Posts Tagged ‘rum’

Humor in Uniform – THE HAPPY NAVY – Hilarious “Memoir” from My Wonderful Navy Life

May 25, 2015

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: Humor in Uniform – THE BOOZY NAVY.

Link to my original post in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal: 
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…

HUMOUR IN UNIFORM

Here is a “memoir” from the happiest days of my life – my early days in the Navy.

This hilarious story happened more than 37 years ago – in the 1970’s …

THE BOOZY NAVY
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE


TÊTE-À-TÊTE

Lieutenant “Z” was transferred to Kolkata (or Calcutta – as the city was called in the 1970’s – but I will use the present name Kolkata in this story).

The “powers-that-be” thought Lieutenant “Z” would be very happy since Kolkata was his hometown.

But Lieutenant “Z” seemed very upset and he rushed to his ship’s Captain to get his transfer cancelled.

“We thought you would be happy – Kolkata is your hometown,” the Captain said.

“Sir – I don’t want to leave the ship…” Lieutenant “Z” said.

“Oh – it’s good to see that you are a true ‘sea-dog’ and you like the tough life at sea – but then – you have to go ashore…” the Captain said.

“But – Why – Sir…?” Lieutenant “Z” asked.

“See – you got your ‘watch-keeping ticket’ last year – and you have served for more than one year on board as a sea watch-keeping officer – and you will be due for your ‘Long Course’ after 2 years…” the Captain said to Lieutenant “Z”.

“Sir – I can spend these 2 years on board this ship – or some other ship – but I don’t want to go to Kolkata – especially in that shore appointment…” Lieutenant “Z” said.

The Captain was getting exasperated – so he said a bit angrily: “Look here Lieutenant “Z” – there is a bloody shortage of ships and sea billets – and we have plenty of young officers waiting for their watch-keeping tickets – so you will have to cool your heels ashore for 2 years till your ‘Long Course’ comes through…”

“Okay – Sir – if I have to go ashore – then please change my transfer to some other place – I do not wish to go to Kolkata…” Lieutenant “Z” said.

“I just don’t understand you – what’s wrong with Kolkata – it is your hometown – you can be with your parents, family and friends – I personally talked to DOP to get you this appointment – your CO at Kolkata is my friend and he is an excellent officer – he will give you a thumping ACR…” the Captain said.

“Sir – I don’t want to go to Kolkata…”

“Lieutenant “Z” – I am warning you – if you act funny – we will send to ‘Kala Pani’ in the Andaman…” the Captain said threateningly.

“Sir – please send me to the Andamans…”

“Are you crazy…? Why don’t you want to go to Kolkata…? Have you some family problems…?” the Captain asked.

“Sir – Booze is expensive in Kolkata…” Lieutenant “Z” said, matter-of-factly.

“What…? What do you mean ‘Booze is expensive in Kolkata’…? Is that the reason why you do not want to go there…?”

“Sir – the only worthwhile perk we get is ‘concessional liquor’ – that is why I want to remain on board ship so that I can enjoy ‘duty-free booze’ – but if I have to go ashore – please send me to a place where ‘Military Booze’ is cheap – Sir – the price of CSD Quota Liquor in Bengal is 3 times more expensive than the price out here in Maharashtra…” Lieutenant “Z” said.


(This story happened in the 1970’s – when CSD Quota Liquor was cheapest in Maharashtra. However – since tax concessions are given by State Governments – and local taxes/concessions keep changing from time to time – the situation may be quite different now – but even now – the prices of CSD Quota Liquor vary from state to state – so ‘Military Booze’ is cheaper in some states – and more expensive in others)

Now – after this brief aside – let us continue with the interesting tête-à-tête between Lieutenant “Z” and his Captain…


“So – you wanted to remain on board this ship so that you can enjoy cheap ‘duty-free booze’…?” the Captain asked.

“Yes – Sir…” Lieutenant “Z” said.

“And you even prefer to go to the Andamans because booze is cheaper there…?”

“Yes – Sir…”

“It seems that you joined the Navy to drink liquor…!”

“Yes – Sir…”

“What nonsense…? Are you crazy…?”

“Sir – the main reason I joined the ‘Boozy Navy’ was to enjoy the best of ‘duty-free’ booze – that is why I want to be on ships – but if I have to go ashore – the least I can do is to enjoy my full quota of CSD ‘Military Liquor’ at the cheapest possible rates…”

“Are you mad…? Are you saying that the only reason why people should join the defence services is to drink alcohol…? That means – according to you – teetotallers should not join the Navy – or the Military…?”

“Sir – I told you before – the only worthwhile perk we get in the defence services is ‘concessional liquor’ – so what is the point of wasting your life in the military if you are not going to enjoy this exclusive ‘Fauji Perk’ of ‘Military Booze’…? And if you don’t drink – if you are a teetotaller – you might as well take up a civilian job, live a comfortable life, and earn plenty of money…” Lieutenant “Z” pontificated.

“I am a strict teetotaller – I don’t touch alcohol…” the Captain said, “…are you saying that I am wasting my time in the Navy…?”

“Sir – just think of all the ‘Duty-Free’ Booze and CSD Quota Liquor you have missed out on in all these 25 years of your service…” Lieutenant “Z” said – with genuine regret in his eyes.

“You are a crazy bugger…! Just get out my cabin…” the Captain shouted at Lieutenant “Z”.


EPILOGUE

Two things happened after this amusing tête-à-tête between Lieutenant “Z” and his Captain.

Firstly – the Captain picked up the phone and spoke to the DOP who was his course-mate.

The DOP had a big laugh when the Captain told him the reason why Lieutenant “Z” wanted his transfer changed.

Since there was no billet available in the Andamans (where booze was the cheapest those days) – DOP did the next best thing possible – and – Lieutenant “Z” was transferred as a Divisional Officer to NDA near Pune where the price of CSD Quota Liquor was the same as in Mumbai since both were in Maharashtra State.

Secondly – the Captain asked his steward to serve him a chilled can of premium imported beer (available dirt cheap at ‘duty-free’ rates on board ship).

This was his first sip of booze ever since he joined the Navy more than 25 years ago.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. This Story and All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

 

HOW NOT TO GET DRUNK YET FEEL NICE – HOW TO FIND OUT YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY or ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL – Flash Point and Fire Point Method

November 27, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: HOW TO FIND OUT YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY or ALCOHOL TOLERANCE LEVEL – Flash Point and Fire Point Method.

Click the link above and read the original article in my journal

Article also posted below for your convenience

HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY or ALCOHOL TOLERANCE
 
Flash Point and Fire Point Method
By
VIKRAM KARVE
It is best not to drink alcohol.
 
But if you do drink then you must ask yourself: “Why do I drink?”
You drink because you want to “feel good”.
If you drink too much you will get drunk.
When you get drunk you hardly feel or remember anything since your senses are dulled.
But if you get inebriated, in your intoxicated and drunken state, you will make a fool of yourself and you may embarrass your near and dear ones.
 
And on the morning after, you will certainly feel miserable when you come to your senses from your drunken stupor and suffer the pains of a terrible hangover.
If you drink too little – well then there is no point in drinking alcohol at all
 
You might as well have some fruit juice or a soft drink or a glass of milk. 
 
You may find it laughable, but at some parties, I have seen some persons just holding a drink in their hands for keeping up appearances. They do this because they want to project a “proper” image before their hard drinking bosses and colleagues and they don’t want their hard-drinking colleagues and friends to call them a “sissy”. 
 
There is no shame in being a teetotaller – in fact you should be proud of it
 
By the way, after over 25 years of “work hard play hard drink hard” living, I too am living a life of sobriety for the last 10 years.
I write this series as I wish to share my experiences with you and enable you to take more out of alcohol than alcohol takes out of you.
So, if you want to truly enjoy drinking, you must drink just the right amount of alcohol that makes you feel good.
The aim of drinking alcohol is to feel high, not to get drunk 
 
(And, of course, the aim of drinking is not to remain dead sober as a teetotaller, in which case it is a waste of good liquor)
You must feel high but you must not get drunk.
For achieving this delightful “high” state, you must know your drinking capacity which depends on your alcohol tolerance level. 
 
HOW TO DISCOVER YOUR DRINKING CAPACITY 
 
Well, it was through sheer serendipity that I discovered my drinking capacity. 
 
This method worked for me. 
 
To find out whether it works for you, do try it out, at your own risk, and tell us how it worked for you.
 
You will need the following which you must keep handy on a table next to your chair:
 
1. A Bottle of Rum or Whisky or adequate quantity of your regular drink (If you drink shots, line enough of them up).
2. A Book
3. Water
 
Before I describe the technique let me impart to you some “theory”.
 
If you were a science student you must have performed a chemistry lab experiment to find out the FLASH POINT and FIRE POINT of a fuel. 
 
You start heating the volatile liquid. 
 
The flash point occurs when the fuel exhibits a flash. 
 
The fuel is heated further and the fire point occurs when the volatile material catches fire and starts burning and continues to burn.
 
Applying the same analogy to drinking alcohol, you can say that your “flash point” occurs when you are “high” (at your flash point you have reached your drinking capacity).
 
If you keep on drinking then you will reach your “fire point”, an inebriated state of drunkenness.  
 
Your aim is to remain happily high around your “flash point” and in no circumstances must you cross your “fire point”.
 
But how do you find out your “flash point”?
 
Here is the technique of how to “measure” your “flash point” or drinking capacity.
 
 
1. Drink a glass of water. This is to stabilize you in case you are dehydrated and get you ready for the experiment.
 
 
2. Pour your normal drink.
 
 
3. Take the book and start reading.
 
 
4. Keep drinking at your normal pace and also keep reading continuously. Take your time, sip your drink and focus on the book. If you finish your drink, pour another one. Keep on drinking as long as you can read easily and comprehend clearly what you are reading.
 
 
5. The moment you reach a state where your concentration starts wavering you are reaching your “flash point”
 
A point will come when you can read the words but you realize that you are not clearly registering what you are reading in your mind. This is your “flash point”.
 
At your “flash point” you will be in that delightful state of alcohol induced emotional flux which makes you feel “high”.
 
 
6. If you continue drinking beyond your “flash point” you will reach a hazy state where the words in the book appear blurred and you have difficulty in reading as your eyes may not focus properly.
 
You have now reached your “fire point” (alcohol induced intoxication).
 
 
7. Once you reach your “fire point” you must stop drinking alcohol immediately.
 
Now drink a glass of water and relax. Soon you will gravitate back towards your “flash point”.
 
If you continue drinking beyond your “fire point” you will get inebriated and become drunk.
 
 
8. Measure the amount of liquor you have drunk to reach your “flash point”.
 
 
9. Repeat this experiment a number of times (on different days).
 
By successive iteration, fine tune the results, and soon you will know your drinking capacity (alcohol tolerance level).
 
ALCOHOL TOLERANCE
 
There is a saying: “First you drink alcohol, and then the alcohol drinks you”.
Similarly, till you reach your “flash point” you are the one drinking alcohol – you have reached the limit of your control but you still have control.
Near your “flash point” you will experience the “high” feeling which alcohol gives you and you must stop drinking at once – you will remain “high” for sometime, enjoying the euphoric sensation, and then you will have a pleasant relaxing feeling as the “high” gradually tapers off and this is the best time to drift off into a nice sleep.
Once you reach your “fire point” you will lose control and the alcohol will take charge and it is the alcohol which will “drink” you and you will get drunk.
Let me sound a note of caution.
If you drink frequently your alcohol tolerance will increase.
Increased Alcohol Tolerance means that after continued drinking, consumption of a constant amount of alcohol produces a lesser effect which means that larger amounts of alcohol are necessary to produce the same effect. 
 
Thus, you will need to drink more alcohol to reach your “flash point” to get a “high”. 
 
In effect your “drinking capacity” increases. 
 
As you continue drinking, this has a snowballing effect.
Having a great drinking capacity may be a “macho” thing to boast about and may win the admiration of your friends and colleagues.
 
However, high alcohol tolerance indicates a propensity towards alcoholism in later years, so watch out.
High alcohol tolerance is not necessarily something to be proud of.
Regular consumption of alcohol will raise your drinking capacity which in turn will tempt you drink more to reach your “flash point”.
And if you continue this habit you may develop alcohol dependence and you may eventually slip into the abyss of alcoholism.
So, if you realize that your “flash point” has increased, abstain from drinking for a few days till your “flash point” falls to a reasonable level.
The less you drink, the better it is for your body, so in fact it is advantageous to have a low drinking capacity.
But then you must remember never to cross your “flash point”.
Avoid binge drinking and competitive drinking which can damage your health.
Like I said in the beginning, it is best not to drink alcohol, but if you do drink, remember, as Winston Churchill once said, that you must take more out of alcohol than alcohol takes out of you.
And how do you do that – well that I will tell you in my next post in this series on the golden rules of drinking alcohol.
Happy “Flash Point”. And may you never reach your “Fire Point”. 
 
Remember: The aim of drinking alcohol is to feel high, not to get drunk 
 
Do let me know if this “Flash Point” and “Fire Point” method helped you discover your drinking capacity.
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 

Did you like reading this article?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my recently published book of short stories COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:

http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

 
Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramwamankarve@gmail.com

      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
  
 

IT IS NO LONGER THE RUM BUM LASH NAVY – STEALING AFFECTIONS – A Naval Yarn

October 11, 2012

Click the link below to read the original post in my creative writing journal blog

Also posted below for your convenience

http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/stealing-affections.html

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: STEALING AFFECTIONS.

STEALING AFFECTIONS
Short Fiction Story
A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer: Please read this short story only if you have a sense of humour. This is a spoof, pure fiction, a figment of imagination. So first convince yourself that you have a sense of humour and only then read the yarn and have a laugh.
STEALING AFFECTIONS
Short Fiction – A Naval Yarn
By
VIKRAM KARVE
 
 
It was an abrupt end to a promising career.
In the morning he was forced to put in his papers.
In the afternoon there was a brief farewell party – a drab Pre-Lunch Drinks (PLD) in the Wardroom.
The usual boisterous bonhomie was conspicuous by its absence and there was an air of awkwardness in the Wardroom.
The farewell PLD for Horny was a mere formality to be got over with.
The party was muted low-key affair without the customary boisterous elbow-bending.
Everyone reluctantly sipped their beer in hushed silence hoping that time would move fast.
But time did not move quickly and they all endured the agonizing moments as time crawled slowly while they all waited for the uncomfortable proceedings to end.
No one forced “down the hatch” drinks and “bottoms up” beers on the departing guest.
There were no “jolly-good-fellow” hoists and there were no long winded farewell speeches – just one-line perfunctory speeches for the sake of formality.
Typically, a PLD was a jolly affair full of joie de vivre and the cheer and beer flowed freely. The happy high-spirited copious beer-drinking continued for hours together, till evening, and on occasions the boisterous revelry turned into a full-fledged drunken orgy late into the night.
But this PLD finished off within an hour and everyone heaved a sigh of relief that the embarrassment was over.
They all shook hands with Horny, wished him good-luck in the civvy-street, and they all went home, or to their cabins, to hit the sack and enjoy what was left of the make-and-mend Wednesday.
Only Snotty stayed back and helped Horny pack his bags. Then he sent a sailor to get a taxi and when the taxi arrived alongside the ship at the jetty, Snotty picked up Horny’s bags and accompanied him to the gangway.
A sailor picked up Horny’s bags and put them into the boot of the taxi.
Horny stood at the gangway, expressionless. He did not betray his emotions but kept gazing in a vacant manner at the taxi. Then he turned around and smiled at Snotty and the gangway duty staff.
Then, Horny lifted himself to his full height, stood ramrod straight with chest out. He saluted for the last time, swallowed the anchor, and marched ashore across the gangway into the civvy-street forever.
Snotty felt sad to see Horny go away. Horny had been his mentor and Snotty admired him as a role model in the art of seamanship. Though Horny was his boss, he had always treated Snotty like a younger brother, with benevolence and patience. Horny was firm yet compassionate, revered by the men he commanded. Horny ran a happy department and Snotty had learnt so much from him. He had really liked Horny and was sorry that such a promising career had been so cruelly and so unjustly abruptly cut short.  
Snotty went down to the wardroom and sat down for lunch at the Dining Table. In order to enjoy good food one has to be in the right mood and that is why the delicious food which looked so good on the table turned tasteless in Snotty’s mouth.
“What’s wrong, Snotty?” asked the in-living PMC, who was nicknamed Sea Dog. He was sitting at the head of the table.
“Nothing, Sir. It’s about Horny.”
“What about Horny? I know he was your boss. Sad to see him go?”
“Yes, Sir. He was such a nice guy, Sir, and so good at his job.”
“I know. I was his training officer on the cadet ship. Horny was an outstanding cadet and a superb officer. He would have reached the very top but for this…”
“It’s totally unfair, Sir, and a very harsh punishment – an abrupt end to a promising career just because of one small indiscretion.” 
“One small indiscretion? You call it one small indiscretion? You know what he did, don’t you?”
“Well, he was having an affair with Salty’s wife, that’s all.”
“That’s all? You know how serious the matter is?”
“Sir, if two people want to have consensual sex, what’s the problem?”
“What’s the problem? You are asking me what’s the problem? Well, my dear friend, let me explain. Horny was married and so was Salty. And Horny was having an illicit relationship with Salty’s wife. It’s called adultery. Do you understand?”
“Sir, it is a personal matter between them, and their wives. What has it got to do with our job? Why has Horny been sacked?”
“That may be in the civvy street, but here we follow a code of conduct. Stealing the affection of a brother officer’s wife is strictly taboo. If you are feeling so damn frustrated, you can go and sow your wild oats outside, but you don’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife. ”
“Stealing affections of a brother officer’s wife?”
“Yes. Stealing the affections of a brother officer’s wife is just not allowed. It is considered an act of moral turpitude, conduct unbecoming of an officer, prejudicial to good order and discipline. That is why Horny was thrown out. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Good.”
“Sir, I have a small doubt?”
“What doubt?”
“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer’s wife because it is an act of moral turpitude?”
“That’s right. It is immoral to steal the affections of your brother officer’s wife.”
“You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is illegal. That is what they told us at the academy.”
“Of course it is illegal. Buggery is unlawful. The days of the Rum Bum and Lash Navy are long since over.”
“Sir, then please tell me one thing – you can’t steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife because it is immoral. You can’t steal the affection of a brother officer because it is unlawful. Then why is it permitted to steal the affection of your sister officer?”
“Stealing the affections of a sister officer? What are you talking about?”
“Sir, nowadays we have lady officers in the Navy.”
“So?”
“If male officers are like our brothers, then the women officers are like our sisters, aren’t they?”
“That’s right – lady officers are indeed your sister officers. And that is how you must treat them.”
“If you steal the affections of your sister, does that not amount to incest?”
“Incest? What are you trying to say?”
“Sir, tell me, are you allowed to marry your sister?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why are male officers being permitted to marry female officers? Brother Officers are stealing the affections of Sister Officers and even marrying them. Isn’t it funny, Sir? Today she is your sister officer and tomorrow she becomes your wife?”
“What’s your point?”
“It is all very confusing to me, Sir.”
“Confusing? What?”
“You can steal the affection of your sister officer, you can even marry your sister officer – that is allowed – sister officers can steal the affections of their brother officers and even marry them – that is permitted – then why make such a big hullabaloo if you steal the affections of a brother officer’s wife?”
“Very interesting question. I think I’ll have to ask my wife to answer that.”
“Your wife? I thought you were a bachelor, Sir.”
“And why is that?”
“Because you are in-living, Sir.”
“Well, my wife is posted elsewhere. And you’ll be interested to know that she is, in your parlance, a ‘sister officer’ – yes, Dear Snotty, I am guilty of stealing the affection of a sister officer!”
 
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
 
Did you like this story?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer and blogger. Educated at IIT Delhi, IIT (BHU) Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and an anthology of short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional  and academic research papers in journals and edited in-house journals and magazines for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing and blogging. Vikram Karve lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com

      

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

 

LIQUOR QUOTA – Rank Has Its Privileges RHIP

August 19, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: THE MORE YOU DRINK THE HIGHER YOU GO – Rank Has Its Privileges.

Click the link above and read about the hilarious paradox of Liquor Quota and have a laugh – then Think About It

A typical case of Humor In Uniform

The article is posted below too for your convenience

THE MORE YOU DRINK THE HIGHER YOU GO – Rank Has Its Privileges

THEATRE OF THE ABSURD
HUMOUR IN UNIFORM
A Naval Yarn
THE MORE YOU DRINK THE HIGHER YOU GO
Are Career Prospects linked to Drinking Capacity ?
Musings on RHIP – RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEGES
By
VIKRAM KARVE
Disclaimer – Read this only if you have a Sense of Humour. This is a spoof so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh
Conventional wisdom says that as you grow older you should reduce your consumption of alcohol and drink less liquor.
However, the Military Canteen Stores Department (CSD) seems to think otherwise.
The more senior you become your liquor quota increases accordingly too.
I don’t know the exact liquor quota nowadays, but in our time, junior officers got about 12 bottles of booze a month, the mid-level officers got 14 bottles a month, senior officers got 16 bottles a month and flag officers got unlimited liquor.
Well, the numbers may have changed, but the logic remains the same – your liquor quota increases in direct proportion to your rank.
Going by this topsy-turvy logic, the more senior you become the more liquor you are supposed to drink.
Conversely, as a corollary, one may surmise that promotion is directly proportional to your drinking capacity or alcohol tolerance level – yes, the more you alcohol you can imbibe, the higher your chances of promotion to higher ranks. Ostensibly Career Prospects are linked to Drinking Capacity – THE MORE YOU DRINK THE HIGHER YOU GO.
(By the way, at least in my case, this “promotion is directly proportional to drinking capacity”theory did not hold true, for had this premise been foolproof, then yours truly would surely have become an Admiral; because in my heyday, I could comfortably polish off more than half a bottle of Rum in a drinking session. Sadly, now I am a teetotaller, but during my early navy days I was a regular drinker with great drinking capacity. If career prospects indeed depend on drinking capacity, I should have gone high up the ladder, but maybe, I am an exception to the rule)
Jokes apart, I feel that this “pecking order” for liquor quotas is a rather bizarre interpretation of the RANK HAS ITS PRIVILEGES (RHIP) concept, taking rank consciousness to absurd limits.
Can you please tell me by what logic does an elderly ageing senior officer require to drink more alcohol than his much more younger and youthful junior?
In fact, if you ask me, it may be more prudent to give more liquor quota to young carefree bachelor officers and keep them in “high spirits” rather than facilitate senior married officers to drown their sorrows in alcohol and ruin their family life, besides damaging their own health.
This RHIP discrimination continues after retirement too, despite the fact that once you retire you relinquish your active service rank and become a civilian and are considered equal in status with all others.
And now, someone tells me, that even the paramilitary forces want to join the liquor quota bandwagon and are applying the same bizarre RHIP logic for determining liquor quotas and want to continue the same rank-consciousness after retirement too.
What is this liquor quota I am talking about?
Well,  this liquor quota business seems to be relic of the Raj. The genesis of this liquor quota probably goes back to the days of the British Raj when a British officer serving inIndia away from home was given a certain amount of liquor at concessional rates. AfterIndependence, like most rules and regulations made by the erstwhile British rulers, this concept was continued.
Whether this “perk” is good or bad is a debatable issue. But nowadays, liquor is freely available all over, and since most states levy taxes on CSD goods, there is hardly any price differential, so gradually this “quota” will become irrelevant.
But I still have two unanswered questions in my mind:
1. Are you supposed to drink more alcohol as you get senior? Is there a correlation between Officer Like Qualities (OLQ) and the amount of alcohol you can imbibe?
2. Is drinking capacity the key to career success and is promotion to senior ranks linked to your drinking capacity? Is there merit in the truism – The More You Drink The Higher You Go…?
Will some “veteran” be so good as to enlighten us?
Till then, Cheers – enjoy your “quota” and have a drink!
 
VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?
I am sure you will like all the 27 stories in my anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL – Stories About Relationships. 

To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html
COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com     


© vikram karve., all rights reserved.
Posted by 

WILL SATYAMEV JAYATE DISCUSS ALCOHOLISM – a social evil

June 30, 2012

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: WILL SATYAMEV JAYATE DISCUSS ALCOHOLISM.

 

WILL SATYAMEV JAYATE DISCUSS ALCOHOLISM

More than a month ago I wrote a blog post (given below for your convenience) wondering whether the problem of Alcoholism would be discussed on Satyamev Jayate. 
I got a comment from a handle called Bombay Sound that there is an episode on Alcoholism scheduled to be aired in June 2012 and that I should not miss it.
The month of June is over. Alcoholism affects all strata of society. Earlier alcoholism was a male-dominated malaise, now even women have started falling victim to the disease of alcoholism, especially in urban metros.  I hope there is an episode on this important social issue of Alcoholism and they telecast the episode in Satyamev Jayate tomorrow or maybe soon.
Meanwhile, do read the post below and give your comments, views and feedback. 

ALCOHOLISM
A Major Social Problem
By
VIKRAM KARVE
There is a country liquor bar on the main road near my house in Pune. 

You probably will not believe it, but the bar opens at 6 o’clock in the morning and you will be surprised to know that there are customers eagerly waiting for their first drink of the day.

This morning on my way to Taljai Hills for my morning walk, I saw a familiar face – that comparatively well dressed man who is unfailingly there every morning waiting for the country liquor bar to open. 

He was shaking with Delerium Tremens (DT) as he desperately craved for his first drink of the day – his early morning dose of alcohol.

On my way back I saw that this man was dead drunk and was being helped into an auto-rickshaw to drive him to his house since he was so inebriated that he was in no condition to walk the short distance to his house. 

He would be back after a few hours for his second drink, then a third, maybe a fourth, and the same sequence of events would repeat themselves.

Someone told me that this man was once a successful manager in the corporate world, but his alcoholism had ruined him and reduced him to this state where he could afford only country liquor. 

They said that the man who now looked like a skeleton was once a handsome healthy sportsman before his alcoholism destroyed him.

The man lived with his joint family, his wife, his brothers, their wives, children, grandchildren, et al. 

Owing to his alcoholism he was a big embarrassment to his entire family and the only reason they had not thrown him out was because he owned the bungalow where they lived. 

But they did not allow him to drink at home and that is why he came to the country liquor bar. 

Someone said that his family members had made all efforts to make him give up drinking, but in vain, and now they had given up hope and were fed up with his drinking and were waiting for him to die.

There was a time when there was prohibition in Maharashtra and you could not drink alcohol in Pune. 

But that was long back – maybe around 50 years ago. 

Now liquor flows freely and there are bars and shops selling booze all over. 

A large number of people, from all strata of society, from all age groups ranging from students to senior citizens, drink alcohol regularly, and many become dependent on alcohol and risk ruining their lives by turning into alcoholics.

It is a common sight to see totally inebriated people lying dead drunk in a state of unconsciousness on the roads and footpaths of Pune throughout the day. 

This evening I saw a sorry spectacle of a wife and small son trying to lift a drunkard (who had fallen down outside the bar on the pavement). They wanted to take the inebriated man home. But, in his drunken stupor, the man was hurling filthy abuses at his wife and son. 

I have witnessed young boys and girls pass out drunk. 

Some are unable to hold their liquor and they puke and wallow in their vomit after binge drinking sessions at high-falutin watering holes which have sprouted all over the place to cater to the alcoholic cravings of the nouveau-riche IT Nerds and wealthy students. 

It is a disgusting sight to see these youngsters in this terribly intoxicated state.

Most youngsters start drinking because of peer pressure and try to show off their drinking prowess and land up getting drunk.

In these places, drunken brawls are quite commonplace and drunken driving is on the rise.

Someone told me that the scourge of alcoholism is a Pan-India phenomenon, rapidly proliferating in urban as well as rural areas, in villages, towns and metros, penetrating in all strata of society, and, you may be surprised, but many women too are succumbing to this disease.

Alcoholism is a disease and the effects of alcohol are worse than tobacco. 

Smoking affects the smoker whereas alcoholism affects the entire family and society around too. 

They say that smoking ruins your body, affects you physically, but alcohol affects both your body and your brain, and, in the long run, damages you physically and mentally too. 

Like smoking, alcohol has an adverse effect on health. 

But unlike smoking, efforts are not being made to discourage people from drinking alcohol. 

In fact, easy availability of alcoholic drinks and lack of taboo due to increasing globalisation of culture, are facilitating, even encouraging, consumption of alcohol.   

All of us need to be made aware of the dangers of drinking alcohol and to what extent alcoholism has affected our country and society. 

I wish Aamir Khan and the director Satyajit Bhatkal and his team cover this topic in Satyamev Jayate.

Making people aware of a problem is the first step towards solving the problem. 

Satyamev Jayate has done yeoman’s service by creating awareness of the ills plaguing our society like female foeticide, child sexual abuse, health issues and many such relevant issues. 

I hope this program will highlight the dangers of alcoholism, both in our rural and urban society.

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve 2012
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work. 
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this article?

I am sure you will like the 27 short stories from my recently published anthology of Short Fiction COCKTAIL
To order your COCKTAIL please click any of the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the links below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

Foodie Book:  Appetite for a Stroll
If your are a Foodie you will like my book of Food Adventures APPETITE FOR A STROLL. Do order a copy from FLIPKART:
http://www.flipkart.com/appetite-stroll-vikram-karve/8190690094-gw23f9mr2o

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and is currently working on his novel and a book of vignettes and short fiction. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories, creative non-fiction articles on a variety of topics including food, travel, philosophy, academics, technology, management, health, pet parenting, teaching stories and self help in magazines and published a large number of professional research papers in journals and edited in-house journals for many years, before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 15 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts.

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com
      


© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

PICK ME UP

November 18, 2011

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: PICK ME UP.

DRINKING ALCOHOL – GOLDEN RULE No. 1

October 21, 2011

Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: DRINKING ALCOHOL – GOLDEN RULE No. 1.

 

DRINKING ALCOHOL – GOLDEN RULE No. 1

The Golden Rule of Drinking Alcohol
Never Drink when you Need a Drink
By
VIKRAM KARVE

DRINKING ALCOHOL – GOLDEN RULE No. 1

 

One evening a friend of mine landed up at my place and said, “I’ve had a really terrible day at work. I need a drink.”


“I’ll get you a cup of tea,” I said.

“Tea…?” he exclaimed astounded, “haven’t you got some whiskey or something…I told you I’m feeling terrible…everything went wrong today…I desperately need a drink…”

“I know you are dying for a drink, craving, yearning, thirsting for that “soothing” sip of alcohol. That’s why you must not drink now. You must never drink when you need a drink,” I said.    

My friend pleaded but I didn’t budge and gave him a cup of tea which he drank with great reluctance, and then he walked off in a huff, calling me all sorts of names. He said that I was  a miser, a “good for nothing” friend, but I knew I had done the right thing.

Don’t drink when you need a drink.
 
Yes, don’t drink when you want that drink. 
 
Don’t touch a drop of alcohol when your mind or body craves for alcohol.

Sounds funny isn’t it…?

Let me try to elucidate.

Never drink when you need a drink.

Don’t touch the bottle when you are feeling any negative emotion like despondency, sadness, anger, irritation, envy, unhappiness, frustration, emotional pain, bad moods, down in the dumps feeling, or any negative vibes for the bottle will “unbottle” and release your pent up negative emotions and make you feel even more miserable and also spoil the mood of all those around you.

Let me tell you something I have observed in real life.

If you want to know the true character of a man, just get him drunk and what is hidden inside him will come out and his true inner self will be revealed.

Alcohol opens you up. That’s what alcohol does, isn’t it…?

Alcohol reduces inhibitions, makes you more talkative, more expansive and more expressive, loosens you up, and helps release, bring out and amplify your inner emotions, talents, passions, sentiments.

That’s why some persons become more creative after imbibing a drink or two since alcohol unleashes your inhibitions and releases the music, the poetry, the creativity hidden within you. 
 
If you are happy inside, after a few drinks you will start physically expressing your happiness boisterously and outwardly by laughing, cheer and bonhomie.
 
In high spirits, you may even articulate your secret unexpressed love, become amorous, romantic, try to realize your hidden desires and reveal without compunctions your inner secrets which otherwise you would never disclose when sober.  

But the converse is also true.

By reducing inhibitions, alcohol may bring out the worst in you by facilitating therelease of pent up negative emotions like anger, envy, dejection, despondency, frustration and these unleashed amplified negative emotions may result in undesirable, unpleasant and even disastrous consequences.

Have you noticed how some people get violent, argumentative, rude or even melancholic, moody, sullen, depressed, unsociable after a few drinks…?

Dear Reader, in my opinion, the best thing is to be a teetotaler and not to have a drink at all, but if you must have a drink please do make sure that you are feeling positive vibes and are peaceful and happy inside and never drink when you desperately “need” that drink. Yes, do not touch alcohol when you are feeling depressed or low or angry or have negative emotions.

Remember this golden rule – If you must drink, always drink when you are happy, in good cheer and full of positive vibes

Remember: Never drink when you need a drink.



VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve 2011
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Did you like this story?
I am sure you will like the stories in my recently published book COCKTAIL comprising twenty seven short stories about relationships. To order the book please click the links below:
http://www.flipkart.com/cocktail-vikram-karve-short-stories-book-8191091844?affid=nme
http://www.indiaplaza.in/cocktail-vikram-karve/books/9788191091847.htm
http://www.apkpublishers.com/books/short-stories/cocktail-by-vikram-karve.html

COCKTAIL ebook
If you prefer reading ebooks on Kindle or your ebook reader, please order Cocktail E-book by clicking the link below:
AMAZON
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B005MGERZ6
SMASHWORDS
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/87925

About Vikram Karve

A creative person with a zest for life, Vikram Karve is a retired Naval Officer turned full time writer. Educated at IIT Delhi, ITBHU Varanasi, The Lawrence School Lovedale and Bishops School Pune, Vikram has published two books: COCKTAIL a collection of fiction short stories about relationships (2011) and APPETITE FOR A STROLL a book of Foodie Adventures (2008) and he is currently working on his novel. An avid blogger, he has written a number of fiction short stories and creative non-fiction articles in magazines and journals for many years before the advent of blogging. Vikram has taught at a University as a Professor for almost 14 years and now teaches as a visiting faculty and devotes most of his time to creative writing. Vikram lives in Pune India with his family and muse – his pet dog Sherry with whom he takes long walks thinking creative thoughts. 

Vikram Karve Academic and Creative Writing Journal: http://karvediat.blogspot.com
Professional Profile Vikram Karve: http://www.linkedin.com/in/karve
Vikram Karve Facebook Page:  https://www.facebook.com/vikramkarve
Vikram Karve Creative Writing Blog: http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Email: vikramkarve@sify.com        

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.


Short Fiction – How Not to Cure Alcoholism

November 3, 2008

Click the link and read my story on my creative writing blog:

 

http://vikramkarve.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/10/marriage-on-the-rocks.htm

 

Regards

Vikram

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