Archive for August 2018

Don’t You Remember What Happened Last Night…?

August 31, 2018

The Story of a Man – a Woman – and Temporary Amnesia

DON’T YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT…?

A Love Story

A Spoof By Vikram Karve 

“What are you doing here…?” the man says to the woman standing above him.

“This is my house…” the woman says.

“Oh My God…!!! How did I get here…?” the man exclaims.

“Don’t you remember…?” the woman says.

The man recognizes the woman – his wife has nicknamed the woman “Plain Jane” – because – that’s how she looks – “PLAIN”.

He has seen the “middle-aged” woman many times during his walks on the walking track – and – on a number of occasions in the shopping complex of his residential township.

Like it happens in large “gated community” townships – he knows that the woman lives in the same residential complex – but – he does not know where exactly she lives – nor does he know her name.

In the “highfalutin” residential society where the man lives – one does not talk to “strangers” – and – even with neighbours – it is a “hail fellow well met” type of relationship – and sometimes – even a polite smile of greeting is met with a stern glare or a grim frown.

So – all he knows about the woman is that she lives in the same residential complex.

Then man is in a confused state – lying in a strange bed – all covered up with blankets – he feels terrible – his head aches – his vision is hazy – and his tongue feels dry.

The excruciating effects of the “excesses” of the previous night have still not subsided – and – the man has a terrible hangover.

“How did I get here…?” the man asks the woman.

“Don’t you remember…?” she says.

“No – I don’t remember anything…” the man says.

“Well – I was watching TV – and I heard some noise at the entrance door – so – I opened the door – and I saw that you were trying open the door with your key…”

“Oh My God…”

“Well – you were in quite a “good” mood – in “high” spirits – so – I let you in…”

“Oh My God…!!! Was I drunk…?”

“Well – you were certainly feeling pretty “nice”…”

“But – how did I come here – to your house…?”

“Don’t you remember…?”

“No – I don’t remember anything…”

“But surely – you must remember something about last night…”

“All I remember is – that – in the evening – I dropped my wife at the airport – then – I drove down to my club for a couple of drinks and dinner – and – the last thing I remember is that I was drinking in the club bar…”

“Oh – you must have had a “blackout”…”

“Blackout…?”

“Yes – “alcoholic blackout” – temporary amnesia – that’s why you don’t remember what you did…”

“But – how did I come here – to your house…?”

“Where do you live…?”

“In “XXX” Township – C Building – on the 9th Floor – Apartment “C 901”…”

“At least you have come to right building – this is Apartment No. “C 601” – exactly three floors below your apartment…”

“Oh…”

“You must have pressed the wrong button – or – the lift may have stopped on this floor – and you got out and walked straight towards what you thought is your apartment…”

“I am very sorry – please don’t report me for trespassing. I will be in big trouble…”

“Why should I report you…? And – don’t be sorry – in fact – I am so happy you came here…”

“How can you be happy…? I barged into your house in a drunken state…”

“Yes – you were pretty “high”…”

“I was drunk – I must have been terrible. I am sorry if I behaved rudely…”

“Rudely…? Not at all…!!! On the contrary – you were so loving and affectionate…”

“Loving…? Affectionate…?”

“Yes – you were very amusing – we really had a lot of fun…”

“Fun…?”

“Oh yes – you were so charming – it was a wonderful night – we really had a “good time”…”

“Good time…?”

“Yes – I really had a “good time” with you. I feel so lonely – living all alone – the nights are especially miserable – but last night was wonderful – all because of you…”

“Because of me…?”

“Yes – we had a marvelous time together – it was a most memorable night – those “intimate” moments we had together – I will cherish forever…”

“Intimate moments…?”

“Don’t you remember – all the things you said to me – you did to me…?”

“What did I do to you…?”

“You were so romantic – so passionate. Don’t you remember…?”

“Romantic…!!! Passionate…?”

“The way you kissed me – no one has ever kissed me like that before – in fact – no one has ever kissed me before – it was my first kiss…”

“Oh My God…!!! I kissed you…?”

“Don’t you remember…?”

“No…”

“But – I will always remember…” the woman says lovingly.

Inside his head – the man’s brain begins to spin – like a vortex.

He does not remember anything.

He thinks to himself: “Is it really possible – that he kissed this “Plain Jane” – this most ordinary looking woman…?”

The man looks at the woman – she looks so unappealing – so uninviting – how could he have kissed her…?

There is no one else around – so – it seems that this “middle-aged” woman lives alone – all by herself.

Maybe she is a “spinster” – living a lonesome and forlorn life – and her loneliness is making her imagination run wild with erotic thoughts.

The man looks at the woman.

She is looking at him – straight into his eyes – she has a hungry look.

The man feels uneasy in her presence – he wants to get out of this place fast – and go home.

His head is still dizzy due to his terrible hangover – and he is feeling a bit giddy.

The man tries to get up from under the blanket.

Butsuddenly – he realizes that – he is naked under the blanket.

Yes – he is stark naked beneath the blanket.

In a panic-stricken voice – the man asks the woman:

“Where are my clothes…?”

“Your clothes are in the washing machine…” the woman says, “but don’t worry – they are almost done – and – I will have all your clothes dried up quickly in the drier…”

“But – who took off my clothes…” the man says, in panic.

The woman looks lovingly at the man – and she says to him:

“Don’t you remember…? Don’t you remember what happened last night…?”

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved) 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/10/dont-you-remember.html

This story also posted earlier in this blog at url: https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/10/04/it-happened-one-night/

“Paradis à la Folie” – Fascinating Cabaret at “Paradis Latin” Paris

August 30, 2018

Memories of Our Europe Tour – Paradis à la Folie at Paradis Latin Paris – enthralling unforgettable cabaret experience

AN EVENING IN PARIS by VIKRAM KARVE

If I tell you that I saw my first cabaret as a Senior Citizen – at the age of 62 – you will laugh at me.

Please laugh and make fun of me – because – it is true.

Dear Reader – nowadays – most people are “Been There – Done That” types.

So – whenever I excitedly tell them about my new experiences – they sardonically comment – I have “BEEN THERE and DONE THAT”.

Sadly – I am one of those rare “Not Been There – Not Done That” types.

I have Been “Nowhere” and Done “Nothing”.

So – for a “naïve” simpleton like me – watching a cabaret was a novel “first-time” experience.

Of course – I am not counting the so-called “cabarets” that I saw during my testosterone-charged days in the 1970’s – where bawdy voluptuous females “danced” in a most raunchy vulgar style – jiggling their mammoth bosoms and gyrating their enormous hips in a most obscene manner.

Last month I watched a genuine cabaret in Paris – the Paradis à la Folie at Paradis Latin – and – I realized that those so-called “cabarets” of our “inchoate” days – they were not actual cabarets at all – but gross imitations masquerading as cabarets.

So – Dear Reader – Yes – I can say that I saw my first authentic cabaret last month – on July 25, 2018 to be precise – in Paris – at Paradis Latin.

(The History of Paradis Latin goes back to 1802, when the First Consul Napoleon Bonaparte built the Latin Theater, on the rue des Fossés-Saint-Victor in Paris)

The Paradis Latin Cabaret Show was a most beautiful, artistic and enjoyable cabaret – 90 minutes of enthralling entertainment – marvelous mesmerizing “Can Can dances with captivating music, dazzling costumes and incredible choreography.

Let me tell me about my delightful experience.

The whole atmosphere sparkles with radiance – a kaleidoscope of colour and vibrant energy – a terrific joie de vivre – an ecstatic exuberance which elevates your spirits and makes you feel enraptured and euphoric.

The magnificent sets, so lavish and colourful, the resplendent costumes and the fabulous artists – everything is so beautiful and glamorous – it keeps you mesmerized throughout the entire show of 90 minutes.

Though the cabaret focusses on dance (French Can Can) – there are thrilling performances by brilliant trapeze acrobats and contortionists – and incredible aerial balancing by a juggling unicyclist – these spectacular acts keep you spellbound.

The highlight of the cabaret is the variety of high-energy “French Can Can” dances, full of passion, performed by a troupe of talented dancers, handsome boys and beautiful girls, some topless, who perform the vigorous dances, comprising swirling the body, high kicks, splits, acrobatics and cartwheels in a most dexterous and passionate manner. The dance performances contain partial nudity – but it is not vulgar or risqué – but aesthetic and alluring.

In its entirety – the Paradis Latin Cabaret is an awesome experience.

For me – it was a most delightful “Evening in Paris”.

We arrived at Paradis Latin before 8 PM – and I was lucky to get an excellent seat at a table right in front – with a ringside view of the stage.

We were served Champagne – and then – there was an excellent dinner with plenty of wine.

The dinner was over by 9:30 PM – and then – we enjoyed the delightful cabaret show – the grand spectacle of captivating music and fascinating dances – in a wonderful, joyous, colourful atmosphere – that kept us spellbound for 90 minutes – till the spectacular grand finale at 11 PM.

For me – it was a most entertaining experience – and unforgettable “Evening in Paris” – which I shall cherish forever.

Before I forget – let me thank our Tour Operator – Veena World – for including Paradis Latin Cabaret in the Austria Swiss Paris Tour Itinerary.

Had I gone on an “independent” tour with my “Better Half” – I wonder whether my “Better Half” would have allowed me to see a cabaret – but here – on a “group tour” – she had no choice but to accompany me – and – I could see that she enjoyed the cabaret immensely.

For obvious reasons – photography is not allowed during the cabaret show – so there are no pictures in this blog post. If you want a glimpse – you can try surfing the Paradis Latin Website and Paradis Latin YouTube and Social Media Accounts.

Dear Reader:

When you visit Paris – do spend an evening at Paradis Latin.

The Paradis Latin Cabaret is an Awesome Experience – you can take my word for it. 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2018/08/an-evening-in-paris_30.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

What is in your “Cup”

August 30, 2018

Sharing an interesting piece from a Veterans’ Group

WHAT IS IN YOUR CUP…?

I love this analogy!

You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along & bumps into you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere.

Why did you spill the coffee?

“Well because someone bumped into me, of course!”

Wrong answer.

You spilled the coffee because there was coffee in your cup.

Had there been tea in the cup, you would have spilled tea.

Whatever is inside the cup, is what will spill out.

Therefore, when life comes along & shakes you (which WILL happen), whatever is inside you will come out. It’s easy to fake it, until you get rattled.

So we have to ask ourselves:

“What’s in my cup?”

When life gets tough, what spills over?

Joy, gratefulness, peace & humility?

Or anger, bitterness,harsh words & reactions?

You choose!

Today let’s work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation, kindness, gentleness & love for others.

Have a nice day…!!!

The Story of My First Date

August 29, 2018

Do you remember your first “Date”…?

I do.

Let me tell you about it.

This story happened almost 42 years ago – in the 1970’s… 

MY FIRST DATE

A Story From My “Romantic” Navy Days By Vikram Karve 

Part 1 – SETTING UP MY FIRST DATE  (Mumbai – Circa 1977) 

One evening – when our ship returned to Mumbai after a long sailing – I was sitting in my ship’s Wardroom – drinking whisky all alone in the corner.

A shipmate arrived with his girlfriend.

He was the senior-most ‘in-living’ officer – the TASO (Torpedo Anti-Submarine Officer).

[With our penchant for changing names – and – in consonance with the increasing “Americanization” of our erstwhile “Royal” Navy Culture – TASO was later re-designated as ASWO (Anti-Submarine Warfare Officer)…]

The TASO had brought his girlfriend onboard ship for a “date”.

I rose from my seat – and I wished the TASO and his lady friend.

The TASO introduced me to his girlfriend – and he invited me to join them for a drink.

After we were seated – the TASO said to me:

“What’s wrong with you…? We have returned to port after a long time – everyone is painting the town red – and you are drinking all by yourself in the Wardroom…? You must get yourself a ‘girlfriend’ – and go out and enjoy yourself…”

“Sir – I don’t know any girls in Mumbai…” I said.

The TASO felt pity on my drab “romantic life” – so he told his girlfriend to set up a date for me.

“I know just the girl…” the TASO’s girlfriend said.

“Really…? You know a girl suitable for him. Who is she…?” the TASO asked her.

“My new roommate – she has just been dumped by her boyfriend…” the TASO’s girlfriend said.

“But will she be okay for him…? Does she like Navy ‘Dudes’…?” the TASO asked his girlfriend.

“Of course she will like him. My roommate is an ‘Army Brat’ – actually she is from Delhi – and recently – her boyfriend dumped her – he was her colleague in her Delhi office – and she felt terrible seeing him in office every day – so she asked for a transfer to Mumbai and she arrived here last week – she is new to Mumbai – she doesn’t know anyone here – so she should be willing – and – besides – I told you that she is an ‘Army Brat’ – so she may like someone from ‘Defence Background’…” the TASO’s girlfriend said.

“Oh – so she has been recently dumped – and – she is new to Mumbai…? What an ideal situation…? I am sure she must be yearning for some company…” the TASO said.

Then – the TASO looked and me – and he said to me:

“So – lucky guy – your job is done. Now – you tie up with her…” the TASO said – pointing at his girlfriend.

The TASO’s girlfriend smiled at me and said: “I will ask her and let you know…”

Two days later – the TASO called me to his cabin and said to me:

“You lucky guy – your ‘date’ is fixed…”

And so – my ‘date’ was set up – my very first ‘date’.

Part 2 – MORNING AFTER MY FIRST DATE

“How was your ‘date’…?” the TASO asked me – the very next morning after my ‘date’ with the girl.

“It was a great success…” I said.

“Really…?” the TASO seemed surprised.

“Yes, Sir – I even proposed to her…” I said.

“You proposed marriage to her on your very first date…?” the TASO said, looking stunned.

“Yes, Sir…”

“Are you bloody crazy…? How the hell can you propose to a girl on your first date..?”

“Sir – tell me – what is the aim of dating…?”

“You tell me. What is the aim of dating…?

“Sir – the aim of dating to assess the suitability of the ‘dating partner’ as a prospective spouse. I found her very suitable to be my wife – so I proposed to her…”

“And – what did she say…?”

“She didn’t say anything – she just said ‘bye’ – and she ran into the hostel – I think she was feeling shy – after all she is a girl – but I am sure she has liked me too…”

“Really…? Do you really think she wants to marry you…?”

“Yes, Sir – I am sure…”

The TASO looked at me and said:

“Tell me something about your ‘date’ – what all did you do – where all did you go…?”

“Sir – we did a lot of things – and we went to many places…” I said.

“Okay – let’s be specific…” the TASO said, “you tell me – did you make her travel by bus…?”

“Yes, Sir – I took her by ‘double-decker’ – so that we could have a good view…”

“Forget about ‘single-decker’ or ‘double-decker’ – I am asking you why the hell did you take her by bus…? You are a bloody Naval Officer. On the very first date – do you take a girl by bus…? You should have taken her on your bike…”

“Sir – I don’t have a motorcycle…”

“Then – you should have borrowed someone’s bike – you could have asked me for my ‘Bullet’.  Or – you could have taken her in a taxi…” the TASO said.

“Yes, Sir – I will borrow your ‘Bullet’ next time…” I said.

“Next time…? You seem very confident that she will go out on a date with you again…”

“Of course, Sir – I really made her have a good time – she enjoyed the ‘date’ very much – I am sure she will really like going on a date with me again…”

“Really…? Why don’t you tell me about all the ‘good time’ you two had…”

“Sir – I took her for a movie…”

“I know – and – in the cinema hall – you made her sit in the ‘stalls’…”

“Rear Stall, Sir…”

“Couldn’t you have bought ‘Balcony’ tickets…?”

“Sir – as far the eyes are concerned – viewing a movie is as comfortable from the ‘Rear Stall’ as from the ‘Balcony’…”

“Are you a bloody “Optician” – or are you taking a girl out on a “date”…?”

“Sir – why spend extra money for the ‘balcony’ ticket – when you get the same ‘viewing comfort’ sitting in the ‘stalls’…?”

“You are a bloody ‘Cheapie’ – first you take her in a bus – and then you make her sit with the ‘riff-raff’ in the ‘stalls’ – and then you take her for some third-rate street-food in some filthy place…”

“Sir – it is a famous Khau Galli…”

“On your very first “date” – you don’t take a girl for cheap street-food in a dirty “Khau Galli” – on your first “date” – you take her for a romantic candle-light dinner in a fine-dining restaurant – that is how you impress a girl…”

“Sir – why should I try to impress a girl…?”

“What do you mean why should you try to impress a girl…?…? Don’t you want to impress a girl on your first “date”…?”

“Sir – I told you – the aim of dating is to assess suitability for marriage – why should I try to impress a girl who I am going to marry…? Why should I try to “fake it”…? Why should I put on “false pretences”…? Isn’t it best for me to be myself – my true self…?”

“You are a crazy bugger. Not only have you humiliated me – but you have tarnished the image of the entire Navy. That girl is an Army Officer’s daughter. What will she think of Naval Officers…? After your “grand performance” on your “date” with her – won’t she wonder if all Naval Officers are uncultured “cheapies” like you…?”

Sir – please…”

“You just shut up. And then – after all that oafish behaviour – you marched her down Marine Drive all the way to her hostel…”

“It was a “romantic walk”…”

“Ha Ha – “Romantic Walk”…? Romantic Walk” – my Foot…!!! It sounds more like a “Route March” to me…”

“Sir – it was a pleasant walk in the cool sea-breeze – only 3 kilometres…”

“You bloody “Poltroon” – did you notice that she was wearing “Stiletto” high-heel shoes…?”

“No, Sir…”

“You made her march 3 kilometres in stiletto high-heels…”

“I didn’t see her legs, Sir…”

“Oh – you didn’t see her legs…!!! Then what were you looking at…? Her bloody “Boobs”…?”

“No, Sir – I was looking at the sea…”

“And then – you took her to see fish in the aquarium…”

“Sir – the aquarium is right next to her hostel – and I was surprised that she hadn’t seen it…”

“Thank God you didn’t take her to see the bloody Zoo…”

“Sir – I will take her to the Zoo next time – and – I want to show her the Museum too…”

“Next time…? You seem to be very optimistic that she will come out on a “date” with you again…”

“Of course, Sir – I am sure she will come with me on a “date” – again and again…” I said.

Then – I wondered how the TASO knew all the things we had done on our “date” – so I asked him:

“Sir – how do you know what all we did on our “date”…?”

“My girlfriend called up in the morning – she was furious at the way you had treated her roommate – especially the bizarre way you proposed marriage after all that fiasco…” the TASO said.

“Why, Sir…? What did I do wrong…? I thought she would make a suitable wife – so I proposed to her. Didn’t I tell you, Sir – the aim of dating is to evaluate the person as a prospective life partner…”

“Do you think all of us are fools – and – you are the only one who knows how to “date”…? I have been dating girls for years now – and – you go on one failed “date” – a bloody disaster “date” – and you are trying to educate me…?”

“Sorry, Sir…”

“It’s okay. Will you take some advice…?”

“Sure, Sir…”

“You forget about all this “dating” business – you are just not cut out for it. Just stick to Booze and Food – and when you are 25 – you tell your folks to find a girl for you – and you have an arranged marriage…” the TASO said to me.

“Aye, Aye, Sir…” I said to the TASO.

And – I conscientiously followed the TASO’s advice.

I did not go on any more “dates”.

I focussed on food and drink.

And – the moment I became 25 years old – I told my mother to find me a nice “homely” girl – and – I got married to her.

30 YEARS LATER  (Pune – Circa 2007)

Part 3 – UNEXPECTED RENDEZVOUS WITH MY FIRST “DATE”

I recognized her at once.

She was my first and only “date”.

I tried to hide myself.

But – she saw me.

I wished that the ground beneath me opened up and swallowed me in.

But – I saw her walking towards me.

“Hi…” she said.

“Hello…” I said.

“So – how are you…?” she asked me.

“I am fine…” I said.

“It’s good that I ran into you…” she said.

“Yes…” I mumbled.

“All these years – I have been wanting to tell you something…” she said.

“You’ve been wanting to tell me something…? What is it…?” I asked her.

“I should have accepted your marriage proposal… she said.

“What…?” I said, surprised.

“Yes – I should have married you…” she said – looking at me with a wistful look in her eyes.

After saying this – she smiled at me – and – she walked away.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved) 

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/dating-made-simple.html

This is a revised repost of my story “DUDE” GOES OUT ON A “DATE” posted online by me Vikram Karve in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on May 15, 2016 at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/05/dude-goes-out-on-date.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/08/my-first-date-story-from-my-romantic.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/09/14/how-to-date/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/11/how-to-date-girl.html

Unfinished Love Story – The Girl who I “Rejected”

August 29, 2018

THE GIRL WHO I “REJECTED” 

Unfinished Love Story By Vikram Karve 

More than one year ago – I began writing a story.

Owing to an unforeseen contingency – my writing was disrupted for a few days – and – I forgot about this unfinished story.

Today – while browsing through my writing drafts – I suddenly discovered this unfinished story.

Now – I must finish this unfinished story soon.

Meanwhile – Dear Reader – here is the unfinished story…

Circa 1979 – Mumbai (then called Bombay)

PART 1 – The Girl I “Rejected”

The TASO’s wife looked angrily at me and said:

“Why did you tell Nisha that “she is not attractive”…? That is the most insulting thing you can say to a girl…”

“I did not tell Nisha that “she is not attractive” – I told her that “I was not attracted to her”…”

“It is the same thing…”

“No – it is not the same thing. I did not feel “attracted” towards her…”

“Nisha may not be a “ravishing” beauty – but she is quite charming. In fact – she is quite beautiful in her own way…”

“Did I say that she is not beautiful…?

“Yes – she may be a bit plump – but – you are no “Adonis” either. You may have a high opinion about your looks – but let me tell you that you are quite ordinary looking – and you don’t have a great physique either…”

“Why are you telling me all this…?”

“Because you “rejected” the girl…”

“I did not “reject” her – I told her that I did not want to get married…”

“It’s the same thing…!!! Poor Girl – Nisha – she is so devastated by the “rejection” – she has sunk into “depression”…”

“Shall I speak to her…?”

“Yes. You do that. And – you tell her that you want to get married to her…”

“I told you that I don’t want to get married – it’s not a question of “this girl” or “that girl” – I just don’t want to get married – that’s all…”

“So – you want to remain a bachelor for your entire life…?”

“I don’t know – maybe I will feel like getting married later – but right now – I don’t want to get married…”

The TASO’s wife looked angrily at me and said:

“You have caused me great embarrassment – it was me who had suggested your name as a “prospective groom” to the girl’s mother – yes – I strongly recommended your name – and – you have let me down like this…”

“Did you ask me – before suggesting my name…?”

“Even now – it is not too late…”

“What do you mean…?”

“If you don’t want to get married right now – we will not hurry you into marriage – you can get engaged now – then – we can wait for a year or so – till you are ready for marriage…”

“No…”

“Don’t be so impatient. The girl is very good – I know the family very well – her parents are really very decent people – the girl – Nisha – she is their only child…”

“Please…”

“Listen to me – you say “YES” – that’s all – we will see about the engagement later – this girl is ideal for you…”

“No…”

“But why…? I am just asking you to “YES” – that’s all…”

“I don’t like the girl…”

“What…? I am telling you again and again – this girl is really very good…”

“She may be “good” – but she is not “my type”…”

“What do you mean “she is not my type”…?”

“She is too “schoolmarmish”…”

“Schoolmarmish…? She certainly doesn’t look like a “schoolmarm”…”

“I didn’t mean it that way – maybe I used the wrong word – but – as I told you before – I am not “attracted” to her – she is not my type of girl…”

“You keep saying again and again “she is not my type of girl” – I just don’t understand what you mean – Nisha is quite good-looking – she has got a nice “homely” personality…”

“Ah – “homely” – that was the word I was looking for – yes – she is homely – rather “matronly” if I may say so…”

“What’s wrong with that…”

“She doesn’t “excite” me – I don’t feel a “stirring” inside me when I see her…”

“I agree that she is no “sexy siren” – but then – you are no “macho man” either…”

“Please – let’s stop discussing this topic…”

“No. I want you to talk to the girl. I will call Nisha to the Jehangir Art Gallery tomorrow evening. You come there at 5 PM after your work. I will leave the two of you alone. You talk to her – get to know her better – you two spend some time together – go out for a movie – for dinner – talk to each other – understand each other better – and – you will realize that this girl Nisha is the best “match” for you…”

“No. It’s final. I do not want to get married. And – I do not want to get married to this girl Nisha…” I said firmly to the TASO’s wife.

After saying this – I walked away.

The TASO’s wife gave me an angry look that she had never given me before.

I knew that our friendship had been spoilt forever.

THREE DAYS EARLIER

Circa 1979  – Mumbai (then called Bombay)

PART 2 – Return to Harbour

It all started three days ago – when we returned from a long sailing.

Since I was the junior-most bachelor with a “watch-keeping ticket” – I was rostered on “Officer of the Day” (OOD) duty.

The married officers would go home to their wives and families.

The other bachelors would paint the town red – while I spent a lonely time on board.

The moment the shore-telephone was rigged up – I tested it – I got the number from the exchange – and – I told the Duty Gangway Quartermaster to make an announcement on the ship’s broadcast – that the “shore telephone” was operational.

Within seconds – the “TAS Officer” appeared – as if from nowhere.

The “TAS Officer” aka TASO (Torpedo Anti-Submarine Officer) – he was the senior-most ‘in-living’ officer.

[With our penchant for changing names – and – in consonance with the increasing “Americanization” of our Naval Culture – TASO was later re-designated as ASWO (Anti-Submarine Warfare Officer)…]

The TASO called up his neighbour from the ship’s shore-telephone and said:

“Please call my wife – I will ring again after 5 minutes…”

(This story happened 40 years ago – in the 1970’s – before the advent of mobile phones – and – those days – in the Navy – even landline phones were a luxury – and only a select few officers were entitled to telephones at their residence)

The TASO’s neighbour was a “Secretary” to an Admiral – hence he had a residential phone.

The TASO “guarded” the shore-telephone – looking at his watch – while the newly-married “Senior Engineer” – who had also appeared on the Gangway – waited for his turn to use the phone and talk to his newly-wedded wife.

I smiled at the TASO.

He smiled back.

The TASO was a good guy – and – despite the fact that he was 5 years senior to me in the rank of Lieutenant – we were good friends.

(Those days – in the 1970’s – after being commissioned as an Officer in the Navy – it took you 3 years to become a Lieutenant – and then – you remained a Lieutenant for 8 long years – before being promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Commander – after a total of 11 years of commissioned service.

Today – you see “greenhorns” – who haven’t yet fully grown their whiskers – strutting around wearing “two and a half stripes” of a Lieutenant Commander – after just 6 years of commissioned service – thanks to the benevolent Ajai Vikram Singh Cadre Review Report aka AVS 2006 – which has reduced the value of senior ranks to subaltern status…)

One more reason for my friendship with the TASO was that he was married to a cousin sister of mine – who lived near our home in Pune. In fact – the TASO’s wife and I had been classmates at school.

I watched the TASO as he anxiously waited for 5 minutes to pass – by which time his wife would have arrived at their neighbour’s house.

The TASO did not wait for the full 5 minutes – around 3 minutes later – he picked up the shore-telephone and re-dialled his neighbour’s number.

His wife was waiting for him at the other end.

After speaking for some time to his wife – the TASO said: “Really…?”

Then – he looked at me and said:

“Hey – my wife wants to speak to you…”

And – he gave me the receiver of the shore-telephone.

“You come for dinner tonight…” the TASO’s wife said to me.

“But Ma’am – I am on duty as OOD…” I said.

“Stop calling me “Ma’am” – just call me “Alka” like before…” she admonished me, “and listen – you tell my husband – he will put someone else on duty…”

“I will come for dinner some other time…” I said.

“No. You have to come for dinner tonight. It is very important. You come at 7:30 PM – don’t be late…” the TASO’s wife said to me in a firm voice.

“Okay…” I said – and I handed over the phone to the TASO.

The TASO talked to his wife for a minute or so.

Then – the TASO looked at me – and he said to me:

“You come for dinner tonight – I will tell Lieutenant “XXX” to “hold the deck” for you…”

“Aye Aye, Sir…” I said.

The TASO was the “senior watch-keeper”.

He called Lieutenant “XXX” (the other “in-living” officer on board our ship besides me).

The TASO told Lieutenant “XXX” to “hold the deck” for me in the evening – but – the shrewd Lieutenant “XXX” preferred to exchange OOD duties with me – I would now do his duty on Sunday – so that he would be able to attend the Races at Mahalaxmi Race Course on Sunday.

(Lieutenant “XXX” was an avid “punter”) 

So – I handed over charge of the ship to Lieutenant “XXX” – and I went down to the wardroom for a beer.

SAME DAY EVENING

Circa 1979  – Mumbai (then called Bombay)

PART 3 – The Marriage Proposal

At sharp 7:30 PM in the evening – I rang the doorbell of the TASO’s Flat in Colaba.

The TASO’s wife opened the door – she was very happy to see me.

I walked into the drawing room.

There were three persons seated on the sofa – a man – a woman – both middle-aged – and a girl – she seemed to be my age – in her early 20’s.

The girl was very “prim and proper”.

She smiled at me – a rather formal shy smile.

I smiled back at her – a “social graces” synthetic smile of forced geniality.

I looked at the girl.

She was a bit chubby – with a pleasant face – dressed in a sari – a rather “homely” type.

In the Navy – the “junior” (younger) is always introduced to the “senior” (older) person.

The TASO’s wife introduced me to the middle-aged gentleman – who was a Brigadier in the Army.

“Brigadier “YYY” – this is Lieutenant “ZZZ” (me)…”

Brigadier “YYY” shook hands with me – and he said to me:

“Good to meet you…”

Then – Brigadier “YYY” pointed towards the ladies and said to me:

“Please meet my wife – Jyotsna – and my daughter – Nisha…”

I smiled at the ladies – they smiled back at me.

The Brigadier’s wife – Jyotsna – she was looking at me in an appraising sort of way.

I gave her a smile of forced geniality – and then looked at the Brigadier and said to him:

“Sir – are you posted here – in Mumbai…?”

“No, No…” the Brigadier said, “I am commanding a Brigade in the field – but I should be moving to Pune soon – on promotion…”

“Oh. Congratulations, Sir. By the way – I am from Pune…” I said.

“I know – we know all about you – Alka has told us everything…” he said.

(Dear Reader: As I told you earlier – “Alka” was the TASO’s Wife – my School Classmate)

I was wondering why the TASO wasn’t offering me a drink.

I saw that both the TASO and the Brigadier were drinking Whisky – and – the ladies were having “soft” drinks.

The TASO’s wife said to me:

“Why don’t you take Nisha out for a drive…?”

“Drive…?”

“On your Bike…” the TASO’s wife said to me, “take Nisha to the Mess – to the US Club – the seaside promenade – show her around – and you two can talk to each other…”

Now – I was beginning to get an inkling why I had been invited for dinner.

Story to be continued… 

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. This Story and all Stories in this Blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved) 

Link to my original posts in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.com/2017/12/unfinished-story-no-1-girl.html and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/11/the-girl.html

The Woman in Red

August 28, 2018

I Spent Six of the Best Years of My Life in Mumbai – six glorious years from the years 2000 to 2006.

During these 6 best years of my life – I lived in a building called EMPRESS COURT – in the “Art Deco” District – opposite the Oval. 

Empress Court is my all time favourite home – the best house I have ever lived in during my entire life. 

In the evenings – I would browse books in the  Oxford Bookstore next door – yes – I spent many delightful hours browsing books on elegant rocking chairs – refreshing myself with delicious cups of invigorating teas in the “Cha Bar”. 

From time to time there would be book launches in the bookstore – which I would love to attend – for literary pleasure – as also – for the delicious snacks and drinks they served after the launch. 

After one such book launch – I came home – and wrote this story – THE WOMAN IN THE RED DRESS 

Yes – Dear Reader – you guessed right – the lovely author whose book was being launched – she was wearing a red dress.

I wrote this story around 15 years ago – in 2002/2003 – I think. 

By the way – this is FICTION – my imagination running wild – as always.

Dear Reader: Do tell me if you liked the story… 

THE WOMAN IN RED – A Love Story by Vikram Karve 

For those who have been lucky to have a “love marriage” – there is an important day to celebrate called “wedding anniversary”.

For me and my wife – surviving a quintessential loveless “arranged marriage” – our “wedding anniversary” is “just another day”.

That is why – instead of romancing each other over candlelight dinner – on our wedding anniversary – my wife and I are browsing books at the bookstore.

Suddenly – my wife says to me:

“Arun  look there…!!!”

“Where…?” I ask my wife.

“Look there – near the window – look at the “woman in the red dress”…” my wife says, pointing her hand.

I look at the “woman in the red dress”.

“Don’t you know who she is…?” my wife asks excitedly.

“No…” I say.

“The “woman in the red dress” – her name is Nisha” – she is the famous romantic author…” my wife says ardently.

Nisha…? I have never heard of her…” I say nonchalantly.

“You come with me…” my wife says.

I follow her towards the bestseller rack near the entrance.

My wife she pulls out a paperback from the shelf – and she shows me the photo of the “woman in the red dress” on the back-cover.

“Yes – it is her…” I say, “now let’s go home.”

“Come on, Arun – let’s go and meet her. I want to get her autograph on this book…” my wife says.

“No…” I interrupt, “she is busy browsing books – and she is a “celebrity”. She won’t like being disturbed – let’s go home…” I say – and I turn towards the exit.

“Please…” my wife says.

“No – there is no need to give so much importance to these authors. Let’s go home…” I say irritably – motioning my wife with my eyes.

“You go home. I am going to meet her and get her autograph on this book…” my wife says.

And – my wife starts walking towards the “woman in the red dress” – who is still absorbed nose-deep into browsing the book in her hand.

I turn away – and I quietly walk into the philosophy section – and browse some self-help philosophy books.

After a while – my wife comes – and she says to me:

“She wants to meet you…”

“Who…?”

Nisha – the author – she wants to meet you.”

“But – I don’t want to meet her…”

But – it is too late.

I see the “woman in the red dress” following my wife – walking towards me. 

Standing bang in front of me – the “woman in the red dress” says to me:

“Hi Arun – remember me…? Don’t you recognise me – I am Nisha – your college girfriend…”

I am terrified –  I am struck dumb, speechless.

I shiver in trepidation – as I stare at the “woman in the red dress” – standing in front of me.

The “woman in the red dress” looks at my wife – and she says to my wife :

“Your husband Arun and Me – we had a really “good time” together in college – we were going “steady” for a long time – yes – your husband and me we were “very close” and intimate – once upon a time…”

My wife looks confused.

I remain silent.

Then – the “woman in the red dress” looks at me – and she says to me:

“Arun – tell me – do you remember all the things we did…? 

Do you remember all the great fun we had together – those intimate moments…? 

Don’t you remember – Arun – or – have you forgotten…?”

I avert my eyes from her gaze.

I look down at me feet.

I wish the earth below me would split and swallow me up.

I remain silent – dumbstruck.

The “woman in the red dress” says loudly to me:

“Hey Arun darling – I am sure you have told your wife all about us. 

Or – haven’t you…?”

She is really digging her fangs into me – like a snake.

Seeing the horror-struck expression on my face – the “woman in the red dress” turns her face towards my wife.

She looks at my wife for some time.

Then – the “woman in the red dress” says to my wife:

“I am really sorry. 

But – I thought there was no place for secrets between husband and wife.

I thought Arun would have told you about me….”

My wife looks at the “woman in the red dress” defiantly.

My wife looks directly into her eyes.

Then – my wife emphatically says to her:

“Of course – Arun has told me everything about you.

Yes – Nisha – I know everything about you and Arun.

He has told me every single thing.

Like you said – there is no place for secrets between husband and wife.

So – my husband has told me everything about his past – about all his girlfriends and affairs – including full details about his affair with you…”

Then – my wife turns to me – and she says to me:

“Shall we go home, Arun…?”

Mesmerized – awestruck – I look at my wife.

For the first time in my life – I feel a flood of love for my wife.

That is the moment I fall in love with my wife.

Yes – that was the moment I fell in love with my wife.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

This story is a work of fiction.  Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved) 

Links  to my source post in this blog: https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/11/01/woman-in-the-red-a-love-story/ and my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/wedding-anniversary.html

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/wedding-anniversary.html

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This story was written by me Vikram Karve more than 15 years ago sometime in the years 2002/2003 and posted online earlier by me in my creative writing blogs a number of times including at urls: http://creative.sulekha.com/how-i-fell-in-love-with-my-wife_74054_blog  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/09/my-favourite-short-stories-part-34.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/01/do-you-remember-moment-when-you-fell-in.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2012/10/can-there-be-love-in-arranged-marriage.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/05/why-i-love-my-wife-blog-fiction-story.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/11/01/woman-in-the-red-a-love-story/ and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/02/wedding-anniversary.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/06/woman-in-red-dress.html

Do You Have a “Happiness List”…?

August 28, 2018

HOW TO BE HAPPY 

A few moments ago – I heard a melodious song on Vividh Bharati Radio.

I felt happy.

And – I remembered an article I had written 18 years ago, in the year 2000, based on this philosophical quote by Taoist Philosopher Mingliaotse:

“The art of attaining happiness consists in keeping your pleasures mild…” 

It has been my experience too – that:

“MILD” PLEASURES GIVE YOU MAXIMUM HAPPINESS

So – let me delve deep into my “SELF HELP” Archives and dig out this article for you to read.

IF YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY – KEEP YOUR PLEASURES MILD
Self Help Musings of a Veteran
By
VIKRAM KARVE 

HAPPINESS  a Philosophical Approach

The primary aim of philosophy and spirituality is to help ordinary people live a life of happiness, fulfillment, inner peace and tranquility.

Every day you ask yourself:

How do I live a happy life…?

Is it simple to be happy…?

What is the Art of Happiness

PLEASURE and HAPPINESS

Let us see what the Taoist philosopher Mingliaotse has to say:

“The art of attaining happiness consists in keeping your pleasures mild…

You know that whenever pleasure is present you are happy – this is a fact that cannot be denied.

A pleasure is an enjoyable event or delightful emotion which is bound to make you happy – at least for that moment.

Highfalutin philosophers and spiritual gurus may prescribe various impracticable esoteric paths of renunciation, asceticism or sectarian precepts eschewing enjoyment and pleasure as the sine qua non of happiness.

Yes – many “Gurus” prescribe living a staid ascetic life which entails eschewing of all enjoyment and pleasure as a prerequisite for attaining happiness and enlightenment.

But the fact of the matter is – that to the ordinary person  Happiness and Pleasure are inextricably intertwined.

Yes – Pleasures make you Happy – and you know it.

Discovering simple enduring pleasures – which you can easily and regularly achieve, realize and enjoy in your day-to-day life – will produce contentment, fulfillment and happiness.

Pleasure is certainly not a bad thing in itself.

But wanton pursuit of pleasures is counterproductive – as it leads to over-indulgence and excesses – which bring with them disturbances which are detrimental to our health, happiness and well-being.

In your search for happiness – you tend to indulge in lavish parties, unrestrained extravagance, conspicuous consumption, compulsive shopping, thoughtless profligacy, limitless spending, expensive entertainments etc.

You try to enjoy everything at once.

You want instant gratification by over-indulgence in drinking, eating, revelry and sensual pleasures – stretching yourself to the maximum limits possible.

At first – you enjoy yourself – and feel happy.

Then – you come to the point of satiety – and you begin to feel a sense of repulsion.

And – if you overdo yourself – next morning you wake up sick and feeling miserable with a sense of sadness and depression rather than happiness.

You may think that grandiose, ostentatious, lavish, unrestrained and intemperate indulgences will ostensibly make you happy.

But – in actual fact – these over-indulgences may render you stressed-out and unhappy – and cause you harm and misery in the long run.

There is no need to overdo things in order to be happy.

Just keep your pleasures mild.

Enjoying a simple, tasty and healthy meal with your loved ones and friends – or just sitting quietly in solitude and leisurely reading a good book or enjoying melodious music – or taking a walk observing nature – or enjoying your work, leisure, hobbies – are some mild pleasures which will make you happy and keep you healthy too.

HOW TO KEEP YOUR PLEASURES MILD 

Step 1 

IDENTIFY ALL YOUR PLEASURES AND MAKE A HAPPINESS LIST

It is simple to be happy.

The first thing you must do is to introspect and list your most pleasurable activities.

Yes – make a HAPPINESS LIST including all the things, activities, places and people that give you true joy, happiness and satisfaction.

Your happiness list must cover all aspects of your life.

Make your “happiness list” as exhaustive as possible.

Step 2 

IDENTIFY “MILD PLEASURES” FROM YOUR HAPPINESS LIST

From this comprehensive “HAPPINESS LIST” – you must select those “Mild Pleasures” that you can enjoy every day – or very frequently – or very often.

Identify those “Mild Pleasures” that are Feasible and Viable for you to enjoy Frequently.

Then – incorporate these pleasures in your routine – and fit them into your daily life.

See what happens.

Some “pleasures” that you thought would make you happy – they actually do the opposite – don’t they…?

These are “pseudo pleasures” which you thought would make you happy – but your experience shows – that these “pseudo pleasures” actually cause you stress and unhappiness in the long run.

Step 3 

DELETE “PSEUDO PLEASURES” FROM YOUR HAPPINESS LIST

Delete those “pleasures” that you first thought would give you happiness – but actually made you feel stressed-out or depressed.

Yes – remove those things that you thought would be satisfying – but actually turned out to be unrewarding.

Experiment – make changes – be watchful – be dynamic.

Do not hesitate to add new items to your list.

You can always remove them – if they fail to produce the desired results.

Fine tune your HAPPINESS LIST – and religiously put into daily practice your happiness list – and experience happiness every day.

BE HAPPY

This prescription of keeping your pleasures mild will enable you to structure your life in way where your happiness will be in your control – and you will find greater joy in your life.

It will be feasible and within your control to ensure that you enjoy these mild pleasures daily – or at least fairly regularly.

With only limited waking hours during the day – these enjoyable events will begin to crowd out the unpleasant activities in your daily life.

This will make you feel fulfilled and happy.

Dear Reader – start today – keep your pleasures mild so that you can enjoy these simple pleasures every day – and discover the true art of happiness – the art of living.

Discover the mild pleasures that make you truly happy and joyful.

And do let me know your experience – did this simple philosophy of keeping your pleasures mild make you happier?

It is easy to be happy – isn’t it…?

Remember:

The art of attaining happiness consists in keeping your pleasures mild

Dear Reader:

Have you made your “Happiness List”…?

Take the first step towards becoming Happy.

Start making your HAPPINESS LIST right now…

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This is based on my personal experience. It may or may not work for you. So please do due diligence before trying out this technique.
  2. All stories in this blog area work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/06/how-to-be-happy.html

I wrote this article 18 years ago, in the year 2000, and have posted it online in my blogs a number of times including in 2005 at url: http://creative.sulekha.com/the-art-of-happiness-by-vikram-karve_32504_blog  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/01/happiness-mantra-keep-your-pleasures.html andhttp://karvediat.blogspot.in/2011/05/do-you-want-to-feel-happy-then-keep.html  and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/02/you-can-be-happy-if-you-keep-your.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2014/12/how-to-be-happy-mild-pleasures-give-you.html  and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/07/self-help-if-you-want-to-be-happy-keep.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/04/23/if-you-want-to-be-happy-keep-your-pleasures-mild/ and  https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/06/15/happiness-made-simple-2/and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/03/have-you-made-your-happiness-list.html

Humor – Prosophobia and the “Auld Lang Syne” Syndrome

August 27, 2018

Have you met some veterans who – though they physically live in the modern world – they mentally think that they are still “living” in the “British Raj”…?

Have you seen these “Relics of the Raj” display a “Colonial Mindset”…?

I have seen such “prosophobic” characters during my Navy days.

Here is a story from my Navy Days…

PROSOPHOBIA (and AULD LANG SYNE SYNDROME) 

A Spoof By Vikram Karve

PROSOPHOBIA 

Prosophobia is the fear of progress.

I have seen plenty of this during my days in the Navy.

And I still see plenty of it in the Army, Navy and Civilian Bureaucracy even now.

LIVING IN THE GLORIOUS PAST (The “Good Old” Days)

Let me tell you a story.

This happened more than around 36 years ago – sometime in the early 1980’s – when I was a “Babu” in Uniform pushing files in the “Northern Naval Command” in New Delhi.

A young officer put up a proposal to give residential phones to all Navy Officers posted in New Delhi.

Those days residential phones were given only to senior officers of the rank of Commander and above.

In fact – even some Commanders did not have residential phones.

On the other hand – all Civilian Officers of the rank of Under Secretary and above had residential phones.

This young Communications Officer had done his homework thoroughly.

In his proposal – he clearly explained that – within the existing budget – it was feasible to give residential phones to all Lieutenants and above.

“NO…” bellowed a Senior Naval Officer, “there is no need to give phones to piddly Lieutenants. In my days – I did not have a phone even when I was a Commander…”

I looked at the Ageing Senior Naval Officer of the “Old Mould” – and – tongue-in-cheek – I said:

“Maybe when he was a Lieutenant – telephones did not exist…”

Someone else quipped:

“Yes – it looks like this bloody old-fogie was born before Alexander Graham Bell – when the telephone was not even invented…”

This a typical example of Prosophobia – due to what I call – the Auld Lang Syne Syndrome.

I saw many such instances of Prosophobia in the Defence Services – especially among Army Officers.

Sometime around 2004 – almost 33 years later after the above “Telephone” incident – I was aghast to see that things had not changed – and – there was still a reluctance among senior officers to give official land-line telephone connections and official mobile cellphones to junior officers because of prosophobia.

“Why do Junior Officers need Mobile Phones…?” a Senior Officer said, “Official Mobile Phones should be given to Senior Officers only…

Civil Society had become egalitarian – but – the rigid prosophobic mindset of Senior Officers had not changed – and the Defence Services were still living in the “glorious” past.

Of course – with the advent and proliferation of mobile technology – now every officer/soldier/sailor/airman now had his own personal mobile phone – and no one hankers too much for a landline official phone.

However – there was an attempt by some “oldie-goldie” prosophobic senior officers to ban/restrict mobile phones in some offices – but this failed miserably.

It seems that the latest “target” of the prosophobia afflicted “Auld Lang Syne Syndrome” officers of the “old mould” is Social Networking – and some are even contemplating banning Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp etc for Defence Service Personnel and their Families.

There is a need for prosophobics to realize that it is difficult to stop an idea whose time has come.

WHY IS THERE PROSOPHOBIA IN THE MILITARY…?

The primary reason for Prosophobia in the Defence Services is the “Auld Lang Syne” Syndrome among senior officers – whose favourite logic and reasoning include arguments like:

  1. “In our “good old days” we did not have it – so why do you want it … ???”

(we did not have a telephone at home – so why do you want a phone at home…?)

  1. “We did it this way – so you will also bloody well do it the same way … !!!”

(we managed without a telephone – so you too bloody well manage without a phone)

These retrograde guys have a feudal mindset want to live in “past glory”.

They are not even satisfied with maintaining status quo.

They want status quo ante and want to regress into the past.

Yes:

Adherence to antiquated customs and irrelevant traditions – and maintenance of “precedence” and “status quo” – these are sure signs of “Prosophobia”.

The world may have progressed – but there is great resistance to change.

There is a reluctance to progress and move on – owing to the fixation of “living in the glorious days of the past”.

This results in an irrational obsession with archaic customs and antiquated traditions which have outlived their utility and are not in sync with the modern world.

TECHNOPHOBIA

Another reason for Prosophobia is “Technophobia” (fear of technology).

This is prevalent especially among those senior officers who are disinclined and reticent about continual learning – and they are averse to embracing new technology.

They are not keen on updating themselves – and they are unwilling to learn.

These officers are afraid of getting out their comfort zones.

Believe it or not – but as late as the year 2006 – I came across a Senior Army Officer who was computer-illiterate”.

This “Relic of the Raj” believed that it was below his dignity to “Type” (even on his PC/Laptop)

He thought Personal Computers (PCs) were glorified typewriters.

He believed that as an officer his job was to “dictate” notes – and – it was the job of the lowly stenographers and clerks to type out his dictations.

Another Pongo was even more hilarious.

This typical Colonel Blimp type old-fashioned “officer of the old-mould” prosophobic officer wanted his secretary to take physical hard-copy printouts of all emails.

The secretary would then put the hard-copy printouts of all incoming emails of the previous day in the “Dak Folder” every morning for his “perusal”.

He would then dictate replies to these emails to his secretary or write them out in longhand.

The secretary would then “type” out these replies – take hard-copy printouts on paper – and put up these drafts for approval of the senior officer.

After the officer had approved the hard-copy drafts – the secretary would meticulously “type” the emails and send them (by email).

But – sending emails was not enough.

The secretary would have to take hard-copy printouts of each of the sent emails for perusal of the officer – and then – the secretary would have to file all the hard-copies for record – since the officer did not believe in soft-copy records.

All “papers” were carefully filed and preserved.

Instead of using Information Technology to achieve a Paperless Office – this “Prosophobic” specimen had actually increased the paperwork.

In many places – especially in accounts offices – I have seen that there is a great emphasis on paper-work.

Even today – you can see a marked reluctance and suspicion among senior military officers to embrace Information Technology (IT) and make administration paperless, transparent and speedy.

Surprisingly – once these “prosophobic” senior officers hang up their boots – and shed their uniform after retirement – they change dramatically.

These same “prosophobic” officers are seen adapting pretty well to Information Technology and using the latest gadgets – which is evident from the active presence of military veterans on social networking sites like Twitter, WhatsApp, Facebook and in the blogosphere.

I wonder:

Does wearing Military Uniform makes you prosophobic…?

Is Military Uniform related to Prosophobia…?

ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM and STATUS QUOIST MINDSET

A manifestation of prosophobia is the presence of an anti-intellectual culture in the organisation.

If you observe an undue obsession with maintaining “status quo” – and a celebration of “anti-intellectualism” – you can be sure of the existence of prosophobia in that organisation – especially at the top level.

You see plenty of this in the Army and Navy.

Feudal culture, red tape, rank consciousness, steep hierarchical pyramid and inordinate emphasis on seniority and obsession with preserving the hierarchy are indicators of prosophobia.

And these attributes are seen in plenty even today in the military and many civilian government organisations as well.

Hopefully things are changing for the better – but you still see signs of prosophobia (and technophobia) all around.

A few years ago – I visited a Military Hospital where they were still using paper chits.

Patients were lugging around voluminous paper medical reports despite the easy availability of hospital management software which could make these military hospitals paperless.

Owing to Auld Lang Syne SyndromeProsophobiaTechnophobia and Status Quoist Mindset there exists a marked reluctance to change in the military – especially among senior officers.

There is a tendency to hang on to archaic customs, outdated traditions, outmoded culture and redundant ceremonials which have no relevance in modern times.

One example of this prosophobic mindset is the system of providing combat soldiers as Batmen or Personal Orderlies (Sahayaks) to Officers in the Army (and also in the Police/Civil Services where they are called Attendants or Helpers)

Do you think this feudal practice is in sync with the modern society of today…?

Dear Reader:

Do look around you in your organization and in society.

Do you see prosophobia…?

I hear things are changing now.

Technology if forcing everyone to adapt – yes – Technology is a great leveller – if you don’t learn and adapt – you will be left behind.

Also – Technology is making the Military (and Society) more egalitarian – and reducing the gap between officers and soldiers – since everyone has access to technology and its benefits like Social Media.

So – Technology will ensure that “Auld Lang Syne” type “Prosophobics” are rendered obsolete and irrelevant. 

EPILOGUE – On a Happy Note 

VENUSTRAPHOBIA  a Phobia which does not exist in the Navy

Before I end – on a lighter note – let me tell you about one more interesting phobia.

This phobia is called “Venustraphobia”.

Do you know what “Venustraphobia” means…?

Believe it or not – “Venustraphobia” is the Fear of Beautiful Women.

I wonder who is afraid of beautiful women – men – or women – or both…?

One thing is sure – you may see signs of Prosophobia here and there – but there is absolutely no Venustraphobia in the Navy – yes – there is Zero Venustraphobia in the Navy.

Hey – wait – let me not draw sweeping conclusions.

I know one Navy Veteran who is afraid of his Beautiful “Girlfriend”

Let’s hope she reads this and blushes.

Cheers…!!!

Have a Happy Phobia-Free Day.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the stories are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve:  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/01/humor-in-uniform-prosophobia-auld-lang.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved. 

Updated Version of my Article First Posted by me Vikram Karve on 29 April 2013 at 4/29/2013 02:11:00 PM in my blog at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/04/humour-in-uniform-old-navy-auld-lang.html  and  later at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/06/humor-in-uniform-fauji-phobias-and-auld.html  andhttp://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/03/humor-in-uniform-prosophobia.html  and https://karve.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/prosophobia-in-uniform-the-auld-lang-syne-syndrome/ etc

Farewell to a Shipmate – John S. McCain

August 27, 2018

Sharing Link of Article from US Navy Blog

Please click the link below and read the blog post

Farewell to a Legend and Shipmate: Sen. John S. McCain III Passes Away

http://navylive.dodlive.mil/2018/08/26/farewell-to-a-legend-and-shipmate-sen-john-s-mccain-iii-passes-away/

Farewell to a Legend and Shipmate: Sen. John S. McCain III Passes Away

The Queer “Married Bachelor” – A Curious Story

August 27, 2018

If you go to a Defence Officers’ Mess (or a Navy Wardroom) – you will find two types of “single” officers living/dining in the Mess:

  1. Unmarried Bachelors 
  1. Married Bachelors 

Unmarried Bachelors comprise officers who have never married – or officers who are divorced/widowed.

“Married Bachelors” are of two types:

  1. “Permanent” Married Bachelors 

“Permanent” Married Bachelors comprise “in living” officers who are married – but are staying away from their wives for some reason like wife’s career, children’s education, marital discord etc.

“Permanent” Married Bachelors reside as “single” officers in the Officers’ Mess/Wardroom.

  1. “Temporary” Married Bachelors 

“Temporary” Married Bachelors are Married officers who temporarily dine in the Officers’ Mess/Wardroom – because their wives have gone on a vacation/holiday – or – if their wives are away at their hometown/mother’s place for confinement/delivery of a baby or for some “back-home-type” family occasion/commitment.

Long ago – around 42 years ago – in the 1970’s – when I was an “unmarried bachelor” – I once met an inimitable character – a rather peculiar type of “Temporary Married Bachelor”.

Here is the story…

THE MARRIED “BACHELOR”

A Fictional Spoof By Vikram Karve 

STORY OF THE QUEER “MARRIED BACHELOR”

Dear Reader – this rather curious story I am going to tell you is about a queer “married bachelor” who I met long back in the Navy.

Let us call him “X”.

This anecdote happened around 42 years ago – in the 1970’s – when I was a carefree “unmarried bachelor” – and I lived in a wonderful Officers’ Mess with some delightful messmates – most of whom were also “unmarried bachelors” like me.

Now – “X” was quite senior to us – and “X” was very much married.

“X” was not a “Permanent” Married Bachelor who lived in the Officers’ Mess as a “Single” Officer in the Officers’ Mess because of a Long Distance Marriage.

“X” lived a “happy married life” with his wife in the Married Officers’ Accommodation.

However – though “X” was “happily” married – he spent every evening with us “unmarried bachelors” in the Officers’ Mess.

“X” would arrive in the Officers’ Mess punctually at 7 o’clock in the evening.

His routine was the same every evening.

For around half an hour – “X” would play billiards with us.

Then – “X” would come with us to the Officers’ Mess Bar with us.

And – “X” would drink with us till closing time – late into the night.

After enjoying the entire evening with us bachelors at the officers’ mess – “X” would go home to his wife – almost at midnight.

This was his routine every evening.

We felt sad for his wife.

Yes – we felt pity for X’s wife – because of the terribly shoddy manner in which “X” treated her – leaving her all alone at home every evening while he enjoyed with us in the officers’ mess.

“X” was indeed a “misogynist” husband.

“X” took his docile wife for granted.

“X” went out every night to have a good time with the “boys” – while his hapless wife had to spend her lonely evenings at home.

Every evening – his devoted wife would dutifully wait for her husband “X” to come back around midnight – to have dinner.

This routine went on for months.

MELANCHOLIC “MARRIED BACHELOR”

One day – suddenly – without any warning – our friend “X” did not turn up at officers’ mess at 7 PM in the evening.

In fact  – “X” did not turn up the entire evening – he did not come to the officers’ mess at all that evening.

We missed “X” during the evening.

We thought he was probably unwell.

But – when “X” did not come to officers’ mess for three successive evenings – we decided to go to his house and see if things were okay.

When we reached his home – we were surprised to see “X” sitting all alone in the darkness.

In his hand – “X” was nursing a drink – which he did not seem to be enjoying.

“X” seemed to be in a state of melancholy.

We were puzzled by his strange behaviour.

So – we asked “X” what was the matter with him – why was he sitting all alone in the darkness in such a sad mood.

We asked him why he had not come to the officers’ mess in the evenings – as per his usual routine – for the past three days.

“X” simply said that his wife had gone to her mother’s place for a few days – and – he was feeling lonely and miserable.

It was evident that “X” was badly missing his wife.

“If you are feeling lonely and miserable because your wife has gone away – that’s all the more reason you should come to the officers’ mess…” we said.

We asked “X” to come with us to the officers’ mess and cheer up.

We told “X” that – since he was feeling lonely – it would be good for him to spend some time with us in the officers’ mess.

We urged him to come with us to the officers’ mess.

We told him that spending some time in our company – playing billiards – and enjoying a few drinks – would surely raise his spirits – and this would help him forget his loneliness and cheer him up.

Surprisingly – “X” refused to come to the officers’ mess with us.

“X” sullenly told us that he was not in the mood – and that he wanted to be left alone.

So – we left him alone at his home – to “mope and grope” – to “moan and groan” – and to “wallow” in his loneliness.

For many days – “X” did not come to the officers’ mess.

HAPPY “MARRIED BACHELOR”

Then – suddenly – one evening – we found “X” entering the officers’ mess promptly at 7 o’clock in the evening.

There was a spring in his step – and “X” seemed to be happy and full of good cheer.

“My wife has come back…” he said happily.

“X” looked delighted and he seemed very happy.

It was evident that he was very happy that his wife had returned back to him.

And then – like earlier days – “X” thoroughly enjoyed the evening with us in the officers’ mess.

“X” was in a really good mood.

He was really enjoying his drinks.

And – by the time it was bar closing-time – he was “happily drunk”

Then – as per his earlier normal routine and natural style – at midnight – a happily drunk “X” staggered back home – where his wife would waiting for him.

For “X” – it was back to the “good old days”.

Once again – after his wife had come back to him – “X” became his original self – a “happily married bachelor”.

Every evening – the “happily married bachelor” “X” would arrive at the officers’ mess punctually at 7 PM – and spend his time with us unmarried bachelors – enjoying himself thoroughly till midnight – and then – swaying in “high spirits” – he would go back home to his beloved wife.

Strange but true – the moment his wife returned – “X” was back to his old “married bachelor” ways.

Yes – once his wife was back  – every evening – punctually at 7 PM – “X” was seen in the evening at the officers’ mess – enjoying himself thoroughly till midnight.

We were puzzled by his strange behaviour.

When his wife was present – “X” seemed to be bored of his married life – so he left his wife behind at home – and he went out to the officers’ mess to enjoy a good time with the “boys”.

But – when his wife went away – “X” was filled with misery and despair – and he spent his time brooding alone at home in lonely melancholy – longing for his wife to come back.

And – the moment his wife returned back to him – “X” was back to his old ways – leaving his wife all alone at home – while he went off to enjoy his evening at the officers’ mess with us bachelor boys.

MARRIAGE IS A MYSTERY – MARRIAGE IS AN ENIGMA

At that time – I was perplexed at the strange behaviour of “X” 

I never understood this amusing paradox of his marital relationship.

When his wife was away – the husband stayed at home – gloomy and melancholic – and he refused to come with us to the officers mess’.

But – when his wife was at home – the husband would come out of his home – and he would happily spend his evenings in “high spirits” with us in the officers mess’ – leaving his wife all alone at home.

But – soon – I got married.

And – over the years – as I became “much married” – I slowly began to fathom such inexplicable mysteries in marriage relationships and realised that marriage is a enigma.

That is why – even after more than 36 years of married life – I still feel that – marriage is a mystery – an enigma – and – every marital relationship is unique in its own way.

Once I was married – I began to understand the “curious” behaviour of the inimitable and unforgettable “married bachelor” “X”

After marriage – whenever my wife went away to her mother’s place for a few days – I often found myself in similar “Temporary Married Bachelor” situations – and you would find me sitting at home all alone – gloomy – forlorn – feeling “sad” – missing my wife – “moping and groping” – in lonely melancholy – yearning for my darling wife.

And – the moment my wife came back – I was so filled with happiness – that – I would immediately wear my walking shoes – and – with a smile on my lips – and – a spring in my step – I would step out for an enjoyable walk all by myself – leaving my darling wife all alone to “hold the fort” at home.

VIKRAM KARVE

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:

  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2017/05/the-married-bachelor.html

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a revised updated version of my story written by me Vikram Karve in the year 2010 and earlier posted online by me in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on Tuesday, August 13, 2013 – Posted by Vikram Karve at 8/13/2013 11:51:00 AM at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2013/08/the-misogynist-husband-and-mystery-of.html and re-posted at url: http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/03/humor-in-uniform-bachelor-boy-story-of.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2015/07/the-much-married-bachelor.html and http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/03/are-you-married-bachelor.html and https://karve.wordpress.com/2018/01/17/humor-the-queer-married-bachelor/ and  http://karvediat.blogspot.in/2016/07/the-happily-married-bachelor.html

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