“FINGLISH” aka “FAUJI” ENGLISH – Humor in Uniform

Link to my original post in my Academic and Creative Writing Journal:
http://karvediat.blogspot.in/201…

Humour in Uniform

“FAUJI” ENGLISH aka “FINGLISH”
A Spoof
By
VIKRAM KARVE

The word “unassuming” has a positive connotation.

“UNASSUMING” means MODEST.

Modesty is a virtue – and – for an Officer in the Defence Services – Modesty is considered an “Officer Like Quality”.

One of my friends – while rendering the performance appraisal of an officer – the Annual Confidential Report (ACR) – he wrote in the ‘pen picture’ column:

“…XXX is an unassuming officer…”

My friend was summoned by his boss (the Reviewing Officer or RO).

“There is a mismatch in this ACR – you have given very high points to the officer in performance rating column – but you have given him an adverse report in the ‘pen picture’ – you have written that “…XXX is an unassuming officer…” – you better rewrite the ACR – lower the points and get the officer’s signature on the adverse remark,” the boss said.

“Sir – ‘unassuming’ is not an adverse remark…” my friend said.

“Of course it is an adverse remark – ‘unassuming’ means that he does not ‘assume’ things – well – let me tell you that officers are supposed to assume things, take initiative, be innovative, have vision…”

“Sir – being ‘unassuming’ is a positive attribute – ‘unassuming’ means being ‘modest’ – being ‘down-to-earth – ‘humble’ and ‘unpretentious’ – being a ‘gentleman’ – and officers are supposed to be gentlemen – aren’t they…?” my friend said.

On hearing this – the boss glared at my friend and said, “Stop bullshitting me…”

“Sir – please ask your staff officer to get a dictionary – I will show you what ‘unassuming’ means…” my friend said.

“Are you trying to teach me English…?” the boss said.

“No – Sir.”

“Now listen to me – you may know what ‘unassuming’ means – I may understand what ‘unassuming’ means – but will those buggers up there understand…? Let me tell you that it will be considered as an adverse remark and this officer will be written off. Do you want to write off this officer – is he so bad that you want to finish off his career…?” the boss said.

“No – Sir – he is a very good officer…”

“Then please take back this ACR and write a fresh one – you can replace the word ‘unassuming’ with some standard term like ‘sincere’, ‘hardworking’ etc – which everyone understands easily…”

VIKRAM KARVE
Copyright © Vikram Karve
1. If you share this post, please give due credit to the author Vikram Karve
2. Please DO NOT PLAGIARIZE. Please DO NOT Cut/Copy/Paste this post
© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Disclaimer:
1. This story is a spoof, pure fiction, just for fun and humor, no offence is meant to anyone, so take it with a pinch of salt and have a laugh.
2. All stories in this blog are a work of fiction. Events, Places, Settings and Incidents narrated in the story are a figment of my imagination. The characters do not exist and are purely imaginary. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright Notice:
No part of this Blog may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Blog Author Vikram Karve who holds the copyright.
Copyright © Vikram Karve (All Rights Reserved)

© vikram karve., all rights reserved.

Posted by Vikram Karve at 4/19/2015 11:48:00 AM

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