting duties.
She was the “Emotional Parent”.
I was the “Administrative Parent”.
There was absolutely no role ambiguity.
She was the “goody-goody” parent who showered love.
I was the “baddy-baddy” parent who enforced discipline.
This parenting paradigm continues even till today — even though our children have their own families — and they are independently pursuing their lives.
When they want emotional support — they contact their mother (my wife).
When they want administrative advice — they contact their father (me).
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Dear Reader:
There are plenty of articles on parenting (mostly by mothers) — these articles mostly give tips on Emotional Parenting.
Here is an article by me on Administrative aspects of Parenting.
I wrote this article 18 years ago in 2006.
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How to Spoil Your Children by Laissez-Faire Parenting Style
(The “Time Inclination Money Opportunity” Paradigm)
Musings on Teenage Parenting By Veteran VIKRAM KARVE
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At the outset — here is a quote from Norman F Dixon (slightly paraphrased)
Please read each line carefully.
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The values — indicated by status-insecure parents — are such — that their children learn to put personal success and the acquisition of power — above all else.
Children are taught to judge people for their usefulness — rather than their likeableness.
Their friends — and even future marriage partners — are selected and used — in the service of personal advancement
Love and affection take second place — and knowing the “right people” is top priority.
Children are taught to eschew weakness and passivity — to respect authority — and to despise those who have not made the socio-economic grade.
Success is equated with social esteem and material advantage — rather than with more spiritual values.
~ Norman F. Dixon
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TEENAGE PARENTING
How to Spoil your Children
Spoof by Vikram Karve
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TEENAGE PARENTING STYLES
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Nowadays — it seems to be fashionable — to have snobbish supercilious spoilt children.
I was a strict old-fashioned father — but looking around — I have realized that in today’s world — where materialistic desires and ostentation overshadow traditional values — my ascetic style of parenting is hopelessly outmoded and distinctly passé.
My antiquated old-fashioned parenting style made me quite an unpopular parent as compared to my more liberal counterparts — and my children do not “like” me even today.
And — whether my orthodox parenting style had a desirable effect on my children — well it there for all to see — as my children are grown up responsible adults now.
It is too late for me to change now — so let me pontificate a bit on the subject of Teenage Parenting.
In addition to the conventional vices like drinking, smoking, drugs, gambling etc — all types of new and novel temptations and addictions like Internet, Gaming, TV, Sex, compulsive spending/shopping, indulging in wild reckless behaviour, breaking the law for criminal thrills are on the rise — and indeed these are becoming status symbols in some sections of society.
Nowadays — there is plenty of choice available for teenagers who want to “live it up”.
For children in today’s consumerist society — there is no place for old-fashioned concepts like “thrift and frugality”.
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The dictum:
“be happy where you are — and — be content with what you have…”
this dictum seems to be irrelevant today.
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Nowadays — “instant gratification” seems to be the new mantra.
Conspicuous consumption, ostentation, flamboyance and expensive lifestyles are more important.
Pamper your children — pander to all their whims and fancies — and they will love you.
Of course — in the long run — they will ruin their own lives and cause you distress.
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TIME INCLINATION OPPORTUNITY MONEY
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If you want to spoil your children — remember — there are four cardinal factors or resources that help develop and nurture bad habits, addictions and anti-social behaviour:
1. TIME
2. INCLINATION
3. OPPORTUNITY
4. MONEY
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Let us discuss these four factors one by one.
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TIME
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One must have the time to indulge in whatever one’s pursuits — good or bad.
So — if you want to spoil your children — don’t burden them with too many “mundane” activities like studies, sports, hobbies etc.
Ensure that your children have plenty of leisure time to “live it up” — to develop new vices — and to pursue their temptations to their heart’s content.
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INCLINATION
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This depends on your “sense of values” — which are formed by various factors — your home/family atmosphere, social environment, religious and cultural taboos, peer pressure, influence of school and friends etc
Are you inculcating the right values in your kids by your own actions…?
I will give you a real life example — this happened many years ago.
My friend’s son — age 15 — he lost his expensive mobile cell-phone — by forgetting it in a taxi — due to his own carelessness and negligence.
Instead of admonishing him — my friend bought him a brand new mobile phone — the latest model mobile phone — an even more expensive and fancy cell-phone — than the one he had lost due to his carelessness.
Obviously — the boy had no remorse, guilt or regret for losing the expensive gadget — and instead of feeling contrite and responsible — the teenager displayed a “couldn’t care” attitude.
Certainly — this teenager will never appreciate the value of money.
Can one expect such profligate actions of parents to inculcate the “correct” values of thrift, frugality and responsibility in their children…?
If you drink, smoke, and party in front of your children — won’t they be inclined to do the same…?
Can you lecture your son not to smoke while holding a cigarette between your lips…?
Can you tell for children not to drink alcohol while holding a glass of whisky in your hands…?
Can you tell your children to speak the truth or be honest — while you speak lies and indulge in corrupt practices…?
How about your friends, your children’s friends, their behaviour, and the general atmosphere and culture in the environment around your children…?
“Peer Pressure” too plays an important role in developing a teenager’s inclination.
What are your own values…?
If you are going to “live it up”, flaunt your lifestyle, and be corrupt and dishonest — your kids will be inclined to do so too.
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OPPORTUNITY
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You have the Time — you have the Inclination — but do you have the Opportunity to do what you want to do…?
Suppose you want to drink alcohol — but there is liquor-ban (prohibition) in force.
Or — there exist some religious, social, cultural taboos which do not give you the opportunity to drink alcohol.
These “restraining forces” will inhibit you from drinking alcohol.
Opportunity to indulge in an activity is governed by external circumstances — and rules and regulations — which either inhibit you — or make it conducive for you — to do what you want to do.
Enforcement of Restrictions like No-Smoking Zones, Liquor Ban and Prohibition, No Entry into Bars and Pubs for Kids — all these steps inhibit opportunity for children to start drinking at an early age.
Parental Control is an important factor in restricting opportunity for children to indulge in undesirable activities or develop unwanted habits.
Do you want exercise parental control on your teenage children…?
Or — do you want to give your kids a laissez-faire opportunity to do what they want…?
Suit yourself — but don’t blame your children later.
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MONEY
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In addition to Time, Inclination and Opportunity — if you want to spoil your children — make sure you give them plenty of Money to splurge on whatever they want to.
Ask no questions — and let them spend as they please without any accountability.
“Vices” and profligate lifestyles are expensive.
Give your children the latest gadgets and gizmos — expensive cars and fancy bikes — pander to all their whims and fancies — and never ask them to account for their extravagant spending.
Your children will “love” you for all this.
Go ahead and make your children “happy” and irresponsible.
You have open-mindedly given your children the time — the inclination — and the opportunity — but finally it is the money that matters.
Yes — it is money that helps your children sustain their Vices and Profligate Habits.
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“TIME — INCLINATION — MONEY — OPPORTUNITY” PARENTING PARADIGM
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Now — you know the “Time — Inclination — Money — Opportunity” Parenting Paradigm.
Go ahead — give it a try — spoil your brats — and tell me if it works.
But — if you don’t want to spoil your teenager kids — you can use the same “Time Inclination Money Opportunity” Parenting Paradigm in the reverse manner.
You know what to do — don’t you…?
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FOUR KEY PARENTING FACTORS
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Just remember the four key factors when bringing up your teenage children:
1. Monitor their TIME
2. Give them the proper INCLINATION in life
3. Restrict their OPPORTUNITY for undesirable activities
4. Keep a tight leash on their MONEY
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Dear Reader:
Does this teenager parenting paradigm work for you…?
Do comment and tell us your views.
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VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:
- This article is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
- All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
- E&OE
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Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
Link to source blog post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/04/how-to-spoil-your-children-teenage.html
Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
This is an revised, updated and abridged version of my article on parenting written by me around 18 years ago in 2006 and posted online earlier a number of times in my various blogs including at urls: https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/12/do-you-want-to-spoil-your-children.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/parenting-bringing-up-teenagers.html and https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/03/bringing-up-children-part-2-time.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/08/25/how-to-spoil-your-children-parenting-tips/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/06/13/teenage-parenting-how-to-spoil-your-children/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2021/05/28/how-to-spoil-your-children-teenage-parenting/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2022/05/19/parenting-tips-how-to-spoil-your-children/ and https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/teenage-parenting-tips-vikram-karve/ and https://medium.com/@vikramkarve/teenage-parenting-776072ff1b6e etc
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
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Vikram Karve 
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