Archive for January 6th, 2020

Humor in Uniform – “Wavy” Navy

January 6, 2020

How do you “greet” your “girlfriend”…?

Do you hug and kiss her…?

Well – “hugging and kissing” was too permissive for me – since – I was not a dashing and debonair “Dude’ – but – I was a “shy” type “Prude”.

My “girlfriends” found “Namaste” too formal – and they said to me – that my saying “Namaste” to them made them feel old – as if they were “Aunties”.

During my bachelor days – in the 1970’s – men shaking hands with women was not in vogue.

In fact – I feel that shaking hands maybe okay with lady colleagues in office – but not with “girlfriends”.

And – I was doubtful whether my “girlfriends” would appreciate a strong Navy style hand-grip followed by a vigorous shake of hand.

Saluting Ladies was okay in the Navy social environment.

But – when I started “saluting” my “girlfriends” – they looked at me with curious amusement – as if I was some sort of “freak”.

So – the choices of the method to greet “girlfriends” boiled down to three – “Hugging and Kissing”, “Saluting” and “Namaste”.

Yes – I had three choices on how to greet my “girlfriends”:

  1. “Hugging and Kissing”
  2. “Saluting”
  3. “Namaste”

I contemplated on this matter.

And – to greet girls – I found a “via media” between “Hugging and Kissing”, “Saluting” and “Namaste” – I started “waving” to girls.

Yes – I started “Waving” to my “Girlfriends”.

Here is a story from my “Wavy” Navy days…

PROLOGUE

Sometime ago – a Vizag “girlfriend” from the 1980’s – she suddenly emerged out of the blue – and – she sent me a “friend” request on Facebook.

She was a “wavy” type – she lived opposite my house – and – we would “wave” to each other whenever we saw each other – especially across our balconies.

It was then – that I thought of writing this story – but – I didn’t get down to writing it.

Then – a few months ago – I met another “wavy” type – she would “wave” to me whenever she saw me.

I again thought of writing this story – but – yet again – I did not get down to writing it.

This morning – I enjoyed another flirty “waving” romance.

So – now – I am finally writing the story of my “wavy romances” during my delightful Navy Days…

Delightful Memories of My Unforgettable Navy Days

“Wavy” Navy – A Romantic Spoof By Vikram Karve

“WAVY NAVY”

You may have heard of the “WAVY NAVY” – RNVR (Royal Naval Volunteer Reserve) – whose officers wore “Wavy” Rank Stripes with a Square Wavy Curl.

On the other hand – “STRAIGHT NAVY” Officers of the regular Royal Navy (RN) wore “Straight” Rank Stripes with the Nelson Ring (also called the “Executive Curl” or the “Elliot’s Eye”)

You may have also heard the witty quote by a famous World War 2 “Wavy Navy” Officer of the RNVR comparing the “Straight Navy” (RN) and “Wavy Navy” (RNVR):

“…the difference between the “Straight Navy” (RN) and “Wavy Navy” (RNVR) is that – the RN look after the Navy in peacetime – while the RNVR do the fighting in War…”

The “Wavy Navy” Officer was hinting that – Regular Royal Navy (RN) Officers “fight” in “peacetime” – whereas – Reservists of the Royal Naval Volunteer Reserve (RNVR) fight the “war”.

He was highlighting the difference between “peacetime soldiering” – which was mainly done by Regular Officers of RN – and – “war-fighting” – which was mainly done by the Reservists of RNVR.

But – the story I am going to tell you is not about this “Wavy Navy”.

Yes – the title of the story may be a misnomer – for this yarn is not a story about the actual “Wavy Navy” (Naval Reserves).

But – since – the story happened during my Navy days – and – “Wavy Navy” seems to be quite a catchy title – I decided to use it – instead of some long-winded lackluster phrase.

My story is about my hilarious “waving” faux pas during my delightful early Navy Days.

HOW DO YOU GREET A “GIRLFRIEND”

Ever since my young days – I have a tendency to “wave” out to people.

Maybe – this habit of “waving” has its genesis in my being in boarding school – where – we waved “goodbye” to our parents as the train left our home station and headed to our school in the Nilgiris in South India.

Or maybe – my penchant for “waving” emanated from my “shy” nature.

Yes – I was – and – I still am – a very “shy” person – especially – as far as “girlfriends” are concerned.

Tell – me how does a “Gentleman” greet a “Lady”…?

If you live in an “advanced” country – or in “broadminded” permissive society – you can hug and kiss a girl.

In conservative society – folding your hands in a “Namaste” is the best way – but some modern girls find it too formal and standoffish – especially if the girls are your classmates or friends.

In fact – when I was in college – a “girlfriend” specifically warned me not to greet her with a “Namaste” – especially in front of her friends.

In the Navy – it was a custom to “salute” Ladies – as a mark of respect.

As Naval Officers – we saluted all Ladies as a mark of courtesy – whenever we met them.

(By the way – Navy Officers and Sailors salute when in “civvies” too – so – even in “off duty” hours. If we met a Lady who we recognized – we saluted her).

In fact – in the Navy – all Ladies were saluted by the ship’s gangway duty staff when they came on board a ship.

Ha Ha Ha – this reminds me of a story.

If you are a Naval Officer – I am sure you have heard this hilarious Naval Yarn (maybe apocryphal) – about an incident that is supposed to have happened sometime in the 1970’s on a ship of the fleet based in Mumbai (then called Bombay).

An Officer brought a “Lady” on board his ship in the evening.

As is the custom – the Officer was leading the way as they walked across the gangway from the jetty to the ship.

The “Duty Quartermaster” duly saluted the Officer when he crossed the gangway – and – the Officer returned the salute.

The Officer stepped on the deck – he turned around – and then – the Officer saluted his “Lady” companion as she crossed the gangway and stepped on the ship.

However – the Officer noticed that the “Duty Quartermaster” did not salute the “Lady”.

The Officer gestured to the “Duty Quartermaster” to salute the “Lady”.

But – the Sailor did not salute the “Lady” – instead – the Sailor looked away.

The Officer was furious at this discourtesy shown by the Sailor to his “Lady” companion.

However – he did not want to make a spectacle in front of the “Lady” – so – he took the “Lady” down to the Wardroom for a drink.

After the “Lady” had settled down for a drink in the Wardroom – the Officer went to the cabin of the OOD (Officer of the Day) – and – he told the OOD about the incident and the discourteous conduct of the “Duty Quartermaster” – and – the Officer asked the OOD to take disciplinary action against the Sailor and put him on charge for dereliction of duty.

The OOD went up to the gangway.

There – the OOD questioned the “Duty Quartermaster” about the incident.

The OOD asked the Sailor:

“Why didn’t you salute the “Lady”…?”

The Sailor told the OOD the reason why he did not salute the “Lady”.

On hearing the Sailor’s answer – the OOD almost choked – trying to suppress his laughter.

Soon – the grapevine was abuzz with juicy versions of this incident – and – the story became lower deck “scuttlebutt” on the ship – and – in due course – it was “galley news” in the entire fleet.

But – that’s another story.

Why did the Sailor refuse to salute the “Lady”…?

What was the reason for this discourtesy shown by the Sailor to the “Lady”…?

Why did the OOD almost choke with laughter on hearing the reason why the Sailor did not salute the “Lady”…?

All that – I will leave to your imagination.

Or – I will tell you privately over a drink.

Now – let me get back to the topic:

How Do You Greet a “Girlfriend”…?

As I told you earlier – “hugging and kissing” was too permissive for me – since – I was not a dashing and debonair “Dude’ – but – I was a “shy” type “Prude”.

My “girlfriends” found “Namaste” too formal – and they said to me – that my saying “Namaste” to them made them feel old – as if they were “Aunties”.

Those days – men shaking hands with women was not in vogue – in fact – I feel that shaking hands maybe okay with lady colleagues in office – but not with “girlfriends” – and – I was doubtful whether my “girlfriends” would appreciate a strong Navy style hand-grip followed by a vigorous shake of hand.

Saluting Ladies was okay in the Navy social environment.

But – when I started “saluting” my “girlfriends” – they looked at me with curious amusement – as if I was some sort of “freak”.

So – the choices of the method to greet “girlfriends” boiled down to three – “Hugging and Kissing”, “Saluting” and “Namaste”.

I contemplated on this matter.

And – to greet girls – I found a “via media” between “Hugging and Kissing”, “Saluting” and “Namaste” – I started “waving” to girls.

Yes – I started “waving” to girls.

“Waving” was a decent and friendly way of greeting – and – I could do this without getting too close for comfort – I could wave even from a distance – and – “Waving” your hands was much more affable and cheerful than a solemn formal “Namaste”.

My penchant for “waving” out to “girls” resulted in many amusing incidents.

Once – I “waved” out to a “girlfriend” – who was shopping on Main Street with her mother and grandmother.

I found all the three ladies waving back cheerfully at me.

But – that’s another story which I will tell you later.

Now – let me tell you about two of my “waving” episodes which happened during my Navy days.

WAVING “GOODBYE” TO MY CAPTAIN’S DAUGHTER

Mumbai (then called Bombay) – Circa 1970’s

The first “waving” episode that I am going to tell you about happened at a Railway Station – the prestigious CSMT Railway Station in Mumbai (then called Bombay VT).

This story happened around 42 years ago – in the late 1970’s.

It was Wednesday – a “make-and-mend” (half-day) on our ship.

After the customary “elbow-bending” PLD (Pre-Lunch Drinks) – drinking chilled beer at the Wardroom Bar – followed by a sumptuous continental lunch of roast chicken – I was heading towards my cabin in the officers’ flat – looking forward to a delightful beer and food induced “siesta”.

Suddenly – the door of the Captain’s Cabin opened – the Captain stuck out his head from door.

He saw me.

The Captain looked at me – and he said to me:

“You – come here…”

I entered the Captain’s Cabin.

“Do me a favour – just drop my daughter off on the Punjab Mail…” the Captain said to me.

[Those days the Punjab Mail departed from Mumbai CSMT (Bombay VT) at 1630 Hrs (4:30 PM)]

“Aye, Aye, Sir…” I said.

“I was supposed to drop her – but – the C-in-C has called a meeting of all COs at 3:30…” the Captain said to me.

“Yes, Sir…” I said.

“Call a taxi – pick up my daughter from my house – and – take my Coxswain with you…”

“Aye, Aye, Sir…”

“Here – take this – it should cover the taxi fare and porter etc – and – in case she wants to buy some snacks or drinks…” the Captain said – and he gave me a 100 Rupee note.

(Remember – this was in the 1970’s – when the minimum taxi fare in Mumbai was not even one rupee – it was 85 paise – and – the specified ‘porterage’ was a rupee for a bag – and – a porter was happy if you gave him 2 or 3 rupees)

“You better hurry up – the train leaves at 4:30 PM – and it is almost 3 o’clock…” the Captain said.

Then – the Captain put on his cap – walked out his cabin – opened the bulkhead door and walked out on the deck – crossed the gangway – got down on the jetty – and – started briskly walking on the wharf towards Headquarters.

(Those days – Captains did not get ‘staff cars’ – only Captains of the Aircraft Carrier and ‘Hydro’ Survey Ships used their ships’ jeeps which they put ashore when in harbour).

I saw the Captain’s Coxswain following me – and – he said to me:

“Sir, should I get a Taxi…?”

“Yes…” I said – and – the Captain’s Coxswain started walking towards the Dockyard Gate.

Half an hour later – I picked up my Captain’s daughter from their house in the Navy Township (NOFRA) – and – soon – we were heading towards CST Railway Station in the Premier Padmini (Fiat) Taxi – the Coxswain sitting in front with the Taxi-Driver – and – the Captain’s Daughter and I on the rear seat.

“Why have you come in uniform…?” the Captain’s Daughter asked me.

“There was no time to change into civvies…” I said, “Your Dad told me to hurry since it was almost 3 o’clock when he asked me to pick you up…”

“Oh…” she said, “Really – there was no need for you to have come all the way – I could have gone to the railway station on my own…”

“Well – the Captain asked me to drop you and see you off on the Punjab Mail…”

“See me off…? It will be okay if you just drop me outside the station. All my friends will be there…”

“Friends…?”

“Yes – we have come on a college educational tour to various places in India – so there are 60 of us girls – all classmates – and some teachers – in fact – we have a full sleeper coach booked for us which gets attached to various trains…”

(Those days – students travelled by 2nd Class Sleeper – or – even by ordinary 2ndClass)

“You study in an all girls’ college…?” I asked her.

“Yes…”

“In Delhi…?”

“Yes…”

“Oh – so how many days did you spend in Mumbai…?”

“Three days. Since my Dad is in Mumbai – I stayed at home – the others were put up in the women’s university and other places – some stayed in the sleeper coach as well…”

“Oh…”

The moment the taxi entered the foyer of Mumbai CSMT Railway Station – the Captain’s Daughter said to me:

“Please drop me off over here – I will go to the train on my own…”

“We will come to see you off…” I said to her.

“Please – I don’t want to trouble you…” she said.

“It’s no trouble at all – and – I told you – that your father has asked me to drop you on the train – so – I will have to see you off properly…” I insisted.

Soon we were walking towards Platform No. 8 of CSMT (VT) station from where the Punjab Mail was scheduled to depart at 4:30 PM

The Captain’s daughter was wearing Blue Jeans and a Light Green T-Shirt.

I marched beside her – smartly dressed in sparkling white Navy Uniform Dress No. 8 – shorts and half-sleeved shirt – white stockings and white shoes – and – the Navy “Peaked Cap” on my head.

And – the Sailor – the Captain’s Coxswain – he was also in Navy Uniform Dress No. 8 – and – the Sailor followed us carrying the Captain’s Daughter’s bag – despite her protestations that she could carry her own bag.

In Mumbai – Navy Uniform is quite common – so – no one gave us a second look.

But – the moment my Captain’s Daughter’s classmates saw us – all the girls started staring at me in a curious way.

“Thanks a lot for dropping me…” the Captain’s Daughter said to me as we approached their sleeper coach with all her classmates.

Some of her classmates were standing outside on the platform – and – most of the girls were sitting inside the coach.

The Captain’s daughter wanted to take her bag from the sailor – but – we went inside – and – I made sure that the sailor had placed the bag properly under her berth.

The Captain’s Daughter sat on her window seat – and – she said to me:

“Thanks for the trouble – I am comfortably seated now – I think you should go back to your ship now…”

“Do you want me to get you anything – biscuits, soft drink, tea…?” I said.

“Please – I am not a small girl – I am almost 21 now – I can look after myself…” she said.

“Oh – she is 21…?” I thought to myself.

I realised that the Captain’s Daughter was almost my age.

I could see that the Captain’s Daughter was embarrassed by the two us – Me and the Sailor – hanging around her in uniform inside the coach near her seat – and – all her classmates were staring at us.

So – I said to her:

“Okay – Bye – we will wait on the platform…”

“No. No. You can go back to your ship…” she said.

“It’s already 4:15 PM – only 15 minutes for the train to leave – so we will see you off properly…” I said.

“Please go back – don’t you have work to do on the ship…?” she said.

“Today is Wednesday – “make-and-mend” – a half-day…” I said.

“Oh…” she said.

“Okay – if you are uncomfortable with us standing here – we will go outside and wait on the platform…” I said to her.

I went outside and stood on the platform.

A number of girls – my Captain’s Daughter’s classmates – the college girls swarmed around me – and – they asked me about our ship.

I felt good at being the “centre-of-attraction” of these pretty girls.

I did not want the Captain’s Coxswain hanging around while I flirted with the girls – so – I gave the Sailor a 10 Rupee note – and – I told him:

“Go and buy a bar of chocolate and some fruit for the Captain’s Daughter…”

(In the 1970’s – Ten Rupees was a huge amount – enough for buying chocolates and fruit…)

The girls asked me about the Navy – and warships.

“You should have visited our ship…” I said to the girls, “after all – your classmate’s father is our Captain…”

“We wanted to see Navy ships – but we arrived in Mumbai on Sunday evening from Bangalore – and – now – we are leaving on Wednesday – and – they said that we can have group visits to ships only on weekends…” one of the girls said.

“Okay – but – you can plan next time – and – if you want to come alone by yourself – I can take you to see the ship any evening as my guest…” I said.

(Those days – in the 1970’s – officers were allowed to take their guests on board ships on all days of the week…)

The Captain’s Daughter was watching me from the window of the coach.

She “waved” to me.

I was delighted to see that she was a “waving” type.

But – on close observation – I saw that she was signalling me to come towards her.

I walked towards her – and – stood near the coach window.

“Please don’t talk too much to those girls…” the Captain’s Daughter said, “they are gossipy types…”

“Okay…” I said – and – I stood outside the coach window.

“Please go now…” the Captain’s Daughter said.

“Just a few minutes more for the train to start…” I said, “and – I have sent the Sailor to get you some Chocolates and Fruits…”

“I told you not to bother…”

“It’s okay – your father has given me money…”

The Sailor arrived with a Bar of Milk Chocolate and some Oranges.

I passed them on to the Captain’s Daughter through the window.

Suddenly – the guard blew his whistle.

The girls on the platform rushed towards the coach door and got inside.

The engine sounded its horn.

The train started moving slowly.

I started “waving” goodbye to the Captain’s Daughter.

Seeing me “waving” – the Sailor took the cue – and – he also started “waving” to the Captain’s Daughter.

The Captain’s Daughter “waved” back at us.

Inspired by her “waving” – I started walking on the platform along with the train – and – I kept “waving” at the Captain’s Daughter sitting in the window.

The Sailor also marched behind me – “waving” vigorously at the Captain’s Daughter .

(Later – I got feedback – that the Captain’s Daughter was not “waving” joyfully at me – but – she was trying to signal me to go away…)

We – Me and the Captain’s Coxswain – we both kept “waving” – and – as the train picked up speed – the door of the coach came in front of us – and – I saw that the girls standing in the door were “waving” at me.

I “waved” back at the girls.

The girls “waved” back at me – as the train moved away.

Then – someone pulled the “alarm chain” – and the train screeched to a stop.

I quickly walked towards the window where my Captain’s Daughter was sitting – and – I started “waving” to her again.

Then – I went close – and – I said to her:

“Take care. Have a nice journey…”

I could see that her cheeks were red – and – she was blushing.

(I thought that she had fallen in love with me – but later – I got feedback – that she was blushing in embarrassment…)

The train started moving again.

I started “waving” again – and – the Sailor promptly followed my actions and started “waving”.

But – the Captain’s daughter did not “wave” back at me.

Instead – I saw that – all her classmates were “waving” to me from the coach windows – and – as the train went forward – the girls standing in the door “waved” vigorously to me and shouted “Bye Bye”…”

We kept “waving” at each other till the train disappeared from view.

After the train had left – I took a Taxi to the ship.

On reaching the ship – I found out from the OOD that the Captain had just arrived on board.

I reported to the Captain in his cabin.

He had just arrived from the meeting in Headquarters and was changing into civilian clothes.

“Sir – your daughter has been “seen off” properly…” I said.

“Very Good…” the Captain said.

“Sir – I spent…”

“Okay – just keep the remaining money on the table…”

I kept the money on the table – I saluted the Captain – and – I left his cabin.

Three days later – on Saturday – during the customary “elbow-bending” Beer Guzzling PLD (Pre-Lunch Drinks) in the ship’s wardroom – the Captain walked up to me – and – the Captain said to me:

“My daughter has reached Delhi safely…”

“That’s good, Sir…” I said.

“My daughter called up last evening – she was telling me about how you “saw her off” very thoroughly with your vigorous “waving” – even after the train left the platform…”

“Yes, Sir…”

“Ha Ha Ha – my daughter has warned me never to send anyone to “see her off” again. In fact – she told us that – in future – she would go to the station alone – and – she said that – even we should not come to drop her or see her off…” the Captain said with a smile – and then – he walked off to talk to the Executive Officer (XO).

10 Years Later

(Visakhapatnam (Vizag) – Circa 1980’s)

EXCHANGING “WAVES” WITH MY BOSS’S WIFE

My boss was a rather prosaic Commodore – but – he had a vivacious wife – who was always cheerful, bubbly, flirty – and full of life.

She was an accomplished career woman – she had a distinct identity of her own – and hence – she was not rank-conscious at all.

I would meet her often – in the swimming pool – during my long walks – in the Wardroom Officers Mess Library – and – we became friends.

What I liked most about her – was – that – like me – she too was a “wavy” type.

Whenever she saw me – she would “wave” out to me – and – I would “wave” back to her.

One day – I saw my Boss’s car approaching.

My Boss, the Commodore, was driving – and – his wife was seated next to him.

I was walking on the right side of the road – so – as the car approached – his wife’s seat was on my side of the road.

I started lifting my right hand to “salute” the Commodore.

Just then – the Commodore’s wife “waved” out to me.

Instinctively – I “waved” out to her.

I could not help it – but – without my realizing it – instead of “saluting” – my right hand spontaneously moved up and started “waving”.

My planned formal “salute” had turned into an impulsive friendly “wave”.

Next morning – my Boss – the prosaic Commodore – he called me to his office – and – he said to me:

“Well – if you don’t want to “salute” me – that’s bad enough.

But – you were “waving” to my wife instead of “saluting” me.

Well – that’s a bit too much – isn’t it…?”

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. 2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/wavy-navy-romance.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a revised abridged repost of my story WAVY NAVY posted by me online earlier in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on May 26. 2016 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/humor-in-uniform-wavy-navy.htmland later at url:http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/12/wavy-navy-humor-in-uniform.htmlandhttp://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/wavy-navy-romance.html andhttps://karve.wordpress.com/2017/08/31/the-wavy-navy/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/04/30/wavy-navy/etc

Effective Communication – “Public Speaking” – How to Deliver a Speech or Lecture

January 6, 2020

I have been invited to deliver a “Guest Lecture” at IAT Pune (now called DIAT Deemed University and MILIT) located in the hills of Girinagar near Pune – and I will be delivering the lecture this month.

It’s been some time since I delivered a Lecture or did “Public Speaking”. 

So – let me read my own article on “Public Speaking” that I had written many years ago. 

PUBLIC SPEAKING

The Navy taught me plenty of things.

One thing I learnt in the Navy was “Public Speaking”.

In the Navy – an Officer has to frequently address his Sailors and conduct Training – which entails delivering motivational speeches and instructional lectures.

So – Dear Reader – let me give you some tips on Public Speaking – How to Deliver a Speech or Lecture…

HOW TO DELIVER A SPEECH or LECTURE

Public Speaking Tips By Vikram Karve 

PART 1 – A Story

Before I start giving you tips on public speaking – I must tell you this apocryphal story:

A renowned “Management Guru” entered a large lecture hall to deliver a lecture on “Motivation” to the employees of a large industrial organization.

To his horror – the Management Guru found that the large hall was empty – except for a young man seated in the front row.

Yes – there was just one man sitting in the huge hall waiting to hear the lecture.

The Management Guru asked the solitary audience who he was.

“I am a Cook in the Industrial Canteen…” the young man said.

The Management Guru – pondered whether to speak or not.

After some pondering – the Management Guru asked the Cook:

“You are the only one here. Do you think I should speak or not…? Tell me frankly – should I deliver my lecture or not…?”

The Cook said to the Management Guru:

“Respected Sir – I am a simple man – and – I do not understand these things. But – if I came into the Dining Hall – and – if I saw only one man sitting there – I would certainly give him food…”

The Management Guru took the Cook’s insightful answer to heart – and – with full gusto – the Management Guru began to deliver his lecture.

The Management Guru spoke passionately for over two hours – delving in great detail on each and every aspect of the “Theory and Practice of Motivation”.

Immensely proud after his virtuoso performance – the Management Guru felt highly elated – he felt on top of the world – and he wanted his audience to confirm how fantastically illuminating and effective his lecture had been.

So – the Management Guru pompously asked the Cook:

“How did you like my lecture…?”

The Cook answered:

“Respected Sir – I told you already that I am a simple man – and – I do not understand these things very well. However –  if I came into the Dining Hall – and – if I saw only one man sitting there – I would feed him – but I wouldn’t give him all the food that I have prepared in the kitchen….”

———————————-

While teaching and lecturing – you may have a tendency to talk too much – especially if you are passionate about teaching or the subject of your lecture.

If so – you need to remember this story.

When you speak – you must certainly “feed” the audience.

But – you must not try to “feed” them all the “food” that you have prepared in your mind.

PART 2 – EFFECTIVE PUBLIC SPEAKING

How well you put across your ideas depends to a large extent on how well you have mastered the elements of good public speaking.

An important prerequisite of a good speech/lecture is that it must be carefully prepared to the extent that you have a firm mastery of the topic you are going to discuss and a clear conception in your mind of how you are going to present the subject.

A good Speech/Lecture has four simple requirements:

  1. MESSAGE

The first characteristic of a good speech/lecture is that it must have a message.

The speaker must have something to say.

Do not deliver a speech/lecture when you have nothing worthwhile to say.

Also – what the speaker says must be worth saying and worth listening to.

You must clearly bring out the importance of the topic.

You must tell the audience why they need to hear what you have to say.

And – you must unambiguously state your message.

So that – the audience understands what you want to convey.

You may have heard Aristotle’s dictum on rhetoric:

1.  Tell them what you are going to say

2.  Say what you have to say

3.  Then tell them what you said to them.

So – to get your message across – this is what you must do:

Tell the audience what you are going to tell them.

Tell them what you want to tell them.

Tell them what you have told them.

  1. NATURALNESS

The second attribute of a good talk is naturalness.

Remember – the audience wants to hear YOU

Yes – they want to hear You.

So make it your own lecture – your very own talk.

So – speak in your very own natural style. 

Never try to imitate someone – don’t try to copy someone else.

  1. SINCERITY

The third feature of an effective lecture is that it must be sincere.

The audience must be convinced that – you believe in what you say – so make sure that you talk sincerely and clearly demonstrate that you believe in what you are saying.

Remember – you cannot fake sincerity – so the only way to succeed in giving an impression of sincerity is to be genuinely sincere.

Do not try to ham, act or pretend – the audience will easily catch on that you do not yourself believe in what you are saying.

And suppose you do not believe in something – or you are not fully convinced about a topic…?

Well – why talk about something you do not believe in…? 

As a Public Speaker – you must be true to your conscience. 

You must not live a lie and say something you do not believe in. 

Remember the saying of Mahatma Gandhi:

  1. What you THINK
  1. What you SAY
  1. What you DO

All these 3 aspects must be in Harmony.

Yes:

What you THINK – What you SAY – What you DO – all three must be in harmony

This harmony of thought, speech and action must be evident to the audience.

  1. ENTHUSIASM

Finally – last but not the least – a good lecturer or speaker must radiate enthusiasm and energy.

An enthusiastic speaker is one who displays great eagerness to have his or her ideas understood, believed and put into practice.

You should be passionate about what you are speaking about – and you must yourself believe in what you are saying.

If you want your audience to be enthusiastic about listening to you – radiate enthusiasm yourself while speaking.

RECAP – FOUR ASPECTS OF AN EFFECTIVE SPEECH or LECTURE 

So – in a nutshell – before you deliver your next speech or lecture – please keep these basic four principles in mind:

  1. Message
  1. Naturalness
  1. Sincerity
  1. Enthusiasm

You will deliver a great speech/lecture – you can take my word for it.

PART 3 – DO’s and DONT’s of PUBLIC SPEAKING

Here are some Do’s and Don’t’s of public speaking:

THE DO’s of PUBLIC SPEAKING 

  1. Do it …!!!

When asked to make a speech – Do it…!!!

Whenever you are invited to deliver a speech – say “YES”…!!!

  1. Do it yourself…!!!

You must prepare the speech yourself and also deliver the speech yourself.

Do not “outsource” speech writing and never “delegate” speech giving.

You must write your own speeches and deliver them yourself.

  1. Do keep it simple…!!!

Say what you have to say in simple words – in your informal natural style – and then – sit down.

  1. Do keep it short…!!!

It is far better to finish your speech before the scheduled time – than to go on and on – and continue speaking till the cows come home.

Your speech should be brief – and your conclusion should be even briefer – sum up the points you have made – close on a high note – and end your speech.

Do not let your speech drag on to an anticlimax ending.

  1. Do what you would do in conversation – look at the person you are talking to…!!!

Talk to one person in the audience at a time.

Select a person in the audience who seems interested and look at that person straight in the eye.

Talk to that person.

Then pick out another person – look at that person in the eye – and talk to him/her.

Then move your eyes on to another person and talk to that person.

Take one person at a time – and talk to that person for a moment.

Soon – you would have “talked” to almost the entire audience.

THE DONT’s of PUBLIC SPEAKING 

  1. Don’t apologize…!!!

Avoid clichés – like the conventional apology for lack of experience etc.

Be confident – and do your best.

  1. Don’t put too much reliance on humor, stories and jokes…!!!

A good speech is more than a collection of jokes.

Humor can be effective if used sparingly.

Your stories must be “sure-fire” – your jokes must be relevant and in good taste.

  1. Don’t make the beginning of your speech dull by waffling…!!! 

Launch into your planned and rehearsed introduction straightaway.

Begin your speech with something thought-provoking.

  1. Don’t read your speech from a manuscript…!!!

Prepare well, rehearse adequately and talk to your audience.

  1. Don’t forget the audience in the last row…!!! 

The persons sitting in the last row came to hear you too.

Make it easy for them.

Speak up – loud and clear…!!!

  1. Don’t end your speech with in an ambiguous open-ended manner…!!!

End your speech succinctly and coherently – on a high note – and then – sit down.

Your last words must echo in the minds of the audience – and leave an aftertaste of the message and gist of your speech in their minds for a long time.

CONCLUSION 

Practice these simple Do’s and Don’t’s of public speaking – and soon – you will love giving speeches – and you will deliver effective speeches/lectures too.

Public Speaking is an enjoyable activity.

To Recap:

Remember the Story of the Management Guru and the Cook when you plan your speech/lecture.

Delve on the Four Basic Aspects of Effective Public Speaking. 

And finally – take care of the Do’s and Don’t’s of Public Speaking.

Dear Reader: 

All the Best. 

I am sure you become a good public speaker – an effective communicator – a good teacher/trainer – and you will deliver excellent lectures and speeches.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. So please do due diligence before trying out this technique.
  2. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  3. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This Blog Post is a combination of extracts from my notes posted by me online earlier on my various blogs including at urls: https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/01/delivering-lecture.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2010/03/how-to-deliver-lecture.html  and https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/05/public-speaking-part-3-how-to-speak.html  and  https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/05/public-speaking-part-1-how-to-deliver.html and https://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/09/teachers-day-musings-part-3-how-to.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/01/effective-public-speaking-part-2-dos.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/09/public-speaking-how-to-deliver-speech.html and  https://karvediat.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-to-deliver-lecture-or-speech.html  etc

Humor in Marriage – The “Love” Bite

January 6, 2020

“Who bit you…?” the pretty nurse at the emergency OPD asked me.

I remained silent.

The pretty nurse looked at me – and said to me:

“This is quite a serious bite wound. Sir – please tell me – who bit you – was it a pet dog – or a stray dog…?”

“This is not a “dog bite” – it is a “human bite”…?” I said.

“What…? “Human Bite”…? Who bit you, Sir…?” the pretty nurse said, looking surprised.

“My wife bit me…” I said.

The nurse gave me an incredulous look.

It was clear that she did not believe me.

But – it was true.

Yes – Dear Reader – indeed my wife had bitten me.

This story happened around 38 years ago – in mid-1982 – when we – my “Better Half” and Me – we were a newly married couple.

Please read the full story below…

“LOVE” BITE – A Fictional Spoof By Vikram Karve

Disclaimer:

This is not a true story. This story is a work of fiction. Events, places, settings and incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, satire, just for fun and humour, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.

THE “LOVE” BITE

New Delhi (Circa 1982)

“Who bit you…? This is quite a serious bite wound. Sir – please tell me – who bit you – was it a pet dog – or a stray dog…?” the pretty nurse at the emergency OPD asked me.

“This is not a “dog bite” – it is a “human bite”…?” I said.

“What…? “Human Bite”…? Who bit you, Sir…?” the pretty nurse asked me.

“My wife bit me…” I said.

Trying to suppress her laughter – the nurse said:

“Sir – I think you better show your bite wound to the Duty Medical Officer (Duty MO)…”

“Duty MO…? Why…?” I said.

“Sir – I know how to treat “dog bites” – but – I have never handled a “human bite” before…” the nurse said, smiling at me.

“Okay – please call him…” I said to the nurse.

“Sir – I think you better wake him up…”

“Wake him up…?”

“The Duty MO is sleeping in the office of the Commandant – it is the first room at the end of the corridor…”

“Okay – you come with me…” I said to the nurse.

So – with the nurse in tow – I walked to the office of the Commandant – and – I knocked at the door.

There was no response – so I banged at the door.

“Who the hell is it…?” an angry male voice shouted from inside.

“Emergency case…” I said.

After some time – the door opened – and – the Duty MO – a sleepy AMC Lieutenant Colonel – stood in front of me.

He was sleeping in air-conditioned comfort in the Commandant’s Office – and he was obviously miffed at being woken up from his deep sleep.

His face seemed to be familiar.

The Duty MO looked at me – and he asked me:

“You are in the Navy – aren’t you…?”

“Yes, Sir…”

“You live in Curzon Road Apartments – don’t you…?”

“Yes, Sir…”

“We see you in the lawns playing with your dog in the mornings when we have our tea in our balcony…”

“Yes, Sir…”

“So – what do you want – why the hell have you woken me up at this unearthly hour…?” the Duty MO said angrily.

“Sir – the nurse asked me to wake you up…” I said, sheepishly.

The Duty MO looked questioningly at the nurse – who was standing behind me.

“Sir – a “bite wound”…” the nurse said.

“Oh. So – your pet dog bit you…” the Duty MO said to me.

Then – the Duty MO said angrily to the nurse:

“I am sure his pet dog is vaccinated against rabies – so – just wash the wound – give him a tetanus shot – and let him go. Haven’t you been taught the basics at Nursing School…? Why the hell are you waking me up…?”

“Sir – it is not my dog…” I interrupted.

“Oh – so you were bitten by a stray dog…? Then we may have to give you “anti-rabies” vaccine…” the Duty MO said – and – he looked at the nurse.

“Sir – it is not a dog bite – it is a “human bite”…” the nurse said.

“What…? “Human Bite”…?” the Duty MO exclaimed.

Then – he looked at me and asked me:

“Who the hell bit you…?”

“My wife…” I said.

“What…? Your wife bit you…?”

“Yes, Sir…” I said – and – I showed him the bite wound on my left forearm – between my wrist and elbow.

“Bloody hell – this seems to be quite a deep wound – your wife seems to have really good teeth…” the Duty MO said.

“Yes, Sir…”

“Well – in my 20 years of service – I have treated many “dog bite” cases – but – this is the first time I am seeing a “human bite” case…” the Duty MO said – looking at the nurse.

The nurse said to the Duty MO:

“Sir – I have already cleaned the wound with antiseptic – I will give him a tetanus shot – and – should we give him “anti-rabies” vaccine also…?”

“Why “anti-rabies”…?”

“Sir – his wife may not have been vaccinated against rabies…” the nurse said.

The Duty MO thought for a while – and then he said to me:

“I hope your wife is not “rabid” – is she…?”

“Rabid…?”

“Is your wife showing any signs of rabies – acting strangely – getting “hyper” – mood swings – foaming in the mouth…? Is she going around biting people…? Has she bitten anybody else…?”

“No, Sir – my wife is absolutely normal – I am the only person she has bitten so far…” I said.

“That’s good – but – as I said – this is my first case of “human bite” – so – it is best to take a “specialist opinion” from the “immunologist” – just to be sure…” the Duty MO said.

“Sir – you are a Doctor – why don’t you give me a tetanus shot and let me go…” I pleaded.

“You don’t try to act smart – okay…? You came here and reported to the OPD – didn’t you…? Now – you will bloody well listen to what I say. Do you understand…?”

“Sir – I thought you are a “specialist” too – since you are a Lieutenant Colonel…”

“Of course I am a “specialist” – I have specialized in “psychiatry”. As a Psychiatrist – I can deal with you after you go crazy – but now – I am trying to prevent you from going mad. I just want to rule out the possibility of rabies – and – I am curious to know whether “anti-rabies” vaccination is required for “human bites”. Though I am a Psychiatrist – I like to keep learning other specialities of medicine too…”

The Duty MO looked at the nurse and said:

“Check in the telephone directory and get me the immunologist on the phone…”

“Sir – it is past midnight…” the nurse said.

“So what – the bugger is junior to me – just get him on the line…” the Duty MO snapped.

The moment he was connected – the Duty MO said to the immunologist:

“I wanted to consult you on a “human bite” case. There is a Naval Officer here – Lieutenant “K” – with a deep wound on his forearm – severe bite marks – he says that his wife bit him…”

From the way the Duty MO was nodding his head – it was evident that the immunologist was giving his expert opinion on phone.

The Duty MO listened for some time – and then – he said to me:

“You didn’t tell me that you know the immunologist – Lieutenant Colonel “X” – he says you two were drinking partners in SP Marg Mess…”

“Yes, Sir – I knew Lieutenant Colonel “X” – I knew he was a doctor – but I didn’t know he was an immunologist…”

“Well – Lieutenant Colonel “X” wants some clarifications. Do you know what Lieutenant Colonel “X” is asking me…?”

“No, Sir…”

“Your friend Lieutenant Colonel “X” wants to know whether it is a “Love Bite”…”

“It’s not a “Love Bite” – it is a bloody “Hate Bite”…” I said.

“Ha, Ha…” the Duty MO said to the immunologist, “Lieutenant “K” says that it is a “hate bite”…”

They talked “medical gobbledygook” for some time.

Then – the Duty MO put the phone down and said to me:

“No worries. You come with me – we will give you a tetanus shot and some antibiotics – and – keep the wound open – we will apply an ointment to prevent infection…”

After the “treatment” for “human bite” was over – the Duty MO took me to back to the Commandant’s Office – and he poured some coffee from his flask for both of us.

The Duty MO looked at me and said:

“Now that the “medical” treatment is over – let us deal with the “legal” aspects…”

“Legal Aspects”…” I said, confused.

“Yes. This is “medico-legal” case – you have been brutally bitten by your wife – I have to make out a proper report. So – you will have to tell me exactly what happened…”

“Sir – I was sleeping – and – my wife bit me…”

“Is she crazy…? Does your wife just bite you without any provocation…? If that is so – I suggest that you better send your wife to me for psychiatric consultation. After all – I am an excellent psychiatrist – and we hardly have any patients…”

“No, Sir – my wife is not crazy. It is not her fault. I had too much to drink – and I was fast asleep…”

“Oh. And – she wanted to…?”

“No, Sir – it is not that. The power supply tripped – so – our air-cooler stopped – and it became very hot in the room. My wife woke up – and she could not sleep due to the heat – so she wanted to wake me up – but I was fast asleep in my drunken state – so – I didn’t get up – and – she got angry…”

“So – she bit you…”

“No, Sir – it was not only due to that. She realized that the lights had gone off only in our flat – so she wanted me to go out and set right the MCB which had tripped – the MCB is located outside the flat near the lift – so – she was trying to wake me up – and – when I didn’t respond – she bit me on my hand…”

“And then…?”

“I was jolted out of my sleep – and – I went and set right the MCB – and – the lights came on – the cooler started working – and – my wife went to sleep…”

“And then – you came here to the hospital emergency OPD…?”

“No, Sir – I saw that the bite wound was quite serious – the wound was deep – and – there was a lot of blood – so – I quietly came out of my flat and woke up my neighbour. He also thought that my dog had bitten me – so – he took me to a “Vet” who lives on the same floor…”

“Ha Ha – your neighbour took you to a “Veterinary” Doctor…?”

“Sir – no one believed that my wife had bitten me. I convinced them with great difficulty – and – the “Veterinary” Doctor said that I better show my wound to a “Human” Doctor quickly – before the wound got infected – so – I came here on my scooter…”

“You should have called the ambulance. Could you ride your scooter properly…?”

“Sir, my left hand was paining a bit – but – I managed to drive the scooter…”

The Duty MO said to me:

“It seems to be a real “Tall Story”. I find it quite unbelieveable…”

I said to the Duty MO:

“Sir – it is true – everything happened exactly the way I told…”

Still looking unconvinced – the Duty MO said to me:

“Okay – you write down everything exactly how it happened. Then – you sign your written statement – and give it to me – so I can file the “medico-legal” report…”

I wrote out the report as the Duty MO advised me.

And – by the time I reached home – it was 3 AM in the wee hours of the morning.

Using the latch-key – I quietly entered our one room apartment on the 7th floor.

My darling wife was fast asleep – oblivious of my arrival.

The cool air from the air-cooler was so soothing – that – within minutes – I fell asleep next to her.

Next morning – my wife seemed quite contrite:

“How is your hand…? I am sorry…”

“It is okay – my hand is okay…” I said to her.

“Do you want to show it to the doctor…?” she asked.

Thanks to her deep sleep – it was evident that she did not know that I had gone to the Military Hospital at night.

Now – I only had to tell my neighbour and the “Vet” to keep quiet about the whole episode – and the matter would be forgotten.

But – Dear Reader – you know how vibrant the “grapevine” is – and – it is impossible to keep such “juicy” gossip under wraps.

Coincidentally – the Duty MO (Psychiatrist) who had treated me – he lived in Curzon Road Apartments too.

And – next morning – he told the entire “husband biting” story to his wife – when they saw me playing with my dog in the lawns of Curzon Road Apartments from their balcony.

The “husband biting” news spread like wildfire – with everyone adding their own spicy “masala”.

Wherever we went – everyone gave us canny looks.

After all – we were a curious couple:

“The “biting” Wife – and – the “bitten” Husband…”

The ladies looked at my wife with admiration.

(maybe the ladies secretly wished they could “bite” their husbands too)

The men sniggered at me with ridicule.

(but inwardly the husbands were scared that their wives may get emboldened to “bite” them too)

EPILOGUE

A few days later – my boss called me to his office.

He threw a file in front of me.

I opened the file.

On the right hand side was my “written statement” – on the episode of the “Biting” Wife and the “Bitten” Husband”.

It was the same statement that I had given to the Duty MO.

On the left hand side there was a “noting sheet”.

I was flabbergasted.

The buggers had initiated a “medico-legal” case.

“Sir – what is all this…?” I asked my boss.

“Well – they want to know if you wish to file a complaint against your wife for “biting” you and causing you bodily injury…” my boss said.

“Of course not – No Sir – I don’t wish to file any complaint against my wife for “biting” me. In fact – I want this whole embarrassing matter closed…” I said.

“Okay – you write it down there on the noting sheet and give me the file…” my boss said.

After I had given the file back to my boss – my boss – an old “Sea Dog” – he said to me in his typical earthy style:

“I have seen plenty of “wife beating” cases – but – this is the first time I am seeing a “husband biting” case….”

PS:

Dear Reader – in case you meet me – please don’t ask me what caused the scar on my left hand – on my forearm – between my wrist and elbow…!!!

The scar is just “coincidental”…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Link to my original posts in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/04/love-bite-story-for-april-fools-day.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/05/how-to-bite-your-husband.html

This is a re-post of my story “LOVE” BITE written by me on 01 April 2017 and posted on this Academic and Creative Writing Journal blog and my other creative writing blogs at urls: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/04/love-bite-story-for-april-fools-day.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/04/01/love-bite-story-of-a-biting-wife-and-the-bitten-husband/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/05/12/do-you-want-to-bite-your-husband/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/08/20/husband-biting-do-you-bite-your-husband/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/10/10/love-bite/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/12/31/goodbye-2018-a-story-to-end-the-delightful-year-2018-with-a-laugh-love-bite/ etc

A Man, a Woman, and, their Daughter

January 6, 2020

The moment the man sees his “Ex-Wife” – he shouts at her:

“What are you doing here…?” 

“I came to see you…” the man’s “Ex-Wife” says. 

“Why have you come to see me…? I told you very clearly that I don’t want to see your face for the rest of my life…” the man says to his “Ex-Wife”. 

“Even I don’t want to see your face – but – I desperately need your help…” his “Ex-Wife” says. 

Read on – Dear Reader – A Story of  an Encounter between and Man and His “Ex-Wife”… 

INAPPROPRIATE LOVE

Fiction Short Story By Vikram Karve

Place:

A Corporate Office in Mumbai

Dramatis Personae:

A Man

A Woman (His Ex-Wife)

Their Daughter (Pooja)

A Lady Office Colleague of the Man (Mala)

INAPPROPRIATE LOVE – STORY BY VIKRAM KARVE  

The moment the man sees his “Ex-Wife” – he shouts at her: “What are you doing here…?”

“I came to see you…” the man’s “Ex-Wife” says.

“Why have you come to see me…? I told you very clearly that I don’t want to see your face for the rest of my life…” the man says to his “Ex-Wife”.

“Even I don’t want to see your face. But – I desperately need your help…” his “Ex-Wife” says.

“Help…? You need my help…? What help…?” the man says.

“You will have to look after our daughter…” his “Ex-Wife” says.

“What…? You want me to look after Pooja…?”

“Yes. You will have to take care of our daughter Pooja from now on. I want her to live with you…”

“You want Pooja to live with me…?”

“Yes…”

“I just don’t understand. I still remember how viciously you fought the custody battle for Pooja. You called me a “dangerous” man – you said that our daughter’s life would be in danger if she lived with me – because I was a “violent brute” – and now – you want to leave our daughter with me…?”

“I made a mistake…”

“Your lawyer – he threatened me – that if I didn’t give up custody of our daughter – you would even file “domestic violence” and “dowry harassment” cases against me – and you would get me arrested…”

“I am sorry – he told me to do it…”

“You made all sorts of false allegations against me. You told them that I regularly beat up Pooja – you told them that Pooja won’t be safe with me…”

“Please…”

“By peddling all sorts of lies – you managed to win custody of our daughter – and worse – you even managed to curtail my visiting rights by projecting me as an “evil influence” …”

“I told you – what I did was very wrong – I am sorry…”

“And now – you want to hand over our daughter Pooja to me…?”

“Yes…”

“But why…? Why do you want Pooja to live with me…?”

“She is not safe in our house…”

“Pooja is not “safe” at your place…? What do you mean…?”

“My husband…”

“Your new husband…? What about him…?”

“I suspect that he indulges in “inappropriate behaviour” with her…”

Inappropriate Behaviour…? What do you mean by “inappropriate behaviour”…?”

“You know what I mean. Please don’t ask me anything…”

“No. You will have to tell me exactly what “inappropriate behaviour” your husband is doing to Pooja. Does he…?”

“Please. Please. Please. I don’t want to speak on this disgusting topic – otherwise I will break down. You please take Pooja with you. I beg you…”

“Bloody Pervert – Let’s go right now and report him to the police…”

“No. No. Please…”

“What do you mean “NO” – the filthy bugger is sexually abusing our daughter – he must be arrested and taught a lesson he won’t forget…”

“I don’t have any proof…”

“What do you mean that you don’t have any proof…? You just said that he indulges in “inappropriate behaviour”…”

“I have not actually seen him…”

“You have never seen him doing anything wrong – like touching her inappropriately…?”

“No…”

“Then – how can you…?”

“I can see it in his eyes…”

“What…?”

“The way he looks at her – I can see the lechery in his eyes…”

“So – you just suspect that he has evil intentions…?”

“I know…”

“You know…? Did Pooja say anything…?”

“No – she is too small to understand these things…”

“So – are you just imagining all these things…?”

“No – my “motherly instinct” tells me that something is wrong…”

“Motherly instinct…? I really don’t know whether to believe you or not. Knowing your devious nature – I wonder whether you have some ulterior motive…”

“No. No. Please believe me. He is a filthy pervert. Our daughter Pooja is unsafe with him…”

“Well – when I saw him last – he certainly didn’t look like an obscene pervert – in fact – he looked like a suave gentleman – so refined and soft-spoken…”

“Yes – he looks like a polite gentleman – but – that’s from the outside – for the sake of society. From the inside – behind closed doors – he is a depraved disgusting sadist…” the woman says – and she breaks into tears.

“Did he do anything to you…?” the man asks the woman.

“I don’t want to talk about it. You just take our daughter Pooja away from him…”

“But how can you continue living with such a sadistic pervert…? Why don’t you leave him…?”

“How many husbands can I leave…? My first husband turned out to be an alcoholic – I left him. Then – my second husband – you – you were a “wife-beater”…”

“How dare you call me a “wife-beater”…? I beat you only once – and – you deserved it…”

“What do you mean “I deserved it”…?”

“You committed adultery – you betrayed my trust – you were unfaithful, disloyal – you were cheating on me – and I caught you red-handed in bed with that filthy swine – who is now your husband…”

“You thrashed us badly – violence is not justified…”

“What did you expect me to do in the situation…? I cannot tolerate betrayal of trust – and – you betrayed my trust…”

“Even if I was wrong – you shouldn’t have beaten me so badly…”

“I lost control of myself…” the man says.

The man pauses for a moment.

He looks at the woman – his Ex-Wife.

Then – the man says to his Ex-Wife:

“Tell me one thing. How do you know that I won’t lose control of myself again…? At the custody hearing – you kept on saying that I am a “violent brute”. If indeed I am a “violent brute” – why do you want to leave Pooja with me…?”

The woman says to the man – her Ex-Husband:

“Pooja will be safe with you. I know that you love her – you will care for her well – you will never harm her…”

The man says to his Ex-Wife:

“I don’t know about that. But – I can’t trust you. You have a devious and vindictive nature. My inner voice tells me that you have some ulterior motive…”

“Please – I beg you…” the woman says to her ex-husband.

“Tomorrow – you may say that I have kidnapped Pooja – and you will get me arrested…” the man says to the woman.

“Please – I promise you…”

“Ha Ha – a “promise” – from a cheat like you…?”

“I will give you whatever you want in writing – I will sign any paper you want…”

“Okay – we’ll see about that. But – before that – tell me how did you know that I would be here in Mumbai today…?”

“I know that you come to the Mumbai Head Office every month…”

“But – how did you know that I will be here today…? Have you got a “spy” in my office…? Who told you…?”

“I promised her that I will not tell you…”

“Mala…?”

“Yes. Mala told me. In fact – our daughter Pooja is sitting in her office…”

“What…? You have brought Pooja here…?”

“Yes – along with her bags…”

“You packed her bags and brought her here…?”

“You take Pooja with you to Delhi in the evening…”

“Are you crazy…?”

“Mala said that she will manage the air ticket on the same flight…”

“I am not talking about the air ticket. What have you told Pooja…? I doubt she even knows that I am her father. She was so small when you took her away.”

“I have told her about you…”

“You told Pooja that I am her father…?”

“No. I told her that you were an “Uncle” – I have shown her your picture – I have told her you are taking her on a holiday for a few days because I have to go abroad for a few days on work…”

“She doesn’t even know me. She won’t come with me…”

“She will come with you. In fact – she is quite excited about the flight journey and all the things you are going to show her in Delhi…”

“You are a wily scheming woman – aren’t you…? And – what about your husband – that filthy lecherous pervert…?”

“He is away on tour…”

“Have you told him that you are sending Pooja with me…?”

“No…”

“He knows you have custody. He may create trouble later…”

“He cannot do anything. She is my daughter – not his…”

“I am not very comfortable with all this…”

“I told you – I will sign whatever document you want – on “stamp paper” – anything you say…”

“I will talk to Mala – she is the legal advisor…”

“I have already told Mala – she is preparing the papers for us to sign – she said she will get all the formalities done…”

“What…? Mala never told me all this…”

“Please. Don’t say anything to her. She is just trying to help…”

“I am really angry with Mala. She has no business to interfere in my personal life…”

“She is just trying to help. Please try to understand…”

“I still feel that you should leave your husband and live separately with Pooja. If you are short of money – I will try and help you out…”

“I can’t leave him…”

“Why can’t you leave him…? You divorced twice – do it once more. With your “talent” – I am sure you will easily find one more husband. Of course – with your luck – he may turn out to be even worse your previous husbands…”

“Please don’t be cruel…”

“You will have to tell me why you can’t leave this bloody filthy pervert…”

“I love him…”

“What…? You love him – that depraved sadist – the sick paedophile…”

“I can’t leave him. I don’t want to talk about him. You please take Pooja with you. Please – Pooja is your daughter – do you want something terrible to happen to her…? I beg you – please take Pooja with you…” the woman says – and she breaks down totally and collapses into the chair.

“You go and sit in Mala’s office. You are a cunning woman. I am still not sure of your motives. Let me think the whole thing over…” the man says.

The woman composes herself – and she says to the man: “Please don’t take out your anger on Mala…”

“I need some time to think. You please go and sit in Mala’s office. I will come there and tell you my decision…” the man says to his Ex-Wife.

The woman leaves.

The man sits in a chair – he closes his eyes – and thinks about the whole thing.

15 minutes later – his decision made – he picks up the intercom and calls Mala.

Mala picks up the intercom at the other end – and she says: “Hello…”

The man says to Mala: “Listen Mala – please tell her to take Pooja and go away – I cannot look after Pooja…”

“Sir – your wife has already gone away…” Mala says to the man.

“She is not my wife…”

“Sorry. I mean your “ex-wife” – she has already gone away…”

“That’s good…”

“But – your daughter Pooja is here in my office…”

“What…?”

“Yes, Sir – your “ex-wife” – she left Pooja here with me – and she went away. She told me that you were taking her to Delhi with you. I have already booked Pooja’s ticket on your flight….” Mala says to the man.

“Who told you to do that…? I am not taking that girl with me…” the man says.

“Sir – your daughter is so cute – she is such a darling – I am bringing her to you – you will love her so much – I am sure you will take her along with you…” Mala says to the man.

Three hours later – the small girl called Pooja – full of innocence – she sits with her father in the car. 

And – the two of them – father and daughter – they travel to Mumbai Airport to catch the flight to Delhi. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved) 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/08/inappropriate-love.html

This Story is also posted in my writing blog at urls:  https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/08/23/inappropriate-love-a-story/ and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2019/02/07/encounter-with-ex-wife/ and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/01/13/a-story-of-inappropriate-love/

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