For Teenage Children (and their Parents)
HOW TO PLAN YOUR LIFE
Musings By Vikram Karve
ARE YOU LETTING OTHERS PLAN YOUR LIFE…?
If you travel on a road which others have built – then you will reach the destination where the road goes.
Yes – if you travel on a road that someone else has built – you will reach that destination which those who built the road want you to reach.
You will not reach the destination that you want to reach.
It is true – isn’t it…?
Since others have built the road on which you travel – you will reach the destination which the road-builders want you to reach.
In a metaphorical sense – it is the same with the “journey of life” too.
If you let others plan your life – then you will reach the “destination” which they want you to reach.
That is why – you must plan your own life according to the “destination” or goal that you want to reach.
Unfortunately – it is easier said than done.
How do you land up travelling on the wrong road on the Journey of Life…?
It all starts when you are small – at that age you are too young to understand things – and you are too immature to formulate your “Life Goal”
The moment you enter school – your parents decide what they want you to achieve
You parents decide the “destination” they want you to reach – and – your ambitious parents start planning your life accordingly.
Your teachers play a role in planning your life too.
And – you are quite clueless to understand anything – since you are too young to understand what is going on.
It happened with me too.
In Class 9 – I was put in the “Science” Stream.
No one asked me my choice – whether I wanted to study in the “Science” Stream or the “Arts” Stream – because probably – I was considered too young to make a choice.
In our school – there was a simple rule – only those students who were “weak” in Mathematics – were sent to the “Arts” Stream.
Unfortunately – I was good at Mathematics.
Sometimes – it is a great misfortune to be good at something you don’t like.
Later – my parents, teachers and “well-wishers” decided that I must appear for the IIT JEE (IIT Joint Entrance Examination).
I cleared the JEE – studied Engineering for 5 years – I got a B. Tech. degree – and – I reached the “destination” that they wanted me to reach.
“They” wanted me to be an Engineer – and – I had reached the “Destination” (Engineer) – that – “They” had wanted me to reach.
I did not want to be an Engineer.
In hindsight – had I been enlightened enough – given a choice – in school – I would have chosen the “Arts” Stream – and later – in college and university – maybe – I would have studied Liberal Arts – especially Literature.
However – I was never given a free choice – and – in acccordance to the plans made by “others” – I dutifully studied Science – then Engineering – and – I landed up becoming an Engineer – which I did not want to be.
Sadly – no one ever asked me what I wanted to be – and since – I was never given a choice – nor was I given an opportunity for “aptitude testing” or “guidance counselling” – so – I too was was not fully aware of my true métier.
So – I blindly followed the plans that “others” made for me – and – I reached the “destination” that “they” wanted me to reach.
The same thing happened during most of my working life too.
It was “others” who did my career planning.
After I joined the Navy – the HR Bosses in the Navy decided everything for me.
The “Powers-That-Be” in the Navy decided which Training Courses I should attend – they decided in which areas of expertise I should specialize – they decided on which ships I should be posted – they decided my shore appointments – “they” decided everything.
“Others” planned my career path – and I had no choice but to follow that path towards the “destinations” that “they” wanted me to reach.
And – I kept “travelling” on the “path” they planned for me – and – I duly reached the “destinations” they wanted to me to reach.
First – my Parents and Teachers planned my life.
Then – the Navy planned my life.
It was only after my retirement – that I had the luxury of planning my own life according to the “goals” that I wanted to reach.
No longer do I have to “travel” on roads that others have built for me.
No longer am I reaching “destinations” that others want me to reach.
Now – I am my own “Master”.
I decide my goals – I plan my life – and I “build” my own road towards the “destination” that I want to reach.
But – I can do this only now – after my retirement.
Just imagine what could have happened – if I had been given an opportunity to plan my own life in school – and travel towards the “destination” that I want to reach – rather than forcing me to travel towards the “destination” that “others” wanted me to reach.
WHO IS PLANNING YOUR LIFE…?
What I told you about teachers deciding to put me in Science Stream – it happened 55 years ago – in the 1960’s.
No one asked me what I wanted.
Even if I was unsure of what I wanted – no one helped me discover what I wanted.
I trust things have changed now – and young children are being given greater independence to decide their own destiny.
I really don’t know – so you tell me.
Are young children being given the freedom to plan their own lives…?
Or – are parents still planning the lives of their children…?
Are parents making their children “travel” on roads towards “destinations” that the parents want their children to reach…?
And worse – are some parents trying to achieve their own unrealized goals vicariously through their children…?
If you are a young student – remember that you have to plan your own life according to the goal you want to reach.
If you let others plan your life – then you will reach the “destination” they want you to reach.
And once you have travelled too far down the wrong road – it becomes difficult to turn back – and you are left with no choice but to continue travelling – till you reach the wrong “destination”.
VIKRAM KARVE
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Disclaimer:
All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
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Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)
This is a revised repost of my self-help article posted online many times earlier including at urls http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/08/who-is-planning-your-life.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/04/life-planning-self-help-tips.html and https://www.quora.com/profile/Vikram-Karve/Writing-by-VIKRAM-KARVE/Life-Planning-If-you-let-others-plan-your-life-%E2%80%93-then-you-will-reach-the-%E2%80%9Cdestination%E2%80%9D-they-want-you-to-reach and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/11/how-to-plan-your-life.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/09/are-you-letting-others-plan-your-life.html etc
Vikram Karve 
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