Open Letter to All My “Girlfriends” – PLEASE DON’T CALL ME “UNCLE”

Source: Academic and Creative Writing Journal Vikram Karve: Senile Humor : PLEASE DON’T CALL ME “UNCLE”

Link to my original post in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal:…

Senile Humor

Humble Plea of a Young at Heart “Veteran”
A Spoof

When I joined the Navy in the 1970’s – young girls started calling me “uncle”.

I was barely 20 years old – and this was the first time someone had called me“uncle”.

Of course – the girls who called me “uncle” were senior officers’ daughters (members of SODA aka Senior Officers’ Daughters Association) – and they were following “fauji” social tradition of addressing all officers as “uncle”.

It did not matter that most of these girls who called me “uncle” were almost my age – or just a few years younger.

After retirement – we live in lovely modern residential society in Pune – where most of the residents are young “IT Nerds” and “Techie Couples” working in the IT/ITES/Software Sector.

Sadly – most of the girls call me “uncle”.

Of course – the “girls” – range from nubile young IT Techies in their 20’s – to beautiful young mothers in their 30’s.

Believe it or not – but the other day – a rather “middle aged” woman called me“Kaka” (which colloquially implies a rather “elderly” uncle in Marathi).

I was devastated.

In the 1970’s – girls called me “uncle”.

Now – almost 40 years later – in the year 2015 – “girls” still call me “uncle”.

To make matters worse – even some of my Facebook and Twitter “Virtual Girlfriends” have started calling me “Uncle” – and some address me as “Sir” too.

Well – I am still young at heart – and all this “Sir” and “Uncle” business makes me feel old – which is a terrible feeling.

I am terrified – that – at this rate – soon – some young girl may even call me “Grandfather” (or “Ajoba” in Marathi)

To all my “Girlfriends” – Real and Virtual – I am making a very humble request from the bottom of my heart:

“Please stop calling me “Uncle” “Sir” “Kaka” etc – just call me Vikram…”

My Dear Girlfriends – Real and Virtual:

“It is terrible to be made to feel old – and I am sure you will understand my feelings – and from now on you will call me “Vikram” .

And – for those “girls” who still want to make me feel old – I have decided that ‘enough is enough’…”

If you call me “Uncle” – I will call you “Aunty”

If you call me “Sir” – I will call you “Madam”

If you call me “Kaka” – I will call you “Kaku”

(Thankfully – no “girlfriend” has called me “Grandpa” or “Ajoba” so far)

All this reminds me of this real life story which I had posted online more than 3 years ago in this blog on Aug 28, 2012.

The Story is called: The Ageless Wonder – The Eternal “Uncle”

I am posting this story – once again – especially for my “girlfriends”…

Slice of Life Story
A Spoof

Circa 1982


In 1982 – as a newly married couple – we lived in Curzon Road Apartments on Kasturba Gandhi Marg near India Gate in New Delhi.

Me – my wife – and our puppy dog (a small Lhasa Apso Puppy Dog Sherry given to us as a wedding gift) – all three of us lived in our neat cosy one room apartment with a small kitchenette and a lovely balcony high up on the top floor.

One evening – while on her way back home from work – my wife went to the convenience store to buy milk.

The shopkeeper told her that her father had already bought milk a few minutes ago.

My wife was delighted at the unexpected visit of her father – so she rushed to our house.

She did not see her father around – so my wife asked me, “Where is Daddy?”

“Your Daddy? He must be in Srinagar,” I said.

“No. Daddy has come here,” she said.

“Who told you?” I asked.

“The shopkeeper,” she said.

“Really? Let’s go down and ask him,” I said.

So we went down – and we asked the shopkeeper.

The shopkeeper pointed towards me and said, “He took the milk. I thought he was your father.”

“He is my husband,” my wife said, pointing at me.

“I am sorry, Sir – but I was really mistaken,” the shopkeeper said apologetically to me.

Then the shopkeeper smiled at my wife and said to her, “Madam – you look so young – you look just like a schoolgirl – and your husband looks so ‘mature’ – so I thought that your husband was your father.”

It was true.

When we were married – my wife looked very young – just like a schoolgirl.

She was 21 – and I was 25.

And though the shopkeeper hadn’t spelt it out in so many words – I did look a bit older than my 25 years – with my “healthy” built – and my formidable full-set Navy beard.

Unlike the so-called “metrosexual” men of today – I like to be who I am – so I don’t believe in “cosmetic engineering”.

I believe in the “old-mould” idea that a man must look like a man – tough and masculine – and though hygiene and grooming are important – there is no need for a man to be excessively obsessed about his looks.

Of course – whereas having an appropriate dress sense and wearing good quality clothes is a must – there is no need for a man to “deck up”.

That’s why – when the first strand of grey hair appeared on my head when I was in my mid 40’s – I never used hair-dye – nor did I colour my copious beard when it started greying.

Of course – I must say here – that my wife too has a natural look – and she hardly uses any cosmetics – and she has never coloured her hair.

The fact of the matter was that my wife did indeed look much younger than me.

And – I did indeed look a bit “mature” – as the shopkeeper had said.


So – even in those days – when a pretty young girl called me “uncle” – I did not mind it very much.

Maybe – for pretty young girls – I did indeed look like an “uncle”.


Circa 2012


This happened 3 years ago in Pune (in the year 2012).

My wife was getting off an auto-rickshaw.

The fare was 52 rupees.

My wife gave the auto-rickshaw driver a 50 rupee note – and she was desperately searching in her purse for a 2 rupee coin.

The auto driver said magnanimously to my wife, “Never mind Ajji – it is okay if you don’t give me the two rupees.”

Now – in Marathi – the word “AJJI” means GRANDMOTHER.

I cannot begin to describe the emotion of elation I felt when I heard this.

And just imagine – pretty young girls still call me “uncle”.


Maybe the auto-rickshaw driver needed an eye checkup.

My wife still looks very young – maybe not like a schoolgirl like she did in 1982 – but certainly like a college girl.

And me?

Well – I am an ageless wonder.

So – Dear “Girls”:

“Please don’t call me “Uncle” – just call me Vikram…”

Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

1. This story is a spoof, satire, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. This story is a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.

Copyright © Vikram Karve (all rights reserved)

This story written by me Vikram Karve in 2012 and posted by me online earlier at urls…  and…  and…

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