Archive for September 22nd, 2018

Humor – How to Create Misunderstandings by Communication Mismatch

September 22, 2018

Once in a while – I like to preach something that I want to practice – but – in real life – I am unable to practice. 

Here is one such “pontification”…

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION 

ARE YOU IN SYNC WITH THE PERSON WITH WHOM YOU ARE COMMUNICATING…?

MENTAL FILTERS AND COMMUNICATION MISMATCH 

How to Create Misunderstandings by Communication Mismatch By Vikram Karve

SIX MESSAGES IN INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION

Suppose you are talking to someone  say your colleague  or your spouse – or your kid  or your friend – or even a stranger. 

Mutual Communication is a 
“Two Way Process”

Assume that there are two of you talking to each other 
– engaging in interpersonal communication. 

Now 
 when you speak to someone – you will be watching her – and observing her body language  and similarly  she in turn will be doing the same.

So interpersonal communication will comprise not only verbal speech 
– but non-verbal cues as well. 

Let us assume that 
– you say something to the person in front of you – and she says something back to you in reply. 

There will be 6 MESSAGES present in this person-to-person communication process:

1. What you MEAN to say

2. What you ACTUALLY say

3. What the other person HEARS

4. What the other person THINKS he has heard

5. What the other person SAYS  (in response to your communication)

6. What you THINK the other person says

Interpretation of Communication (deriving messages from a communication) depends on many factors – ranging from intellectual to emotional to cognitive  all these factors form your MENTAL FILTER.

How you interpret a communication depends on your mental filters at that point of time 
– which  apart from your intellectual, emotional and cognitive aspects  is also governed by various factors  like your mood, quality and type of relationship with the other person – and  the environment in which the communication is taking place.

And 
 it is similar for the other person talking to you.

In order to reduce communication mismatch 
– it is essential that your “mental filter” is in “sync” with the person talking to you – and vice versa

Otherwise 
– there will be ambiguities in the messages exchanged – and this may have undesirable ramifications  and  at times  may even lead to discord and conflict. 

EXAMPLE OF HOW MENTAL FILTERS DISTORT MESSAGES IN A COMMUNICATION DUE TO SELECTIVE INTERPRETATION 

Let me try to explain this with an illustrative example:

Imagine that a husband and wife are driving right across Pune – from Wakad to Koregaon Park – one evening – for a party.

Their car crawls at snail’s pace in the heavy traffic on the busy crowded roads of Pune 
 a city where traffic is the worst nightmare  especially in peak hours like evenings. 

The car is waiting at a red traffic signal.

Suddenly – the traffic signal turns green. 

The wife says to her husband: 

“The signal has become green…!!!”

Now  in his mind’s eye  the husband can interpret this simple communication from his wife in a number of ways.

The way in which he interprets this simple statement made by his wife (“The signal has become green…!”)
– it depends on his Mental Filter at that point of time. 

The husband’s response to his wife’s simple statement will depend on how he interprets his wife’s communication 
– which in turn will depend on his mental filter (at the point of time). 

Here are a few examples of how the husband will interpret his wife’s simple communication (“The signal has become green…!”) 
– and how the husband may reply back to his wife: 

1. One husband may think that his wife means to say: 


“Can’t you see…? The traffic light has turned green…!!!”

So –he may retort angrily to his wife:  

“Of course I can see that the light has turned green – I am not blind…!!!”

(Remember 
 the wife merely said: “The signal has become green…!!!”The wife never stated that her husband is blind…)

2. Another husband may think that his wife is hurrying him up 
– so – he interpret the meaning of his wife’s communication differently – and he may think that his wife means to say: 

“Come on – you slow-poke – hurry up – we are already late…!!!” 

On interpreting his wife’s communication in this fashion – the husband may snap back at his wife: 


“Don’t unnecessarily hustle me – let me drive properly…!!!”

(Remember 
– the wife merely said: “The signal has become green…!!!”The wife never stated that her husband is a slow-poke and drives too slowly…)

3. A third “hen-pecked” husband may assume that his wife has started off her nagging again.

So – this husband will say irritably to his wife: 

“Stop your nagging and backseat driving – why don’t you drive the car yourself instead of passing comments…?”

(Remember – the wife merely said: “The signal has become green…!!!”The wife just wanted to draw the attention of her husband to the traffic signal – she had no intention of nagging him…)  

WIFE’S OPTIONS – SILENCE or RESPONSE

Now  in each of these three cases above – on hearing her husband’s remarks  the wife has two options:

1. She may choose to remain silent 

or

2. She may “appropriately” respond to the husband’s comments and give him a “befitting reply” 

If she decides to retort 
 the husband may reply back. 

And then – the conversation will go on and on. 

This may escalate into an argument – and the result will be that more “heat” (and less “light”) is generated – leading to a heated argument – which may escalate into a fight between husband and wife

SHOULD HUSBAND BACK OFF…?

What happens if a husband just ignores the wife’s remarks – he remains silent – and he says nothing…?

Well 
 the wife may interpret her husband’s silence in a number of ways – depending on her mental filter – and she will respond accordingly – and she may say something to her husband again. 

Or 
– the wife too may remain silent  like her husband. 

This silence of both husband and wife may result in breakdown of verbal communication 

However  non-verbal communication may continue.

Remember 
 SILENCE is a very effective way of conveying non-verbal messages 

Sometimes  silence can be quite powerful too  like “a deafening silence”!!!

Whichever way the wife chooses to give her husband a “befitting reply
”  this may provoke the husband further – and the “communication” cycle will continue

HARMONY OF MENTAL FILTERS FOR EFFECTIVE INTER-PERSONAL COMMUNICATION

HOW TO BE IN SYNC WITH THE PERSON YOU ARE COMMUNICATING WITH

Interpretation of communication  drawing inferences – it all depends on your mental filters  doesn’t it…? 

Your mental filters “colour” your cognition 
– and influence your interpretation of the message in a communication due to various biases or prejudices. 

The sine qua non for Effective Communication is Harmony of Mental Filters.

And – if there is a “Mismatch in Mental Filters” – the result is Misinterpretation of Messages – due to persons interpreting “Implied Meanings – where there were none.

Like we highlighted in the example of communication between husband and wife 
 repeated misinterpretation of communication can snowball and spiral into an unhealthy communication cycle  and this can damage inter-personal relationships both at work and at home. 

For example 
 in a marriage  repeated misinterpretation of mutual communication between husband and wife  due to mismatch in mental filters  may cause disharmony in the relationship  and lead to marital discord  which in turn may snowball into disastrous consequences  and which can  in extremis – even lead to breakdown of the marriage.

So 
 before you communicate with someone  at work, in society and at home  make sure that your mental filters are in sync with each other (mutually synchronized).

Otherwise 
– when you talk to someone: 

You will mean something. 

But – the other person will interpret something else. 

And – this may create serious misunderstandings.

Remember 
 there are 6 messages present in a person-to-person communication process

So 
– when you are talking to someone  both of you must make sure that you are in perfect sync” with each other – so that there is no ambiguity or confusion – and you achieve seamless effective inter-personal communication.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
Vikram Karve has asserted his right under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 to be identified as the author of this work.
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my source post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2018/03/how-to-overcome-communication-mismatch.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Abridged and updated of my article on Effective Communication by Vikram Karve posted in my blogs a number of times including at url links: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/09/are-you-in-sync-with-person-you-are.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/04/effective-communication_20.html and http://creative.sulekha.com/communication-and-mental-filters_66733_blog and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/06/miscommunication.html etc

What is the “CTC” of a Defence Officer…?

September 22, 2018

When I joined the Navy I had not heard of the term “CTC”.

It was much later while I was doing my Management Course – that I learnt of the concept of “CTC” or “Cost-to-Company”.

Hilarious Memories of My Wonderful Navy Life 

THE STORY OF THE “CTC” LIEUTENANT

A Spoof By Vikram Karve 

THE “CTC” LIEUTENANT – a spoof by VIKRAM KARVE

“How much pay do you get…?” the man asked me.

“1100 rupees per month…” I said.

Well  this story happened around 42 years ago  in the 1970’s.

I was a newly promoted Lieutenant in the Indian Navy (Equivalent of an Army Captain or Air Force Flight Lieutenant)  and  those days  our pay scale was Rs. 1100-50-1550

Yes  those days  in the Indian Navy – Lieutenants started off with a basic pay of Rs. 1100 – with an increment of Rs. 50 every year  and – we remained Lieutenants for 8 long years. 

You were promoted to the rank of Lieutenant after 3 years of service as a Naval Officer – and – after a long wait of 8 years as Lieutenant – and a total of 11 years service as an Officer – we became Lieutenant Commanders with a pay scale of Rs. 1450-50-1800 

(On Commissioning as an Officer – you started off on a basic pay of Rs. 750 per month)

Of course  now  with the Ajai Vikram Singh (AVS) Cadre Review bonanza in 2006  promotions are much faster – and the junior-most officer rank has been abolished.

At the time of this story  as a newly promoted Lieutenant  I had started off in the pay scale of Rupees 1100-50-1550.

The gentleman had asked me how much pay I got.

So – I told the gentleman my ‘Basic Pay’ – which was 1100 Rupees a month.

“Do you know Lieutenant ‘G’…?” the gentleman asked me.

“Of course I know Lieutenant ‘G’ – he is my course-mate – and he is serving on a ship of my squadron…” I said – and I named the ship on which Lieutenant ‘G’ was serving.

“Yes. Yes. It is the same person…” the gentleman said.

The gentleman paused for a moment – and he said to me:

“Your friend Lieutenant ‘G’ – how much pay does he get…?”

“Well – he must be getting 1100 Rupees too…” I said.

“Are you sure Lieutenant ‘G’ gets only 1100 Rupees a month…? Lieutenant ‘G’ told me that he gets much more pay that that – are you sure he doesn’t get more…?” the man asked.

“How can he get more pay than me…? Sir – I told you that Lieutenant ‘G’ is my coursemate – and like me – Lieutenant ‘G’ is also a recently promoted Lieutenant. In fact – I am two months senior to Lieutenant ‘G’ – I got promoted to the rank of Lieutenant two months earlier than him – since I gained more seniority in our Sub Lieutenant training courses – so surely – Lieutenant ‘G’ cannot get more pay than me – because he is junior to me…”

“That’s strange…” the gentleman said… “your friend Lieutenant ‘G’ told me that his pay is 5000 rupees per month…”

5000 rupees per month…? That is just not possible…” I said, “Even an Admiral does not get that much.”

“Maybe – Lieutenant ‘G’ gets some additional pay…” the man said.

“That is not possible. He cannot get more pay than me. Like me – Lieutenant ‘G’ is in the Surface Navy. And even Aviators and Submariners don’t get the amount of pay that Lieutenant ‘G’ is saying…” I said.

“So – Lieutenant ‘G’ is telling lies…?” the man said.

“Well – I may not call it telling lies – but obviously – Lieutenant ‘G’ is exaggerating his pay quite a bit…” I said.

“He told me all lies…” the man said again, looking downcast.

I looked at the gentleman – and I asked him:

“Sir – please tell me – why are you asking me all this about Lieutenant ‘G’…?”

“There was a marriage proposal for my daughter…” he said.

“There is a marriage proposal from Lieutenant ‘G’ for your daughter…?” I asked.

The gentleman said to me:

“His parents approached us.

Or rather – we approached his parents when someone told us about Lieutenant ‘G’ – that he was a suitable “status match” for our daughter.

Well – we live “up-north” – and we really don’t know much about the Navy.

There was some business work in Pune – so I decided to come myself – rather than send my Manager.

Well – I thought it would be a good idea to go to Pune via Mumbai – and personally have a look at the boy Lieutenant ‘G’ – before progressing matrimonial matters further…” 

The Deccan Queen started its climb up the Western Ghats – and soon we reached Lonavala – where I got off the train.

(I was travelling in my Navy Uniform since I had rushed from my ship to catch the Deccan Queen which departs from Mumbai at 1710 (5:10 PM) to go on a last-minute Temporary Duty. Maybe – the gentlemen had started the conversation about Lieutenant ‘G’ – since I was in spotless white Naval Uniform)

A few days later I ran into Lieutenant ‘G’ at an official party.

“So – I believe that you are planning to get married…?” I asked him.

“Not really – why…?” he said.

“Well – I met your prospective father-in-law…” I said.

And – and I told Lieutenant ‘G’ about the gentleman I had met on the Deccan Queen.

“Oh, that…? It’s just in the first stages. I will see the girl when I go home on leave next month…” Lieutenant ‘G’ said.

“Why did you tell your prospective father-in-law that your pay was 5000 rupees a month…?” I asked.

“He told you that…?” Lieutenant ‘G’ asked me.

“Yes.”

“And what did you say…?” asked Lieutenant ‘G’ – with an anxious look on his face.

“Well – the gentleman asked me my pay – so – I told him it was 1100 rupees a month…” I said.

“Are you crazy…?” Lieutenant ‘G’ exclaimed.

“Why…? Isn’t our pay 1100 rupees an month…?” I said.

1100 rupees is our bloody basic pay. That’s the problem with you Maharashtrians – you guys always “undersell” yourselves…” he said.

“But – how can you say that your pay is 5000 Rupees…? Even if you add the Dearness Allowance (DA) – and all other allowances – your pay will not be more than 1500 Rupees – isn’t it…?” I said.

“What about the monetary value of all the other benefits and perks we get…?” Lieutenant ‘G’ said.

“Other benefits and perks…?” I asked.

Lieutenant ‘G’ looked at me and said:

“We get so many things as perks. Let’s take married accommodation – do you know the market rent of the houses we get in prime localities…? And what actual rent do we pay…?”

“So – you added the difference between “Market Value of Rent” and the “Actual Rent” we are charged – while calculating your total pay…?” I asked.

“Of course…” Lieutenant ‘G’ said, “and there are so many perks and facilities that we get – CSD Canteen, LTC, Medical Treatment, Membership of Messes and Clubs, Duty Free Liquor…”

“What…? Duty Free Liquor…? Booze…? But – you are a bloody Teetotaller – you never drink Liquor. Don’t tell me you included the Difference in the Cost of Booze between Navy Rates and Civil Rates…?” I asked, feeling aghast.

“Of course I did – the differential between “market value” and what you actually pay is tantamount to notional salary – isn’t it…?” he said matter-of-factly.

“So – you have included the so-called money value of each and every thing when you calculated your salary as 5000 rupees a month…?” I asked Lieutenant ‘G’.

Lieutenant ‘G’ looked at me – and he said to me:

“Obviously I did all that.

I considered the “notional value” of all benefits, perks, facilities, subsidies – everything – and – I came to a figure of 5000 rupees a month.

You see – 1100 rupees may be our “Basic Pay  but 5000 rupees is our “Notional Pay” – do you understand…?”

I wanted to have the parting shot – so I said to Lieutenant ‘G’:

“Since you are so money-minded – instead of the Navy – you should have joined the Army…”

“Army…? Why…? Why should I have joined the Army instead of Navy…?” Lieutenant ‘G’ asked me.

“In the Army – you would have got the additional perk of a Batman – a Sahayak – and – you could have added the “Notional Cost of the Sahayak to your pay. Tell me – what is the pay plus the perks – the “notional value” of a soldier – 1000 Rupees…? 2000 Rupees…? Just imagine – of you were in the Army – you could have told your prospective father-in-law that your pay was 7000 rupees – instead of 5000 rupees…!!!

“You have a point. How come I never thought of that…?” Lieutenant ‘G’ said, looking thoughtful.

“And – unlike in the Navy – where you have to use your own vehicle – in the Army – you get free transport. Think of the cost of the petrol…” I said.

“That is true too…” Lieutenant ‘G’ mumbled.

As I walked away – I noticed a curious expression on his face.

It seemed that Lieutenant ‘G’ was busy calculating something in his mind.

Maybe – Lieutenant ‘G’ realized – that – with the Army giving so many extra perks – like “Sahayaks” – Transport – et al – he would have been better off as an Army Officer – rather than a Naval Officer.

I was sure that Lieutenant ‘G’ was regretting – that he had joined the Navy – instead of the Army.

EPILOGUE

It was much later while I was doing my Management Course – that I learnt of the concept of “CTC” or “Cost-to-Company”.

It was only then – that I understood what Lieutenant ‘G’ was talking about – many years ago.

Yes – Lieutenant ‘G’ was way ahead of his times.

Later – in his illustrious Naval Career – Lieutenant ‘G’ distinguished himself as a successful “Businessman in Uniform”… 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Link to my source post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/04/how-much-pay-does-defence-officer-get.html

I had first posted this hilarious Naval Yarn on my Blog more than 5 years ago in September 2013.

This is a Revised and Updated Version of my Story THE “COST TO COMPANY” (CTC) LIEUTENANT First Posted by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog at 9/25/2013 11:45:00 AM at url : http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/09/humor-in-uniform-cost-to-company.html  and reposted later at  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/12/humor-in-uniform-ctc-lieutenant.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/what-is-pay-of-defence-officer-story-of.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/11/humor-in-uniform-ctc.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/humor-in-uniform-ctc-aka-cost-to-company.html  and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/10/27/humor-in-uniform-ctc-lieutenant/ and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/12/what-is-ctc-of-defence-officer.html

Remembering my Father-in-Law

September 22, 2018

Remembrance  Brigadier Pratap Dattatraya Joshi (6.3.1932 – 22.9.2008) 

Today is the 22nd of September 2018  the 10th death anniversary of my late father-in-law Brigadier Pratap Dattatraya Joshi who we affectionately called “Daddy”.

How time flies…!!!

He passed away 10 years ago in the early hours of the 22nd of September 2008.

Ten years have passed since the inimitable Pratap Dattatraya Joshi left for his heavenly abode.

Lest we forget him  on this day  his 10th death anniversary  let me sound the “Last Post” once again.

As a token of my remembrance  here is the obituary “LAST POST” that I wrote for him when he left us for his heavenly abode on the 22nd of September 2008.

LAST POST

Obituary

Brigadier Pratap Dattatraya Joshi  (6.3.1932 – 22.9.2008)

In the early hours of the 22nd of September 2008, Pratap Dattatraya Joshi, breathed his last, and he departed for his heavenly abode, at the Deenanath Mangeshkar Hospital in Pune.

Pratap Joshi was an epitome of simple living and high thinking.

Born on the 6th of March 1932, he imbibed sterling values from his father, DP Joshi, a Teacher and Scout, a legend in his lifetime.

Brigadier PD Joshi was a product of the prestigious First Course of the National Defence Academy (NDA – or 1st JSW – as he liked to call it – then located in Dehradun).

Brigadier PD Joshi was certainly not the archetypal pompous hard-drinking handlebar-moustachioed high-falutin “Colonel Blimp” type of Army Officer.

He was not an elitist snob, but a simple honest patriotic professional who believed in grassroot soldiering.

He was a simple, down-to-earth, Spartan, unassuming, dedicated, sincere, patriotic, scrupulously honest, erudite person possessing a golden heart filled with humility and compassion.

Throughout his distinguished career spanning 37 years, and even thereafter, he spread happiness, benevolence and goodwill owing to his cheerful disposition, kind-hearted nature and inimitable sense of humour.

Forever young at heart  Pratap Joshi did not suffer from the Auld Lang Syne Complex.

After retirement  unlike most retired “faujis”  he never lived in the past, languishing and brooding about the “good old days”  but he moved on with exceptional enthusiasm and childlike zeal to his new loves – music and social work.

Starting from the scratch  he studied classical music with sheer dedication, resolute grit and passionate zest for many years till he was bestowed with the prestigious post graduate degree of Sangeet Alankar.

Then he taught music to one and all, free of cost  making special efforts to teach the needy and underprivileged.

Travelling extensively  and roughing it out in the heart of the mofussil  to rural and far flung regions  he made a significant social contribution to enhancing primary education in backward areas, as the Chief Trustee of the Natu Foundation Educational Trust.

He eagerly contributed his expertise to Jnana Prabodhini and for improving the efficiency of Hospitals.

Pratap Joshi loved animals, especially dogs.

He always had pet dogs, and showered his unconditional love on them and all the dogs that he came across in the neighbourhood, pet and stray.

It was distressing to see Dolly desperately searching for him soon after he had gone away from us forever.

We shall always remember the love with which he snuggled and cuddled Sherry, our pet dog  a “Doberman-X” girl  when she was a baby.

(Sadly – Sherry also passed away to her heavenly abode in December 2014)

Pratap Joshi had a genuine zest for living  and he enjoyed every moment of his life  indulging himself in his favourite foods, movies, travel, music etc

If he liked to do something – he did it – anything he liked – without caring for what others would think.

He laughed  and he made others laugh.

I first met Pratap Joshi in March 1982  and he left such a lasting impression on me that I became his fan ever since.

He was my father-in-law  more like a loving father who I could count on to stand by me, advise and inspire me, in happiness and in adversity  and I shall forever cherish every moment I shared with him.

My son, a seafarer, was his favourite grandchild, the apple of his eye.

It was a pity he could not be with his beloved grandfather during his last moments in September 2008 – as he was sailing on the high seas.

Such are the tragedies and travesties of life, and death.

We will miss you dearly “Daddy”.

You lived your life to its fullest and loved all of us from the bottom of your heart.

We are sure you will shower us with your blessings from your heavenly abode.

You were a noble and virtuous man who always did good to everyone you met and wherever you went.

Pratap Dattatraya Joshi  (6.3.1932 – 22.9.2008) – RIP.

May His Soul Rest in Peace.

VIKRAM KARVE

Obituary First Posted on 22 September 2008 in my Blog at url link: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2008/09/pratap-joshi-rip-remembrance.html

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