Humor – The Queer “Married Bachelor”

If you go to a Defence Officers’ Mess (or a Navy Wardroom) – you will find two types of “single” officers living/dining in the Mess:

  1. Unmarried Bachelors 
  1. Married Bachelors 

Unmarried Bachelors comprise officers who have never married – or officers who are divorced/widowed.

“Married Bachelors” are of two types:

  1. “Permanent” Married Bachelors 

“Permanent” Married Bachelors comprise “in living” officers who are married – but are staying away from their wives for some reason like wife’s career, children’s education, marital discord etc.

“Permanent” Married Bachelors reside as “single” officers in the Officers’ Mess/Wardroom.

  1. “Temporary” Married Bachelors 

“Temporary” Married Bachelors are Married officers who temporarily dine in the Officers’ Mess/Wardroom – because their wives have gone on a vacation/holiday – or their wives are away at their hometown/mother’s place for confinement/delivery of a baby or for some “back-home-type” family occasion/commitment.

Long ago – around 40 years ago – when I was an “unmarried bachelor” – I once met an inimitable character – a rather peculiar type of “Temporary Married Bachelor”.

Here is the story…

Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: 


A Fictional Spoof By Vikram Karve 


Yes – the story I am going to tell you is about a rather curious “married bachelor” I met long back in the Navy.

Let us call him “X”.

This anecdote happened around 40 years ago – in the 1970’s – when I was a carefree “unmarried bachelor” – and I lived in a wonderful Officers’ Mess with some delightful messmates – most of whom were also “unmarried bachelors” like me.

Now – “X” was quite senior to us – and “X” was very much married.

“X” was not a “Permanent” Married Bachelor who lived in the Officers’ Mess as “single” officers in the Officers’ Mess because of a long distance marriage.

“X” lived a “happy married life” with his wife in married officers’ accommodation.

However – though “X” was “happily” married – he spent every evening with us “unmarried bachelors” in the Officers’ Mess.

“X” would arrive in the Officers’ Mess punctually at 7 o’clock in the evening.

“X” would play billiards with us – then he would come with us to the Officers’ Mess Bar – and he would drink with us till closing time – late into the night.

After enjoying the entire evening with us bachelors at the officers’ mess – “X” would go home to his wife – almost at midnight.

This was his routine every evening.

We felt sad for his wife.

Yes – we felt pity for X’s wife – because of the terribly shoddy manner in which “X” treated her – leaving her all alone at home every evening while he enjoyed with us in the officers’ mess.

“X” was indeed a “misogynist” husband.

“X” took his docile wife for granted.

“X” went out every night to have a good time with the “boys” – while his hapless wife had to spend her lonely evenings at home.

Every evening – his devoted wife would dutifully wait for her husband “X” to come back around midnight – to have dinner.

This routine went on for months.


One day – suddenly – without any warning – our friend “X” did not turn up at officers’ mess at 7 PM in the evening.

In fact  – “X” did not turn up the entire evening – he did not come to the officers’ mess at all that day.

We missed “X” during the evening.

We thought he was probably unwell.

But – when “X” did not come to officers’ mess for three successive evenings – we decided to go to his house and see if things were okay.

When we reached his home – we were taken aback to see “X” sitting all alone in the darkness.

In his hand “X” was nursing a drink – which he did not seem to be enjoying.

“X” seemed to be in a state of melancholy.

We were puzzled by his strange behaviour – so – we asked “X” what was the matter with him – why was he sitting all alone in the darkness in such a sad mood.

We asked him why he had not come to the officers’ mess in the evenings – as per his usual routine – for the past three days.

“X” simply said that his wife had gone to her mother’s place for a few days – and – he was feeling lonely and miserable.

It was evident that “X” was badly missing his wife.

“If you are feeling lonely and miserable because your wife has gone away – that is all the more reason you should come to the officers’ mess…” we said.

We asked “X” to come with us to the officers’ mess and cheer up.

We told “X” that – since he was feeling lonely – it would be good for him to spend some time with us in the officers’ mess.

We urged him to come with us to the officers’ mess.

We told him that spending some time in our company – playing billiards – and enjoying a few drinks – would surely raise his spirits – and this would help him forget his loneliness and cheer him up.

Surprisingly – “X” refused to come to the officers’ mess with us.

“X” sullenly told us that he was not in the mood – and that he wanted to be left alone.

So – we left him alone at his home – to “mope and grope” – to “moan and groan” – and to “wallow” in his loneliness.

For many days – “X” did not come to the officers’ mess.


Then – suddenly – one evening – we found “X” entering the officers’ mess promptly at 7 o’clock in the evening.

There was a spring in his step – and “X” seemed to be happy and full of good cheer.

“My wife has come back…” he said happily.

“X” looked delighted and he seemed very happy.

It was evident that he was very happy that his wife had returned back to him.

And then – like earlier days – “X” thoroughly enjoyed the evening with us in the officers’ mess.

“X” was in a really good mood – he was really enjoying his drinks – and by the time it was bar closing-time – he was “happily drunk”

Then – as per his earlier normal routine and natural style – at midnight – a happily drunk “X” staggered back home – where his wife would waiting for him.

For “X” – it was back to the “good old days”.

Once again – after his wife had come back to him – “X” became his original self – a “happily married bachelor”.

Every evening – the “happily married bachelor” “X” would arrive at the officers’ mess punctually at 7 PM – and spend his time with us unmarried bachelors – enjoying himself thoroughly till midnight – and then – swaying in “high spirits” – he would go back home to his beloved wife.

Strange but true – the moment his wife returned – “X” was back to his old “married bachelor” ways.

Yes – once his wife was back  – every evening – punctually at 7 PM – “X” was seen in the evening at the officers’ mess – enjoying himself thoroughly till midnight.

We were puzzled by his strange behaviour.

When his wife was present – “X” seemed to be bored of his married life – so he left his wife behind at home – and he went out to the officers’ mess to enjoy a good time with the “boys”.

But – when his wife went away – “X” was filled with misery and despair – and he spent his time brooding alone at home in lonely melancholy – longing for his wife to come back.

And – the moment his wife returned back to him – “X” was back to his old ways – leaving his wife all alone at home – while he went off to enjoy his evening at the officers’ mess with us bachelor boys.


At that time – I was perplexed at the strange behaviour of “X” 

I never understood this amusing paradox of his marital relationship.

When his wife was away – the husband stayed at home – gloomy and melancholic – and he refused to come with us to the officers mess’.

But – when his wife was at home – the husband would come out of his home – and he would happily spend his evenings in high spirits with us in the officers mess’ – leaving his wife all alone at home.

But – soon – I got married.

And – over the years – as I became “much married” – I slowly began to fathom such inexplicable mysteries in marriage relationships and realised that marriage is a enigma.

That is why – even after more than 35 years of married life – I still feel that – marriage is a mystery – an enigma – and – every marital relationship is unique in its own way.

Once I was married – I began to understand the “curious” behaviour of the inimitable and unforgettable “married bachelor” “X”

After marriage – whenever my wife went away to her mother’s place for a few days – I often found myself in similar “Temporary Married Bachelor” situations – and you would find me sitting at home all alone – gloomy – forlorn – feeling “sad” – missing my wife – “moping and groping” – in lonely melancholy – yearning for my darling wife.

And – the moment my wife came back – I was so filled with happiness – that – I would immediately wear my walking shoes – and – with a smile on my lips – and – a spring in my step – I would step out for an enjoyable walk all by myself – leaving my darling wife all alone to “hold the fort” at home.


Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
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© vikram karve., all rights reserved.


  1. This story is a fictional spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
  2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:

No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)
Link to my original post in my Blog Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve:

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

This is a revised updated version of my story written by me Vikram Karve in the year 2010 and earlier posted online by me in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on Tuesday, August 13, 2013 – Posted by Vikram Karve at 8/13/2013 11:51:00 AM at url: and re-posted at url: and and and

1 Comment »

  1. […] This is a revised updated version of my story written by me Vikram Karve in the year 2010 and earlier posted online by me in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal Blog on Tuesday, August 13, 2013 – Posted by Vikram Karve at 8/13/2013 11:51:00 AM at url: and re-posted at url: and and and and […]


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